Go Back   Literotica Discussion Board > Chyoo Forums > Chyoo Authors

Reply
 
Thread Tools

Old 02-05-2006, 05:19 PM   #1
hot35m
Experienced
 
hot35m is offline
Join Date: Dec 1969
Location: Florida
Posts: 60
New Story: A family filled with deisre

Hi everybody,
I just started my first story and was hoping to get some other people to add to it. It is an incest story that is just getting started and can go about anywhere you want to take it. So please have some fun with it. Here's the link to it:
http://www.chyoo.com:81/index.php/main.story.cover/3653

Last edited by hot35m : 02-05-2006 at 05:31 PM.
  Reply With Quote

Old 02-05-2006, 06:57 PM   #2
hot35m
Experienced
 
hot35m is offline
Join Date: Dec 1969
Location: Florida
Posts: 60
any suggestion

Also if anybody has any suggestions for me to make the story better please let me know. I'm new at writing stories and any sort of feedback, both positive and negative, will be greatly appreciated.
  Reply With Quote

Old 02-06-2006, 12:30 AM   #3
Zingiber
Literotica Guru
 
Zingiber's Avatar
 
Zingiber is offline
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Pacific Rim
Posts: 913
Quote:
Originally Posted by hot35m
Also if anybody has any suggestions for me to make the story better please let me know. I'm new at writing stories and any sort of feedback, both positive and negative, will be greatly appreciated.
Let me start out with a positive note. The scene between the protagonist's mother and sister is good because it reveals details about them and their relationship by "showing" how they interact. It keeps the main character involved in the scene because he reflects that his mother has always been very straightforward in discussing difficult or embarrassing topics like sex. It also moves the plot forward by letting the main character discover something he didn't know about his mother and his sister, although all he does is use it for fantasy material at this point.

The mother puts on her clothes and leaves at the end of the scene, which surprised me a little. I thought his mom was getting ready for bed, so maybe it's earlier in the evening than I thought, or maybe she's going out somewhere...

Good start, hot35m. Please write more!

Zingiber
__________________
Zingiber's New Chyoo (Beta) Stories Zingiber's Literotica stories

-----BEGIN SEX CODE BLOCK-----
Version: 1.2
SPoSlMa/Bi/MaEr ~A45 W-:++ @H w h D++ E+ !P
ag++r+ Ag++r+ c++ C++ fg++r g++ i++ k++ m++ Ma+ n++< S+++ wa++
------END SEX CODE BLOCK------

(Sex Code Explained)
  Reply With Quote

Old 02-06-2006, 12:50 AM   #4
hot35m
Experienced
 
hot35m is offline
Join Date: Dec 1969
Location: Florida
Posts: 60
Thanks

Thanks it's always nice to get a little positive encouragement. I know the story needs more develpoment but I'm leaving it open hoping I can get some additions from other people. Feel free to add your own twist to the story also.
  Reply With Quote

Old 02-10-2006, 06:31 PM   #5
hot35m
Experienced
 
hot35m is offline
Join Date: Dec 1969
Location: Florida
Posts: 60
New addition

I just wanted to let everybody know that the story has been added to so go check it out.
  Reply With Quote

Old 03-13-2006, 03:49 PM   #6
hot35m
Experienced
 
hot35m is offline
Join Date: Dec 1969
Location: Florida
Posts: 60
Another new addition

The story just got added to again. GO check it out and add to it yourself to make this story great.
  Reply With Quote

Old 04-04-2006, 06:50 PM   #7
hot35m
Experienced
 
hot35m is offline
Join Date: Dec 1969
Location: Florida
Posts: 60
Bump

Just wanted to give this a bump really looking for input and additons from other people
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-12-2006, 12:06 AM   #8
hot35m
Experienced
 
hot35m is offline
Join Date: Dec 1969
Location: Florida
Posts: 60
bump

Just another bump
  Reply With Quote

Old 06-16-2006, 07:19 PM   #9
hot35m
Experienced
 
hot35m is offline
Join Date: Dec 1969
Location: Florida
Posts: 60
A New Addition

I just added another chapter to the story. Please go check it out and I would ggreatly appreciate some addition from others.
  Reply With Quote

Old 06-16-2006, 07:19 PM   #10
hot35m
Experienced
 
hot35m is offline
Join Date: Dec 1969
Location: Florida
Posts: 60
A New Addition

I just added another chapter to the story. Please go check it out and I would greatly appreciate some addition from others.
  Reply With Quote

Old 06-04-2007, 06:52 PM   #11
hot35m
Experienced
 
hot35m is offline
Join Date: Dec 1969
Location: Florida
Posts: 60
Bringing it back

Hey guys I've been away from the site for a while and would like to revive this story. It's a family story that has a lot of possibilities and many ways it can go. I'm open to any addition by anyone. Here's the link: http://www.chyoo.com:81/index.php/main.story.cover/3653
  Reply With Quote

Old 06-09-2007, 05:10 PM   #12
hot35m
Experienced
 
hot35m is offline
Join Date: Dec 1969
Location: Florida
Posts: 60
Just added some more would love some additions by other people.
  Reply With Quote

Old 09-02-2007, 12:10 PM   #13
fla21guy
Virgin
 
fla21guy is offline
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Miami
Posts: 12
great story

That's a great story I hope to see more.
  Reply With Quote

Old 11-07-2012, 05:18 PM   #14
hot35m
Experienced
 
hot35m is offline
Join Date: Dec 1969
Location: Florida
Posts: 60
just giving this a shameless bump, would love to have more added to it
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:36 PM.

Copyright 1998-2013 Literotica Online. Literotica is a registered trademark.