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Old 03-04-2013, 07:05 PM   #1
DarkLisa
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The Sexuality of Women in Their 40's and 50's

I would like to hear from others, particularly other women, about their experiences with sex in their 40's and 50's. I am 47 and almost a year ago I became a new sexual being. It has grown and grown since then. I am not sure if it's hormonal, the physical relief of my kids getting older and me not being so exhausted all the time, or what.

Usually you hear that women my age have sex drives that are declining, but mine is the opposite. I'd love to hear from other ladies about how your body and mind and libido has changed as you've gotten older.
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Old 03-04-2013, 07:25 PM   #2
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Oh, also.... I know there are probably only about 8 of us ladies in that age range who post with any regularity here on Lit, so hopefully you will all post on this thread. LOL

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Old 03-04-2013, 07:46 PM   #3
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I know that I have become more confident, more adventurous, more aware...
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Old 03-04-2013, 07:58 PM   #4
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I hope not to offend, but if I may give an older males point of view:

It is the confidence that makes a woman of any age sensually & sexually attractive. If the woman is happy with herself she shows the confidence and creates the mystic that we of the male species crave.
At least that is my own humble opinion.
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Old 03-04-2013, 08:02 PM   #5
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THIS!

This is a thread I must follow closely
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i want passion, someone who WANTS me to be inside her over and over again

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“What is passion? It is surely the becoming of a person. Are we not, for most of our lives, marking time? Most of our being is at rest, unlived. In passion, the body and the spirit seek expression outside of self. Passion is all that is other from self. Sex is only interesting when it releases passion. The more extreme and the more expressed that passion is, the more unbearable does life seem without it. It reminds us that if passion dies or is denied, we are partly dead and that soon, come what may, we will be wholly so.” - John Boorman (British motion-picture director, b.1933)
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Old 03-04-2013, 08:29 PM   #6
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I know I love being with a "seasoned" woman. Less games, know more of what they like, interested in trying things they have not experienced...
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Old 03-04-2013, 08:37 PM   #7
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You are not alone!

I am 45, and this past year or so my desire has increased exponentially. I too think it is a combo of factors. Less tired, more time for myself, etc.

The other weird thing is my orgasms are better now than they were in my 20's or even my 30's. I *finally* understand this g-spot thing! It's a totally different feeling and it's pretty darn awesome.

Sadly, after years of complaining about my lack of libido, now I am the one who is randy as a tom cat, and my husband can't keep up with me. I have never been one for using toys before, but I am considering perhaps making a discreet Web purchase very soon.
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Old 03-04-2013, 08:39 PM   #8
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Keeping my fingers crossed that when my wife enters her 40s this will happen to her.
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Old 03-04-2013, 09:06 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkLisa View Post
I would like to hear from others, particularly other women, about their experiences with sex in their 40's and 50's. I am 47 and almost a year ago I became a new sexual being. It has grown and grown since then. I am not sure if it's hormonal, the physical relief of my kids getting older and me not being so exhausted all the time, or what.

Usually you hear that women my age have sex drives that are declining, but mine is the opposite. I'd love to hear from other ladies about how your body and mind and libido has changed as you've gotten older.
DarkLisa, I'm the same as you, and I have experienced the same surge in sexuality in the last few years. I haven't figured out what to attribute it to either. I do think that I reached a point in my life where I realized "this is it"...maybe a bit of a mid-life crisis? Although I truly love my husband and my marriage, we have completely different sexual drives. I felt like I was missing out, and wanted to get it, somehow, within the constraints of my (generally very happy) life.

I did struggle for a while with all of these feelings, resisting my needs. But at some point within the last year or so I just said "fuck it". I have discussed some of this with my husband, and am working towards being more open with him about my needs. I'm not completely there yet.

My body is probably as responsive as ever, perhaps even more able to relax and enjoy the moment. I'm more able to accept my imperfections, and my brain is able to find arousal in many more places now than it did when I was younger. My libido? I think it's as strong as it ever has been (but I have had some truly expert inspiration).

I'm very much more sexually awake and also satisfied than I was five years ago.
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Old 03-04-2013, 09:06 PM   #10
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!

I've just aged out of the range you specified in your post, but perhaps my experiences will be of interest.

My 40s were a sexual doldrums. (Not that my 20s and 30s were material for the record books, for that matter. But still....) I had the demands of a busy career, as did my husband. And we were raising two children. There was never enough time, and we didn't make time for just the two of us a priority. Including time for sex. BIG mistake! Nor did we really talk about it. We couldn't get past the incompatibility of him saying "I want more sex" (which will create intimacy) and me saying "I want more intimacy" (which will lead to more sex). Plus we were both tired all the fuckin' time. We had a sex life... but by no means a great one. And I don't think either of us was happy (I know I wasn't).

Things changed in our 50s (we're the same age). In my early 50s I had an epiphany about getting older: it was now or never to do something about it. The younger kid was in college, and we had more time and privacy. I started working out regularly for the first time in a long time, and began to feel better about my body. And LOTS more sexual. We made more of a commitment to spend time together, and, through therapy, learned to talk honestly and directly to each other about what we wanted and needed. (Not just about sex.) I got my hormones tested, and found that they were pretty low. I started bioidentical hormone replacement therapy. My husband did so a couple of years after I did. For me, hormone replacement therapy brought my libido back with a roar! (But, I would hasten to add, I think it was a catalyst among many factors, not the sole factor.)

Based on a combination of factors I can identify -- taking better care of ourselves physically, including hormone replacement therapy; making time together, including time for sex, a conscious priority; becoming more adventurous and exploratory about each others' sexual interests and needs; and having fewer competing demands on our time; and really, really talking with each other -- by our mid 50s we were having the best sex of our lives! (A phenomenon that continues.)
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Old 03-04-2013, 11:02 PM   #11
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i love women in this age group, and i'm in my early 30's. i think they are some of the most sexual women there are, and it makes me want to have sex with them! nothing in my mind like giving a sexy cougar the ride of her life and then having her come back for more...sometimes it's hard to keep up with em. but fun to try!
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Old 03-04-2013, 11:10 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by InsatiableDsire
I know that I have become more confident, more adventurous, more aware...
Same. I am, at 52, more sexually inclined, charged, open-minded, curious et al... than ever before in my life. Perhaps, though, I feel this way because I rarely have sex... with a man... for real... doing actual, physical, in-person, real life touching and all. Maybe that's it. Maybe... I'm just fucking horny... I mean, c'mon... I'm into plural numbers w/o, now.
Maybe... Perhaps, it's an internal fear rising inside, telling me to get some coitus while my physical condition still allows me the ... flexibility. Kind of like my sexual biological, physical clock... It's ticking...
What I'm trying to say is, yes, my libido has increased with age. I think... some of it has to do with being comfortable in my own skin... which I suppose supports the "older women are more confident" theory. I also understand my emotions well enough to explore my sexual boundaries, or arenas, on my own terms, without making hasty decisions, or being pressured or rushed into anything by another's hurried demands... It's easier for me, now, to talk about sex, or my needs, or what I can offer, etc... to a sexual partner—that has definitely come with age...
OOh shit. Took sort of a tangent on ya-all, again... didn't I?
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Old 03-05-2013, 01:45 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pfflyerhot View Post
Same. I am, at 52, more sexually inclined, charged, open-minded, curious et al... than ever before in my life. Perhaps, though, I feel this way because I rarely have sex... with a man... for real... doing actual, physical, in-person, real life touching and all. Maybe that's it. Maybe... I'm just fucking horny... I mean, c'mon... I'm into plural numbers w/o, now.
Maybe... Perhaps, it's an internal fear rising inside, telling me to get some coitus while my physical condition still allows me the ... flexibility. Kind of like my sexual biological, physical clock... It's ticking...
What I'm trying to say is, yes, my libido has increased with age. I think... some of it has to do with being comfortable in my own skin... which I suppose supports the "older women are more confident" theory. I also understand my emotions well enough to explore my sexual boundaries, or arenas, on my own terms, without making hasty decisions, or being pressured or rushed into anything by another's hurried demands... It's easier for me, now, to talk about sex, or my needs, or what I can offer, etc... to a sexual partner—that has definitely come with age...
OOh shit. Took sort of a tangent on ya-all, again... didn't I?
Exactly WHY I think mature women are so much better! You can describe what you like and why! You can tell a love what turns you on, what makes you wet, how you like to orgasm, which positions make you cum, and, in the end, all of that also makes you know to ask what turns your lover on and it's very very satisfying for both. Thanks for sharing hon
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“What is passion? It is surely the becoming of a person. Are we not, for most of our lives, marking time? Most of our being is at rest, unlived. In passion, the body and the spirit seek expression outside of self. Passion is all that is other from self. Sex is only interesting when it releases passion. The more extreme and the more expressed that passion is, the more unbearable does life seem without it. It reminds us that if passion dies or is denied, we are partly dead and that soon, come what may, we will be wholly so.” - John Boorman (British motion-picture director, b.1933)
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Old 03-05-2013, 07:07 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkLisa View Post
I would like to hear from others, particularly other women, about their experiences with sex in their 40's and 50's. I am 47 and almost a year ago I became a new sexual being. It has grown and grown since then. I am not sure if it's hormonal, the physical relief of my kids getting older and me not being so exhausted all the time, or what.

Usually you hear that women my age have sex drives that are declining, but mine is the opposite. I'd love to hear from other ladies about how your body and mind and libido has changed as you've gotten older.
Hello DarkLisa, excuse the response again from the male side here, but I thought I would share and add to the positive notes you have already. I am 53, wife is 49 and has not been interested for many years. Even when she was it was more about production than enjoyment. I happened across an old school friend three years ago, online, and we have shared some amazing sexual thoughts, ideas and experiences, all electronic so far. She is the same age as me, and cannot get enough. She found a few years ago she was needing to do something for herself, and started to dance, felt good once fitter and now is well toned and looks less than her age my years....

She used the dancing to try the dresses, found she liked to look sexy, hubby ignores her so we play over the web. She has a few toys, watches a few videos, we share role play mail, and on e-chat we have brought each other to crashing climaxes. We share photos - she has a lovely smooth pussy, something she only did a few years ago and now wonders why she waited! For her I have now shaved myself, and I wonder why I waited!!

The key is that neither of us are in our prime but we look good for our age - I cycle a lot, she is a gym regular. We love the comfortableness we have with each other's bodies, we talk about what next, we have both tried things with or for each other that we have not done before. The only thing... she is not in the same country as me very often..... BUT, when she is, WOW!!
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Old 03-05-2013, 11:07 AM   #15
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Having recently turned 40, I am amazed at how I have evolved sexually. I could count one one had the different things that my husband of many years and I had tried up until just a year ago or so. Having spent most all of my life being as conservative as it gets, for some reason I just wanted to come out of my cocoon and live a little more. Turning 40 also seemed to add to that desire for some reason. I have been an erotica addict for many years but found myself wanting to do more and read less. Fortunately I have an ever willing mate and we are truly looking forward to what the next few layers reveal.
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Old 03-05-2013, 11:54 AM   #16
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Interesting thread indeed.
For me, I think I finally woke up sexually in my mid to late 40's. Not that sex wasn't great prior to that but I certainly wasn't as open to new things and ideas. Now I feel mature sexually. I love my life and my hub and we are having the time of our lives.

I wish I knew then what I do know now.....
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Old 03-05-2013, 11:56 AM   #17
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A quick perspective from a man in his 50s. You women in this age group have this amazing sensuality about you, perhaps from your self confidence, self awareness and years of experience. I love your knowing smiles, luscious curves, and a forthright approach that is so refreshing and appealing. Ladies, you are truly amazing!

Like I've always said, you don't get older, you get better!!

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Old 03-05-2013, 11:59 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aphroditiac View Post
Sadly, after years of complaining about my lack of libido, now I am the one who is randy as a tom cat, and my husband can't keep up with me. I have never been one for using toys before, but I am considering perhaps making a discreet Web purchase very soon.
Might you, or your husband, purchase a tonic for him? Would he be up for one of the herbal mixes for re-ignition of libido in men? I take vitrix, made by an American firm called Nutrex. Basically, it's high quality Tribulus Terrestris which in many [not all] men sparks greater production of testosterone. It's not cheap, but all the ones that are, are worse than useless. Lots of reviews of it on the net. It's just one of a kind of course. Worth considering? For myself? it makes me feel and behave 15 years younger when it comes to arousal and performance. ... I don't have shares in the company! I just very much like the idea of men delivering a very great deal of pleasure ...

Si
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Old 03-05-2013, 01:07 PM   #19
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Might you, or your husband, purchase a tonic for him? Would he be up for one of the herbal mixes for re-ignition of libido in men? I take vitrix, made by an American firm called Nutrex. Basically, it's high quality Tribulus Terrestris which in many [not all] men sparks greater production of testosterone. It's not cheap, but all the ones that are, are worse than useless. Lots of reviews of it on the net. It's just one of a kind of course. Worth considering? For myself? it makes me feel and behave 15 years younger when it comes to arousal and performance. ... I don't have shares in the company! I just very much like the idea of men delivering a very great deal of pleasure ...

Si
I'm not sure...I know he'd not be into Viagra or anything. I'm not sure how to approach it...I don't want to sound like I am bitching. It's not that he doesn't help me out in other ways or anything, but if I've come once or twice already, he seems to figure I'm done...and I'm NOT!
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Old 03-05-2013, 02:55 PM   #20
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Quote:
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I'm not sure...I know he'd not be into Viagra or anything. I'm not sure how to approach it...I don't want to sound like I am bitching. It's not that he doesn't help me out in other ways or anything, but if I've come once or twice already, he seems to figure I'm done...and I'm NOT!
I suggest you go ahead and make that discreet Web purchase... and then spring it on him when he least expects it. That'll get his attention.
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Old 03-18-2013, 02:41 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by Aphroditiac View Post
I'm not sure...I know he'd not be into Viagra or anything. I'm not sure how to approach it...I don't want to sound like I am bitching. It's not that he doesn't help me out in other ways or anything, but if I've come once or twice already, he seems to figure I'm done...and I'm NOT!
My Mrs is very, very multiple. I don't keep count, but she hits the big O at least 10 times. When she's ready, she will go after me. As she's matured, she's become more "powerful", example at about 40 we discovered she could squirt. We discovered toys she likes, and she likes it when I buy them for her; a pair of vibrators to use together, a pair of red patent leather ankle strap heels she likes to fuck. She buys stuff too, and once in a while will discover something I can wear use on her (e.g. her watch). She just keeps getting more amazing as time goes by with what she can do and the level that she can do it. I'm the one who's in danger of being left behind.
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Old 03-18-2013, 03:49 PM   #22
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Now 42 and I'm definitely wanting it more than when I was in my 20s. It really took off after I reached 30, but my husband was never really that into it.

Hopefully now that I'm separated that changes.
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Old 03-18-2013, 04:00 PM   #23
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As a 31 year old guy, I must say I find thr thoguht of a lady in her 40's is very sexy. Their experience, more freedom, and the fact that they know more about what they want and enjoy makes them even more appealing.

Sometimes the thought of a younger girl works, but on the whole, I definately enjoy and appreciate the sexiness of a lady that is older than I am.
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Old 03-18-2013, 04:18 PM   #24
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My lover is 56...3 months into this, I have yet to fuck her. Lost count of the times I've been fucked. How sweet it is.
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Old 03-18-2013, 04:25 PM   #25
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Yeah, I think a broad in her 40s is more appreciative and knows what she wants. I've always hoped that it shows for the dudes.

Personally, I would love to do a young fella. I love thinking about the stamina and hardness of it all.
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