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Old 12-29-2012, 11:04 PM   #1
bigbritish
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Afraid of unsafe sex (sex=commitment)

In some ways, I don't know that I'm very compromising on this, but saying it anyway at least let's me figure it out. I've been in situations where I guess I didn't have a condom and then turned down sex... at least twice but maybe more. I took up the advice after that to always carry which works pretty decent.

Beyond that, hell I just don't have much confidence in most of the people I meet. I'd like to say the circumstances change things, but maybe they don't. Meeting someone at a bar vs. through an activity makes a huge difference for impressions, but it probably doesn't change where that person has been before. Also, it's more than that, I'm getting older (mid-twenties) and gosh I really don't want strings attached. So safe sex for me is more than just physical is the connection I think I'm drawing...

I probably sounds way too choosy about this. In some ways, I'd rather pay a monetary price for a relationship than answer to the emotional whims of a partner. Can someone help me figure out the ropes of this? I just had a really bad relationship and it's probably in good health that I play the field but I really don't want to involve myself in the mess of another relationship and I also don't want to come off mechanical and cold. Maybe there's another way to think about a relationship that I haven't experienced yet?

Thanks in advance
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Old 12-29-2012, 11:11 PM   #2
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Use a condom.

Every time.

Not 100 % safe but lots safer than nothing!

You do Not know where the other person was or who or how many people they have had sex with.

All you think you know is what the choose to tell you...or not.

Take a minute and make up three completely different stories about YOUR sex life.

They can do the same thing.

It's your life you are putting on the line.
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They ignore God and deify man.


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Old 12-29-2012, 11:12 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by bigbritish View Post
In some ways, I don't know that I'm very compromising on this, but saying it anyway at least let's me figure it out. I've been in situations where I guess I didn't have a condom and then turned down sex... at least twice but maybe more. I took up the advice after that to always carry which works pretty decent.

Beyond that, hell I just don't have much confidence in most of the people I meet. I'd like to say the circumstances change things, but maybe they don't. Meeting someone at a bar vs. through an activity makes a huge difference for impressions, but it probably doesn't change where that person has been before. Also, it's more than that, I'm getting older (mid-twenties) and gosh I really don't want strings attached. So safe sex for me is more than just physical is the connection I think I'm drawing...

I probably sounds way too choosy about this. In some ways, I'd rather pay a monetary price for a relationship than answer to the emotional whims of a partner. Can someone help me figure out the ropes of this? I just had a really bad relationship and it's probably in good health that I play the field but I really don't want to involve myself in the mess of another relationship and I also don't want to come off mechanical and cold. Maybe there's another way to think about a relationship that I haven't experienced yet?

Thanks in advance

I am also a no condom no sex person or at least nothing that involves bodily fluids, I am fine with hands, clothes on, whatever. I also need more than physical to connect, don't need to be in love but I do have to like and trust the other person.

There is no reason you need to be in another relationship beyond that of friendship just to have sex, but you do need to be open and honest about it and your expectations. Personally I hate the serial monogamy way the world has become, people get paired off and exclusive way to fast to the point that often its meaningless.

Have fun, make friends, offer sex if you wish with those you are comfortable with.
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I did feel like Icarus-Byron in Exile

"You gave him a gift that so many people can only dream of experiencing, and he gave you one, too. You invigorated and soothed him; you helped him find his music again. You deserved more time, but I am so happy that the time you spent together was so joyful and special and full of laughter. You gave him bwankets and I could see his tail wag. He felt you, and he took you with him everywhere. I think he took part of you with him to wherever he is now. That's part of why it hurts so much." Phelia on Byron to me.
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Old 12-29-2012, 11:21 PM   #4
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Thanks! I feel much better about things this way, it's so good to not be closed up about sex but at the same time not feel forced or compelled into it. And yea, you kinda need something there. I had sex with a girl a month or two back and it was terrible b/c she thought I didn't care at all. I was just busy, darnit. Besides that, she was getting over a relationship (unless she lied!) and I wasn't looking for one. She was younger, so I think she didn't know what to make of it and we never even talked about the experience. It felt terrible, I would never want to leave someone feeling like that. She chided I probably didn't even know her name...
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Old 12-29-2012, 11:25 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fgarvb1 View Post
Use a condom.

Every time.

Not 100 % safe but lots safer than nothing!

You do Not know where the other person was or who or how many people they have had sex with.

All you think you know is what the choose to tell you...or not.

Take a minute and make up three completely different stories about YOUR sex life.

They can do the same thing.

It's your life you are putting on the line.
Not only that, people tell themselves lies.

I have a friend who only had 3 lovers or so they would say, but they neglected to mention the groupies they had when drugged out of their mind on the road.
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5th of Tamuz

Byron's Wake and Super Cool Threads.

I did feel like Icarus-Byron in Exile

"You gave him a gift that so many people can only dream of experiencing, and he gave you one, too. You invigorated and soothed him; you helped him find his music again. You deserved more time, but I am so happy that the time you spent together was so joyful and special and full of laughter. You gave him bwankets and I could see his tail wag. He felt you, and he took you with him everywhere. I think he took part of you with him to wherever he is now. That's part of why it hurts so much." Phelia on Byron to me.
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Old 12-30-2012, 12:38 AM   #6
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Quote:
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Not only that, people tell themselves lies.

I have a friend who only had 3 lovers or so they would say, but they neglected to mention the groupies they had when drugged out of their mind on the road.
Tequila makes cloths fall off and the brain forget!
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There are many systems of philosophy and political life which try to base law and all human relationships upon the nature of man. Man is made the measure of all things. All such systems, whether communism or humanism, or socialism, are doomed to fail because of one fatal flaw: they do not recognize the sinful, self-centered nature of man.
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Old 12-30-2012, 01:23 AM   #7
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hehehehehehe.......

what state do these things happen in???
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Old 12-30-2012, 01:34 AM   #8
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hehehehehehe.......

what state do these things happen in???
Texas mainly or so I am told, I don't alcohol.
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5th of Tamuz

Byron's Wake and Super Cool Threads.

I did feel like Icarus-Byron in Exile

"You gave him a gift that so many people can only dream of experiencing, and he gave you one, too. You invigorated and soothed him; you helped him find his music again. You deserved more time, but I am so happy that the time you spent together was so joyful and special and full of laughter. You gave him bwankets and I could see his tail wag. He felt you, and he took you with him everywhere. I think he took part of you with him to wherever he is now. That's part of why it hurts so much." Phelia on Byron to me.
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Old 12-30-2012, 01:35 AM   #9
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Always insist on a condom! I'm not an expert on this, but I have met a guy that I met on here. He is a great guy and I still chat with him. I would meet him again if my job did not move me away. We both enjoyed each others body, but we both wore condoms. Like other said, a condom is not 100 percent save, but it is better than no protection at all.
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Old 12-30-2012, 01:41 AM   #10
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DON'T have unprotected sex.
....Because you'll get clamidia, ..... and DIE.
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Old 12-30-2012, 01:42 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Noor View Post
Texas mainly or so I am told, I don't alcohol.
Hey, I represent texas, on this here forum. But it is true...
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Old 12-30-2012, 03:10 AM   #12
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DON'T have unprotected sex.
....Because you'll get clamidia, ..... and DIE.
Not sure Chlamydia can kill you... but yeah, what she said...
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5th of Tamuz

Byron's Wake and Super Cool Threads.

I did feel like Icarus-Byron in Exile

"You gave him a gift that so many people can only dream of experiencing, and he gave you one, too. You invigorated and soothed him; you helped him find his music again. You deserved more time, but I am so happy that the time you spent together was so joyful and special and full of laughter. You gave him bwankets and I could see his tail wag. He felt you, and he took you with him everywhere. I think he took part of you with him to wherever he is now. That's part of why it hurts so much." Phelia on Byron to me.
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Old 12-30-2012, 03:11 AM   #13
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Hey, I represent texas, on this here forum. But it is true...
I still have stuff in Texas...
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5th of Tamuz

Byron's Wake and Super Cool Threads.

I did feel like Icarus-Byron in Exile

"You gave him a gift that so many people can only dream of experiencing, and he gave you one, too. You invigorated and soothed him; you helped him find his music again. You deserved more time, but I am so happy that the time you spent together was so joyful and special and full of laughter. You gave him bwankets and I could see his tail wag. He felt you, and he took you with him everywhere. I think he took part of you with him to wherever he is now. That's part of why it hurts so much." Phelia on Byron to me.
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Old 12-30-2012, 04:02 AM   #14
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Not sure Chlamydia can kill you... but yeah, what she said...
I'm pretty sure she was kidding. On another note, I'm a huge Adventure Time fan!

So back to the topic at hand.

If you want to have sex but don't want relationships, pay for it. That's the ONLY way you absolutely KNOW you can have sex without ANY strings period.

If you can't bring yourself to do that, then you'll have to settle for less sex and more effort. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but if you're feeling sexually lazy (no offense) then don't pussyfoot around.

There's nothing wrong with being single for a while. You don't HAVE to sleep around "for your health" because there's no proof that having sex with a bunch of people will make you magically feel better about your breakup/bad relationship. Real talk time: If you REALLY want to feel better, instead of putting a sex-band-aid on your emotional boo-boo, pick yourself by your bootstraps and get yourself some therapy and sort yourself out with a professional. THAT will help you better in the long run than fucking a random.
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Old 12-30-2012, 04:05 AM   #15
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I'm pretty sure she was kidding. On another note, I'm a huge Adventure Time fan!
She probably was, I tend to be incredibly literal.

Really, that is cool!
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5th of Tamuz

Byron's Wake and Super Cool Threads.

I did feel like Icarus-Byron in Exile

"You gave him a gift that so many people can only dream of experiencing, and he gave you one, too. You invigorated and soothed him; you helped him find his music again. You deserved more time, but I am so happy that the time you spent together was so joyful and special and full of laughter. You gave him bwankets and I could see his tail wag. He felt you, and he took you with him everywhere. I think he took part of you with him to wherever he is now. That's part of why it hurts so much." Phelia on Byron to me.
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Old 12-30-2012, 04:09 AM   #16
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She probably was, I tend to be incredibly literal.

Really, that is cool!
I have an extreeeemely literal mind, too, to a fault sometimes. It got me into a lot of trouble back in my new-to-online-interaction years and it took me a fat minute to hone my "just joshing" instincts.

This is one of those times where my "joke-dar" is beeping.
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Old 12-30-2012, 04:12 AM   #17
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It's a quote from mean girls (The movie).
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Old 12-30-2012, 04:13 AM   #18
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I'm pretty sure she was kidding. On another note, I'm a huge Adventure Time fan!

So back to the topic at hand.

If you want to have sex but don't want relationships, pay for it. That's the ONLY way you absolutely KNOW you can have sex without ANY strings period.

If you can't bring yourself to do that, then you'll have to settle for less sex and more effort. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but if you're feeling sexually lazy (no offense) then don't pussyfoot around.

There's nothing wrong with being single for a while. You don't HAVE to sleep around "for your health" because there's no proof that having sex with a bunch of people will make you magically feel better about your breakup/bad relationship. Real talk time: If you REALLY want to feel better, instead of putting a sex-band-aid on your emotional boo-boo, pick yourself by your bootstraps and get yourself some therapy and sort yourself out with a professional. THAT will help you better in the long run than fucking a random.
I'm only a fan because my name is Marceline.
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Old 12-30-2012, 04:20 AM   #19
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I'm only a fan because my name is Marceline.
If you ever watched the "Fiona and Cake" episode, you'd be a real fan. *sage nod*
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Old 12-30-2012, 04:52 AM   #20
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If you ever watched the "Fiona and Cake" episode, you'd be a real fan. *sage nod*
Well I kinda am a HUGE fan, Its just my name that got me interested. And it's Fionna not Fiona. (Marshall lee's so hot )
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Old 12-30-2012, 05:03 AM   #21
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Well I kinda am a HUGE fan, Its just my name that got me interested. And it's Fionna not Fiona. (Marshall lee's so hot )
It's three in the morning and my kids haven't let me sleep in over twenty four hours...so you can't really expect my spelling to be perfect.
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Old 12-30-2012, 01:13 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by satindesire View Post
I'm pretty sure she was kidding. On another note, I'm a huge Adventure Time fan!

So back to the topic at hand.

If you want to have sex but don't want relationships, pay for it. That's the ONLY way you absolutely KNOW you can have sex without ANY strings period.

If you can't bring yourself to do that, then you'll have to settle for less sex and more effort. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but if you're feeling sexually lazy (no offense) then don't pussyfoot around.

There's nothing wrong with being single for a while. You don't HAVE to sleep around "for your health" because there's no proof that having sex with a bunch of people will make you magically feel better about your breakup/bad relationship. Real talk time: If you REALLY want to feel better, instead of putting a sex-band-aid on your emotional boo-boo, pick yourself by your bootstraps and get yourself some therapy and sort yourself out with a professional. THAT will help you better in the long run than fucking a random.
Oh wow, no no you have the wrong idea or -- yuck, no!

Oh man no you've got it all wrong, my emotions are in working order, it's my sex organ's health i'm concerned about, it needs to walk around the block just like a dog has to get out and strut around.

True, i'm just flirting with the topic, there's no real impediment, i'm also really busy with work which is good.

You also seem to have a wrong thinking about "paying" because money usually has a role anyway. i think what im trying to indicate is that im angling for a life where a lot of it is work, and yes i am just a little scared about emotional attachment. but i just want to make sure its clear that models are high-end prostitutes.

ok, there my therapy for the day has been achieved, thanks!
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Old 12-30-2012, 05:58 PM   #23
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She probably was, I tend to be incredibly literal.

Really, that is cool!
Computer says no.
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Old 12-30-2012, 07:13 PM   #24
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Oh wow, no no you have the wrong idea or -- yuck, no!

Oh man no you've got it all wrong, my emotions are in working order, it's my sex organ's health i'm concerned about, it needs to walk around the block just like a dog has to get out and strut around.

True, i'm just flirting with the topic, there's no real impediment, i'm also really busy with work which is good.

You also seem to have a wrong thinking about "paying" because money usually has a role anyway. i think what im trying to indicate is that im angling for a life where a lot of it is work, and yes i am just a little scared about emotional attachment. but i just want to make sure its clear that models are high-end prostitutes.

ok, there my therapy for the day has been achieved, thanks!
No, models are not high end prostitutes. I don't know where that came from or why you said that, but that's offensive.

Anyway, like I said, your sexual health doesn't need a "working out" with random people. If you're just itching to get laid, say so and don't put spin on it like you're wanting to get laid "for your health". Your "health" has nothing to do with it.
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Old 12-30-2012, 07:46 PM   #25
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No, models are not high end prostitutes. I don't know where that came from or why you said that, but that's offensive.

Anyway, like I said, your sexual health doesn't need a "working out" with random people. If you're just itching to get laid, say so and don't put spin on it like you're wanting to get laid "for your health". Your "health" has nothing to do with it.
you make me uncomfortable. i'm not itching to get laid, do you put words in your partners' mouth like this? please don't comment, i'm really not that interested

edit: to be fair it sounds like you were the one that raised paying for sex in the first place? i'm not really sure but i don't appreciate being villianized in a way i think is just an attempt at some form of emasculation. again i could try to comment more but you really just don't make me comfortable so please -- i'm not interested.

Last edited by bigbritish : 12-30-2012 at 07:58 PM.
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