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Old 10-04-2012, 03:29 AM   #1
Peaches_n_cream
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I don't know what I am

Been told I'm an am/switch by one of my editors. What is that?

I could really use someone who'd be interested in reading a little of my writing to see what exactly, I am...
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Old 10-04-2012, 04:13 AM   #2
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Just because you write a certain way, doesn't mean you are a certain way.

On what grounds does your 'editor' claim to be able to label your sexual identity?

I'd be pretty suspect of anyone I wasn't intimate with attempting to define me in any way, let alone my sexuality.

The question you should be asking is ' What is my understanding of switch, and do I feel like that is a mostly accurate generalisation?'

The good folks on this board who have more knowledge than me can help you understand what a switch is, but even they will be hesitant to apply a label to you or anyone else for that matter.

They,ll generally tell you to pick your own if you think it will help you.

ETA. And they'll tell you read a lot and ask a lot of questions and get first hand experience before attempting to label yourself too. Which is good solid advice.
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Old 10-04-2012, 04:27 AM   #3
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have you submitted anything here?

Give us a link if so
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Old 10-04-2012, 02:51 PM   #4
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A switch is basically someone who likes being dominant part of the time and likes being a sub part of the time. They may or may not have a preferance.
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Old 10-04-2012, 03:02 PM   #5
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I have come to identify myself as a bisexual switch. I can be many different people to others.

Who do you feel like? That is the question.


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Old 10-04-2012, 03:03 PM   #6
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A switch is more usually someone who tops some of the time and bottoms some of the time.

Switching dominant/submissive is less common.
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Old 10-04-2012, 03:33 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stella_Omega View Post
A switch is more usually someone who tops some of the time and bottoms some of the time.

Switching dominant/submissive is less common.
Yes, this. Once I figured this one out, switches started to make a lot more sense to me.

(Of course there are Dom/sub switches and those still sort of puzzles me at times, but most of them seem to be Top/bottom, like Stella said.)
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Old 10-04-2012, 06:21 PM   #8
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When you are a D/s switch it's an uphill battle for anyone to think you are really not just talking about an activity.

A lot of those people are s to one person and D to another, but sometimes with someone and just following the flow of where they're at in phases.
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Old 10-08-2012, 05:02 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Netzach View Post
When you are a D/s switch it's an uphill battle for anyone to think you are really not just talking about an activity.

A lot of those people are s to one person and D to another, but sometimes with someone and just following the flow of where they're at in phases.
thank you
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Old 10-08-2012, 08:58 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Peaches_n_cream View Post
Been told I'm an am/switch by one of my editors. What is that?

I could really use someone who'd be interested in reading a little of my writing to see what exactly, I am...
I'd be curious to know why this editor didn't think you were a paddle or a whip? Or am I missing the point? LOL
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Old 10-08-2012, 09:38 AM   #11
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lol.....i don't listen to anything that people say...especially when it comes to labeling me, thinking they know what i am in the BDSM world especially. it took me from the age of 17 up until now to try and figure out what i actually am. if a switch, or a true submissive. i am a mistress to women, a sub to men. but where my heart really lies is the question...im still trying to figure everything out.

some people know right off the bat, some it takes time to figure out what you are. be patient, it'll come to you hun... best of luck to you. muah
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Old 10-08-2012, 02:32 PM   #12
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Total thread hijack, but;
Quote:
i am a mistress to women, a sub to men.
I always wonder why women say this. Not that I think they are lying or misinformed or anything-- just-- how did you work that out?
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Old 10-08-2012, 09:13 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stella_Omega View Post
A switch is more usually someone who tops some of the time and bottoms some of the time.

Switching dominant/submissive is less common.
Not to derail or anything, but, is this true?

I guess I am surprised because 'switching' (for me) is more of a D/s ('who's the boss') thing than a top/bottom ('who does what') thing. Like, I could do the same scene, but with the power reversed, and I'd feel I have switched, even though I was bottoming all the time. But that is just me. YMMV

On topic: did I overlook, or are there links to writing we could check out?
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Also: some dark D/s, some switchy bdsm, some noncon/reluctance, more of those things but genderqueer. And some Daddy/boi play, with a happy ending for a change.

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Old 10-08-2012, 09:24 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Allyourbase View Post
Not to derail or anything, but, is this true?

I guess I am surprised because 'switching' (for me) is more of a D/s ('who's the boss') thing than a top/bottom ('who does what') thing. Like, I could do the same scene, but with the power reversed, and I'd feel I have switched, even though I was bottoming all the time. But that is just me. YMMV

On topic: did I overlook, or are there links to writing we could check out?
Well you would have switched, yeah. But I think it's either less common, or maybe less understood? At least here in the U.S of goddamn A.

And Netz kind of said the same thing you did-- and I do get a kick out of being bossed around-- for a little while, anyway... But thus far I've never met a Domme who didn't start to presume on my service, and start trying to little me, or femme me up or something equally obnoxious.

The D/s dynamics are interesting. I have one friend who is very much a submissive-- but I rely on her to take care of me, and she will tell me when to shut up, or go take a nap, or come get cuddles. Another who is submissive whom I order around, I would never expect the kind of overseer service from her. Another lady and I seem to have a really wonderful constant tension going-- always battling for dominance, not to mention-- always battling for top, that's really enjoyable for both of us. We rassle around, so to speak...
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Old 10-08-2012, 10:01 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stella_Omega View Post
Well you would have switched, yeah. But I think it's either less common, or maybe less understood? At least here in the U.S of goddamn A.

And Netz kind of said the same thing you did-- and I do get a kick out of being bossed around-- for a little while, anyway... But thus far I've never met a Domme who didn't start to presume on my service, and start trying to little me, or femme me up or something equally obnoxious.

The D/s dynamics are interesting. I have one friend who is very much a submissive-- but I rely on her to take care of me, and she will tell me when to shut up, or go take a nap, or come get cuddles. Another who is submissive whom I order around, I would never expect the kind of overseer service from her. Another lady and I seem to have a really wonderful constant tension going-- always battling for dominance, not to mention-- always battling for top, that's really enjoyable for both of us. We rassle around, so to speak...
Heh, hey, I have no idea whether the Netherlands and the USA differ in this, I got my initial education on Lit.

Oh that battle sounds hot... I know some people I'd like to battle with like that.

I think I could switch to a certain level with just about anyone, but the style differs a lot.

Where D/s is concerned, I have a harder time being the D to my partner than the s - he likes me to give him no choice, whereas I (apparently) have a softer style. *rolles eyes...* I am not mean enough! (But then, that would be correct, since I don't want to be mean, I want to be the boss.)

I'm pretty sure I couldn't take just any D trying to femme me up or expect service or whatever, though. That's sensitive stuff. My partner can do it, but that's 15 years of trust, there.

Ugh, I thought I knew what I was talking about with this 'switch' thing, but I kinda lost it again. Damn that nuance!
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I write dark stories. Like something with encountering a gang of four in a dark alleyway.

And then there's: Kinky genderqueer meets veiled beauty.

Also: some dark D/s, some switchy bdsm, some noncon/reluctance, more of those things but genderqueer. And some Daddy/boi play, with a happy ending for a change.

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Old 10-09-2012, 12:40 AM   #16
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regarding the OP...

*Wry* You're human. That's really all that matters. And you determine who you are. Editors are there to alter your grammar and written composition, not your person. They may have just been making a conversational observation, but don't take it to heart unless you really feel like they're on to something. YOU determine you. No one else.
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Old 10-09-2012, 10:43 AM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stella_Omega View Post
Total thread hijack, but;

I always wonder why women say this. Not that I think they are lying or misinformed or anything-- just-- how did you work that out?

i am unable to be dominated by a woman as i cannot take it seriously, and i am unable to dominate a man as i cannot take it seriously. when i was in my late teens (18 and 19) i was very aggressive towards women and soft spoken and "yes, Sir" to men.
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Old 10-09-2012, 02:19 PM   #18
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i am unable to be dominated by a woman as i cannot take it seriously, and i am unable to dominate a man as i cannot take it seriously. when i was in my late teens (18 and 19) i was very aggressive towards women and soft spoken and "yes, Sir" to men.
well, you've just described your attitude a second time. I'm wondering WHY that attitude.
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Old 10-09-2012, 02:25 PM   #19
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I'm the opposite and I have NFI why. Women and femmes can roll me over if they really REALLY want to, whereas guys/butches should not hold their breath on this one ever.

I hear someone say something like that and because my worldview is so completely polar opposite, I'm kind of lost, too.

Although, I've had just as many women who could never ever ever at me BUT...as I have had men who could never ever ever at me...BUT... as a Domme. You know those conversations, I'm sure. It's true, "human" is the key thing, and what humans say they are and what they are when actually confronted with sexy time tend to be more flexible interesting things.

I think I actually come off nonthreatening to people's egos enough.

I'm sure for some people it's brainwashing and sexism, but for a lot of people it's probably just how it is.
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Old 10-09-2012, 05:48 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CurvAppeal View Post
i am unable to be dominated by a woman as i cannot take it seriously, and i am unable to dominate a man as i cannot take it seriously. when i was in my late teens (18 and 19) i was very aggressive towards women and soft spoken and "yes, Sir" to men.
What do you mean by "aggressive towards women?". Is it that you just can't imagine a scenario that involves other women? You're only attracted to or subservant towards males?

Just curious.... Kinda jumped in the middle here. Sorry.
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Old 10-09-2012, 11:47 PM   #21
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And of course., me-- I just fucking get my hackles up at the idea that biology is destiny.

Matter of fact... I always felt that one particular couple I knew proved that one man, at least, could be a perfectly fine Dom for one woman, at least. But I just found out that he is NOT her master-- no matter how they tried, even doing an intensive week-long learning conference on Master/slave, he just... isn't.

So she's talking to a Domme about becoming her sub.
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Old 10-10-2012, 12:26 AM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stella_Omega View Post
I always wonder why women say this. Not that I think they are lying or misinformed or anything-- just-- how did you work that out?
I have my opinions, which observation and practice have generally borne out. None of them are very charitable, though, so I'll refrain from sharing them.
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Old 10-10-2012, 12:34 AM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wataru_Gin View Post
What do you mean by "aggressive towards women?". Is it that you just can't imagine a scenario that involves other women? You're only attracted to or subservant towards males?

Just curious.... Kinda jumped in the middle here. Sorry.
Men know better when it comes to all the things women are shifty and you can't trust em etc etc etc it's the same old 8000 year old story. NEXT
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Old 10-10-2012, 04:20 AM   #24
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Quote:
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well, you've just described your attitude a second time. I'm wondering WHY that attitude.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wataru_Gin View Post
What do you mean by "aggressive towards women?". Is it that you just can't imagine a scenario that involves other women? You're only attracted to or subservant towards males?

Just curious.... Kinda jumped in the middle here. Sorry.
that's okay! my whole life i was raised to say "yes sir" to my dad but my mother was never one to enforce a rule like that. every relationship i have had with a woman i was always the "man" in the relationship, more butch than fem. it also stems from my first girlfriend wanting me to be her mistress, so i've always been the mistress with women, never the submissive. it's really hard for me to explain, im sorry.
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Old 10-10-2012, 04:35 AM   #25
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Best to be prepared to explain the hard stuff around here

So-- because your father enforced his Big Daddy Authority, and your mother treated you more like an equal, you can't imagine offering respect to a woman.

Here's hoping you let that notion percolate in your brain for a while... See if you can figure out what the problem is.
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