 |
|
 |
| - Free Speech, No Spam! - |
|
 |
|
 |
 |
01-30-2013, 01:14 PM
|
#1
|
|
Masticatus Nipplicanis
NippleMuncher is offline
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Lost in Imfamy
Posts: 3,594
|
Mixed Mailbag
We needed a place to share fun emails, so here it is. A friend sent this to me today and it begged to be shared with my Lit brethren and sistren. 
---
Fifty Shades of Grey - A husbands view.
The missus bought a Paperback
...down town on Saturday,
I had a look inside her bag;
....T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".
Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread?..
In her left she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!
Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
.....I'm the dominater !!
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.
She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"STEP ON THE OTHER ONE!!"
Well readers, I can tell no more;
Of what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned Fifty Shades of Grey.
__________________
Boobies are like toy trains ... They are meant for kids but big boys like playing with them too!
|
|
|
|
|
01-30-2013, 01:24 PM
|
#2
|
|
Little Lion
pmann is online now
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: *points*
Posts: 5,540
|
Poetry like that makes Robert Frost look like a fucking amateur.
|
|
|
|
|
01-30-2013, 01:29 PM
|
#3
|
|
Impish Little Shit
imemkay is offline
Join Date: May 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 1,651
|
Hahaha
I think I xrayed Miss Mabel this summer. When I went to get her out of the waiting room she told me I'd have to wait because she had just gotten to "a good part".
__________________
I want to wake up where you are.
|
|
|
|
|
02-08-2013, 03:57 PM
|
#4
|
|
Fan of the HUGE :)
talikat is offline
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: This side of the grass
Posts: 7,048
|
My husband is a plumber and of friend of his sent him this and told him he needed to get this shirt. Ha!!
 |
|
|
|
|
02-22-2013, 08:44 AM
|
#5
|
|
BAMF!
JtohisPB is offline
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,276
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by talikat
My husband is a plumber and of friend of his sent him this and told him he needed to get this shirt. Ha!!
|
That shirt is hilarious!
__________________
Please don't PM me for anything other than friendship. 
|
|
|
|
|
02-22-2013, 10:45 AM
|
#6
|
|
An evening spent dancing
Emerson40 is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: It's not where, but who you're with that matters
Posts: 2,071
|
|
|
|
|
|
02-23-2013, 05:25 AM
|
#7
|
|
Fan of the HUGE :)
talikat is offline
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: This side of the grass
Posts: 7,048
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emerson40
|
Fascinating----I'm an over kind of girl |
|
|
|
|
02-24-2013, 12:22 PM
|
#8
|
|
Account Closed
SweetShal303 is offline
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,154
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by NippleMuncher
We needed a place to share fun emails, so here it is. A friend sent this to me today and it begged to be shared with my Lit brethren and sistren.
---
Fifty Shades of Grey - A husbands view.
The missus bought a Paperback
...down town on Saturday,
I had a look inside her bag;
....T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".
Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread?..
In her left she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!
Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
.....I'm the dominater !!
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.
She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"STEP ON THE OTHER ONE!!"
Well readers, I can tell no more;
Of what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned Fifty Shades of Grey. |
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ROFL
__________________
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
― Marilyn Monroe .
|
|
|
|
|
02-24-2013, 07:06 PM
|
#9
|
|
An evening spent dancing
Emerson40 is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: It's not where, but who you're with that matters
Posts: 2,071
|
|
|
|
|
|
02-24-2013, 07:38 PM
|
#10
|
|
Impish Little Shit
imemkay is offline
Join Date: May 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 1,651
|
^^^^ and suddenly NippleMuncher starts thinking about moving. I'd recommend Maine. New England is lovely.
__________________
I want to wake up where you are.
|
|
|
|
|
02-25-2013, 01:58 AM
|
#11
|
|
Masticatus Nipplicanis
NippleMuncher is offline
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Lost in Imfamy
Posts: 3,594
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by imemkay
^^^^ and suddenly NippleMuncher starts thinking about moving. I'd recommend Maine. New England is lovely.
|
You're right, but wrong direction. As great as it would be to warm all those chilly nips, I don't like the cold, so Hawaii sounds like a much better place to go for ample bare bosomage.
I could be persuaded to come to your neck of the woods for a visit, however.  
__________________
Boobies are like toy trains ... They are meant for kids but big boys like playing with them too!
|
|
|
|
|
02-25-2013, 02:08 AM
|
#12
|
|
Literotica Guru
LadyVer is offline
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Ridunculous
Posts: 15,449
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by NippleMuncher
We needed a place to share fun emails, so here it is. A friend sent this to me today and it begged to be shared with my Lit brethren and sistren.
---
Fifty Shades of Grey - A husbands view.
The missus bought a Paperback
...down town on Saturday,
I had a look inside her bag;
....T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".
Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread?..
In her left she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!
Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
.....I'm the dominater !!
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.
She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"STEP ON THE OTHER ONE!!"
Well readers, I can tell no more;
Of what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned Fifty Shades of Grey. |
Love it. |
|
|
|
|
02-25-2013, 03:53 AM
|
#13
|
|
An evening spent dancing
Emerson40 is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: It's not where, but who you're with that matters
Posts: 2,071
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyVer
Love it. |
Hey look! It's LadyVer!
 |
|
|
|
|
02-25-2013, 04:42 AM
|
#14
|
|
Funny Face
Rainshine is online now
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: *points*
Posts: 9,087
|
__________________
In a sky full of stars, I think I saw you...
|
|
|
|
|
02-25-2013, 04:50 AM
|
#15
|
|
Literotica Guru
LadyVer is offline
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Ridunculous
Posts: 15,449
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emerson40
Hey look! It's LadyVer!
|
Nice pic. I should have asked you for help when I was trying to find a Minnie av. |
|
|
|
|
03-07-2013, 01:37 AM
|
#16
|
|
Masticatus Nipplicanis
NippleMuncher is offline
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Lost in Imfamy
Posts: 3,594
|
There's probably half a dozen other threads this would be more appropriate for, but it was emailed to me today, so here goes! Enjoy.
A midget from Texas was experiencing constant pain in his crotch area. The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look.
The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doctor put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia. "Hmm..." mumbled the doctor, and as he put his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again.
"Aha!" said the doctor, and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side... then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side. The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt.
The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to see if his testicles still hurt. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his testicles were no longer aching.
The doctor said, "How does that feel now?" The midget replied, "Perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it. What did you do?"
The doctor replied, "I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots."
__________________
Boobies are like toy trains ... They are meant for kids but big boys like playing with them too!
|
|
|
|
|
03-07-2013, 03:04 AM
|
#17
|
|
An evening spent dancing
Emerson40 is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: It's not where, but who you're with that matters
Posts: 2,071
|
|
|
|
|
|
03-07-2013, 04:54 PM
|
#18
|
|
Masticatus Nipplicanis
NippleMuncher is offline
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Lost in Imfamy
Posts: 3,594
|
An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband’s libido.
‘What about trying Viagra?’ asked the doctor.
‘Not a chance’, she said. ‘He won’t even take an aspirin.’
‘Not a problem,’ replied the doctor. ‘Give him an ‘Irish Viagra’. It’s when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won’t even taste it, give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went..’
It wasn’t a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress.
The poor dear exclaimed, ‘Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T’was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!’
‘Really? What happened?’ asked the doctor…
‘Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye
and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!’
‘Why so terrible?’ asked the doctor, ‘ Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn’t good?’
‘Freakin’ jaysus, ’twas the best sex I’ve had in 25 years! But sure as I’m sittin’ here, I’ll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again
__________________
Boobies are like toy trains ... They are meant for kids but big boys like playing with them too!
|
|
|
|
|
03-07-2013, 05:30 PM
|
#19
|
|
Literotica Guru
LadyVer is offline
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Ridunculous
Posts: 15,449
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by NippleMuncher
An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband’s libido.
‘What about trying Viagra?’ asked the doctor.
‘Not a chance’, she said. ‘He won’t even take an aspirin.’
‘Not a problem,’ replied the doctor. ‘Give him an ‘Irish Viagra’. It’s when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won’t even taste it, give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went..’
It wasn’t a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress.
The poor dear exclaimed, ‘Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T’was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!’
‘Really? What happened?’ asked the doctor…
‘Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye
and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!’
‘Why so terrible?’ asked the doctor, ‘ Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn’t good?’
‘Freakin’ jaysus, ’twas the best sex I’ve had in 25 years! But sure as I’m sittin’ here, I’ll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again
|
LOL  |
|
|
|
|
03-07-2013, 05:34 PM
|
#20
|
|
Literotica Guru
LadyVer is offline
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Ridunculous
Posts: 15,449
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emerson40
|
Nice flow chart. That would fit in well on a few gb threads. |
|
|
|
|
03-09-2013, 11:32 PM
|
#21
|
|
Impish Little Shit
imemkay is offline
Join Date: May 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 1,651
|
Thought NippleSMOOTHMuncher Might Appreciate..
__________________
I want to wake up where you are.
|
|
|
|
|
03-10-2013, 03:45 AM
|
#22
|
|
Masticatus Nipplicanis
NippleMuncher is offline
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Lost in Imfamy
Posts: 3,594
|
M, that's awesome! 
__________________
Boobies are like toy trains ... They are meant for kids but big boys like playing with them too!
|
|
|
|
|
03-10-2013, 03:46 PM
|
#23
|
|
Masticatus Nipplicanis
NippleMuncher is offline
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Lost in Imfamy
Posts: 3,594
|
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitch-hiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'
Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'
Man: 'What sins?'
Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'
Man: 'I'm Jewish.'
Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'
Man: 'I'm 92 years old . . . . I'm telling everybody!'
__________________
Boobies are like toy trains ... They are meant for kids but big boys like playing with them too!
|
|
|
|
|
03-12-2013, 03:57 AM
|
#24
|
|
Funny Face
Rainshine is online now
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: *points*
Posts: 9,087
|
Uhhhh
__________________
In a sky full of stars, I think I saw you...
|
|
|
|
|
03-12-2013, 04:44 AM
|
#25
|
|
smoke'n'mirrors
NightL is offline
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 2,058
|
well - that story took a turn
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rainshine
Uhhhh |
|
|
|
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
|
All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:56 AM. |
|
|
|
|
