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Old 11-16-2012, 07:31 AM   #1
Tigerdrew73
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feedback wanted, should i submit more

I have submitted the first chapter of a story that rolled a sub and dom who meet for the first time after a long term long distance relationship. It takes place on a week long work training course and I currently have another 7 chapters written awaiting editing and submission.
Should I submit these further chapters or just share them with my close friends.
There is more to come after the 7 too I just need to get them out of my brain and on to paper as it were.
I have had a couple of comments but I'm still not sure.

The first chapter can be found here.

http://www.literotica.com/s/a-week-of-training

Any comments appreciated one way or the other, I know it won't be everyone's cup of tea but even negative comments can have a positive impact.
Regards,
Drew.
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Old 11-16-2012, 08:12 AM   #2
PennLady
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If you want to post them, post them. Remember that few people vote and even fewer comment, so that's not a good guide to interest. But if you don't post them, you won't get any feedback or comments, guaranteed.

Also, if you label this as Ch 1 of a series, some people will be annoyed if you don't post further chapters.
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Old 11-18-2012, 05:13 PM   #3
MattblackUK
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PennLady View Post
If you want to post them, post them. Remember that few people vote and even fewer comment, so that's not a good guide to interest. But if you don't post them, you won't get any feedback or comments, guaranteed.

Also, if you label this as Ch 1 of a series, some people will be annoyed if you don't post further chapters.
They would be. You have to publish the rest. Your audience demands/deserves it!
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Old 11-18-2012, 06:51 PM   #4
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Good start keep it going
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Old 11-19-2012, 03:22 AM   #5
Tigerdrew73
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I didn't title the first part chapter 1but I have now submitted part 2 as chapter 2
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Old 11-19-2012, 09:49 PM   #6
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Aside from the grammar and punctuation issues (which most people don't seem to notice or care about), I thought it was fairly well written.

That said, I think the story needs some (any) background on the characters:

Who are they?
How old are they?
What do they look like?
What are their personalities?
Is she new to this sort of thing?
How did their relationship develop?

As it is, most of the description was about the remote controlled dildos, which made it kind of geeky and impersonal.

Also, if you choose to write in first person, I think you should include more information about what the narrator is thinking\feeling. Describe his delight. Let the reader get inside his head and feel what he is feeling.
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Old 11-21-2012, 07:03 AM   #7
Tigerdrew73
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Dream operator, thanks for your comments. There are currently 7 chapters waiting for submission with one in the submission process.
I can seer where you are coming from regarding the background of the characters, but this was written for me and my subs enjoyment and she urged me to submit it. I will consider writing a prequel to give some of that missing background.
I will also take on board your point regarding the narrators feelings etc. and consider adding them into the chapters I have.
With regard to the spelling and grammar they have never been my strong suit and to remedy that I have been trying to source an editor for the last month ish but to no avail.
You wouldn't consider the position would you?
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Old 11-22-2012, 10:38 AM   #8
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chapter 2

Chapter 2 is now approved and available for you critique.

http://www.literotica.com/s/a-week-of-training-ch-02
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Old 11-25-2012, 06:54 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigerdrew73 View Post
I didn't title the first part chapter 1but I have now submitted part 2 as chapter 2
See I made the mistake as a rookie, of labeling my submission as a "chapter 1." I wasn't expecting my submission to become the best thing on this site, but I was hoping to find out whether or not I should now take my little base story and expand upon it. But I get where you are coming from, it's hard to tell if it is well received or not, when you don't get comments either for or against it. Good luck with your endeavors.
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Old 12-01-2012, 04:29 AM   #10
Belongs2Beth
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Smile

I hope you post them all. I am really enjoying your ideas.
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Old 12-01-2012, 05:27 PM   #11
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If there's more, the characters need to be developed in some way, especially the narrator. More description of physical appearance and a little bit of back story.

Overall, I think the concept is very clever and I like where this could be going.
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Old 12-03-2012, 08:40 AM   #12
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Chapter 3 now submitted for approval. There is some physical description of the narrator as well as some indication of his emotions. Chapter 4 will follow shortly after 3 has been approved after I have added some back story.
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Old 12-15-2012, 03:13 PM   #13
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Just to let you know chapter 3 is now available for your perusal and critique.

http://www.literotica.com/s/a-week-of-training-ch-03
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Old 12-16-2012, 02:20 AM   #14
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Tiger,

I echo dream operators comments.

who is this narrator? What's the background? Where does he work? How does he feel about meeting his sub?
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Old 01-14-2013, 05:38 AM   #15
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Part 4 now available for your perusal. Hopefully it will appease those of you looking for the back story.

http://www.literotica.com/s/a-week-of-training-ch-04
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