Old 01-14-2013, 06:54 AM   #1
marriedlooker73
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Cucumber

My wife bought the biggest cucumber ever at the grocery store yesterday. I am so turned on making lunches this morning I can't even tell you.
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Old 01-14-2013, 03:09 PM   #2
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Originally Posted by marriedlooker73 View Post
My wife bought the biggest cucumber ever at the grocery store yesterday. I am so turned on making lunches this morning I can't even tell you.
Quick joke: Man comes home from work and finds his wife masturbating with a cucumber. He says " i was going to eat that, but now it's going to smell like cucumber."
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Old 01-14-2013, 08:19 PM   #3
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My wife bought the biggest cucumber ever at the grocery store yesterday. I am so turned on making lunches this morning I can't even tell you.
So toss her salad and call it a night.
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Old 01-15-2013, 07:59 AM   #4
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OMG she bought 5 huge cukes. Like mutant size. I've packed two for lunches and still have 3 monsters left, one for every hole.
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Old 01-15-2013, 08:14 AM   #5
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I wrote a humorous short story about cucumbers a while back.

If you don't feel like reading it, then don't.

[The story starts now.]

Prelude: A sexy slender woman describes her sexual escapade with a cucumber at the grocery store produce department.

I get up this morning and take a quick shower, then put on my favorite short denim jean skirt and a matching color tube top.

I check out myself in the mirror one last time, then say to myself, "Honey, for being a middle aged woman, you look hot!"

After I put on my dark blue high heel shoes, I am off the to store!

The first shopping cart that I choose has a front wheel that clicks, so I decide to turn around and get another one. Suddenly, one of the the guys that work in the produce section that have been staring at me runs over and says, "Let me do that for you!"

What a nice young handsome man he is! He brings me over another cart and it works just fine! I feel obliged to give him my phone number, so I get a note pad and a pen from my purse, then write it down and give it to him.

You can never have enough horny young guys calling you for a date!

Anyway, the produce guy "Jake" takes an interest in me and decides to give advice about which vegetables to purchase because they are the freshest.

I love young men admiring my sexy mature body so I play along with him and we have casual conversation while I am shopping.

When I get to where the cucumbers are displayed, I pick up a small six inch one in my hand and say to him, "Honey, I bet that I can make this cucumber disappear before your very eyes and you will be astounded where it went. Do you want to see where I put it?"

Jake stares in amazement at me as I lift up the front of my skirt and push the cucumber all the way into my pussy. Oh my God that feels refreshing!

I love the feeling so much that I walk back and forth a few times to enjoy it working around inside of me.

Suddenly, I have an intense orgasm and the cucumber shoots out of me and bounces around on the grocery store floor!

An old lady that has been watching me says, "You should be ashamed of yourself for wasting fresh produce like that. You better pick up that cucumber and purchase it, or I am going to tell the manager what you did and he will call the police."

What should I say back to her?

1) I am going to pick it up and purchase it. Don't get your panties in a bunch.

2) You are just jealous and wish that you could be beautiful and sexy like I am.

3) Go ahead and tell the manager. I don't give a fuck. Who is going to believe such a crazy story, especially coming from an old senile woman like yourself.

4) Mom, I almost forgot that I brought you along with me!
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Old 01-15-2013, 12:47 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MidgetClown View Post
I wrote a humorous short story about cucumbers a while back.

If you don't feel like reading it, then don't.

[The story starts now.]

Prelude: A sexy slender woman describes her sexual escapade with a cucumber at the grocery store produce department.

I get up this morning and take a quick shower, then put on my favorite short denim jean skirt and a matching color tube top.

I check out myself in the mirror one last time, then say to myself, "Honey, for being a middle aged woman, you look hot!"

After I put on my dark blue high heel shoes, I am off the to store!

The first shopping cart that I choose has a front wheel that clicks, so I decide to turn around and get another one. Suddenly, one of the the guys that work in the produce section that have been staring at me runs over and says, "Let me do that for you!"

What a nice young handsome man he is! He brings me over another cart and it works just fine! I feel obliged to give him my phone number, so I get a note pad and a pen from my purse, then write it down and give it to him.

You can never have enough horny young guys calling you for a date!

Anyway, the produce guy "Jake" takes an interest in me and decides to give advice about which vegetables to purchase because they are the freshest.

I love young men admiring my sexy mature body so I play along with him and we have casual conversation while I am shopping.

When I get to where the cucumbers are displayed, I pick up a small six inch one in my hand and say to him, "Honey, I bet that I can make this cucumber disappear before your very eyes and you will be astounded where it went. Do you want to see where I put it?"

Jake stares in amazement at me as I lift up the front of my skirt and push the cucumber all the way into my pussy. Oh my God that feels refreshing!

I love the feeling so much that I walk back and forth a few times to enjoy it working around inside of me.

Suddenly, I have an intense orgasm and the cucumber shoots out of me and bounces around on the grocery store floor!

An old lady that has been watching me says, "You should be ashamed of yourself for wasting fresh produce like that. You better pick up that cucumber and purchase it, or I am going to tell the manager what you did and he will call the police."

What should I say back to her?

1) I am going to pick it up and purchase it. Don't get your panties in a bunch.

2) You are just jealous and wish that you could be beautiful and sexy like I am.

3) Go ahead and tell the manager. I don't give a fuck. Who is going to believe such a crazy story, especially coming from an old senile woman like yourself.

4) Mom, I almost forgot that I brought you along with me!
None of the above......

5) Go ahead and tell the manager. I hid the salami last week with him.

6) I always seem to get myself off on a pickle.

7) Please produce to management the orgasm producing produce.

8) Wait 'til you see my banana bunch trick.

Just a few more friendly options.....
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Old 01-15-2013, 06:54 PM   #7
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Happy happenstance?









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Old 01-15-2013, 07:27 PM   #8
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are you certain it wasn't a Zucchini...those things can go mutant
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Old 01-15-2013, 07:30 PM   #9
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If your asking me, then yes they were cukes, though I'd love to violate her with a zucchini as well. If your asking about that huge curved thing, then yes I'd like to violate her with that as well.
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Old 01-15-2013, 08:11 PM   #10
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Sounds like she was shopping for a fun and healthy evening...dinner AND a show!

And yes... I've done it too
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Old 01-15-2013, 08:51 PM   #11
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Sounds like she was shopping for a fun and healthy evening...dinner AND a show!

And yes... I've done it too
As usual, she forgot the show. I bet with some work she could have DPed herself with those monsters. Has anyone ever done two?
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Old 01-16-2013, 01:50 AM   #12
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Love riding my favorite cuke while sitting in the Happy Seat in the hottub!!! The contrast between the hot water andthe cool, cool cucumber sliding in my hot tight pussy is incredible.
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Old 01-16-2013, 05:39 PM   #13
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Heh, I was working produce at a grocery store, and a woman asked if we had any bigger cucumbers. I told her that no, but they were currently buy one get one free. Her response left me speechless because I just wasn't expecting it, but it was "Honey, I don't plan on eating it."
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Old 01-21-2013, 06:03 PM   #14
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Old 04-09-2013, 07:53 AM   #15
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Bump

She's at it again. Usually she buys English cucumbers- long and thin like me. This week is a while pack of hugely thick ones. Her libido at work?
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Old 04-09-2013, 06:14 PM   #16
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Lol

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Originally Posted by Edensgarden View Post
So toss her salad and call it a night.
Haha! That-a-girl. Made me laugh...
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Old 04-09-2013, 07:43 PM   #17
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Cucumbers definitely turn me on

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Originally Posted by marriedlooker73 View Post
My wife bought the biggest cucumber ever at the grocery store yesterday. I am so turned on making lunches this morning I can't even tell you.
I have enjoyed using cucumbers on women in the past. I get very turned on when I see them at the store. I really like seeing a woman handling them. I often wonder what their intentions are.
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Old 04-10-2013, 12:07 AM   #18
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I have never become intimate with my fruit and veg...and really, I don't feel like I am missing out.

I'm just thinking...what if you got really attached to a particular cuke? It won't last forever, and then what? It's going to be like breaking up with a boyfriend you really, really liked...

I'll just stick to B.O.B.'s thanks!
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Old 04-10-2013, 12:17 AM   #19
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Originally Posted by Aphroditiac View Post
I have never become intimate with my fruit and veg...and really, I don't feel like I am missing out.

I'm just thinking...what if you got really attached to a particular cuke? It won't last forever, and then what? It's going to be like breaking up with a boyfriend you really, really liked...

I'll just stick to B.O.B.'s thanks!
Or, what if the cuke caught you the the squash. Seriously, how could you explain that?!?
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