Go Back   Literotica Discussion Board > Main Literotica Forums > How To...

Reply
 
Thread Tools

Old 04-22-2013, 09:11 PM   #1
jays78
Literotica Guru
 
jays78 is offline
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 6,943
HT not fall in love too fast

I was married for almost 12 years. I have been single for a little bit and fell in love too quickly. Well I thought I was in love, but after a few months realized I wasn't and ended up upsetting her.

I know it's a strange question, but I have met someone else and find myself falling for her.

This time it does feel different, maybe it is love.

Well not sure what anyone can off up here, but thought I would at least throw it out there.
__________________
My pic thread

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=838041
  Reply With Quote

Old 04-22-2013, 10:56 PM   #2
silverwhisper
just this guy, you know?
 
silverwhisper's Avatar
 
silverwhisper is offline
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: in a home, of course
Posts: 10,966
honestly, i'm wondering if after years of marriage, you aren't falling into "being married" mode. 12 years of every day life can form some very powerful habits and you need to perhaps re-learn how to be around other people to whom you aren't married.

ed
__________________
"i think this line's mostly filler"--willow rosenberg, once more, with feeling, season 6, buffy the vampire slayer

exemplar of youthful snark: "does it hurt little boy? are you going to cry now? well suck it up and be a man."

psst! hey, wanna see a blog?
  Reply With Quote

Old 04-22-2013, 11:57 PM   #3
NightL
smoke'n'mirrors
 
NightL's Avatar
 
NightL is offline
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 2,142
Quote:
Originally Posted by jays78 View Post
This time it does feel different, maybe it is love.
No, it is most definitely not love. There are no maybes about love.

Then there are the differences between:
I love being with that person
I love that person
I'm SO in love with that person
What a great fuck
Damn I love myself

...anyone of those can make you feel good. So can a cold beer on a hot day.
  Reply With Quote

Old 04-23-2013, 12:16 AM   #4
pplwatching
Literotica Guru
 
pplwatching's Avatar
 
pplwatching is offline
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Sitting here beside myself
Posts: 949
The end of a marriage can create and seed some very powerful feelings. It's not uncommon to feel like a failure, to doubt your self worth, and to generally be in a funk. Along comes a woman who is interested in you, shows you that you are not only attractive but are interesting, and generally makes you feel like a million bucks. It's very easy and tempting to mistake those feelings for genuine compatibility and love.

Some folks recommend taking a year off from any kind of dating before jumping into new romantic relationships. The thinking is that in that year you get to rebuild your self esteem and learn to be an individual again, to discover who you are as a single person, before trying to figure out what you want in a new love interest.

From there I think it's necessary to be objective, and to think about love differently. Love is not about what she can do for you, or how she can make you feel. I believe that love is about discovering that she is a person who you want to do things for, to make her world a better place, and even to make sacrifices for. Ask yourself to what lengths you would go to make her smile, to make her day a little easier, and to be the man who she wants to be with. If you can't answer those questions, or the only answers that pop into your head are about how she makes you feel and what she can do for you, then you're not in love.

That's my yardstick anyway. Best of luck to you.
__________________
Don't get in the saddle unless you're ready for the ride.
  Reply With Quote

Old 04-23-2013, 02:42 AM   #5
query
Loquacious Sesquipedalian
 
query's Avatar
 
query is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: High Plains
Posts: 12,639
Quote:
Originally Posted by silverwhisper View Post
honestly, i'm wondering if after years of marriage, you aren't falling into "being married" mode. 12 years of every day life can form some very powerful habits and you need to perhaps re-learn how to be around other people to whom you aren't married.

ed
This is sage.

My divorce was final one week from the 20 year anniversy of our first date.

In midst the divorce I was talking to a friend who told me that the problem was I had not met the right girl; that his first wife ran around on him and his second wife was fantastic. Within 6 months and I still hadn't gotten around divorcing my wife he found out wife number 2 was running around him...

He is now married wife number 3...Ididn't have the heart to tell him that you don't actually have to marry everyone you fuck.

I have such a propensity towards one-itus that I feel guilty if some waitress asked me for my drink order I tell her I'm not ready for a drink just yet and then I will look frantically for her when I do want to drink because it feels disloyal to get a drink from a second waitress.

My operational plan which so far has been a rousing success is to avoid wife number 2 and go straight to wife number three in five years.

Now you might ask how such a handsome catch such as myself could avoid the snares laid by women wanting to marry me... my secret is that I only date those who are unavailable and really really unsuirable for marriage. It also helps that very few of them would be at menopause before I am eligible for Social Security.

I highly recommend getting to know some strippers.
__________________
We now return you to your regularly scheduled program, already in progress.

Last edited by query : 04-23-2013 at 02:45 AM.
  Reply With Quote

Old 04-23-2013, 05:23 AM   #6
JAMESBJOHNSON
TRAILER TRASH KING.
 
JAMESBJOHNSON's Avatar
 
JAMESBJOHNSON is offline
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: BAD SIDE OF TOWN
Posts: 46,331
God makes females beautiful and smart because every last one of them is crazier than a shithouse rat. The trick to any relationship is discovering a woman's particular craziness: Men are all sane in the same way, and women are all insane in different ways. So a guy's task is to find her craziness, sooner than later, and make a decision about whether she's worth the candle. That is, a guy's gotta know what role he's auditioning for in her lil drama.
__________________
Soft bigotry; its not what we like but its what we want.
  Reply With Quote

Old 04-23-2013, 02:54 PM   #7
Tomahawk26
Really Experienced
 
Tomahawk26 is offline
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 279
Quote:
Originally Posted by NightL View Post
Then there are the differences between:
I love being with that person
I love that person
I'm SO in love with that person
What a great fuck
Damn I love myself

...anyone of those can make you feel good. So can a cold beer on a hot day.
I see a lot of value in this.

I also think there are many depths and measures of love. I think it's possible to fall in love at first sight (yeah, I'm an artist, we're easily transported by gales of feelings), but only because there aren't many other words for it, and obviously there's a difference between that "love" and loving someone you've been with for 10 years. Basically, I don't think there's anything you can do about how fast you develop feelings and what kind of feelings they are--it's more a matter of being prudent in when/how you express them.
__________________
"I don't need drugs. I am drugs." --Salvador Dali

And, since I've been asked, yes, that's my ass over there.
  Reply With Quote

Old 04-23-2013, 04:24 PM   #8
Hoardingenergy
Really Experienced
 
Hoardingenergy's Avatar
 
Hoardingenergy is offline
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 112
When you first fall for someone your brain chemistry changes. Thus crazy in love! Its just the way we are wired. Love takes many forms, but it is very easy to confuse love with lust. It takes years to get over getting divorced. Give your self time to know yourself and heal! In the meantime enjoy yourself. But don't get remarried to soon. Be active in what makes you happy! Love always finds a way in!
  Reply With Quote

Old 04-23-2013, 04:41 PM   #9
nfrrdscnnr1
Really Experienced
 
nfrrdscnnr1 is offline
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: middle of the country
Posts: 256
first

First, learn to like and accept yourself. That, my friend, is MUCH more difficult than it sounds. Most of the time, we look to others to make us feel good about ourselves and that is a recipe for disaster and disappointment.
  Reply With Quote

Old 04-23-2013, 11:23 PM   #10
satindesire
Queen of Geeks
 
satindesire's Avatar
 
satindesire is offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: One does not simply QWOP into Mordor
Posts: 13,065
I've always been a person that falls hard and fast in love to my own detriment. I've found that in order to keep a healthy distance between myself and the other person and not fall too fast is to not spend too much time with that person, even though all I want to to is be with them 24/7.

Two dates a week, max. Anything more than that and you're asking for trouble.
__________________
Wave your Geek Flag high with The Nerd Herd!

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=756470

Are you cosmetically clueless? Do you want to learn how to look like a bombshell in the comfort of your own home? Come visit my Noble-Prize winning thread and ask your questions to The Makeup Fairy!

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=802027
  Reply With Quote

Old 04-24-2013, 01:37 AM   #11
Bramblethorn
Mallory Heart Surgeon.
 
Bramblethorn's Avatar
 
Bramblethorn is offline
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Australia (occasionally USA)
Posts: 3,177
Quote:
Originally Posted by jays78 View Post
This time it does feel different, maybe it is love.
You may find it helpful to google "new relationship energy" (aka NRE, or sometimes "the pink fluffy stupids") and see if the description matches how you're feeling.

NRE is a great feeling, but it can lead to trouble if you mistake it for other things.
__________________
New for the 2014 Halloween contest: Red Callum, Sweet Cate. Cate promises to sleep with Callum if he'll prove his courage by spending Halloween in the old crypt... how could this possibly be a bad idea? Please read and vote!

Stories: http://www.literotica.com/stories/me...ge=submissions
E-books: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/Bramblethorn
Blog: http://bramblethorn.dreamwidth.org/
Avatar pic borrowed from http://www.oglaf.com with permission.
  Reply With Quote

Old 04-24-2013, 10:56 AM   #12
GiggLeGasm
June Cleaver Wannabe
 
GiggLeGasm's Avatar
 
GiggLeGasm is offline
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Clevelandish, Ohio... A great place to live; I wouldn't want to vacation here.
Posts: 12,684
can you enjoy the company without caring if it's love?

it's ok to fall seriously in like with somebody.. sometimes "like" is a lot less complicated.
__________________
I don't swallow. I let it run down my chin in a cheap attempt to look kinky.
  Reply With Quote

Old 04-24-2013, 11:00 AM   #13
jmace1000
Really Experienced
 
jmace1000's Avatar
 
jmace1000 is offline
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 149
I think love, or at least "being in love" can be very complicated. I think slowly works more surely, generally, in relationships. If there's scope for real depth, it won't disappear by taking your time over it, I think. Just my thoughts, and all the best to you.
__________________
ďWhen you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.Ē ― Albert Einstein
  Reply With Quote

Old 04-26-2013, 10:02 PM   #14
jays78
Literotica Guru
 
jays78 is offline
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 6,943
Quote:
Originally Posted by query View Post
This is sage.

My divorce was final one week from the 20 year anniversy of our first date.

In midst the divorce I was talking to a friend who told me that the problem was I had not met the right girl; that his first wife ran around on him and his second wife was fantastic. Within 6 months and I still hadn't gotten around divorcing my wife he found out wife number 2 was running around him...

He is now married wife number 3...Ididn't have the heart to tell him that you don't actually have to marry everyone you fuck.

I have such a propensity towards one-itus that I feel guilty if some waitress asked me for my drink order I tell her I'm not ready for a drink just yet and then I will look frantically for her when I do want to drink because it feels disloyal to get a drink from a second waitress.

My operational plan which so far has been a rousing success is to avoid wife number 2 and go straight to wife number three in five years.

Now you might ask how such a handsome catch such as myself could avoid the snares laid by women wanting to marry me... my secret is that I only date those who are unavailable and really really unsuirable for marriage. It also helps that very few of them would be at menopause before I am eligible for Social Security.

I highly recommend getting to know some strippers.
Well Said. Getting to know some strippers made me laugh
__________________
My pic thread

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=838041
  Reply With Quote

Old 04-26-2013, 10:05 PM   #15
jays78
Literotica Guru
 
jays78 is offline
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 6,943
Quote:
Originally Posted by satindesire View Post
I've always been a person that falls hard and fast in love to my own detriment. I've found that in order to keep a healthy distance between myself and the other person and not fall too fast is to not spend too much time with that person, even though all I want to to is be with them 24/7.

Two dates a week, max. Anything more than that and you're asking for trouble.
Very well said. I have a hard time, trying to distance my self, while not seeming completely not interested.
__________________
My pic thread

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=838041
  Reply With Quote

Old 04-26-2013, 10:07 PM   #16
jays78
Literotica Guru
 
jays78 is offline
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 6,943
Well thank you for all of the kind words and advice. I haven't been on my own since I was 14. This is a very tough time. Luckily I have 3 great kids who I see half the week.

It's the times alone I have a hard time with. When I get interested in a woman, I go all in. I think I will try to slow it down. Maybe take a break from women. I do have 2 good hands and porn LOL
__________________
My pic thread

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=838041
  Reply With Quote

Old 04-27-2013, 04:18 AM   #17
JAMESBJOHNSON
TRAILER TRASH KING.
 
JAMESBJOHNSON's Avatar
 
JAMESBJOHNSON is offline
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: BAD SIDE OF TOWN
Posts: 46,331
What a circle jerk!

Just a reminder! People rarely stick to their plans: diet, exercise, budgets, addictions, or luv. Lust and loneliness are God's way of mocking your silly plan. Pain and inconvenience are what God thinks of your gym membership. And a broken air conditioner in August is His finger to your budget. BUDGET THIS! PALLY. CAN YOU SAY 'NEW TRANSMISSION' FOR YOUR CAR THIS CHRISTMAS?
__________________
Soft bigotry; its not what we like but its what we want.
  Reply With Quote

Old 04-27-2013, 02:33 PM   #18
Emerson40
An evening spent dancing
 
Emerson40's Avatar
 
Emerson40 is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: It's not where, but who you're with that matters
Posts: 2,309
Quote:
Originally Posted by JAMESBJOHNSON View Post
What a circle jerk!

Just a reminder! People rarely stick to their plans: diet, exercise, budgets, addictions, or luv. Lust and loneliness are God's way of mocking your silly plan. Pain and inconvenience are what God thinks of your gym membership. And a broken air conditioner in August is His finger to your budget. BUDGET THIS! PALLY. CAN YOU SAY 'NEW TRANSMISSION' FOR YOUR CAR THIS CHRISTMAS?

So, she left you did she? Wasn't completely truthful? Combination blows to the heart and the pocketbook.

Looks like you're enjoying your latest batch of Kentucky popskull though...

Perhaps you too will find some of the solace you seek in the preceding postings and not just in your cups.




Try to be relevant ol' fella.

Bitterness and self-loathing can be found in the GB. Being "provoking" instead of "thought provoking" is the norm there, so you and your extraneous posting style should fit in just fine.

Start a separate thread about the merits of saving and budgeting for A/C units and Christmas gifts. A beneficial topic sure, but not germane to the topic at hand (see thread title).

  Reply With Quote

Old 04-27-2013, 03:15 PM   #19
JAMESBJOHNSON
TRAILER TRASH KING.
 
JAMESBJOHNSON's Avatar
 
JAMESBJOHNSON is offline
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: BAD SIDE OF TOWN
Posts: 46,331
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emerson40 View Post
So, she left you did she? Wasn't completely truthful? Combination blows to the heart and the pocketbook.

Looks like you're enjoying your latest batch of Kentucky popskull though...

Perhaps you too will find some of the solace you seek in the preceding postings and not just in your cups.




Try to be relevant ol' fella.

Bitterness and self-loathing can be found in the GB. Being "provoking" instead of "thought provoking" is the norm there, so you and your extraneous posting style should fit in just fine.

Start a separate thread about the merits of saving and budgeting for A/C units and Christmas gifts. A beneficial topic sure, but not germane to the topic at hand (see thread title).

When people talk outta their ass, and try reading my mind, but I aint thinkin' what theyre sayin', then I suspect theyre blabbering about themselves.
__________________
Soft bigotry; its not what we like but its what we want.
  Reply With Quote

Old 04-27-2013, 04:33 PM   #20
Emerson40
An evening spent dancing
 
Emerson40's Avatar
 
Emerson40 is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: It's not where, but who you're with that matters
Posts: 2,309
Quote:
Originally Posted by JAMESBJOHNSON View Post
When I talk outta my ass, and try reading other people's minds, but they aint thinkin' what I'm sayin', then I suspect I'm blabbering about myself.
**FIXED**




Oh mylanta, itís true.

Folks canít learn anything.

When they think they know everything.



Last edited by Emerson40 : 04-27-2013 at 04:37 PM.
  Reply With Quote

Old 04-29-2013, 07:25 AM   #21
JAMESBJOHNSON
TRAILER TRASH KING.
 
JAMESBJOHNSON's Avatar
 
JAMESBJOHNSON is offline
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: BAD SIDE OF TOWN
Posts: 46,331
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emerson40 View Post
**FIXED**




Oh mylanta, itís true.

Folks canít learn anything.

When they think they know everything.


Folks see you for the fraud you are.
__________________
Soft bigotry; its not what we like but its what we want.
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:47 PM.

Copyright 1998-2013 Literotica Online. Literotica is a registered trademark.