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12-06-2012, 09:49 PM
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#1
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Literotica Guru
LaRascasse is offline
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: World of Midnight and Broken Dreams
Posts: 757
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Things you NEVER want to hear while having sex
The title says it all. Have fun. I'll get us started.
"I hope you don't have AIDS. I don't want to catch it again."
Or the classic
"Honey! I'm home."
__________________
My stories in case you are interested. Offbeat, unconventional and just a bit dark. Just a bit, I swear 
In the midst of hate, I found there was, within me, an invincible love.
In the midst of tears, I found there was, within me, an invincible smile.
In the midst of chaos, I found there was, within me, an invincible calm.
I realized, through it all, that…
In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.
-Albert Camus
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12-06-2012, 10:00 PM
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#2
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Literotica Guru
sr71plt is offline
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Mid-Atlantic, USA
Posts: 27,066
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"Harold? I thought you said your name was Carol!"
__________________
 "I don;t spend time checking on what other people are doing, I just worry about my own shit."
--Lovecraft68
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12-06-2012, 10:47 PM
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#3
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Licker of Boxes
Boxlicker101 is offline
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: With my face buried in her pussy
Posts: 20,652
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I hope I get my HIV test results back from the clinic today.
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12-06-2012, 10:50 PM
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#4
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Glowing Smurf Incubator
Dual_Triode is offline
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S. Midwest
Posts: 3,981
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"Is it in yet?"
__________________
I thought I was confused, but now I'm not sure...
It is better to understand little than to misunderstand many things.
If you could give up tricks and cleverness, that would be the cleverest trick!
Dual_Triode's Submissions
AH Directory Entry
In case my avatar doesn't explain my screen name, a dual triode is a kind of vacuum tube.
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12-06-2012, 10:51 PM
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#5
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Loves Spam
MarcelineTheVampireQueen is offline
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,343
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So can we discuss our wedding plans?
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12-06-2012, 10:59 PM
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#6
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Really Experienced
YDB95 is offline
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: A seaside loft in my wild imagination
Posts: 294
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"I wish we were making a baby."
My ex said that to me once - she was out of work, and I was a grad student living on a stipend. Just...no!
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12-06-2012, 11:57 PM
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#7
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Literotica Guru
McKenna is offline
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: In my head, mostly.
Posts: 15,602
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Are you done yet?
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12-07-2012, 12:01 AM
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#8
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Good little witch.
glynndah is offline
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Floating around in my sparkly bubble
Posts: 23,539
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__________________
"When did I go from the good little witch to the not good enough for you little witch?"
"If you could read my mind, love, what a tale my thoughts could tell."
"A picture may be worth a thousand words, but sometimes just a few carefully chosen words can inspire thousands of pictures."
"My! People come and go so quickly here!"
“Technically, a witch is always a lady, except when circumstances dictate otherwise.”
"A  from a good witch brings a week of good luck!"
My stories
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12-07-2012, 12:01 AM
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#9
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Literotica Guru
sr71plt is offline
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Mid-Atlantic, USA
Posts: 27,066
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"Are you sure that's how your pit bull smiles?"
__________________
"I don;t spend time checking on what other people are doing, I just worry about my own shit."
--Lovecraft68
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12-07-2012, 12:24 AM
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#10
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Still walking
Cruel2BKind is offline
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 2,538
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'I have to poop'
__________________
http://www.literotica.com/stories/me...ge=submissions
These be my stories, if you be interested!
Most are gay male, though I have two that are straight, and one that is a How to.
I tend to go for the darker stuff... But people seem to like it okay!
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12-07-2012, 12:33 AM
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#11
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Wutchu talkin bout Willis
TE999 is offline
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Sitcom Land
Posts: 29,782
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"They pop open sometimes. Don't worry about it."
__________________
I used to be disgusted, now I'm just amused.
Never be led astray into the paths of virtue.
Artists are misunderstood. Not by people, but by themselves.
Life is but active anguish in a context of flux.
"Popularity is not whether people like you, it's how many people would like you to like them." Anon.
"Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company." Mark Twain (Samuel L. Clemens)
"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret." Ambrose Bierce
"When my ugly ol' car won't climb the hill, I'll write a suicide note on a hundred dollar bill." 'Heavy Fuel' Dire Straits
"I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints, the sinners are much more fun ..." 'Only the Good Die Young' Billy Joel
TE's stories: http://www.literotica.com/stories/me...ge=submissions
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12-07-2012, 12:34 AM
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#12
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Literotica Guru
sr71plt is offline
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Mid-Atlantic, USA
Posts: 27,066
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"I know you said you take your mother everywhere you go, but . . ."
__________________
"I don;t spend time checking on what other people are doing, I just worry about my own shit."
--Lovecraft68
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12-07-2012, 12:39 AM
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#13
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Experienced
Kikoro is offline
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 87
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This applies to just about anything, not just sex...
"Here, hold my beer. Watch this!"
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12-07-2012, 12:42 AM
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#14
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eric.holder@usdoj.gov
loquere is offline
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Compassionate America
Posts: 5,473
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What's your name again?
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12-07-2012, 12:42 AM
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#15
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eric.holder@usdoj.gov
loquere is offline
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Compassionate America
Posts: 5,473
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Are you in yet?
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12-07-2012, 12:44 AM
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#16
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eric.holder@usdoj.gov
loquere is offline
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Compassionate America
Posts: 5,473
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No, I really need to get the phone it's my doctor, with the results.
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12-07-2012, 01:07 AM
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#17
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eric.holder@usdoj.gov
loquere is offline
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Compassionate America
Posts: 5,473
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Honey I was born a man
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12-07-2012, 01:08 AM
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#18
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eric.holder@usdoj.gov
loquere is offline
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Compassionate America
Posts: 5,473
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I'm having a heart attack
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12-07-2012, 01:13 AM
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#19
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eric.holder@usdoj.gov
loquere is offline
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Compassionate America
Posts: 5,473
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I couldn't find the KY. I used peanut butter instead. Wait, whys your face swelling up.
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12-07-2012, 02:18 AM
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#20
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Literotica Guru
HeyAll is offline
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: California
Posts: 2,290
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"You realize this isn't free right?"
__________________
Sex Toys- A younger brother finds his sister's naughty collection.
Can I Watch?- Mom enjoys seeing her son masturbate.
Your Heart's Desire- A college student falls for her professor. (Lesbian)
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12-07-2012, 02:57 AM
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#21
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Wutchu talkin bout Willis
TE999 is offline
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Sitcom Land
Posts: 29,782
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"That's my brother, just ignore him."
__________________
I used to be disgusted, now I'm just amused.
Never be led astray into the paths of virtue.
Artists are misunderstood. Not by people, but by themselves.
Life is but active anguish in a context of flux.
"Popularity is not whether people like you, it's how many people would like you to like them." Anon.
"Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company." Mark Twain (Samuel L. Clemens)
"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret." Ambrose Bierce
"When my ugly ol' car won't climb the hill, I'll write a suicide note on a hundred dollar bill." 'Heavy Fuel' Dire Straits
"I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints, the sinners are much more fun ..." 'Only the Good Die Young' Billy Joel
TE's stories: http://www.literotica.com/stories/me...ge=submissions
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12-07-2012, 03:05 AM
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#22
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Virgin
redhot_363236 is offline
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Iowa
Posts: 10
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Oh no, that's not a strap on
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12-07-2012, 04:23 AM
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#23
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Mallory Heart Surgeon.
Bramblethorn is offline
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,314
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"By the way, I'm a violent transphobe." (Or homophobe.)
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12-07-2012, 05:28 AM
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#24
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Really Experienced
MSTarot is offline
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: southern us
Posts: 295
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"Eighteen?" Giggle "Who said I was eighteen?"
Also the above phrase followed with the ratchet sound of a pump shotgun being worked.
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12-07-2012, 06:15 AM
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#25
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Satan's Little Helper.
lovecraft68 is offline
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Closer than you think.
Posts: 11,720
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Wow, you're tighter than my mom
Or
You're not as big as my daddy
__________________
If God was truly our father....
Then DCYF would have stepped in and taken us away from him by now.
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