HT not fall in love too fast

[jays78]

I was married for almost 12 years. I have been single for a little bit and fell in love too quickly. Well I thought I was in love, but after a few months realized I wasn't and ended up upsetting her.

I know it's a strange question, but I have met someone else and find myself falling for her.

This time it does feel different, maybe it is love.

Well not sure what anyone can off up here, but thought I would at least throw it out there.

[silverwhisper]

honestly, i'm wondering if after years of marriage, you aren't falling into "being married" mode. 12 years of every day life can form some very powerful habits and you need to perhaps re-learn how to be around other people to whom you aren't married.

ed

[NightL]

Originally Posted by jays78

This time it does feel different, maybe it is love.

No, it is most definitely not love. There are no maybes about love.

Then there are the differences between:
I love being with that person
I love that person
I'm SO in love with that person
What a great fuck
Damn I love myself

...anyone of those can make you feel good. So can a cold beer on a hot day.

[pplwatching]

The end of a marriage can create and seed some very powerful feelings. It's not uncommon to feel like a failure, to doubt your self worth, and to generally be in a funk. Along comes a woman who is interested in you, shows you that you are not only attractive but are interesting, and generally makes you feel like a million bucks. It's very easy and tempting to mistake those feelings for genuine compatibility and love.

Some folks recommend taking a year off from any kind of dating before jumping into new romantic relationships. The thinking is that in that year you get to rebuild your self esteem and learn to be an individual again, to discover who you are as a single person, before trying to figure out what you want in a new love interest.

From there I think it's necessary to be objective, and to think about love differently. Love is not about what she can do for you, or how she can make you feel. I believe that love is about discovering that she is a person who you want to do things for, to make her world a better place, and even to make sacrifices for. Ask yourself to what lengths you would go to make her smile, to make her day a little easier, and to be the man who she wants to be with. If you can't answer those questions, or the only answers that pop into your head are about how she makes you feel and what she can do for you, then you're not in love.

That's my yardstick anyway. Best of luck to you.

[query]

Originally Posted by silverwhisper

honestly, i'm wondering if after years of marriage, you aren't falling into "being married" mode. 12 years of every day life can form some very powerful habits and you need to perhaps re-learn how to be around other people to whom you aren't married.

ed

This is sage.

My divorce was final one week from the 20 year anniversy of our first date.

In midst the divorce I was talking to a friend who told me that the problem was I had not met the right girl; that his first wife ran around on him and his second wife was fantastic. Within 6 months and I still hadn't gotten around divorcing my wife he found out wife number 2 was running around him...

He is now married wife number 3...Ididn't have the heart to tell him that you don't actually have to marry everyone you fuck.

I have such a propensity towards one-itus that I feel guilty if some waitress asked me for my drink order I tell her I'm not ready for a drink just yet and then I will look frantically for her when I do want to drink because it feels disloyal to get a drink from a second waitress.

My operational plan which so far has been a rousing success is to avoid wife number 2 and go straight to wife number three in five years.

Now you might ask how such a handsome catch such as myself could avoid the snares laid by women wanting to marry me... my secret is that I only date those who are unavailable and really really unsuirable for marriage. It also helps that very few of them would be at menopause before I am eligible for Social Security.

I highly recommend getting to know some strippers.

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

God makes females beautiful and smart because every last one of them is crazier than a shithouse rat. The trick to any relationship is discovering a woman's particular craziness: Men are all sane in the same way, and women are all insane in different ways. So a guy's task is to find her craziness, sooner than later, and make a decision about whether she's worth the candle. That is, a guy's gotta know what role he's auditioning for in her lil drama.

[Tomahawk26]

Originally Posted by NightL

Then there are the differences between:
I love being with that person
I love that person
I'm SO in love with that person
What a great fuck
Damn I love myself

...anyone of those can make you feel good. So can a cold beer on a hot day.

I see a lot of value in this.

I also think there are many depths and measures of love. I think it's possible to fall in love at first sight (yeah, I'm an artist, we're easily transported by gales of feelings), but only because there aren't many other words for it, and obviously there's a difference between that "love" and loving someone you've been with for 10 years. Basically, I don't think there's anything you can do about how fast you develop feelings and what kind of feelings they are--it's more a matter of being prudent in when/how you express them.

[Hoardingenergy]

When you first fall for someone your brain chemistry changes. Thus crazy in love! Its just the way we are wired. Love takes many forms, but it is very easy to confuse love with lust. It takes years to get over getting divorced. Give your self time to know yourself and heal! In the meantime enjoy yourself. But don't get remarried to soon. Be active in what makes you happy! Love always finds a way in!

[nfrrdscnnr1]

First, learn to like and accept yourself. That, my friend, is MUCH more difficult than it sounds. Most of the time, we look to others to make us feel good about ourselves and that is a recipe for disaster and disappointment.

[satindesire]

I've always been a person that falls hard and fast in love to my own detriment. I've found that in order to keep a healthy distance between myself and the other person and not fall too fast is to not spend too much time with that person, even though all I want to to is be with them 24/7.

Two dates a week, max. Anything more than that and you're asking for trouble.

[Bramblethorn]

Originally Posted by jays78

This time it does feel different, maybe it is love.

You may find it helpful to google "new relationship energy" (aka NRE, or sometimes "the pink fluffy stupids") and see if the description matches how you're feeling.

NRE is a great feeling, but it can lead to trouble if you mistake it for other things.

[GiggLeGasm]

can you enjoy the company without caring if it's love?

it's ok to fall seriously in like with somebody.. sometimes "like" is a lot less complicated.

[jmace1000]

I think love, or at least "being in love" can be very complicated. I think slowly works more surely, generally, in relationships. If there's scope for real depth, it won't disappear by taking your time over it, I think. Just my thoughts, and all the best to you.

[jays78]

Originally Posted by query

This is sage.

My divorce was final one week from the 20 year anniversy of our first date.

In midst the divorce I was talking to a friend who told me that the problem was I had not met the right girl; that his first wife ran around on him and his second wife was fantastic. Within 6 months and I still hadn't gotten around divorcing my wife he found out wife number 2 was running around him...

He is now married wife number 3...Ididn't have the heart to tell him that you don't actually have to marry everyone you fuck.

I have such a propensity towards one-itus that I feel guilty if some waitress asked me for my drink order I tell her I'm not ready for a drink just yet and then I will look frantically for her when I do want to drink because it feels disloyal to get a drink from a second waitress.

My operational plan which so far has been a rousing success is to avoid wife number 2 and go straight to wife number three in five years.

Now you might ask how such a handsome catch such as myself could avoid the snares laid by women wanting to marry me... my secret is that I only date those who are unavailable and really really unsuirable for marriage. It also helps that very few of them would be at menopause before I am eligible for Social Security.

I highly recommend getting to know some strippers.

Well Said. Getting to know some strippers made me laugh

[jays78]

Originally Posted by satindesire

I've always been a person that falls hard and fast in love to my own detriment. I've found that in order to keep a healthy distance between myself and the other person and not fall too fast is to not spend too much time with that person, even though all I want to to is be with them 24/7.

Two dates a week, max. Anything more than that and you're asking for trouble.

Very well said. I have a hard time, trying to distance my self, while not seeming completely not interested.

[jays78]

Well thank you for all of the kind words and advice. I haven't been on my own since I was 14. This is a very tough time. Luckily I have 3 great kids who I see half the week.

It's the times alone I have a hard time with. When I get interested in a woman, I go all in. I think I will try to slow it down. Maybe take a break from women. I do have 2 good hands and porn LOL

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

What a circle jerk!

Just a reminder! People rarely stick to their plans: diet, exercise, budgets, addictions, or luv. Lust and loneliness are God's way of mocking your silly plan. Pain and inconvenience are what God thinks of your gym membership. And a broken air conditioner in August is His finger to your budget. BUDGET THIS! PALLY. CAN YOU SAY 'NEW TRANSMISSION' FOR YOUR CAR THIS CHRISTMAS?

[Emerson40]

Originally Posted by JAMESBJOHNSON

What a circle jerk!

Just a reminder! People rarely stick to their plans: diet, exercise, budgets, addictions, or luv. Lust and loneliness are God's way of mocking your silly plan. Pain and inconvenience are what God thinks of your gym membership. And a broken air conditioner in August is His finger to your budget. BUDGET THIS! PALLY. CAN YOU SAY 'NEW TRANSMISSION' FOR YOUR CAR THIS CHRISTMAS?

So, she left you did she? Wasn't completely truthful? Combination blows to the heart and the pocketbook.

Looks like you're enjoying your latest batch of Kentucky popskull though...

Perhaps you too will find some of the solace you seek in the preceding postings and not just in your cups.




Try to be relevant ol' fella.

Bitterness and self-loathing can be found in the GB. Being "provoking" instead of "thought provoking" is the norm there, so you and your extraneous posting style should fit in just fine.

Start a separate thread about the merits of saving and budgeting for A/C units and Christmas gifts. A beneficial topic sure, but not germane to the topic at hand (see thread title).

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Originally Posted by Emerson40

So, she left you did she? Wasn't completely truthful? Combination blows to the heart and the pocketbook.

Looks like you're enjoying your latest batch of Kentucky popskull though...

Perhaps you too will find some of the solace you seek in the preceding postings and not just in your cups.




Try to be relevant ol' fella.

Bitterness and self-loathing can be found in the GB. Being "provoking" instead of "thought provoking" is the norm there, so you and your extraneous posting style should fit in just fine.

Start a separate thread about the merits of saving and budgeting for A/C units and Christmas gifts. A beneficial topic sure, but not germane to the topic at hand (see thread title).

When people talk outta their ass, and try reading my mind, but I aint thinkin' what theyre sayin', then I suspect theyre blabbering about themselves.

[Emerson40]

Originally Posted by JAMESBJOHNSON

When I talk outta my ass, and try reading other people's minds, but they aint thinkin' what I'm sayin', then I suspect I'm blabbering about myself.

**FIXED**




Oh mylanta, it’s true.

Folks can’t learn anything.

When they think they know everything.

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Originally Posted by Emerson40

**FIXED**




Oh mylanta, it’s true.

Folks can’t learn anything.

When they think they know everything.

Folks see you for the fraud you are.