Old 01-08-2013, 04:15 AM   #1
cheekygirl75
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Find a therapist

I haven't posted on here in awhile, but I'm hoping that someone here can help me. I'm kind of in desperate need of finding a good therapist, one that would be comfortable talking about my fucked up relationship with sex. Preferably in the Boston, MA area and a woman. Thanks.
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Old 01-08-2013, 07:14 AM   #2
BeachMomma
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First of all, you need to know that any therapist will be comfortable talking to you about sex. They've probably heard a lot worse than what you have to say. Honestly, if I were looking for a therapist for myself in that situation, I'd probably start with my gynecologist - or his/her nurse. Find out if there's someone they recommend. The best way to ask a medical professional about another medical professional is to say, "If you were seeking a counselor for yourself or your family, who would you choose?" (Simply because some nurses in particular aren't allowed to make specific "recommendations." They will almost always answer the question when phrased like that.) If you have an ask-a-nurse program, that would be another good place to start.

Whoever you choose, be sure to check out their credentials. You want to make sure they have at least a Master's Degree in Social Work, psychology/psychiatry, or mental health. She should at least be licensed in your state in one of the above areas, and special certifications in counseling or sex counseling won't hurt. As a minimum, they should be a Licensed Mental Health Counselor. A good rule of thumb is to find out which mental health counselors your insurance will pay for. If your insurance won't pay for a particular counselor, that doesn't mean she isn't good; it just means she doesn't have a contract with your company. If she IS under contract with your insurance company, she's probably already been credentialed through them and has the proper licensing and certifications to deal with your problem. You should still verify her credentials though.

If you work for a large company, they may have an EAP (Employee Assistance Program). You probably won't want to be counseled through them to ensure your privacy, but they can certainly make appropriate recommendations for you.

Good luck, and I hope you find what you're looking for.
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Old 01-08-2013, 09:05 AM   #3
nfrrdscnnr1
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a site

Here's a site that seems to offer good resources.
http://therapists.psychologytoday.co...find_therapist
Some folks on Lit might have guidance for you. Good luck.
How were you abused?
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Old 01-08-2013, 10:01 AM   #4
CutieMouse
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The OP never mentioned being abused; abuse isn't the only reason people go to therapy.

OP, do you know anyone who's gone through a rough patch and utilized a therapist? My last therapist was a word of mouth reference (friend of a friend of a friend), and was a godsend during a rough patch.

I'd also suggest coming up with a few "interview" questions. A good therapist shouldn't mind a 5-15 minute phone call to help you decide if they could've a good "fit".
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Old 01-08-2013, 11:12 PM   #5
luvnmyboys
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if you're using insurance, i would start there and see who is covered in your area. if you have anyone to ask for a referral (dr, friends, family), i would also try that. you can google therapists in your area - a lot of places have good websites with info about the therapists. you may feel a connection to someone reading about them. if you're looking for short term therapy, look for someone that practices solution focused therapy.
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Old 01-09-2013, 12:21 AM   #6
njlauren
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I agree make sure the therapist is credentialed and I would strongly recommend that they be certified in sexuality/sexual issues, while almost all therapists deal with/have dealt with issues of sex problems, I also am leery of just any therapist when dealing with sexual issues, because many of them aren't well trained and the level of ignorance is amazing (put it this way, I know a couple who went into couple's therapy to talk about issues around being into kink as a couple, and were shocked when the therapist told them they shouldn't be doing it, that it is abuse (ironically, she was the dominant, he the sub)..needless to say they walked out).

In terms of finding one the best way is often word of mouth, but lacking that, other people had good suggestions, about maybe getting a referral from a doctor or other practioner. There are also websites out there where people rate therapists and such, but I would be careful with those, people with an axe to grind can make someone look bad who isn't but at least it may give you a general idea. Another thought, there are sources on the web for people into alternate sexuality, like kink, and in my experience the therapists and such on those lists (which are usually done by groups like BD/SM groups) have usually dealt with a wide variety of issues and may be a good starting point.

One thing to keep in mind is therapy is a personal thing, and a therapist has to work with you. Trust is critical, and if you find yourself not trusting the person, if your gut is saying something is wrong, trust it and find someone else. That doesn't mean go for one session and leave, it takes time to build trust, but if after several sessions you find you can't talk to her, then try someone else. We went into couple's therapy with a local guy in dealing with family issues, and the guy was nice enough, but was a schmuck; 4 sessions with an incredible therapist and we were on the road to real healing.

If you do have issues with abuse, I recommend finding someone who also is knowledgeable about PTSD and dealing with it. Things like EMDR or CBT (cognitive behavior therapy) can really help with that, that is from personal experience of having a spouse who was abused as a child, it worked...(and if that isn't an issue, well, ignore this

Last edited by njlauren : 01-09-2013 at 12:24 AM.
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Old 01-09-2013, 07:36 AM   #7
Bramblethorn
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Quote:
Originally Posted by njlauren View Post
I agree make sure the therapist is credentialed and I would strongly recommend that they be certified in sexuality/sexual issues, while almost all therapists deal with/have dealt with issues of sex problems, I also am leery of just any therapist when dealing with sexual issues, because many of them aren't well trained and the level of ignorance is amazing (put it this way, I know a couple who went into couple's therapy to talk about issues around being into kink as a couple, and were shocked when the therapist told them they shouldn't be doing it, that it is abuse (ironically, she was the dominant, he the sub)..needless to say they walked out).
I had a very similar experience with a therapist a few years back. If I had to do it again, I'd probably want to sound out them about the relevant stuff in the first session and be prepared to walk away if their preconceptions were going to get in the way of a productive relationship - "hi, we're poly, and we're willing to discuss the ramifications of that but we need to know you'll respect it".

On a side note, if you're going through work or insurance, check whether the options they provide meet your needs. I made the mistake of going through my work EAP when I needed to deal with some long-term and complex stuff; my work plan only covered three sessions (one of which I missed due to illness) and then we had to wait months for my work to get back on whether they'd extend that. By the time they said yes, I'd given up waiting and gone off to look for somebody on my own dime.
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Old 01-09-2013, 10:56 PM   #8
cheekygirl75
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Thanks everyone for the replies. I've tried a lot of the suggestions, at least the anonymous ones since I don't know of anyone in my life right now that I would feel comfortable asking a for a referral. It's just such a frustrating process, I think, trying to find the right fit. I think I was hoping that some one on here might live in the same area and have a person to suggest.

Quote:
Originally Posted by njlauren View Post
Another thought, there are sources on the web for people into alternate sexuality, like kink, and in my experience the therapists and such on those lists (which are usually done by groups like BD/SM groups) have usually dealt with a wide variety of issues and may be a good starting point.
Do you mean seeing if anyone who is on a site like that happens to be a therapist? I'm not sure exactly what you're suggesting, but it does sound like a great starting point. Were you thinking of any specific sites?

Thanks again.
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Old 01-09-2013, 11:25 PM   #9
njlauren
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cheekygirl75 View Post
Thanks everyone for the replies. I've tried a lot of the suggestions, at least the anonymous ones since I don't know of anyone in my life right now that I would feel comfortable asking a for a referral. It's just such a frustrating process, I think, trying to find the right fit. I think I was hoping that some one on here might live in the same area and have a person to suggest.



Do you mean seeing if anyone who is on a site like that happens to be a therapist? I'm not sure exactly what you're suggesting, but it does sound like a great starting point. Were you thinking of any specific sites?

Thanks again.
BD/SM groups often have lists online of therapists who are kink aware (and sometimes into it themselves), and may be a starting point. Years ago there used to be a list of kink aware professionals called Race Bannon's list, doubt it still exists, but if you do some searching on the web you may get lucky....some therapists will have web pages and mention issues like BD/SM and so forth as well. Sometimes kink sites ike fetlife might have information as well...try doing a search for kink aware therapists boston, for example...if you were in the NYC area I know a couple of good therapists I would heartily recommend, I don't know anyone in Boston area I am afraid but I will bet if you do some hunting you will find some. If I get a chance I'll do some digging and see as well.
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Old 01-09-2013, 11:53 PM   #10
Noor
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I know a good therapist for post traumatic stuff in Boston who could probably deal with attacks, sex abuse, rape and such but not other sexual issues. She does EMDR and post traumatic stuff.

It's not easy finding medical professionals that deal with women's sexuality.
Good Luck!
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