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Old 01-11-2013, 06:28 PM   #26
ChaseMePleez
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You're probably one of the old generation that doesn't understand internet dating. It is possible to have something with another person via the phone. I am discounting your opinion. I just think it's not correctly applied.

I did connect with him and I did feel something for him. We spent hours talking to each other, getting to know one another. And he very well might be some kind of con artist or be a complete fake.

I know that everything I tell people on her about myself if 100 percent accurate and if I can do that, why can't other people be doing the same as well?

Fake or not, I came to love him not for what he looked like but for who he was with me. I don't think that qualifies me as mentally ill and I find it insulting that you would insinuate it.

I am an educated woman, who knows herself very well. I think you shouldn't have commented since its obviously out of your realm of experience.
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Old 01-11-2013, 07:14 PM   #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChaseMePleez View Post
You're probably one of the old generation that doesn't understand internet dating. It is possible to have something with another person via the phone. I am discounting your opinion. I just think it's not correctly applied.

I did connect with him and I did feel something for him. We spent hours talking to each other, getting to know one another. And he very well might be some kind of con artist or be a complete fake.

I know that everything I tell people on her about myself if 100 percent accurate and if I can do that, why can't other people be doing the same as well?

Fake or not, I came to love him not for what he looked like but for who he was with me. I don't think that qualifies me as mentally ill and I find it insulting that you would insinuate it.

I am an educated woman, who knows herself very well. I think you shouldn't have commented since its obviously out of your realm of experience.

You asked for advice, just because it you don't like the advice, does not mean it was bad. Actually, it was quite good advice. No one is discounting that you had real feelings for this person, but there is a huge difference between an online relationship, and one that entails spending real life time face to face. It's easy to create a persona online, then go on with being your true self once the off button is pushed.

The internet didn't just start yesterday, so I am fairly sure that most people here are familiar with the nuances of online dating. It's just that the normal progression is to move from online to meet and greet, and then either it continues from their or you part ways.

There was no need to be so rude to the poster who inquired about why you choose to live online. Maybe I owe Lance an apology after all.
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Old 01-11-2013, 07:53 PM   #28
ChaseMePleez
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I have had so many people question the validity of my relationship with this guy so forgive me if I am a little sensitive.

It felt like I was being labelled as some kind of psychotic to me and I reacted. So if it sounds rude, I am sorry.

At this point I a very defensive and not purposely trying to be hurtful to anyone.
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Old 01-11-2013, 08:05 PM   #29
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No worries, but please understand that most people on the How To Forum are going to do their best to try to get to the heart of the issue so as to give you the best advice possible. With your situation, it is a natural question as to why your relationship history has not progressed to fit society's norm.

Internet relationships can become very intense for the very reason mentioned in earlier posts. It is not only easy to become a different persona, but we can attach one to the other person that makes them appear perfect. That being said, even intelligent, educated, well spoken people can fall for these type of relationships. The intensity can make the relationship an addiction, with the other person being available through text, IM or email at any given time. To have that suddenly removed can feel rather traumatic.

As with any relationship, time and distance from it will help you heal. Occupying yourself with other things, people and interests will also help a great deal. I advise no contact as it will only drag the hurt out longer. Treat each day as a stepping stone to a healthier you.
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Old 01-11-2013, 08:18 PM   #30
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChaseMePleez View Post
I recently broke off what I considered a relationship. (Which included conversations that lasted hours and phone sex that was more than hot). I got to know this person over a long period of time and I thought he knew me but he never learned to trust me. I unfortunately developed very real feelings for this guy. I lied to him and myself, saying that we didn't have to go beyond a purely sexual association.

I convinced myself that I could do that but as I realized that the only connection he felt was to another woman he had failed to romance into a relationship. Needless to say my heart was more than a little broken. I wrote him a letter saying how I felt, hoping I could leave things that way.

Once he did read the letter we ended up on the phone talking about how fucked up he was. His words not mine. Strange thing is that I am still fighting with myself every hour so that I don't call him and ask him to forgive me but I know its useless. What I want to know from anyone who might want to add their two cents is how do pick up from this point? How do I push that ache in my chest away and not think about him? I may not have known him as long as some people do but I felt that connection I had been looking for and giving it up hurts.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChaseMePleez View Post
You're probably one of the old generation that doesn't understand internet dating. It is possible to have something with another person via the phone. I am discounting your opinion. I just think it's not correctly applied.

I did connect with him and I did feel something for him. We spent hours talking to each other, getting to know one another. And he very well might be some kind of con artist or be a complete fake.

I know that everything I tell people on her about myself if 100 percent accurate and if I can do that, why can't other people be doing the same as well?

Fake or not, I came to love him not for what he looked like but for who he was with me. I don't think that qualifies me as mentally ill and I find it insulting that you would insinuate it.

I am an educated woman, who knows herself very well. I think you shouldn't have commented since its obviously out of your realm of experience.

I'm not going to wade too deep into this, except to remind you that started this thread looking for some input from others. "Anyone" in fact, who has two cents, was how you put it in the OP.

I've got about $1.18 I could contribute, but your response above has me pocketing my change. I'm not sure if you're wary because of the shaky start of this thread (and it's prequel in the GB), or if you are genuinely dismissive and rude to those who don't provide only the replies you want. Either way, you came to forum where people from all walks of life, varying levels of education, and all "realms of experience" participate, and ALL can offer up their $0.02. You can absorb and use what is useful to you, and ignore the rest.

I am an educated man, who doesn't know you from Adam. But I can tell you that you will attract more opinion, more participation, and perhaps even some help in dealing with your apparent heartache if you are not so impolite.

That's just kind of how it goes here, in the realm of human experience.
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Old 01-11-2013, 08:26 PM   #31
ChaseMePleez
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As I said earlier, I wasn't deliberately trying to rude. I am over sensitive to people question my feelings and became defensive. Not sure how many time I need to apologize for one mistake.

All I can say is that I am under alot of stress, having just found out said guy is emotionally connected to someone other than myself, who is in love with him.

I do realize how I am acting now and have apologized. I just don't want to have keep it up. Sorry if thats considered rude but I've apologized and would like to move thing along.
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Old 01-11-2013, 09:03 PM   #32
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChaseMePleez View Post
As I said earlier, I wasn't deliberately trying to rude. I am over sensitive to people question my feelings and became defensive. Not sure how many time I need to apologize for one mistake.

All I can say is that I am under alot of stress, having just found out said guy is emotionally connected to someone other than myself, who is in love with him.

I do realize how I am acting now and have apologized. I just don't want to have keep it up. Sorry if thats considered rude but I've apologized and would like to move thing along.
I sent you a PM...
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Old 01-12-2013, 10:11 AM   #33
nfrrdscnnr1
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do not

Quote:
Originally Posted by ChaseMePleez View Post
As I said earlier, I wasn't deliberately trying to rude. I am over sensitive to people question my feelings and became defensive. Not sure how many time I need to apologize for one mistake.

All I can say is that I am under alot of stress, having just found out said guy is emotionally connected to someone other than myself, who is in love with him.

I do realize how I am acting now and have apologized. I just don't want to have keep it up. Sorry if thats considered rude but I've apologized and would like to move thing along.
I do not for one second question that you developed feelings for your lover. that is very clear and well put. I'm sorry if I did not make that clear. One thing that it is hoped made that clear is that you are in frief. It is very right and good and correct that you do that. There are stages in that process and it may help you to learn a bit about those if you have not.
I'm not sure how to convey my meaning about relationships. Perhaps it is a bit similar to walking on ice that MAY not be firm enough for the weight you carry. One had best not go too far too fast. It is best to test, extending a foot and pressing down to see if the ice in that area is going to hold or give. Relationship developing is best when one tests in a tentative fashion. Is the other going to be there? Are we confident we are on the same page or wave length? Even in the BEST of circumstances, things can go terribly wrong and you are not to be blamed if things don't go well. Things happen and we do the best we can to learn and try again.
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