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Old 01-17-2013, 11:07 AM   #1
gentle504
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Lightbulb New spin on interracial mafia love.

I would love to read a story about a young, shy, average black male who some how gets the attention an amazonian Mob boss. He has to be average not a thug and she would be agressive in her pursuit of him.
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Old 01-17-2013, 06:04 PM   #2
chocolatecookie3
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That's interesting. So if the guy is not a thug, is the girl? Also, I Wikipedia'd Amazons, because I thought they were in Brazil. Are these Latin American women or Ukrainian?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amazons
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Old 01-17-2013, 06:08 PM   #3
Sean Renaud
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I very curious how you get this started without him being a thug. I mean is he a complete idiot and for whatever reason she decides that he's cute enough that losing a few thousand dollars so she can be with him is a fair trade, cus otherrwise I'm not relaly seeing how this whole thing fits together with any sort of logic. Not that logic is always strictly necessary to making a story go round.
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Old 01-17-2013, 11:21 PM   #4
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He's not an idiot just very fresh to the world since he was raised by an gentle female relative. She also doesn't have give up that side of her life, she could just decide to take him and slowly introduce him into it. And as for why she would risk everything for him who says the heart has to have logic?
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Old 01-18-2013, 12:00 AM   #5
Sean Renaud
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The thing is you have to get the two of them together in the first place. What is ground zero that allows them to start the entire story. He's not from a rival gang, he doesn't owe her money by virtue of not being an idiot. Under what circumstances did they actually meet?
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Old 01-18-2013, 04:06 AM   #6
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He works for one of her businesses thinking its a regular place but sees what's really going on and she decides to keep him under the threat of danger if he talks or he goes to speak on the behalf of a friend or relative not knowing that person is in debt to her but thinking its some sort of disagreement and he could come up with some sort of agreement between the two parties. Either way its a lamb walking into a lions den situation with the mob boss slowly wrapping her fingers around him while falling for his "everyone has some good in them/ staying positive" attitude that's like a breathe of fresh air in her life.

Last edited by gentle504 : 01-18-2013 at 04:22 AM.
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Old 01-18-2013, 11:23 AM   #7
Sean Renaud
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I'll admit I have heard of worse ideas. If had to make a further complaint it would simply be that you are setting up a fairly long story here.
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Old 01-18-2013, 11:47 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gentle504 View Post
I would love to read a story about a young, shy, average black male who some how gets the attention an amazonian Mob boss. He has to be average not a thug and she would be agressive in her pursuit of him.
Lolzzzzzz I have something just like this being edited right now. My longest story yet.
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Old 01-18-2013, 08:21 PM   #9
gentle504
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sean Renaud View Post
I'll admit I have heard of worse ideas. If had to make a further complaint it would simply be that you are setting up a fairly long story here.
What's wrong with a long story?
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Old 01-18-2013, 09:05 PM   #10
Sean Renaud
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General rule around here you don't want to go over two, maybe three pages tops. People want to read your story, wank and move on. Don't let that stop you from writing a long story if just be prepared for a low score and plenty of haters.

Note: Once you transcend ten pages your score will go up about .30 for every three pages after that. Anybody who was enjoying your story enough to grind that far will most likely give you a five because they absolutely loved it and the haters usually don't care enough to click to the end JUST to fuck you over. But that's just friendly advice.
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