Old 10-17-2012, 08:29 PM   #1
Ddonn
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Super Star Judy

Poem about a friend who is a tall, charismatic D-Cupper and an unabashed exhibitionist, who is famous for stealing the show at a local swingers club where the breathless, restless admiring many watch her deep throat the fortunate few.


Super Star Judy,
A P & H cutie,
She’s the dream of many,
But the dream come true
For a fortunate few.


Super Star Judy,
On her back, or on all fours,
She’s a shameless exhibitionist,
With friends behind closed doors.


Super Star Judy,
She fellates lovers many,
And she is proud when others see
Her great cock sucking ability.

Super Star Judy,
Few other woman know,
The skill and the passion,
To put the “OH” in fellatio.

Last edited by Ddonn : 10-17-2012 at 08:48 PM.
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Old 10-17-2012, 08:37 PM   #2
bronzeage
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You should have used "breath taking fellatio" in the poem. It's a shame to waste an image like that.
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Old 10-17-2012, 09:35 PM   #3
twelveoone
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there you go Ddonn,
100 years of experience already,
not only was bronze an editor for Melville, he was also the role model for Moby Dick maybe you take him to see judy

he also made a good point

ok, what do you want?
She fellates lovers many, technically inverted syntax, ok in this context, but
Her great cock sucking ability. since this is the rhyming line, it's a bad rhyme

but since this is metred verse, it's not my department man, i guess some would question the 5 line going to 4 line stanzas

BTW. this is verse, not poetry, but depending on my mood, if over in new poems i'd probably 5 it, it's a damn cite better than kokshur's
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Old 10-18-2012, 06:28 AM   #4
twelveoone
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Ddonn,
some further

For a fortunate few.
here you are thinking like a poet


OH” in fellatio.
even better, a poet and a comic

what you need is something foreshadowing
why the name Judy? rhymes with cutie?
A P & H?
if you can change something so it has a long O in it, all the better
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Old 10-18-2012, 06:02 PM   #5
Ddonn
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Quote:
Originally Posted by twelveoone View Post
Ddonn,
some further

For a fortunate few.
here you are thinking like a poet


OH” in fellatio.
even better, a poet and a comic

what you need is something foreshadowing
why the name Judy? rhymes with cutie?
A P & H?
if you can change something so it has a long O in it, all the better
Thanks for your comments and interest. Much appreciated.

Judy is her real name. She is a real person who does the things described at a local swing club.

P&H= Pussy & Head
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