Swinging Happens

[JackLuis]

Call it wife-swapping, call it creepy, but no matter what you call it, there’s no denying this alternative lifestyle is on the upswing.

The allure of swinging isn’t so much sex with someone new but that “vibe in the air which adds to an encounter,” he says. “It's a feeling most people haven't had since they were 17 and trying to get to second base. You don't know how the night is going to end.”

Will she, won't she????

[Handley_Page]

Did you happen to notice THIS bit as well ?

[Bramblethorn]

This bit seemed poorly researched:

There are many variations on open relationships besides swinging. According to a review by psychologists Meg Barker and Darren Landridge of the Open University in England,“open relationships” tend to refer to gay pairs that permit both partners to play around without getting too emotionally involved. “Polyamorous” couples embrace more than one romantic relationship at a time.

Plenty of non-gay couples in open relationships. And not all forms of polyamory are "open".

“I’ve never heard anyone say that swinging improved their marriage,” says relatioship expert and author of "The Breakup Bible," Rachel Sussman.

I've heard other counsellors say similar things. They never seem to realise that the nature of their profession skews their observation: if swinging is working for you, why would you be going to see a counsellor?

[lovecraft68]

Originally Posted by Bramblethorn

This bit seemed poorly researched:



Plenty of non-gay couples in open relationships. And not all forms of polyamory are "open".



I've heard other counsellors say similar things. They never seem to realise that the nature of their profession skews their observation: if swinging is working for you, why would you be going to see a counsellor?

I would assume the therapist is referring to couples who have come to them for help. If they're coming to them for help then of course its not working. They would never be treating a happy couple.

Swinging can work for many, but its a dangerous game. The fantay can be there very strongly and both husband/wife can agree, but when reality hits and you know your wife is in another room blowing some other guy, or you're in the room watching it and vice.versa that your wife is watching you with another woman, starnge things can happen.

Every swinger has seen "meltdowns" and "scenes" at parties and gatherings if they have been around long enough

or sometimes it goes well initially then all those doubts and jealousies come in.

I've known many couples who have done this for years and are quite happy and seen a few tragic cases as well. Unfortunately you don;t know for sure til you cross that line.

Personally I'm monogamous and have no desire to share. I have no issues with those who are happy doing so except for the occasional dink that gives me the "you're not a real man if you can't share your wife" but then again, to me those types are not your true swingers.

The one thing I have noticed through the years is that true swingers are some of the nicest most laid back people you can meet.

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Bramblethorn

This bit seemed poorly researched:

. . . . if swinging is working for you, why would you be going to see a counsellor?

Perhaps the counsellor meeds to talk to the swingers to see about it; as in "Research" ?

[Bramblethorn]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

Perhaps the counsellor meeds to talk to the swingers to see about it; as in "Research" ?

I'd love it if more counsellors went out to talk to happy & healthy people to find out what they're doing right. But IME the ones with strongly-developed ideas about Why Nonmonogamy Will Wreck Your Relationship are very resistant to hearing from people whose experience is different.

[njlauren]

I think others hit the nail on the head, that the counselors see people who already were having issues to start with. One of the biggest myths out there is how swinging and open relationships can 'save' a marriage, they can't, the basic nature of those kind of things is they require a solid marriage for them to work. If the couple is having troubles and the spouses sleep with other people, I can't see how that is going to improve their relationship. Couples in trouble have a variety of issues, but the most common ones i know of are communications...yet if you can't communicate, how the hell can you try swinging or whatever that requires it? Likewise, if a couple's sex life is dead, how will bringing in others improve that, won't the other spouse feel like their partner doesn't want them any more and therefore is looking outside?

I doubt it is on the upswing, I suspect quite honestly it has always been going on but these days is more out in the open then it once was. Heck, as far as I can tell, there were a lot more swing clubs and such back in the 70's and 80's then now (probably because of AIDS I would guess, prob died in the early 80's), when you had places like Plato's Retreat in NYC, so I wonder if it is less common now.....

[TxRad]

Originally Posted by njlauren

I think others hit the nail on the head, that the counselors see people who already were having issues to start with. One of the biggest myths out there is how swinging and open relationships can 'save' a marriage, they can't, the basic nature of those kind of things is they require a solid marriage for them to work. If the couple is having troubles and the spouses sleep with other people, I can't see how that is going to improve their relationship. Couples in trouble have a variety of issues, but the most common ones i know of are communications...yet if you can't communicate, how the hell can you try swinging or whatever that requires it? Likewise, if a couple's sex life is dead, how will bringing in others improve that, won't the other spouse feel like their partner doesn't want them any more and therefore is looking outside?

I doubt it is on the upswing, I suspect quite honestly it has always been going on but these days is more out in the open then it once was. Heck, as far as I can tell, there were a lot more swing clubs and such back in the 70's and 80's then now (probably because of AIDS I would guess, prob died in the early 80's), when you had places like Plato's Retreat in NYC, so I wonder if it is less common now.....

Actually, the swingers have moved to the country. A lot of the old Nudist Resorts are now Swingers Resorts.