Old 01-13-2013, 08:45 PM   #1
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jd's junkroom

welcome to the place where funny and interesting things are posted by the most articulate and e-handsome son of a bitch none of you have ever met.


Yeah...I'm just gonna put things I find of interest in here, typically they'll be humorous to some extent. Maybe not. idk. Maybe we'll have different types of humor. But laugh anyway...life is better that way.

I'm sort of random....like Charlie Sheen...without the crack....and twice the alcohol...


So pull up a chair. post some jokes or shoot the shit or whatever you'd like to do in here. I want this thread to be completely epic....

but if it's not, that's ok too...I'll still enjoy it.

Here's the site I got my dancing borat from. check it out. it's good for a giggle:

http://www.funnyordie.com/lists/1d2d...t-dancing-gifs
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Old 01-13-2013, 08:48 PM   #2
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When I'm really frustrated, one of my favorite sayings is "fuck nuggets". It's nearly impossible to be frustrated and say "fuck nuggets" simultaneously.


I mean, that's funny. Try it sometime. But not around kids. They're kids.
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Old 01-13-2013, 08:57 PM   #3
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Why are men like cars?
Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming.
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Old 01-13-2013, 09:01 PM   #4
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It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.

"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you." He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar." The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."
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Old 01-13-2013, 09:07 PM   #5
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A husband walks into the bedroom holding two aspirin and a glass of water. His wife asks, "What's that for?"

"It's for your headache."

"I don't have a headache."

He replies, "Gotcha!"
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Old 01-13-2013, 09:13 PM   #6
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Hey JD! Cute!!

I am in serious need of giggles and since you are doing me a favor by making me laugh, thought I would share my own groan worthy joke.

What's the difference between pink and purple?

The grip!

Good Luck on your thread.
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Old 01-13-2013, 09:22 PM   #7
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Quote:
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Hey JD! Cute!!

I am in serious need of giggles and since you are doing me a favor by making me laugh, thought I would share my own groan worthy joke.

What's the difference between pink and purple?

The grip!

Good Luck on your thread.
Now see, that's friggin funny!

Thanks for stopping by. You should be a regular. We'll have two-person parties where we laugh and foreplay......I mean.....


No, yeah, gonna stick w/ that.

Feel better.
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Old 01-13-2013, 09:26 PM   #8
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Hey!! Red here... thought I would stop in and say hey to give my man JD some props

How do you make a hormone?

Don't pay her! lol

That's thanks to my favorite Alaskan

HAVE FUN KIDS!
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Old 01-13-2013, 09:27 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by NaughtyRedSiren View Post
Hey!! Red here... thought I would stop in and say hey to give my man JD some props

How do you make a hormone?

Don't pay her! lol

That's thanks to my favorite Alaskan

HAVE FUN KIDS!
Red. She makes me laugh. She's cool as hell. Fantastic pitcher, too. I had two strikes before I knew it.




Man. make a thread, and have two of my favorite lit people of all time ever post in it already. Good day. You all should make threads. and be incredible and such. Banana Pancakes.
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Old 01-13-2013, 09:31 PM   #10
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Now see, that's friggin funny!

Thanks for stopping by. You should be a regular. We'll have two-person parties where we laugh and foreplay......I mean.....


No, yeah, gonna stick w/ that.

Feel better.

What are we laughing at? Cuz my jokes are really bad. Example...


Why don't rabbits make noise during sex?

They have cotton balls! *rimshot*
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Old 01-13-2013, 09:33 PM   #11
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What are we laughing at? Cuz my jokes are really bad. Example...


Why don't rabbits make noise during sex?

They have cotton balls! *rimshot*
How the hell is that a bad joke? hahahahahah

corniness is funny. humor is sexy. This is a train we can't stop. Enjoy the ride.
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Old 01-13-2013, 09:36 PM   #12
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If you think life is bad... How would you like to be an egg? You only get laid once. It takes 4 minutes to get hard. Only 2 minutes to get soft. You share your box with 11 other guys. But worst of all...The only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother. So cheer up... Your life ain't that bad!
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Old 01-13-2013, 09:38 PM   #13
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Quote:
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Red. She makes me laugh. She's cool as hell. Fantastic pitcher, too. I had two strikes before I knew it.




Man. make a thread, and have two of my favorite lit people of all time ever post in it already. Good day. You all should make threads. and be incredible and such. Banana Pancakes.
lol I'm smooth like that JD... didn't you know that sweetie? Besides... I only hang with cool people

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef!!

(I couldn't help myself!)
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Old 01-13-2013, 09:39 PM   #14
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Quote:
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If you think life is bad... How would you like to be an egg? You only get laid once. It takes 4 minutes to get hard. Only 2 minutes to get soft. You share your box with 11 other guys. But worst of all...The only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother. So cheer up... Your life ain't that bad!
I JUST heard this joke the other day in a movie!! I loved it!!
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Old 01-13-2013, 09:59 PM   #15
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I mean, seriously...anyone that's looked at these jokes and hasn't laughed has a terrible sense of humor.....

....or just a different one.....and should tell a story that they find funny....


i'll laugh with them....or at them....I mean, it's whatever.


beer muffins.
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Old 01-13-2013, 10:02 PM   #16
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Did you hear the joke about the toilet?

Oh never mind, it's dirty.

Oh good gravy.
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Old 01-13-2013, 10:04 PM   #17
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Did you hear the joke about the toilet?

Oh never mind, it's dirty.

Oh good gravy.
yeah, that one is legitimately terrible.

ahhahah

Gravy is awesome, tho!
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Old 01-13-2013, 10:17 PM   #18
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I am laughing my ass of at Socially Awkward Penguin! Have you seen these?

http://www.quickmeme.com/Socially-Awkward-Penguin/

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Old 01-13-2013, 10:33 PM   #19
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I am laughing my ass of at Socially Awkward Penguin! Have you seen these?

http://www.quickmeme.com/Socially-Awkward-Penguin/

LOL! That's fantastic!


(and kinda true...nothing's worse than saying "nah, we should listen to THIS station..." then after the current song...friggin mmm-bop or something comes on. ugh.)
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Old 01-13-2013, 10:44 PM   #20
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How did Burger King get Diary Queen Pregnant?

He forgot to wrap his whopper.
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Old 01-13-2013, 10:45 PM   #21
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An oldy but a goody, ok maybe not but i for some reason don't forget this one. Maybe its my warped sense of humor

What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?

Full.
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Old 01-14-2013, 12:19 AM   #22
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An oldy but a goody, ok maybe not but i for some reason don't forget this one. Maybe its my warped sense of humor

What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?

Full.
Its sick, twisted joke like these....that's gonna make this thread memorable. Thanks for sharing!
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Old 01-14-2013, 12:23 AM   #23
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LOL! That's fantastic!


(and kinda true...nothing's worse than saying "nah, we should listen to THIS station..." then after the current song...friggin mmm-bop or something comes on. ugh.)
I know, right?!

I think this one is my favorite!

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Old 01-14-2013, 12:24 AM   #24
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One day Little Johnny went walking around to check out his
surroundings and found a farmer selling chickens. Little Johnny went
over to the farmer to see how much he was selling them for. The
farmer asked him if he wanted a male or a female. Little Johnny asked
for both. So the farmer said, "Here you go, one cock and one pullet."


Little Johnny got confused, and asked him what he meant. The farmer
said, "A cock is a male chicken and a pullet is a female chicken."


Little Johnny said, "Oh," and went on his way with two chickens one
under each arm. A bit further down the road he saw a donkey for sale.


He went to the man who was selling it to find out how much it was.
The man said, "The ass is 15 dollars." Little Johnny replied, "No, I
want the donkey out side in your yard." The man just said, "That's an
ass."


Little Johnny, new to these terms, just said, "Oh," and bought the
donkey. As he was leaving the man yelled out, "Wait, the ass gets a
bit stubborn about going over hills, so you have to scratch him
behind the ears to get him going again."


So Little Johnny is going back home and the donkey stops dead in its
tracks and he can't get it to move. He can't scratch its ear because
he would have to drop one of the chickens and it would run away. So
Little Johnny starts to fuss and yell at the donkey. While he is
doing this a beautiful woman walks up and asks him if he needs help.


Little Johnny thinks, hey, why don't I try to impress this beautiful
woman by using my new terms that I learned today. So Little Johnny
turns to the woman and says, "Yeah, could you hold my cock and pullet
while I scratch my ass?"
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Old 01-14-2013, 12:26 AM   #25
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I know, right?!

I think this one is my favorite!

what's embarrassing about that? It's not like 90% of people don't watch porn.
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