Go Back   Literotica Discussion Board > Main Literotica Forums > Literotica Personals

Reply
 
Thread Tools

Old 01-30-2014, 09:28 AM   #1
Stormpucci
Experienced
 
Stormpucci is offline
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Canada, eh!
Posts: 48
Do any ladies know how to clean up naked midgets covered in baby oil?

OK - admit it - that got your attention, didn't it?

I'm sorry to disappoint you if you really do have a naked dwarf fetish. I'm probably not your guy. In fact, I'm 6'4" tall.

And in case you haven't figured this out yet, yeah - I'm a smart-ass. I had a similar add posted earlier but shockingly enough got pushed into off-topic subjects, so here I am again...

I'm in my thirties, self-employed with my own communications consulting firm, and well - let's be honest, I'm bored. Bored and pondering misbehaviour, but let's be honest again - if we weren't misbehaving, we wouldn't be on Literotica, would we?

If you want someone to trade flirty notes with, I'm your guy. If you want to delve into deeper fantasies, desires and hidden dreams, I'm your guy. If you want to be driven to the edge of orgasmic bliss time and time again, I'm your guy. If you want someone to pull your hair, call you a bitch and demand that you make me a sandwich while I watch the monster-truck rally on TV... I'm so totally not your guy.

I'm literate, I know the difference between to, two, and too, and I believe women are to be admired, not used.

Physically, I'm tall with blond hair and blue eyes. Yes, yes, I know that makes me sound like some sort of God - I can't help it.

Are you out there? Even if you think you MAY be out there, hit me up. I don't bite unless requested.
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-30-2014, 09:08 PM   #2
candycane154
Really Really Experienced
 
candycane154's Avatar
 
candycane154 is offline
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 314
Soap.



See? I can be a smartass, too.
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-30-2014, 09:25 PM   #3
danitza
Experienced
 
danitza is offline
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: London
Posts: 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stormpucci View Post
OK - admit it - that got your attention, didn't it?

I'm sorry to disappoint you if you really do have a naked dwarf fetish. I'm probably not your guy. In fact, I'm 6'4" tall.

And in case you haven't figured this out yet, yeah - I'm a smart-ass. I had a similar add posted earlier but shockingly enough got pushed into off-topic subjects, so here I am again...

I'm in my thirties, self-employed with my own communications consulting firm, and well - let's be honest, I'm bored. Bored and pondering misbehaviour, but let's be honest again - if we weren't misbehaving, we wouldn't be on Literotica, would we?

If you want someone to trade flirty notes with, I'm your guy. If you want to delve into deeper fantasies, desires and hidden dreams, I'm your guy. If you want to be driven to the edge of orgasmic bliss time and time again, I'm your guy. If you want someone to pull your hair, call you a bitch and demand that you make me a sandwich while I watch the monster-truck rally on TV... I'm so totally not your guy.

I'm literate, I know the difference between to, two, and too, and I believe women are to be admired, not used.

Physically, I'm tall with blond hair and blue eyes. Yes, yes, I know that makes me sound like some sort of God - I can't help it.

Are you out there? Even if you think you MAY be out there, hit me up. I don't bite unless requested.
Literate? Add or ad? God or egotist?
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-31-2014, 10:02 AM   #4
Stormpucci
Experienced
 
Stormpucci is offline
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Canada, eh!
Posts: 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by danitza View Post
Literate? Add or ad? God or egotist?
Congratulations! You found the skill-testing question!

Look, 98% of the time, I'm perfect. The other 3% I don't care about.
  Reply With Quote

Old 02-03-2014, 09:07 AM   #5
Stormpucci
Experienced
 
Stormpucci is offline
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Canada, eh!
Posts: 48
Happy Monday folks. Its a desk day here in Stormpucciville.

I suppose its alsi a desk day for Peyton Manning. Wow... We have something in common!

Anyway - who wants to chat?
  Reply With Quote

Old 02-06-2014, 02:40 PM   #6
MonCher
Really Experienced
 
MonCher's Avatar
 
MonCher is offline
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 104
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stormpucci View Post
Do any ladies know how to clean up naked midgets covered in baby oil?
a match.
  Reply With Quote

Old 02-07-2014, 04:53 PM   #7
NerdyBrunette
South American Sensation
 
NerdyBrunette's Avatar
 
NerdyBrunette is offline
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: The land of tango, wine and mate.
Posts: 1,617
How about the difference between your and you're? Lay an lie? The correct use of whom?

If your answer is yes, then hit me up sometime!
__________________
Your eyes are lodestars, and your tongue’s sweet air
More tunable than lark to shepherd’s ear
When wheat is green, when hawthorn buds appear.


Want to know more about me? Visit my Personal's thread here
Picture thread here
  Reply With Quote

Old 04-21-2014, 10:41 AM   #8
Stormpucci
Experienced
 
Stormpucci is offline
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Canada, eh!
Posts: 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by NerdyBrunette View Post
How about the difference between your and you're? Lay an lie? The correct use of whom?

If your answer is yes, then hit me up sometime!
Nothing turns a man on more than someone who knows how to use grammar all good and stuff.

. Its a desk week! What to do... What to do... If you have suggestions, PM me!
  Reply With Quote

Old 04-21-2014, 01:13 PM   #9
cumbtwntits
Literotica Guru
 
cumbtwntits's Avatar
 
cumbtwntits is offline
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: in the sun
Posts: 962
Quote:
Originally Posted by NerdyBrunette View Post
How about the difference between your and you're? Lay an lie? The correct use of whom?

If your answer is yes, then hit me up sometime!
I love it. your and you're is a deal breaker for me.
__________________
i like to make you laugh. then fuck you.

Pleasing bored housewives on Lit for years.


Some Previous Lit Personals:

Looking For Naughty Married Ladies.
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=809380

Whoops, Did I Just Touch Your Boob?
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=775522

And for the record, I'm a guy. I like cumming on tits not having my nonexistent tits cummed (that's not even a word) on. So, guys, please don't IM me.
  Reply With Quote

Old 04-21-2014, 01:45 PM   #10
DiablosWhore
Loves Spam
 
DiablosWhore is offline
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 681
"...how to clean up naked midgets covered in baby oil?"

I've always found sulphuric acid works quite well ...and if you use enough, it works quickly.
  Reply With Quote

Old 04-21-2014, 03:53 PM   #11
Guillotine
Experienced
 
Guillotine is offline
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Synapse
Posts: 52
A little harsh on the lungs, though. Good ventilation is key.
__________________
Watch the drop, it's a killer.
  Reply With Quote

Old 04-22-2014, 09:00 AM   #12
Stormpucci
Experienced
 
Stormpucci is offline
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Canada, eh!
Posts: 48
Hey now... What did the midgets do to you?

I have never had sex with a midget. Then again, I'm 6'4" so I'm pretty sure I'd be breaking a few laws of physics and geometry.

Although I could always lie back and put my tongue to work... I have often said there is nothing... And I mean, NOTHING sexier than a woman on the verge of orgasm. And in the interests of science, I should see if that holds true for women of all shapes and sizes...

Hmm...
  Reply With Quote

Old 04-22-2014, 09:26 AM   #13
Amberchgo
Literotica Guru
 
Amberchgo is online now
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 1,440
Dawn. Cleans everything.
__________________
Just a girl with a dream. Well.. an erotic dream
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-08-2014, 08:16 PM   #14
lilydance
Experienced
 
lilydance is offline
Join Date: May 2014
Location: The Sunshine State
Posts: 42
I wasn't going to ask but I have to. How on earth did you get baby oil on the poor midgets in the first place? Now I'm asking myself, do I really want to know the answer! It sounds like you're a very bad man. Have you no shame? Tisk tisk tisk.
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-10-2014, 01:09 AM   #15
thedarkestfairy
Really Experienced
 
thedarkestfairy's Avatar
 
thedarkestfairy is offline
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Lookin' Out My Back Door....
Posts: 141
Sapiophile !! I adore sarcasm~it takes intelligence to use it!! You, Sir, definitely got my attention....
__________________
"She's mad but she's magic~there's no lie in her fire!!" ~~Bukowski
~~Find what you love and let it kill you!!~~ Bukowski
"Assholes are strategically placed so the intelligent folk of this world must occasionally trip over one of them in order to remind us to be grateful for not being one of them....That one was one of the biggest I've encountered thus far!!
If all you want is to be a bitch stay away from me!! Fair warning
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-10-2014, 01:52 AM   #16
NiceNastyMann
Literotica Guru
 
NiceNastyMann's Avatar
 
NiceNastyMann is offline
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: US Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,027
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amberchgo View Post
Dawn. Cleans everything.
Yep. Or simple green. Dawn smells better tho.
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-26-2014, 02:11 PM   #17
Stormpucci
Experienced
 
Stormpucci is offline
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Canada, eh!
Posts: 48
As an aside, Simple Green is also used to clean Scuba Tanks.

But I don't need my midgets to be Oxygen-Clean. Just hygienic.

Happy Memorial Day! Bored? Frisky? Mildly curious to know if I'm insane? (Hint: not at all. Honest!). PM me.
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-26-2014, 02:50 PM   #18
ashesatwork
classier then you think
 
ashesatwork's Avatar
 
ashesatwork is offline
Join Date: May 2005
Location: cornfields
Posts: 6,155
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stormpucci View Post
As an aside, Simple Green is also used to clean Scuba Tanks.

But I don't need my midgets to be Oxygen-Clean. Just hygienic.

Happy Memorial Day! Bored? Frisky? Mildly curious to know if I'm insane? (Hint: not at all. Honest!). PM me.
At least you have a sense of humor
__________________
Classy girls dont kiss in bars like this
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-26-2014, 02:59 PM   #19
boywithbulge
Really Really Experienced
 
boywithbulge's Avatar
 
boywithbulge is offline
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 469
I am surprised you haven't been chastised for the sexist nature of your question...
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-26-2014, 03:14 PM   #20
StrayKat
Conquered By A Tiger
 
StrayKat's Avatar
 
StrayKat is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,645
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stormpucci View Post
OK - admit it - that got your attention, didn't it?
I admit, you got me there.
I was like "of all the stupid things..."

Then I read it up and found out its just another normal guy after all.
Color me disappointed
  Reply With Quote

Old 08-11-2014, 02:48 PM   #21
Stormpucci
Experienced
 
Stormpucci is offline
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Canada, eh!
Posts: 48
Just popping in quick to remind everyone the party is tonight. One of the dwarfs is turning 21 and apparently, dwarf parties are legendary.

PM me if you want details. Or are simply intrigued regardless.
  Reply With Quote

Old 08-11-2014, 03:07 PM   #22
tekgirl
Literotica Guru
 
tekgirl is offline
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,339
A dwarf party? Who else will be there? I've got a contract to bring a certain hobbit to Mordor.
  Reply With Quote

Old 08-12-2014, 01:08 AM   #23
CassieConway
Experienced
 
CassieConway is offline
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 33
you had me at two, to and too...sigh!
  Reply With Quote

Old 08-25-2014, 11:19 AM   #24
Stormpucci
Experienced
 
Stormpucci is offline
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Canada, eh!
Posts: 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by StrayKat View Post
I admit, you got me there.
I was like "of all the stupid things..."

Then I read it up and found out its just another normal guy after all.
Color me disappointed
Quote:
Originally Posted by CassieConway View Post
you had me at two, to and too...sigh!
Just wait until I explain the difference between laid and layed. You'll pass out in raw arousal.

I'm at my desk today... Lunch meeting was cancelled so I'm even suited up, but still bored. Pm me!
  Reply With Quote

Old 09-24-2014, 11:04 AM   #25
Stormpucci
Experienced
 
Stormpucci is offline
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Canada, eh!
Posts: 48
Fun fact... If Hillary becomes President, it will be the first time in history that two presidents have had sex with each other. This is, of course, assuming there were no closeted gay lovers in history. (This is also, of course, assuming Hillary has ever touched Bill in a sexual way. I'm not convinced.)

Other fun fact - I'm at my desk today. PM me if you want to chat.
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:18 PM.

Copyright 1998-2013 Literotica Online. Literotica is a registered trademark.