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Old 01-29-2015, 08:26 PM   #1
SweetMarie2323
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Need some BDSM Lifestylers for help

I want to start writing a short story exploring some of the misconceptions regarding BDSM, millennials, and age and maturity differences in couples both vanilla and kinky. Here's my issue, I'm not very experienced! I'm not part of a community or group but I'm trying to challenge myself. I'm looking for insight from people of all backgrounds and philosophoies.

Thank you all in advance for your help and support.
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Old 01-31-2015, 04:49 PM   #2
Bramblethorn
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SweetMarie2323 View Post
I want to start writing a short story exploring some of the misconceptions regarding BDSM, millennials, and age and maturity differences in couples both vanilla and kinky. Here's my issue, I'm not very experienced! I'm not part of a community or group but I'm trying to challenge myself. I'm looking for insight from people of all backgrounds and philosophoies.

Thank you all in advance for your help and support.
When you say "BDSM Lifestylers", do you mean just "people who do BDSM" or "people who consider BDSM to be their lifestyle"?

I do and enjoy BDSM but for me it's not a "lifestyle" as such. Happy to help if that's a perspective that'd be useful to you; feel free to DM me.

You might also try asking on the BDSM forum, where you'll find quite a few of both lifestyle and non-lifestyle BDSMers.
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Old 01-31-2015, 05:13 PM   #3
lovecraft68
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Start with 50 shades and do the opposite of everything in it.

Just kidding, the BDSM forum is the place, but watch out for

A-Snark

B- assholes who want to "collar" you.
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Old 02-01-2015, 07:30 PM   #4
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What would you like to know about the lifestyle SweetMarie? I was a sub for many years.
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Old 02-03-2015, 06:57 PM   #5
SweetMarie2323
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Thank you everyone for responding. One of the angles I want to work is a comparison between the unrealistic opinions on BDSM vs. the truths of the lifestyle. For example, I've heard over and over again that BDSM legitimizes violence against women (not my opinion) compared to "lifestylers" claims that respect, consent, and safety are of the highest priority in D/s relationships. So I'm asking for people to openly share their experiences and opinions and, when I have some more writing done, to critique my story.
On a personal note, I've encountered several extreme feminists who believe that BDSM is a way for controlling and abusive men to take advantage of women who have been socially conditioned to believe that they should enjoy it. I find the notion that submissives (men or women) are weak to be incredibly insulting. However, this gap in understanding gives the opportunity for drama and some great writing.
I am also interested in the difference between age and maturity regarding relationships of all kinds. I am 23 years old and consider myself to be very mature for my age (maybe I'm egotistical), and have had to deal with this question too many times. For me, I don't care about someone's age nearly as much as I care about their maturity. But, again, I have limited experience and would love to hear what others' thoughts are.
Thank you all again for helping me with this project. I can't wait to read the responses!
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Old 02-03-2015, 07:00 PM   #6
SweetMarie2323
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovecraft68 View Post
Start with 50 shades and do the opposite of everything in it.

Just kidding, the BDSM forum is the place, but watch out for

A-Snark

B- assholes who want to "collar" you.
Lol, the 50 Shades trilogy is something I love to hate. I could go on a long rant about everything I hate about that series, but I will admit to loving the drama. If only there had been some substance to the series....
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Old 02-03-2015, 07:31 PM   #7
Industrial_Bondage
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Ask and I'll give you my very best answer. The forum is a good place, but not always as open as we would like to be.
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Old 02-03-2015, 07:50 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SweetMarie2323 View Post
Thank you everyone for responding. One of the angles I want to work is a comparison between the unrealistic opinions on BDSM vs. the truths of the lifestyle. For example, I've heard over and over again that BDSM legitimizes violence against women (not my opinion) compared to "lifestylers" claims that respect, consent, and safety are of the highest priority in D/s relationships. So I'm asking for people to openly share their experiences and opinions and, when I have some more writing done, to critique my story.
There is lots of experience and opinions in the BDSM Talk forum. We aren't all snarky and we try to keep the assholes away. Respect, consent, and safety matter a great deal to many of us, but how it's viewed varies greatly.


Quote:
Originally Posted by SweetMarie2323
On a personal note, I've encountered several extreme feminists who believe that BDSM is a way for controlling and abusive men to take advantage of women who have been socially conditioned to believe that they should enjoy it. I find the notion that submissives (men or women) are weak to be incredibly insulting. However, this gap in understanding gives the opportunity for drama and some great writing.
You'll find many feminists that enjoy BDSM. You'll also find that women are not the only submissives and there are a great deal of transgender folks involved as well.


Quote:
Originally Posted by SweetMarie2323
I am also interested in the difference between age and maturity regarding relationships of all kinds. I am 23 years old and consider myself to be very mature for my age (maybe I'm egotistical), and have had to deal with this question too many times. For me, I don't care about someone's age nearly as much as I care about their maturity. But, again, I have limited experience and would love to hear what others' thoughts are.
Thank you all again for helping me with this project. I can't wait to read the responses!
If you'd like to check out some of the threads in the BDSM forum, you'll find the one in my signature shows a great deal of different dynamics and relationship types. It's a very diverse group, that includes many different age groups.
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There are a lot of ways to do it. How does your relationship work?
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Old 02-03-2015, 07:55 PM   #9
Industrial_Bondage
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Meek offers a great idea. Prowl back the history and you will find a thread on just about everything.
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Old 02-04-2015, 02:54 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SweetMarie2323 View Post
Thank you everyone for responding. One of the angles I want to work is a comparison between the unrealistic opinions on BDSM vs. the truths of the lifestyle. For example, I've heard over and over again that BDSM legitimizes violence against women (not my opinion) compared to "lifestylers" claims that respect, consent, and safety are of the highest priority in D/s relationships. So I'm asking for people to openly share their experiences and opinions and, when I have some more writing done, to critique my story.
There are some complexities here. I think there's a general tradition of respect/consent/safety in BDSM (some replace "safety" with "risk-aware" - google "SSC" and "risk aware consensual kink" if you want to know the difference between those two philosophies).

But it's not all kittens and rainbows; abusive BDSMers do exist, and sometimes "the community" instinctively defends them on the assumption that it must just be uninformed people mistaking consensual BDSM for abuse, when in fact it's abuse cloaked as consensual BDSM.

I'd be happy to help critique when it's done, depending on time.
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Old 02-04-2015, 05:07 AM   #11
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With most things in life you walk the walk or you wear the rhinestone encrusted costume and blabber bullshit like they do at the BDSM board.

Most wanna carry spears, a few wanna command the army.
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Old 02-12-2015, 12:50 PM   #12
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Marie, did you get the answers/ leads you were seeking?
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