a Woman's opinion

[rodeoclown]

Hello to all the women on Lit. I have a question about how my SO is in bed. She will roll over and ask if I am ready, as in hard, and able to go at it. No playing around, no naughty talk, just up and in.

I have asked her for some help, playing around, kissing and what not but to no avail. Is this something that happens over time? Just wondering as it seems like all she wants is a good romp in the sheets with nothing else. Am I being too girly about this?

Have a great day and thanks for the help.

[rodeoclown]

A bit more infor, we have been together for 15 years. We should be married. I have had some ED problems but keep trying. Just wondering what we should do.

[nfrrdscnnr1]

Wish my wife would do that. Maybe it's just as bad to face endless seduction that often goes nowhere.
So, the problem is that you can't get it up when she does that or quickly loses interest or what?

[Eilan]

Originally Posted by rodeoclown

Am I being too girly about this?

You ask that like being "girly" is a problem.

[MsQuote]

Originally Posted by rodeoclown

Hello to all the women on Lit. I have a question about how my SO is in bed. She will roll over and ask if I am ready, as in hard, and able to go at it. No playing around, no naughty talk, just up and in.

I have asked her for some help, playing around, kissing and what not but to no avail. Is this something that happens over time? Just wondering as it seems like all she wants is a good romp in the sheets with nothing else. Am I being too girly about this?

Have a great day and thanks for the help.

There's nothing "girly" about wanting some touching, feeling and playfulness.

When some couples who have been together for as the two of you have, they become so used to how their partners look and feel. What you might want to do is to renew the sensation of touch by giving attention to each part of the body.

I really like this series of videos (this is the first of three) of how to give a tantric massage. There is no expectation of sex, but by the end of the 20 minutes, you and your partner will definitely be in the mood for some really sensuous lovemaking ... hopefully.

Another way to put some fun into sex is to talk about fantasies and probable ideas when you're not in bed. One fantasy of mine is to have a picnic outdoors in the nude with the wind and the sun and each other caressing our skin ... and everything else that can happen afterward. It's not as if we haven't tried to do this, but we've acted it out a few times.

Let me know if any of these ideas work.

[pmann]

Originally Posted by MsQuote

There's nothing "girly" about wanting some touching, feeling and playfulness.

Absolutely correct. Not girly. Sometimes rough is great. Sometimes the opposite is great.

[NightL]

Originally Posted by rodeoclown

...She will roll over and ask if I am ready, as in hard, and able to go at it. No playing around, no naughty talk, just up and in...

Originally Posted by rodeoclown

...I have had some ED problems but keep trying. Just wondering what we should do...

Not surprised about the ED problems at all. Seems there is a lack of effective communication going on and if it is not resolved it will just get a lot worse.

MsQuote's suggestion of investigating tantric sex is very good. You both need to spark that passion up again - but it does have to come from both sides. First though, you may do some investigation yourself. Get some reading info and even look up local groups who are educating on tantric sex - they will be there. Find out some details before you approach the subject - display that you are willing to lead the way.

Rather than focussing on "I'm not getting what I need" ask yourself what you can do to improve things. How can you bring back some romance into the relationship. When was the last time you surprised your wife with a prepared special evening? The special dinner - taken her out dancing - the weekend away - provide a chance for her to feel special. Invite your wife on a date - plan the evening with care passion and love - go out and have some fun. Give her a chance to dress up and feel special - make sure you are equally groomed for the evening. Let her be proud to be seen out with you.

Is the environment where you have sex special or is it just in bed with the days clothes scattered around?

Do you have toys? Maybe you spending a little more warm up time on her might help your own ED problems. Aim to give her at least one orgasm before you have penetrative sex. Massage - vibrators - you initiate the foreplay.

Is your wife climbing into bed at night exhausted from the day's activities? What can you do to help her unwind from the day? Are you participating and contributing around the house - meals - cleaning up - helping to share the load or even doing most of the evening house chores yourself?

When was the last time you bought her flowers just on the spur of the moment.

If none of this works - get along to a sex therapist. I'm sure if you can't locate one yourself your GP can recommend one. Make an appointment for just yourself first - discuss through with the therapist your situation - educate yourself first on what you can do help improve the communication between your wife and yourself.

[GrrlFriday]

Originally Posted by NightL

Rather than focussing on "I'm not getting what I need" ask yourself what you can do to improve things. How can you bring back some romance into the relationship. When was the last time you surprised your wife with a prepared special evening? The special dinner - taken her out dancing - the weekend away - provide a chance for her to feel special. Invite your wife on a date - plan the evening with care passion and love - go out and have some fun. Give her a chance to dress up and feel special - make sure you are equally groomed for the evening. Let her be proud to be seen out with you.

Try and take this as a way you can lead by example, and gently show her what you want, if you're not confident enough that you can tell her without sounding too harsh - perhaps it will inspire her to be more romantic in turn.

Best of luck.

[KlaytonFrost]

Talk to her. She might well think that this is exactly what you want and that she's fulfilling you fantasy by offering instant sex without the foreplay. You won't know until she asks. Have you tried initiating foreplay to see how it goes down?