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Old 11-05-2012, 04:44 AM   #26
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Nobody knows. I think my family is pretty open-minded about sex, but in their eyes I'm still just an innocent little kid who plays video games and watches cartoons. Twice I've had a nightmare that somebody would find out and I was forced to defend myself and my work. Then I woke up and I was like: pfew, my naughty little secret is still safe!

Sometimes I would like to ask my sister to proofread my stories, because she's not afraid to give an honest critique and she's also a writer herself (young adult stuff). But I don't know how that would change her perception of me. She thinks she knows my through and through when in fact she doesn't know me at all.

I only started writing about a year ago, but I already feel like I'm living a double life.
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Old 11-05-2012, 09:40 AM   #27
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There are precisely two people who know that I write erotica and post it on Lit. Both are distant friends from my youth who looked me up and contacted me through a social networking site. In both cases the mention of my dark secret led directly to a request that I write a story featuring that lady and myself. Sadly, in both cases fulfilling that request precipitated a fracture in the relationship--in one case because the story was too extreme for her tastes, and in the other because it struck too close to home, making further contact between us too tense.
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Old 11-05-2012, 12:44 PM   #28
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I suppose I'd want to add not so much that people don't distinguish reality from fantasy, but they can't distinguish between what I would do, and what I would do WITH THEM - which is mostly exactly nothing at all that I would want to do with them!

Strangely, in my case also red haired (women) people know/knew what I do. I've lost touch with both of them.

I have a further possibly interesting detail - I learned, just after she passed away, although I think I suspected something before, that my mother had been writing erotica under the ndp 'J' for years from maybe the Forties through to the Sixties at least. At the same time I had already being doing the same thing from around oh god maybe sporadically from the late Seventies/Eighties till now. ...Must be in the genes?? Who knows.

Personally, I regard myself as libertine and promiscuous but I'm involved in a large well-known family that I wouldn't wantonly open to any risk. And so, yes, I too am completely private about many things in my life... My mother read all of my early work and I have to say, little did I know or suspect that she was far far far more lurid and sexually explicit a writer than I was at that time.

Frankly, I have to say that I would reserve personal disclosure to others of similar or as experienced sexual histories and dare I say it, capacities. Many people think they can do this stuff for real, few can though. And I definitely don't write fantasy. I write about what I know from personal experiences.
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Old 11-05-2012, 12:55 PM   #29
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Well, no-one knows I write erotic fiction and I'm relieved to see I am not alone there.

For me, it's a private thing to share with strangers (you could lose yourself there in the contradictions) and I like the idea of melding true events and then turbo-charging it with a little embellishment for some extra zest.

If it gives pleasure to people, great.

And it's better than completing a book of sudokus.....
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Old 11-05-2012, 01:10 PM   #30
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My immediate family knows that I write fan fiction (because another member outside my immediate family told them about it), but not the fact that most of them contain sex scenes in them. Conservative and Christian all of them are.

So I'll never reveal to them that I write erotic stories.

However, my fans of my music know about my lemons in my fan fiction as I have promoted my fan fiction on my Facebook page and have added links to it on my blog's site. Anyone who reads my blog will find out what I write about. I'm actually going to modify my links page so that people will have to choose the category of links they want before they'll see the links themselves, allowing me to add links safely to my erotic stories there as well.
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Old 11-05-2012, 01:12 PM   #31
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I try to keep my erotica and mainstream writings separate--even with my publishers of each.
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Old 11-05-2012, 02:02 PM   #32
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Everyone who knows me knows that I write short fiction. Most know that I write "genre" fiction, usually action/adventure, sword and sorcery fantasy, mystery, suspense. Very few know that I write erotica, limited to my wife, her sister, both nieces, and some of the women I work with. I am in IT, long days of source code programming, or in my case, documenting already written code so others can use the programs.
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Old 11-05-2012, 04:43 PM   #33
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Originally Posted by MSTarot View Post
My mom knows I write but not what. I would tell her though.It's just never come up. Sex isn't a topic discussed with my family.
Unfortunately, my mom wasn't one I'd told about my writing. Oh she would've been proud that I'd become a published author...a dream I'd had since I was a teenager....but her proudness probably would've diminished when she found out WHAT I published. Sadly, she passed away before I could ever muster up the courage to say, "Oh by the way, mom, I write smut!"

I'm sure she knows now and she's probably rolling over in her grave.
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Old 11-05-2012, 08:44 PM   #34
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No one knows that I've written stories here, and I'm perfectly OK with that. I suspect that if my immediate family did find out they'd be surprised but they wouldn't pass too much judgement. Though some of them might have a problem with some of my subject material... or maybe not so much have a problem with it as think it's just kind of weird.

Would I ever tell them? Maybe if the circumstances were right. For now, I like having this secret to keep to myself.
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Old 11-05-2012, 10:20 PM   #35
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“In the hands of the silent, who hold the illusion of quiet normality closely to the heart, lays the greatest of social secrets. Within discretion, there is peace.”

There are a few very, very trusted people I know online who know that I dabble with writing erotica when I have some spare time and a creative spark. But no family, and no acquaintances or friends from my daily life.
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Old 11-06-2012, 09:06 PM   #36
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Nobody knows, or will know. It's something I do for myself, but sometimes it kills me when I can't share positive feedback with someone. I think eventually I may have to come clean with my S.O., but I'm not ready to cross that bridge yet, or maybe ever.
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Old 11-06-2012, 10:53 PM   #37
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Crap ... the long answer I hate to give or the short answer that doesn't reveal much? Screw it...

First, erotica is not all I write and I've been fortunate enough to see my words published in several, widely distributed, national formats. For that matter, so has some of my erotica.

Second, I'm very picky about whom I tell, for all the obvious reasons.

Third, I lost one of my readers a few years back when my wife challenged me to stop writing erotica in an effort to get me to spend more time working on my non-erotic writing. As I explained to her at the time: erotica is my writing practice. It's cheap and easy writing (for me) that doesn't "count." It's my playground where I can experiment with tense, perspective and a myriad of other writing concepts without ruining any of my "good ideas." She didn't accept any of that (and for where I was at the time in my writing - that was REALLY bad!) - and it left me in a bad spot. So I stopped writing.

I stopped writing mainstream work (fiction and non-fiction) and I stopped writing erotica. When I tried to work on something, I became resentful. I felt as if I was only doing it to please her. I began to resent this wonderful woman I married. I didn't want to resent her, so I stopped writing. I stopped trying. I didn't write anything. Instead, if the urge to write something came upon me, I'd fire up a computer game and play until it was gone. I got really good at avoiding my muse.

And I felt empty.

Eventually, I decided I had to write. Whether I'm good or not, whether I'm accepted or not - none of that mattered as much as writing did. Why do I write? Because I am writer. Writing completes me. It doesn't matter what I'm writing as much as it does that I am communicating.

I began to write again - for me. I didn't announce it to her. I didn't share any of it with her. I did it for the same reasons I masturbate - because sometimes, it just feels good to give myself an orgasm.

Then I realized I missed my blog, too. I missed the feedback and I found Lit.com. Late last year, I made the decision to join the Survivor's contest as a way to prompt me to write more.

Do I feel as if I'm "cheating" on my wife? No. She has said, "If writing porn makes you a writer of all things, then write porn, too." I half ignored the comment. She's given her tacit approval, but I've chosen not to share with her.

Here's the ironic part of this: my wife is an artist, too. A visual artist. There was a time in our life when she fell away from her art. Having kids, being a parent, life in general... all of it got in the way for her. She stopped creating and I fought hard to push her back into her artistic ways. An artist who doesn't art isn't a whole person.

I was stunned when she challenged me to stop writing erotica. Her primary reason was to challenge me to write other things. I get that. Less time writing erotica - more time writing mainstream stuff. Okay. But mixed into that argument were words like "What if someone finds out?" and "Sometimes I feel as if you're trying to send me a message in your stories."

Sigh.

I wasn't.

So, does anyone know? Yes, several of my closest, dearest friends know. Additionally, I've become friends with a few dear readers through the years. None of my family members. And sadly, that now includes my wife.

In some ways, I feel as if I've traded one hole for another hole. But this hole feels smaller and more manageable.
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Old 11-06-2012, 11:07 PM   #38
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Wow! I'm amazed at some of your responses. I've enjoyed reading all of them.

I've given this a bit more thought as to why I hold my hobby close to the vest. Partially it's because I'm new to fiction/erotica writing. It's very different from the writing I do professionally and I still have a lot to learn. Also, I'm fairly well known among industry colleagues some members of the public in my neck of the woods. Most of those people know me by name but would never be able to identify me on the street.

Many of the stories I write are based on or inspired by real-life experiences. Some are embellished and some are not. I've been blessed to have had some experiences that even I and my current lover find hard to believe. We often joke that no one would ever believe many of the times we've had together and call them fodder for good fiction.

Lovers I've had or parts of their personalities also make for some great characters, but I would never expose their identities.
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Old 11-06-2012, 11:29 PM   #39
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Originally Posted by BuckyDuckman View Post

<snip>

Third, I lost one of my readers a few years back when my wife challenged me to stop writing erotica in an effort to get me to spend more time working on my non-erotic writing. As I explained to her at the time: erotica is my writing practice. It's cheap and easy writing (for me) that doesn't "count." It's my playground where I can experiment with tense, perspective and a myriad of other writing concepts without ruining any of my "good ideas." She didn't accept any of that (and for where I was at the time in my writing - that was REALLY bad!) - and it left me in a bad spot. So I stopped writing.

I stopped writing mainstream work (fiction and non-fiction) and I stopped writing erotica. When I tried to work on something, I became resentful. I felt as if I was only doing it to please her. I began to resent this wonderful woman I married. I didn't want to resent her, so I stopped writing. I stopped trying. I didn't write anything. Instead, if the urge to write something came upon me, I'd fire up a computer game and play until it was gone. I got really good at avoiding my muse.

<snip>

Do I feel as if I'm "cheating" on my wife? No. She has said, "If writing porn makes you a writer of all things, then write porn, too." I half ignored the comment. She's given her tacit approval, but I've chosen not to share with her.

<snip>

I was stunned when she challenged me to stop writing erotica. Her primary reason was to challenge me to write other things. I get that. Less time writing erotica - more time writing mainstream stuff. Okay. But mixed into that argument were words like "What if someone finds out?" and "Sometimes I feel as if you're trying to send me a message in your stories."

<snip>
I feel bad for you that your wife not only doesn't appreciate your erotica writing but has asked you to stop.

My lover adores what I've written for him because he knows I do it from the heart. I've considered the stories he's written for me to be the most beautiful, awesome and most valuable gifts he's ever given me.
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Old 11-08-2012, 05:18 PM   #40
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Wink Secret hobby

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I wrote a blog post about Writing Erotica: The Secret Hobby. I'm still curious to know from other writers who in their live know about their writing. It's something I hold very close to the vest in my life. My family is very conservative, uptight and repressed about sex. It would definitely cause problems if they knew. I know some of my friends would be very uncomfortable with me if they knew.

Does anyone in your family and do your friends know you write erotica. If so, how did you approach them about it and what were their reactions?
The few friends that I have told have responded with a look of non-comprehension (even though I spoke clearly) and changed the subject. My partner only greets what I say on the subject with silence. I find all of this very odd since most of the people that I know have read porno at one time or another.

I did exchange some writing with a man in Austin, Texas, who displays his erotica (bad erotica, imho) on his web site. His response to my writing was that most readers don't want "War and Peace", they want fucking and sucking. I just laughed. Writing the "War and Peace" of erotica, that's my ambition.
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Old 11-08-2012, 05:21 PM   #41
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The few friends that I have told have responded with a look of non-comprehension (even though I spoke clearly) and changed the subject. My partner only greets what I say on the subject with silence. I find all of this very odd since most of the people that I know have read porno at one time or another.

I did exchange some writing with a man in Austin, Texas, who displays his erotica (bad erotica, imho) on his web site. His response to my writing was that most readers don't want "War and Peace", they want fucking and sucking. I just laughed. Writing the "War and Peace" of erotica, that's my ambition.
"War and Peace" of erotica. I wish you luck

He writes and reads "stroke pieces" and doesn't understand that erotica does have plots.
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Old 11-08-2012, 05:34 PM   #42
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Writing the "War and Peace" of erotica, that's my ambition.
I know "War and Peace" is a substitute for a lengthy work (I think few have read it or even Tolstoy at all (I have, love him to death) but I think erotica done in that fashion would be remarkable.
Its not about the length as it is the number of stories going on AND that they intertwine throughout the work.
You could have various stroke pieces tweaked ever so slightly to mesh with the overall work and come up roses.
Long form erotica is probably a lost art in this day and age. As long as you can keep it from being repetative (obviously theres only so many ways to comingle people) it would be worth the effort for sure.
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Old 11-08-2012, 06:05 PM   #43
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The few friends that I have told have responded with a look of non-comprehension (even though I spoke clearly) and changed the subject. My partner only greets what I say on the subject with silence. I find all of this very odd since most of the people that I know have read porno at one time or another.

I did exchange some writing with a man in Austin, Texas, who displays his erotica (bad erotica, imho) on his web site. His response to my writing was that most readers don't want "War and Peace", they want fucking and sucking. I just laughed. Writing the "War and Peace" of erotica, that's my ambition.
Some people want stroke pieces and that's OK. There are some people like me who really enjoy and appreciate beautifully crafted erotica.

Go for it!
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Old 11-08-2012, 08:38 PM   #44
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One of the benefits of living far away from your family for college is you can build a whole new world and system of friends. Some of my close friends in college who hang around my place frequently know. They're even good for bouncing nascent ideas off.

My family on the other hand... never in a million years. Although admittedly my mom knows I write "something" in my free time, I can always convince her it's a gadget review for my blog. That keeps her satisfied.

And this is the way it shall remain...
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Old 11-08-2012, 09:24 PM   #45
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Everybody knows except the large majority of people I work with. A few of those folks know that I've self-published a novel that I describe as "kinda racy, so I don't want to talk about it at work." I'm in one of those fields where society expects you to know nothing about sex and to never talk about it. I absolutely cannot talk about it at work.

But all my friends know. My mom knows. Good God... I was in a discussion with her about personal finances and rather than let her worry, I had to explain that I had discovered this new second source of income, and then my mom (who has always known I write as a hobby, and has always enjoyed my stuff) demanded I tell her what my book was so she could read it. Yeah. THAT was weird.

Oh. And my girlfriend finally telling her parents. Her dad, also an aspiring author, immediately said, "Good for him!" but then his wife (her step-mom) wanted to read it. Yeah. Again. Awkward.

I started erotica because I was in a slump in writing the sci-fi novel that I've been meaning to write for over 15 years. I started, I got stumped, and my girlfriend said, "Just keep writing, even if it's not the same story," and so I did. That's when I started posting stuff to Literotica, because I wanted feedback from people who weren't my friends and didn't know me personally and therefore had no personal bias. I cannot describe what a difference it has made in my life.

I don't want to write ONLY erotica, but I don't even want my erotica to be ONLY about the sex. I wrestle with how much sex to put in my writing... I wrestle with that a LOT, actually. I fret over how far I stray from being a good feminist in any given story, because that matters to me.

The fact that my friends know I write erotica is a little awkward, and it makes me blush, but... generally speaking, I'm part of a very non-judgmental subculture (geeks rule!) and I live in Seattle, which is a very open-minded city. My friends all consider me very Captain-America-ish from a moral standpoint... so I think the fact that I write smut is something they appreciate.
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Old 11-08-2012, 10:34 PM   #46
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I've written a story before (on another name) and someone from Lit that I was talking to at the time found it and commented on it. They enjoyed it, but I was positively mortified when he told me he read my story. I've been encouraged to write by some friends on here, and I have started writing...I just don't know if I could let them read it or publish it on Lit. Maybe it's too personal when someone has gotten to know me. It's one thing to talk about sex, and another to write a story about or involving sex. I really don't know how most of you do it and allow friends or family members read it!
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Old 11-09-2012, 08:50 PM   #47
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Well, my wife knows. I asked her if she was going to have a problem with it before I submitted my first story here. She's a devout Christian and I wouldn't want someone in her church finding out and then it causing trouble for her. Although, she would never resent me if it happened.
I wouldn't want her family knowing. The idea of a sister-in-law reading my stuff and thinking it's hot - cringe! And no sense in giving the in-laws ammunition.
With my family I don't think it would be that big a deal. It's never come up in conversation, but one day it will I'm sure. I'm pretty sure it will be a brief shock and then "well you'll get tired of it when no-one shows any interest in what you write."
Friends I would tell, but I haven't seen them since my last kid was born - no time to hang out with the guys for an evening when we live far apart.

Like some, I think most people who know me would never guess I was writing these naughty little stories.

This thread has been an interesting read. I was beginning to wonder if I was alone in not having told many people.
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Old 11-09-2012, 09:15 PM   #48
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who knows?

i have been writing now for several years and although i have yet to be published(to nervous to send my novel off) i find it immensly rewarding to say i write. As for who knows about my writing i am not ashamed to tell people what it is about. On saying that none of my family know what i do and im happy for that status to stay the same.
My work collegues have actually read my first novel and are impressed by it. One even said i had a hell of an imagination. All i need to do now is to get published.
I apologise for my poor spelling but its almost 2.30am and im really tired as i write this. sorry.
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Old 11-09-2012, 09:18 PM   #49
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I wrote a blog post about Writing Erotica: The Secret Hobby. I'm still curious to know from other writers who in their live know about their writing. It's something I hold very close to the vest in my life. My family is very conservative, uptight and repressed about sex. It would definitely cause problems if they knew. I know some of my friends would be very uncomfortable with me if they knew.

Does anyone in your family and do your friends know you write erotica. If so, how did you approach them about it and what were their reactions?
Well, I've just started, but I definitely don't plan on telling my family or friends. With my friends, it would just be a sort of awkward "Well...okay," and then the subject would be dropped as fast as possible.

My family...well, we're all pretty religious, but I wouldn't say we're repressed (no one in the family is under the impression that sex is evil or anything). I'm pretty sure my parents would be okay with knowing I've written sex scenes, but then this would probably happen:

Mom: "So...what kind of stories have you written?"
Me: "Well, I've only got one so far, which is about brother-sister inc-"
Mom: "It is so important to the future that you do not finish that sentence."

I have a wonderful relationship with my mother, and since I don't want to damage that relationship, I think I'll just keep this to myself.
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Old 11-10-2012, 02:36 PM   #50
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Originally Posted by sensualwhispers View Post
i have been writing now for several years and although i have yet to be published(to nervous to send my novel off) i find it immensly rewarding to say i write. As for who knows about my writing i am not ashamed to tell people what it is about. On saying that none of my family know what i do and im happy for that status to stay the same.
My work collegues have actually read my first novel and are impressed by it. One even said i had a hell of an imagination. All i need to do now is to get published.
I apologise for my poor spelling but its almost 2.30am and im really tired as i write this. sorry.
Have you looked into Smashwords to publish an eBook?

There's also a lot in this article to consider the advantages to publishing an eBook over print: 10 Reasons You Should Skip Traditional Publishers and Self-Publish Ebooks Instead.
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