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Old 12-31-2012, 03:07 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by satindesire View Post
What is he saying when he "Turns things around" and "Makes them sound like your fault"?

Because that's some vital information that would help us all out in advising you better. The more specific and detailed you are, the better.
The other night, his excuse for us not having enough time is that it was because I took a shower. My shower was 10 minutes, however, he did not make an effort to help me calm the children to get them into bed.

Other times, it's because dinner was ready too late, or I took a nap, even though he was sleeping at the time. It's not so much what he says, but it's how he says it. Sometimes, I feel that he is just setting things up like that so that it's an out for him. I'm not a paranoid person, so I usually let those things go.

Yesterday, I made it a point to make sure I had everything done around the house before the kids' bedtime. I did all my cleaning during the day(I usually don't, so he can sleep), so that I would just have a few dishes to do after dinner. I planned an easy dinner as well, so not much clean up from it. The kids did not need a bath before bed, since we stayed home all day. This way, I was ensuring that he and I had time to talk. Only one flaw in my plan. It was Sunday, which meant football on tv. So, no real talking got done, but I did make an attempt to sit and watch the game with him. Until one of his friends started texting him, and he was more interested in that conversation than one with me. At this point, I was fed up. He couldn't understand why. So, I point blank asked him if I'd ever get a night with him to myself, with no interruptions. His response was that she just texted him out of the blue. I told him a simple, "Sorry, I'm spending time with my wife." text would have ended the conversation. At that point, I went to bed. He stayed in the living room and watched the game some more, coming in to check on me after about an hour. Our youngest daughter was up coughing, so I ended up dealing with that the rest of the night.

Since it's snowing here today, he was called into work at 11am, but should be home by 11pm. Hopefully, he and I can talk some tonight. I know that these issues will not be wrapped up in a single conversation, but we need to get started on resolving them.
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Old 12-31-2012, 03:09 PM   #27
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Right. Especially if she goes into the office to do it during work hours. Then again, not everybody's office situation is set up for that sort of action. I'd think third shift has the best opportunity though.
Not feasible. First, no one to keep an eye on the kids for me to go into his office. Second, he does not spend much time at the office, since he drives a tow truck. And third, there are cameras in every truck, as well as the office, since the main owner is extremely paranoid, and all the cameras are fed to the owner's home.
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Old 12-31-2012, 03:11 PM   #28
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May I ask, have you kept yourself well? Do you still shave your legs, dress sexily and look after yourself?

It's NOT easy to do these things with kids!!!

I once went out with a single mom, she was great, caring, amazing in the bed. But as time went on she stopped making the effort. I found it harder and harder to get off and then I just made excuses to avoid sex....

Just saying.
I still shave my legs, wear clothes that I know he likes, wear perfume that I know he likes, keep my nails manicured, etc. It is hard with kids, but I force myself to take at least 15 minutes a day to do something for myself, whether it's shaving, painting my nails, or something like that.
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Old 12-31-2012, 03:22 PM   #29
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There has already been a lot of good advice so I'm not sure what I can add other than some consolidation for thought.

1) The fact that hubby is now a part owner in a business rather than just an employee is super key. Being responsible for a company and it's employees is much more stressful than being an employee who collects a paycheck. Some people aren't cut out for that even though it's supposed to be everyone's dream. I even had a hard time promoting some people because they told me they didn't want all the extra responsibility. Talk to hubby and really get him to be honest if possible.

2) Your schedules are crazy with him working third shift but you said he gets home when the kids are going off to school and doesn't go to bed till about 9-9:30. It seems like that could give you some really nice "home without the kids morning delight" time if you could get yourself up and running a little earlier. Possibly getting away for some weekends or true couple's time is also good and may be possible with his parents in town to babysit now and then if they are willing.

3) A stressful mother in law doesn't help and I hope she's not "poisoning his ear" now that she's nearby. I have no answer there since I have no experience at all with that.

4) Don't depend on him to make you feel useful and attractive and worthwhile. As others have said, he already has to worry about making employees feeling worthwhile and valued. If you don't work, consider a part time job or some volunteer work to give you a different perspective on your worth and attractiveness. WHen my wife retired she was antsy tlll she started doing some volunteering and took over some community things. Now, it gives me somewhat of a kick to see her picture in the paper or have people tell me how great she is and she feels that way herself. However, talk to hubby first because some guys don't like it when their wife gets lots of attention and it seems like they aren't "needed" as much.

5) If necessary consider some marriage counseling to help with "suggestions". Sometimes people tend to take the advice of "experts" with more validity than just what a spouse says or feels or what they read in some magazine or see on TV or (even worse) what they read on some erotic website.

Seriously, good luck. We went through some rough times because of my job years ago and it caused some nearly irreversible problems that needed counseling. If you want, feel free to PM me.
The part owner part I know has to be stressful for him. He's always been just a manager, but the main owner is still highly involved, so his role is mainly a management type roll.

My oldest is only in preschool, and she doesn't go in until noon. My youngest stays home with me all day. Morning time is crazy around here, and usually the time when my kids are the most hyper, aside from bedtime. As for me getting up earlier, it wouldn't do any good, considering he gets home after I'm already awake for the day. My children are my alarm clock, and most times, we're up by 7am. If I'm lucky, 7:30am.

As for his mother, I'm quite sure she has tried to poison his mind. She's an evil, spiteful woman who once told me my marriage would fail. She also told me I'm a horrible mother, and essentially that I'm completely stupid and would never amount to anything. This stemmed from her jealousy of me being able to go back to school and get a degree, when she had to drop out after her first two classes because she couldn't understand the material. So, I know some stress is due to the situation between his mother and I, and the stress of us being in the same house over the holidays.

As for volunteering, I have little time to do so, but I do try. I enjoy sewing/quilting, so I make quilts for a charity called Quilts for Kids, who then donate them to hospitals for sick children. I rarely have time to quilt much anymore.

And, he won't go to marriage counseling, I've tried that before.

While typing this post, I realized I forgot another key component. On top of being a stay at home mom, I'm also a full time online student. However, my schoolwork is done in the afternoons, while my husband is sleeping, my youngest is napping, and my oldest is at school. If I do not complete it all during those few hours, I wait until he's at work to continue working on it. It doesn't interfere with his schedule at all. In the last year, I think I've only worked on it twice while he was awake.
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Old 12-31-2012, 03:29 PM   #30
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The other night, his excuse for us not having enough time is that it was because I took a shower. My shower was 10 minutes, however, he did not make an effort to help me calm the children to get them into bed.

Other times, it's because dinner was ready too late, or I took a nap, even though he was sleeping at the time. It's not so much what he says, but it's how he says it. Sometimes, I feel that he is just setting things up like that so that it's an out for him. I'm not a paranoid person, so I usually let those things go.
Frankly, these behaviors make him sound like a passive-aggressive asshole. I'd get my online degree and DTMFA.

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Old 12-31-2012, 03:32 PM   #31
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The part owner part I know has to be stressful for him. He's always been just a manager, but the main owner is still highly involved, so his role is mainly a management type roll.

My oldest is only in preschool, and she doesn't go in until noon. My youngest stays home with me all day. Morning time is crazy around here, and usually the time when my kids are the most hyper, aside from bedtime. As for me getting up earlier, it wouldn't do any good, considering he gets home after I'm already awake for the day. My children are my alarm clock, and most times, we're up by 7am. If I'm lucky, 7:30am.

As for his mother, I'm quite sure she has tried to poison his mind. She's an evil, spiteful woman who once told me my marriage would fail. She also told me I'm a horrible mother, and essentially that I'm completely stupid and would never amount to anything. This stemmed from her jealousy of me being able to go back to school and get a degree, when she had to drop out after her first two classes because she couldn't understand the material. So, I know some stress is due to the situation between his mother and I, and the stress of us being in the same house over the holidays.

As for volunteering, I have little time to do so, but I do try. I enjoy sewing/quilting, so I make quilts for a charity called Quilts for Kids, who then donate them to hospitals for sick children. I rarely have time to quilt much anymore.

And, he won't go to marriage counseling, I've tried that before.

While typing this post, I realized I forgot another key component. On top of being a stay at home mom, I'm also a full time online student. However, my schoolwork is done in the afternoons, while my husband is sleeping, my youngest is napping, and my oldest is at school. If I do not complete it all during those few hours, I wait until he's at work to continue working on it. It doesn't interfere with his schedule at all. In the last year, I think I've only worked on it twice while he was awake.
My heart feels for you. It does seem like you've considered a lot of options and unfortunately you're in a very stressful situation. It's similar to part of my family who own and run two restaurants and never seem to have any time for anything other than the restaurants and at least trying to keep the kids out of trouble. God bless, good luck in the coming year and I hope things work out for the best. It doesn't seem like any easy answer and it will take some strong belief in each other for the long haul.
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Old 12-31-2012, 03:39 PM   #32
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Generally speaking, men only give when they're okay with giving. So, they mistakenly believe that women that give are totally okay with giving, and will happily take.

You need to learn how to speak "male".

You gotta stop giving. Let him know you feel all used up and empty, and he needs to help you more. Women, in general, continue to give even when we've had enough, thinking that by giving more, we'll get more. But sometimes, men and women's love languages just aren't similar enough, and things can look different depending on what gender you are (sometimes).

I strongly suggest you pick up a few Men are from Mars/Women are from Venus books.

I'm not ashamed to say those books saved my marriage and taught me how to talk to my husband. Learning how to speak "fluent male" made our communication so much easier, and now I know the RIGHT way to ask for what I need and get him to not only listen to me, but HEAR me.

I think right now, the biggest issue you two have is that you two aren't really "hearing" each other. And that's why things have gotten this bad. If you two can bring your communication closer to a gender-neutral way, or if one of you can learn how to speak the other's "language", things'll start getting done.
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Old 12-31-2012, 04:32 PM   #33
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Here is a little advice... If he says you are being over emotional, or irrational.... You probably are. He doesn't want to talk about his feelings. He needs stress relief, and it is your job to put your needs aside, and take care of him. I know that the way that you probably solve your problems is to talk about it. That won't work for him. I'm assuming that he stuck by your side during your bout with pmdd, and all of the other crap that goes along with marriage. If you take the other women's advice in this forum, you will do nothing but push him away further. From what I read, you are the one being selfish. This poor guy is busting his ass working nights to provide for you and your kids. Maybe start by praising him for what he does for everyone. Build him up. I bet if you suck his dick everyday for a week without bitching about it, you will have a much happier hubby.

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Old 12-31-2012, 04:55 PM   #34
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Generally speaking, men only give when they're okay with giving. So, they mistakenly believe that women that give are totally okay with giving, and will happily take.

You need to learn how to speak "male".

You gotta stop giving. Let him know you feel all used up and empty, and he needs to help you more. Women, in general, continue to give even when we've had enough, thinking that by giving more, we'll get more. But sometimes, men and women's love languages just aren't similar enough, and things can look different depending on what gender you are (sometimes).

I strongly suggest you pick up a few Men are from Mars/Women are from Venus books.

I'm not ashamed to say those books saved my marriage and taught me how to talk to my husband. Learning how to speak "fluent male" made our communication so much easier, and now I know the RIGHT way to ask for what I need and get him to not only listen to me, but HEAR me.

I think right now, the biggest issue you two have is that you two aren't really "hearing" each other. And that's why things have gotten this bad. If you two can bring your communication closer to a gender-neutral way, or if one of you can learn how to speak the other's "language", things'll start getting done.
This is a wonderful insight, one I had not considered yet. You are correct, even when I don't feel like giving any more, that I'm completely done, I continue to do so, because I feel as if it is my duty, and that maybe one day, it will be returned. That is rarely the case.

I do need to learn to talk to him, and not so he'll just listen to what I'm saying, but actually hear the meaning in my words. Thank you for this.
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Old 12-31-2012, 04:56 PM   #35
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Okay I am going to lay this all out on the line here and will probably come off like a gigantic bitch but oh well seems about par for the course lately...

photograph.... I'm sorry but I have waded through all of these posts and I have seen some (I say some because there were a few I just shook my head at) posts with some very good advice. And you know what I noticed? To every single one you had a reason why it won't work, you can't do it or how you have already tried it.

No offense... then why are you asking for advice? If you are not going to take it, or find a way to make it work? Why ask for it?

Trust me, I know exactly where you are coming from! I have been married 20 years this June. I have 2 kids, just got my degree 2 years ago, and I have a mother-in-law who not only thought our marriage would fail but actively tried to destroy it. We have dealt with deaths, sicknesses, and the entire gamut of pressures that a marriage can endure.

And the one thing that I have learned? You cannot change him! You cannot change anybody. Ever. You can only change yourself and by doing so change his response.

So you can either take people's advice and find a way to make it work, figure out things on your own, or you can continue with things as they are.

Unless someone else can think of a 4th, those are the only 3 options I see. I wish you good luck!
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Old 12-31-2012, 05:11 PM   #36
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This is a wonderful insight, one I had not considered yet. You are correct, even when I don't feel like giving any more, that I'm completely done, I continue to do so, because I feel as if it is my duty, and that maybe one day, it will be returned. That is rarely the case.

I do need to learn to talk to him, and not so he'll just listen to what I'm saying, but actually hear the meaning in my words. Thank you for this.
This is the perfect solution if you want nothing to change. Complete cop out. You need to except responsibility.
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Old 12-31-2012, 05:28 PM   #37
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Talking

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The other night, his excuse for us not having enough time is that it was because I took a shower. My shower was 10 minutes, however, he did not make an effort to help me calm the children to get them into bed.

Other times, it's because dinner was ready too late, or I took a nap, even though he was sleeping at the time. It's not so much what he says, but it's how he says it. Sometimes, I feel that he is just setting things up like that so that it's an out for him. I'm not a paranoid person, so I usually let those things go.

Yesterday, I made it a point to make sure I had everything done around the house before the kids' bedtime. I did all my cleaning during the day(I usually don't, so he can sleep), so that I would just have a few dishes to do after dinner. I planned an easy dinner as well, so not much clean up from it. The kids did not need a bath before bed, since we stayed home all day. This way, I was ensuring that he and I had time to talk. Only one flaw in my plan. It was Sunday, which meant football on tv. So, no real talking got done, but I did make an attempt to sit and watch the game with him. Until one of his friends started texting him, and he was more interested in that conversation than one with me. At this point, I was fed up. He couldn't understand why. So, I point blank asked him if I'd ever get a night with him to myself, with no interruptions. His response was that she just texted him out of the blue. I told him a simple, "Sorry, I'm spending time with my wife." text would have ended the conversation. At that point, I went to bed. He stayed in the living room and watched the game some more, coming in to check on me after about an hour. Our youngest daughter was up coughing, so I ended up dealing with that the rest of the night.

Since it's snowing here today, he was called into work at 11am, but should be home by 11pm. Hopefully, he and I can talk some tonight. I know that these issues will not be wrapped up in a single conversation, but we need to get started on resolving them.
A prime example of YOU finding an excuse to bust his balls. Just because it was the perfect time for YOU to talk doesn't mean that it is perfect for him. He is not a mind reader, how is he supposed to know that you had a "talk" planned?
YOU are the problem... YOU are the one that is starving for attention.
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Old 12-31-2012, 05:38 PM   #38
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A prime example of YOU finding an excuse to bust his balls. Just because it was the perfect time for YOU to talk doesn't mean that it is perfect for him. He is not a mind reader, how is he supposed to know that you had a "talk" planned?
YOU are the problem... YOU are the one that is starving for attention.
Okay enough!

You know what? This is a marriage and whether or not he "knows" she had a talk planned or not, he should "know" that it is rude to sit and text while watching a show and ignore your spouse! Especially if your spouse says something!

He also should "know" without being told that his children need to go to bed and should help out. They are his children after all. Would he need to be told that they need food and water?

The one thing that I can glean from all of this is NOT that she wants to bust his balls but that this poster has a lazy ass husband and you apparently endorse his behavior.
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Old 12-31-2012, 05:50 PM   #39
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Okay enough!

You know what? This is a marriage and whether or not he "knows" she had a talk planned or not, he should "know" that it is rude to sit and text while watching a show and ignore your spouse! Especially if your spouse says something!

He also should "know" without being told that his children need to go to bed and should help out. They are his children after all. Would he need to be told that they need food and water?

The one thing that I can glean from all of this is NOT that she wants to bust his balls but that this poster has a lazy ass husband and you apparently endorse his behavior.
You have no clue how men think. This guy sits down to relax, and watch some football. Here comes wifey... She wants to talk but doesn't say anything. Instead she sits down and watches the game with him. One of his boys texts him probably about the game..... And she has had it. What kind of bullshit advice are you giving this woman. I'm sorry if your vagina blinds you to the facts. The facts are clear as day. A woman who suffered from pmdd. Which means she probably has other issues like bipolar or depression issues. A bunch of little kids running around, and a husband that goes to work and provides for his family. This woman is dilusional and so are you. Every problem they have starts and ends with her. Like I said, build him up. Praise him
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Old 12-31-2012, 06:03 PM   #40
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It was Sunday, which meant football on tv. So, no real talking got done, but I did make an attempt to sit and watch the game with him. Until one of his friends started texting him, and he was more interested in that conversation than one with me. At this point, I was fed up. He couldn't understand why. So, I point blank asked him if I'd ever get a night with him to myself, with no interruptions. His response was that she just texted him out of the blue. I told him a simple, "Sorry, I'm spending time with my wife." text would have ended the conversation. At that point, I went to bed.
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You have no clue how men think. This guy sits down to relax, and watch some football. Here comes wifey... She wants to talk but doesn't say anything. Instead she sits down and watches the game with him. One of his boys texts him probably about the game..... And she has had it. What kind of bullshit advice are you giving this woman. I'm sorry if your vagina blinds you to the facts. The facts are clear as day. A woman who suffered from pmdd. Which means she probably has other issues like bipolar or depression issues. A bunch of little kids running around, and a husband that goes to work and provides for his family. This woman is dilusional and so are you. Every problem they have starts and ends with her. Like I said, build him up. Praise him
First off I'm blind? Did you not read that properly? Umm... she did say something.

Second.. I find it interesting that guys normally always have time to shoot the shit with their pals but never the time to talk with the spouses/girlfriends/significant others. Now before you say ... "Well welll talking with our pals is all about bullshit and doesn't require like actual... uh... thinkin'" If that's what you want go fuck your friends. It amazes me the guys who actually think they deserve pussy for doing nothin'.

Third...when it comes to taking care of the kids. Those are his kids too!! Does he work? Sure, but so does she! While he's at work, so is she! So guess what when he's home he needs to be pitchin' in! Let's put it this way. From 8-5 Mon through Fri barring holidays and sick days, she is on the clock and he doesn't have to do anything! But from 5:01 pm to 7:59 am Mon- Fri and 24 hrs on weekends, holidays, vacations and her sick days. Guess what? Daddy's on shared duty!!

I am all for building up your spouse (notice I say spouse!) Yes, you should praise your partner. The fact is in a marriage the two of you are a team and you need to lean on each other, work together, prop each other up and yes TALK to each other.

But this bullshit of acting like her job is to cater to his dumb ass while he sits on the couch and watches to football. Let me tell you hon. There are probably a lot of guys on this website alone who would be willing to take her off his hands!
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Old 12-31-2012, 06:15 PM   #41
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hmmm

As others have stated here, it's hard to say. Men are hard to read sometimes, and it's easy to take it personal with issues of feeling rejected with sex. Other aspects in the relationship could be affecting his desire for you...or your behavior towards him in trying to get him interested. I would go get some relationship/sex books and see if that gives you some insight. There are many that help in that situation...plus it's a hell of alot cheaper than therapy or other professional advice.
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Old 12-31-2012, 06:18 PM   #42
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First off I'm blind? Did you not read that properly? Umm... she did say something.

Second.. I find it interesting that guys normally always have time to shoot the shit with their pals but never the time to talk with the spouses/girlfriends/significant others. Now before you say ... "Well welll talking with our pals is all about bullshit and doesn't require like actual... uh... thinkin'" If that's what you want go fuck your friends. It amazes me the guys who actually think they deserve pussy for doing nothin'.

Third...when it comes to taking care of the kids. Those are his kids too!! Does he work? Sure, but so does she! While he's at work, so is she! So guess what when he's home he needs to be pitchin' in! Let's put it this way. From 8-5 Mon through Fri barring holidays and sick days, she is on the clock and he doesn't have to do anything! But from 5:01 pm to 7:59 am Mon- Fri and 24 hrs on weekends, holidays, vacations and her sick days. Guess what? Daddy's on shared duty!!

I am all for building up your spouse (notice I say spouse!) Yes, you should praise your partner. The fact is in a marriage the two of you are a team and you need to lean on each other, work together, prop each other up and yes TALK to each other.

But this bullshit of acting like her job is to cater to his dumb ass while he sits on the couch and watches to football. Let me tell you hon. There are probably a lot of guys on this website alone who would be willing to take her off his hands!
Another dilusional statement. Just because he didn't have the kids in bed while she took a ten minute shower doesn't make him a lazy ass. As a father, I would kill to be able to stay home with my kids everyday. It would be much easier and more fulfilling than going to work everyday. As a man I don't have that choice. She needs to appreciate the good fortune her husband has provided for her, and stop being a whining nagging ungrateful wife
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Old 12-31-2012, 06:23 PM   #43
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Originally Posted by blulilacgrl View Post
Okay I am going to lay this all out on the line here and will probably come off like a gigantic bitch but oh well seems about par for the course lately...

photograph.... I'm sorry but I have waded through all of these posts and I have seen some (I say some because there were a few I just shook my head at) posts with some very good advice. And you know what I noticed? To every single one you had a reason why it won't work, you can't do it or how you have already tried it.

No offense... then why are you asking for advice? If you are not going to take it, or find a way to make it work? Why ask for it?

Trust me, I know exactly where you are coming from! I have been married 20 years this June. I have 2 kids, just got my degree 2 years ago, and I have a mother-in-law who not only thought our marriage would fail but actively tried to destroy it. We have dealt with deaths, sicknesses, and the entire gamut of pressures that a marriage can endure.

And the one thing that I have learned? You cannot change him! You cannot change anybody. Ever. You can only change yourself and by doing so change his response.

So you can either take people's advice and find a way to make it work, figure out things on your own, or you can continue with things as they are.

Unless someone else can think of a 4th, those are the only 3 options I see. I wish you good luck!
As much as it sucked to read that, you are right. I went back through and read the thread, paying attention to my posts and the ones I quoted, and you're absolutely right. I only offered ways that it wouldn't work, ie excuses. You're right, I can't change him, I can only change myself, and hope he responds positively to those changes.

So, I'm going to go back through, read the responses again, and figure out a way to incorporate some of them into my life. I'm not ready to give up, but there is no point in asking for advice if I'm just going to shoot down every suggestion given.
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Old 12-31-2012, 06:30 PM   #44
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Originally Posted by RICKM1 View Post
Another dilusional statement. Just because he didn't have the kids in bed while she took a ten minute shower doesn't make him a lazy ass. As a father, I would kill to be able to stay home with my kids everyday. It would be much easier and more fulfilling than going to work everyday. As a man I don't have that choice. She needs to appreciate the good fortune her husband has provided for her, and stop being a whining nagging ungrateful wife
I originally wasn't going to respond to you, because it would be a waste of my time.

However, it isn't a "good fortune" that he provides to me. I stay home with the kids simply because day care is too expensive. If I were to return to work, the amount of money day care, gas, and other things that go along with a job(such as wardrobe, eating out for lunch, etc.) would cost more than I would make. So, quit thinking of it as a "luxury" that I get to stay home. I enjoy being a stay at home mom, but it is not what I planned for my life.

My husband and I agreed that even though I stay home, we would have a shared responsibility with the kids. I have told him several times that I would gladly go to work for him to stay home. You know what? He's not willing to make that trade. You know why? Because he had to do it for 4 days while I was hospitalized for a severe kidney infection. For those 4 days, he stayed home with our 3 month old infant. He had to cook for himself, clean for himself, do his own laundry, and take care of her needs as well. He doesn't want to have to do it with 2 children now. He barely lasted 4 days, while I've been doing it for 5 years.
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Old 12-31-2012, 06:32 PM   #45
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RICKM1 View Post
Another dilusional statement. Just because he didn't have the kids in bed while she took a ten minute shower doesn't make him a lazy ass. As a father, I would kill to be able to stay home with my kids everyday. It would be much easier and more fulfilling than going to work everyday. As a man I don't have that choice. She needs to appreciate the good fortune her husband has provided for her, and stop being a whining nagging ungrateful wife
Spoken like a true misogynist. If you have issues, you need to go work them out!

Or ask for advice on your own thread.

Quote:
Originally Posted by photograph View Post
As much as it sucked to read that, you are right. I went back through and read the thread, paying attention to my posts and the ones I quoted, and you're absolutely right. I only offered ways that it wouldn't work, ie excuses. You're right, I can't change him, I can only change myself, and hope he responds positively to those changes.

So, I'm going to go back through, read the responses again, and figure out a way to incorporate some of them into my life. I'm not ready to give up, but there is no point in asking for advice if I'm just going to shoot down every suggestion given.
And I should apologize for being so blunt. Hubby said I was a bit bitchy. So I apologize.

If you want to talk further give me a PM. I will try to be more patient. Promise.
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Old 12-31-2012, 06:33 PM   #46
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RICKM1

Sorry dude. Maybe it's my age and I've been through the war myself and nearly had my marriage end because I was too wrapped up in my own needs and my job to see the light. Marriage is a two way street and acting like you're the king and "the wife" is somebody to do your bidding is not only antiquated, it's selfish and stupid because it will only lead to standoffs and frustrations in your marriage. Men and women both need to learn to speak each other's language and see the world from each other's eyes. I'm not perfect by a long shot and did some shit that nearly ended my own marriage and it took a good shock to help me see the light. I've been married just under 45 years and the last ten has been a lot better than the first 35 because I learned the hardway that nobody is always right in a marriage and nobody is always wrong. The OP perhaps has some issues that she needs to work on, but her hubby also has to come to grips with his job responsibilities and his home responsibilities and in any marriage, both people have to act like adults. Sorry for the soapbox but take this from a guy who admits to being an asshole a lot of times over the years, I hate to see younger people get blinded by stresses that somehow seem a lot sillier after retirement. Maybe it's the reduced hormones that come with age.
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Old 12-31-2012, 06:35 PM   #47
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blulilacgrl View Post
And I should apologize for being so blunt. Hubby said I was a bit bitchy. So I apologize.

If you want to talk further give me a PM. I will try to be more patient. Promise.
No worries about being blunt, or "bitchy." I'm an adult, I should be able to handle criticism without falling to pieces. I didn't think it was that terrible, more people should be that honest. Sometimes, it's what people really need to hear.
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Old 01-01-2013, 02:00 AM   #48
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Originally Posted by photograph View Post
This is a wonderful insight, one I had not considered yet. You are correct, even when I don't feel like giving any more, that I'm completely done, I continue to do so, because I feel as if it is my duty, and that maybe one day, it will be returned. That is rarely the case.

I do need to learn to talk to him, and not so he'll just listen to what I'm saying, but actually hear the meaning in my words. Thank you for this.
I'm happy that I could help. And seriously, you can get the books for free on like, the Pirate Bay. You don't even have to spend money to get them.

Not that I'm at all suggesting the illegal download/sharing of copyrighted material. I mean, who does that?!

But seriously, get the books!

Quote:
Originally Posted by photograph View Post
As much as it sucked to read that, you are right. I went back through and read the thread, paying attention to my posts and the ones I quoted, and you're absolutely right. I only offered ways that it wouldn't work, ie excuses. You're right, I can't change him, I can only change myself, and hope he responds positively to those changes.

So, I'm going to go back through, read the responses again, and figure out a way to incorporate some of them into my life. I'm not ready to give up, but there is no point in asking for advice if I'm just going to shoot down every suggestion given.
Damn straight, girl! You can do it!

Quote:
Originally Posted by RICKM1 View Post
Another dilusional statement. Just because he didn't have the kids in bed while she took a ten minute shower doesn't make him a lazy ass. As a father, I would kill to be able to stay home with my kids everyday. It would be much easier and more fulfilling than going to work everyday. As a man I don't have that choice. She needs to appreciate the good fortune her husband has provided for her, and stop being a whining nagging ungrateful wife
Wow dude, you try extra hard hard to be a misogynist asshole, don't you? It shows. Subtly is key if you want to be a GOOD douchebag!

Maybe you should bitch softer so you're not such an Obvious Troll.

Or Lurk Moar. That always works. You need some time to polish those douchebag skills, they're seriously rusty.

Oooh, I see what your problem is!

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost...3&postcount=97

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost...6&postcount=53

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost...0&postcount=38

Hey, pencildick. Perhaps your (pretend) submissive and awesome perfect wife would actually let you put your short, skinny cock inside her (imaginary vagina) if you weren't such an insufferable prick occasionally?

Eh? Ever consider that Sparky?
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Last edited by satindesire : 01-01-2013 at 02:10 AM.
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Old 01-01-2013, 03:02 AM   #49
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lmao Satin,
thats one of the best smackdowns i've seen, Bravo

encore encore

still lmfao
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Old 01-01-2013, 03:09 AM   #50
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I think the word misogynist gets thrown around way too much in these parts, but in this case it's definitely apt. Nice work Satindesire.
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