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Old 01-04-2013, 03:41 AM   #1
sexcnerd
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Question When i say purr.....purr

This is my first story so here goes.....

She was walking past the pet shop when she saw this stramge cat outside with human eyes. She thought to herself , how cool it would be to show her off.

So she went inside and asked what the price was and the latex-clad woman replied
" One kiss for a look"
"One suck to hold"
"One fuck to keep"

Feeling insulted she stormed out into the street,muttering curses under her breath.
..................... .................. .................. .................... .................... ........................... ............................ ..............

A fortnight later she walked past the shop again this time she decided she was going to get the cat after all.
Entering the store there was a faint smell on the air. Almost like..... No she was just being silly but like sex if sex had a smell.
" Have you decided what u wanna do?"Latex asked
The girl jumped over the counter and tried to strangle this rude and uncouth chick but in the struglle her blouse burst open revealing 36C cups and flat but chubby stomach and a birthmark shaped like a cats paw. The atendant couldn't keep her eyes off this girl. So she reached down and tugged at her pants leaving her shaven pussy mound open for the world to see.
Wondering why the chick had no panties on the Latex asked"where are your panties?" And the girl said" I took them off before coming"............
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Old 01-04-2013, 05:18 AM   #2
MatthewVett
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: New England
Posts: 2,226
Quote:
Originally Posted by sexcnerd View Post
This is my first story so here goes.....

She was walking past the pet shop when she saw this stramge cat outside with human eyes. She thought to herself , how cool it would be to show her off.

So she went inside and asked what the price was and the latex-clad woman replied
" One kiss for a look"
"One suck to hold"
"One fuck to keep"

Feeling insulted she stormed out into the street,muttering curses under her breath.
..................... .................. .................. .................... .................... ........................... ............................ ..............

A fortnight later she walked past the shop again this time she decided she was going to get the cat after all.
Entering the store there was a faint smell on the air. Almost like..... No she was just being silly but like sex if sex had a smell.
" Have you decided what u wanna do?"Latex asked
The girl jumped over the counter and tried to strangle this rude and uncouth chick but in the struglle her blouse burst open revealing 36C cups and flat but chubby stomach and a birthmark shaped like a cats paw. The atendant couldn't keep her eyes off this girl. So she reached down and tugged at her pants leaving her shaven pussy mound open for the world to see.
Wondering why the chick had no panties on the Latex asked"where are your panties?" And the girl said" I took them off before coming"............
I'm sorry, but this is terrible. I hope you're trolling.
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Old 01-04-2013, 08:07 PM   #3
CWatson
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I'm with Matthew; I'm pretty sure you're a troll. On the off-chance that you're not, I'll critique this thing. If you aren't a troll, please be aware that that's how poorly your story comes across. We are not describing you this way to be mean, we are describing you this way because we're being honest. If you don't like being described that way, you need to write better.

First off: Even at only a few paragraphs, it still took me longer to read your story than it would have taken for you to run spell-check on it. "Stramge" is not a real word. Take pride in your work. Don't send it out the door with its hair uncombed and its shirttails flopping.

Second off, where's the sex? If you want to submit something to a sex-story website, it should probably, you know, involve sex. It's easy to assume that, yes, it happens after your story ends, but that's just the point: what happens after the story ends doesn't count. The words on the page are the only thing that counts. And they don't contain a sex act.

Also, sex does have a smell. Semen has a smell (one you're probably familiar with from jacking off), as do vaginal secretions and sweat. Additionally, "flat but chubby stomach" is a contradiction in terms. "Chubby" means, amongst other things, non-flat. Something cannot be both flat and non-flat.

Why do your characters not have names? "Latex" is not a name or a title. Give them real names. For convenience, I'm going to call the main character "Bob" and the shopkeeper "Garth."

Finally: attacking a shopkeeper you've exchanged less than 20 words with is not what a sane or normal person would do. And that's problematic in a sex story. People read pr0n to step into somebody else's skin and live there for a little while (preferably while they're having sex). Imagine if I told you you like sucking cock. You'd say, "Eew, no, no I don't!" Well, I don't like attacking shopkeepers. Most human beings don't. Telling me that I do is liable to just make me hit [BACK]. Not to mention that, if you were running a store and someone tried to kill you, you wouldn't try to seduce him: you'd call the cops.

If you're looking for an excuse to get Garth to fuck Bob, just have her (Garth) proffer her boobs. Women dress in revealing clothing sometimes; this is a known thing. There doesn't have to be a fight for Garth's boobs to become visible or accented. She can just push them together with her arms to increase their prominence.

This is indeed a first story. It needs a lot of work. If you're ever going to get anywhere as a writer, you need a way better grasp of human nature--what people do and don't do. Only when you understand how people act normally can you write stories about when people act abnormally. Do a lot of reading, do a lot of research, and find your spell-check button.
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