Old 02-08-2013, 10:56 PM   #1
Dream_Operator
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Slings & Arrows

I've left my share of feedback (hopefully constructive criticism) in this thread and feel it's only fair to throw one of my stories out there for review.

I posted this story back in November, and it didn't get a lot of views, comments, or votes. It's a consensual non-con role playing story involving an unlikely couple:

The Rules of the Game Ch. 01

Any and all feedback is appreciated.

And if you are bored or ambitious, I've posted a couple of more chapters in the series:

The Rules of the Game Ch. 02

And

The Rules of the Game Ch. 03
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Old 02-10-2013, 09:48 AM   #2
chocolatecookie3
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Hello, the first thing I will say is your voice is very British! I could hear the accent from the very first sentence. You have a lot of slang that makes it colorful but might confuse us dumb Americans. Some examples:

kebab, Uni, "on the pull", mews--just in the first few paragraphs.

Not saying you need to change any of this because in context it's perfectly understandable.

The story itself is very juicy. I'll go read the next chapters and let you know what I think!
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Old 02-10-2013, 10:13 AM   #3
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Oh yeah

So, I loved all the other chapters. Need to go be by myself now....
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Old 02-10-2013, 11:41 AM   #4
Dream_Operator
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Thanks for the feedback, Cookie.

I realise that the use of British terms and slang might be confusing for some, but when I decided on setting the story in London, I made a conscious choice to make it as British as possible -- which was a challenge because I'm actually American. I have spent a fair bit of time in the UK (and also Australia) though, so I'm familiar with the different variants of English. And I also had help from several Brits who were kind enough to proofread the story.
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Last edited by Dream_Operator : 02-10-2013 at 12:57 PM.
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