Originally Posted by Stella_Omega
Or in fetish and sexuality.
I have to admit, I really like this notion of consensuality becoming the defining element that makes something be BDSM. I think that's SO much better than fetishising non-con.
It's a little bit simplistic though, assuming the consent has to be verbal each and every time-- especially when the partners are long-term and know each other well. Myself, I think that I ALWAYS need verbal consent from my bottoms, and I need to verblly consent before someone starts topping me in a way we haven't tried before-- but I don't need every detail spelled out. And not everyone is as dainty in their sensibilities as I am.
I am perennially astonished, in fact at how tough some people are!
I was taught that "safe, sane, and consensual" were the hallmarks of BDSM and the guiding principles I was to follow. That allows for a stretching of limits if agreed to (try numbers for a lot of fun), while respecting the basic dignity of the partner. And even those being humiliated have a basic dignity which must be respected--at least from my experience.