Originally Posted by sr71plt
The lack of comments could have come from your defensive slug on the front of it. You really didn't need it; it pretty obviously was a male fantasy story, measurements and all.
Yep, this. It's fiction; you're not obliged to tell the reader that you're not your character, and anybody who's spent more than five minutes on the Internet will be aware that many "women" are dudes. And as SR says, your ratings are reasonable.
That said, some constructive criticism - speaking only for my own tastes as a reader, YMMV:
The "War and Peace" section felt like I was reading the Cliff's Notes instead of an actual story. In the beginning of a story, you need to introduce the characters - who are these people, why should I care about them? The business with Dean's mother should have some emotional weight to it, and IMHO you should be showing at least some of this conversation, not just giving us a synopsis. This would also give a bit more opportunity to convey Dean's character.
Some writers like to give physical description, some don't. But if you're going to describe Dean - as you eventually do, two sections later - that description should happen early on. Otherwise you run the risk that readers will start forming their own mental image of him and then get derailed when you finally give a description that conflicts with what they have in their heads.
Also, "We never had a Dean and Taylor moment again" - my reaction to this was "who's Taylor then?" From context I assume it's the narrator, but you don't want your reader having to pause and figure out what you're talking about.
"Although tips were a little higher, I lost by a measly fifty-three cents." - Bit of a missed opportunity here - you set up the bet, but would've worked better if you played it out instead of going straight to the outcome. See BonnieBrea's "bet" stories for an example of what I'm talking about - even though the reader usually knows how the bet's going to turn out (wouldn't be much of a story otherwise) it's still more interesting with more buildup. Especially if you're going to name the story "The Bet".
"I pulled off my top and let my 32C's loose." - this bit screams MALE AUTHOR right here.
Bethany's change of heart seems a bit sudden; it's fine if you just want to get to the sex (and there are plenty of readers who will thank you for that) but some of Bethany's dialogue later on suggests that you want a bit more characterisation than that. If this is the case, might want to make things more gradual.
""Oh, Taylor, I can't believe I used to be that other girl," said Bethany. A little bitterness was in her tone. " - last sentence is unnecessary. Don't tell when you can show, and especially don't tell when you HAVE already shown. The dialogue here already conveys Bethany's mood without needing that extra explanation.
"While browsing the selection, one title caught my eye: The Making of Taylor. Even under all the makeup, the girl on the cover was instantly recognizable. It boasted that the film starred "Teeny Teen Taylor Dream In Her Smoking XXX Debut!" The back cover said: "A Simple Bet Turned This Virgin Into a Slut in One Night! Look Out World!""
- okay, so the narrator is Taylor but now Bethany is using 'Taylor' as her working name? That's kinda confusing; on first read, I thought it meant she'd lied to narrator-Taylor and was selling the spy-cam footage there. Again, unless you're deliberately setting your reader a puzzle, you generally don't want them having to stop and figure out what's going on.