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Old 12-01-2012, 11:44 PM   #1
PandoraGlitters
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December Form Challenge: Haiku

Perhaps this is an obvious attempt to lure 1201 into a form thread. Perhaps not. In any case, please leave your haiku assumptions at the door as you prepare for this challenge. It is not about having a perfect 17 syllables. It is about having a winter poem that paints a small picture and has a hinge between the second and third line. The third line should somehow frame the previous two lines of the poem. The scene should be related to Winter (granted not every person who contributes to this forum is in the Winter season, so any season would be acceptable I suppose). Some critics of the Westernized haiku argue that we focus too much on syllable count and not on other aspects of the form.

In order to address this, I urge contributors to
  • have a maximum of 17 syllables
  • create three lines that paint a picture for the reader
  • let the third line frame or reflect on the previous two lines
  • have fun with this

So there ya go. Make as many as you want. Go for it. Full steam ahead.
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Old 12-02-2012, 01:07 AM   #2
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first attempt

Breath in branches

Winter hones branches,
demands honesty;our words
made visible rise.
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Old 12-02-2012, 05:10 AM   #3
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Before I post a haiku, western haikus are not haikus for the simple reason they aren't composed using Japanese script, which is why they always seem insubstantial and unfinished. Japanese haikus have an internal cross referencing, a sort of puzzle between what is said and the symbols used. My daughter studies Japanese and said, western haikus are like having the skeleton of a voluptuous model and having to imagine her, while Japanese haikus in Japanese script are the voluptuous model, flesh, breathing and all.

A crow
unfolds into flight
night falls
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Old 12-02-2012, 05:16 AM   #4
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a small step
between here and there
endless road
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Old 12-02-2012, 06:54 AM   #5
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pallor of ice on
blades anxious and desolate;
winter withering
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Old 12-02-2012, 09:21 AM   #6
PandoraGlitters
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Bogus, I am certain that it is better in Japanese. Nonetheless, these are lovely. Well done so far!
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Old 12-02-2012, 09:27 AM   #7
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snow bursts,
waiting fox lunges;
.....red on white
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Old 12-02-2012, 11:23 AM   #8
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snow clouds hang
tomato soup in a tin
wellies and saucepan ready
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'tender hearted...
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Old 12-02-2012, 11:52 AM   #9
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Found

Pristine forest tract,
snow-tinged dark jade totem;
.....now for a star
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Old 12-02-2012, 12:11 PM   #10
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short days and long cold nights
extended queues in shops
rolled hedgehog snores
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What strange machinery lies between her ears
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'tender hearted...

Last edited by chipbutty : 12-02-2012 at 12:16 PM.
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Old 12-02-2012, 09:52 PM   #11
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I was taught (by an oriental woman) that the first and last lines should oppose each other.
ie: hot/cold, soft/hard, sweet/sour ... the last is called a cutting line if I remember correctly.
...
Japanese winter
Beauty in every leaf falls
America sighs
...
Give thanks for cold days
Frosty drawings on still pond
Take home memories
...
vapored breath fills air
Crunching footsteps cross the field
Clear artic sky shines
..
What fun?
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Old 12-03-2012, 11:46 AM   #12
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Warm winter winds

cold sparrows circle
warm winds blow down valley low
mist over water

Last edited by KathrynMartin : 12-03-2012 at 08:49 PM.
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Old 12-03-2012, 07:20 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynMartin View Post
cold sparrows circle
as warm winds blow down valley
mist over water
..
nice ...Haiku is perhaps the best example of minimalist poetry. (IMO) I would suggest that you lose the as and add low behind valley; the opposition in the first two lines would be striking.
Respects always in my comments
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Old 12-03-2012, 08:03 PM   #14
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raven out of place
needs rest upon lavender
crashes into snow
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Old 12-04-2012, 11:37 AM   #15
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white ice on still lake
black feather falls in silence
starling flock heads south
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Old 12-04-2012, 01:05 PM   #16
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Fat old man on chimney
chestnuts roast below
did not finish fruitcake
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Old 12-04-2012, 02:28 PM   #17
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Multi-tasked iceland
Far sighted wasteland cast
Simple harmony
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Old 12-04-2012, 06:29 PM   #18
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Spring buds remember
frozen branches soon will thaw
weeping willows bloom


.
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Old 12-10-2012, 02:55 PM   #19
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'S no man's barren cold
'S no girl waits forever chaste
Raining tears melt them
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Old 12-10-2012, 04:43 PM   #20
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Fog floats building crowns
into their own sky city:
Gods' own Manhattan.
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Old 12-15-2012, 01:50 PM   #21
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laying in your arms
feeling safe and protected
regrets melt away

our bond strengthening
love, our fortification
seeds of trust planted

day by day we thrive
ardently clinging as one
beloved, evermore
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Old 12-15-2012, 09:13 PM   #22
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Soft wind drops ripe fruit
Persimmon feeds hungry deer
Hard freeze a blessing
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Old 12-16-2012, 12:50 AM   #23
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Ahh, my favorite type of poetry. I'm sure they can be made better in japanese, but we make do with what we have.
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Old 12-23-2012, 11:01 AM   #24
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Warm weather lingers,
Lilac bushes bud anew.
Tonight comes the ice.
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Old 12-27-2012, 05:23 PM   #25
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Her lips
Tickling His wrist
Love stays

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