Old 04-03-2015, 04:36 PM   #1
Kashmeer is offline
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Anal Issues

So last night my husband and I tried some anal play, we've done it in the past but only a handful of times and I have very little memory of it. We had discussed it the entire day beforehand and I was excited to try it again.

Hubby tried his best to get things going but I think I was just to nervous to really enjoy any of his efforts. By this time I was already feeling awkward and uncomfortable from my lack of enjoyment. I did my best to suppress my inner battle and we moved on, he went slow and started with his finger and lots n lots of lube, eventually he moved on to a small vibe after I was comfortable. It never really hurt but I didn't get any pleasure from it either like I would other nights when he would do some "lighter" playing around my bottom. I only reached my orgasm until after he included my clit in on the fun.

Immediately after, my pesky, sometimes uncontrollable emotions came bubbling back up to the surface and I began to cry. I felt as if I had been "violated" in some way and I was hurt. Now mind you I have been married to this wonderful man for 7 years now, together for 11, we are head over heels in love and have no trust issues whatsoever. We recently began "playing" about 6 weeks ago, so very new to this world...but that's a story for another time...anyways... He held me in his arms as uncontrolled tears streamed down my face and tried his best to reassure and calm me down. I silently sobbed into him and explained to the best of my ability what I was feeling. He quickly made it all better with yet another world shattering orgasm.

Yet today I'm still kicking myself with the thought of violation from my own loving husband and why my silly mind would think such a thing up...WHY?!?

So I thought I would come to all of you for some insight into this, I have read through the anal section of the blank manual but didn't find the answer I am seeking but some great info none the less!

Ok I think I'm done rambling...WAIT I take that back I'm not...sorry please forgive me...one more thing...

Whenever he is back there with his finger or even the vibe like last night I have this urge to push and relieve myself. I guess it's a normal body function obviously but it's embarrassing! Is this normal or am I "special"? LOL Would it be something else that's only in my head and I just need to let go and enjoy myself?

Alright I promise I'm done now, sorry this got so long, thank you all for any helpful advice your able to provide, I would very much appreciate it!
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Old 04-03-2015, 05:41 PM   #2
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You're just not into anal.

I wouldn't over analyze it, it doesn't seem to be.

My wife and I have tried things in bed that didn't work very well in the past, but we love each other and got through it.
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Old 04-03-2015, 05:47 PM   #3
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If I would be feeling awkward and uncomfortable (from my own lack of enjoyment or for any other reason), I would be feeling kind of violated afterwards too, I think.

If it isn't possible to let yourself "be in the moment" it might happen again.

About the feeling of having to relieve yourself, make sure you are empty. Go to the bathroom before, try a small enema. Really just a small one. About an hour, half an hour beforehand (if this is a planned thing, that is). Knowing your bowels are empty, might stop feeling the embarrassment?
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Old 04-03-2015, 06:00 PM   #4
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Many women submit to anal play because they know it really turns their guy on. Nothing wrong with that. The "violated" feeling may come from early memories of doing something new sexually and when you're very young (teens) that often translates emotionally into violation because you know you're "not allowed." Well you're a grown woman with a loving relationship so maybe try and think of it more along the lines of the sexual EXCITEMENT you also felt when you were young and did something new with a guy. I dunno. Probably your early childhood will/has determined the level of sexual repression you may be feeling now when it comes to the "forbidden."

Because the A-SPOT is on the posterior wall of the vagina that makes it also on the front wall of or between the rectum and the vagina. If you can get the A-SPOT properly fired up you can achieve massive and repeating orgasms just like firing the G-SPOT over and over again. Many women go along with anal to turn on their guy and end up having massive A-SPOT orgasms and end up feeling GUILTY because they are not supposed to feel turned on by such a perverted act.
Many women get incredibly turned on if that spot is stimulated properly and then cry or feel bad just out of guilt without realizing the sexual mechanics going on and that if both are willing participants then there is NOTHING to feel guilty about when it feels so good.

Good luck getting over that.
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Old 04-03-2015, 07:24 PM   #5
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You could also feel violated because you did anal despite yourself or your misgivings. You weren't into it, tried to force yourself to enjoy it and it didn't work. You can't force it.

This isn't to mean you may not get any enjoyment at another time, you just weren't in the right mindset at that moment; or it may not be something you enjoy at all ever and there's nothing wrong with that.

As Albertaboy stated, I wouldn't overanalyze it. It's just not for you and that's perfectly fine.
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Old 04-03-2015, 10:20 PM   #6
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Fantasizing too long in advance can work against you. It might help to let it be more spontaneous. Also, (not knowing your circumstance), but cleaning your colon in advance with an enema might help relieve some of the negative feelings.
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Old 04-03-2015, 10:26 PM   #7
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Might you try some private play without your hubby? Getting to know that part of yourself without the stress of trying to please someone else? Not sure if that would decrease the violation feelings, but since it would only happen to your own limits....
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Old 04-04-2015, 11:55 AM   #8
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Thank you all for the suggestions, the thing is I really really want to enjoy this part of myself, not only to please my hubby/Dom but to explore my own self and my inner desires to the fullest. So I think I'm going to continue exploring, that was only our first real attempt and I'm no quitter!
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Old 04-04-2015, 12:00 PM   #9
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Good for you Kashmeer. I'm glad you're not just giving up. Sometimes you have to work things through in your own head first to get comfortable with the whole idea. Since you're in a safe and loving relationship I'd suggest not waiting too long before giving it another try even if you still have some misgivings about it. Like many things in life, familiarity is part of the process of understanding and enjoying something. Good luck and let us know where you go with this.
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Old 04-04-2015, 12:13 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by Kashmeer View Post
Thank you all for the suggestions, the thing is I really really want to enjoy this part of myself, not only to please my hubby/Dom but to explore my own self and my inner desires to the fullest. So I think I'm going to continue exploring, that was only our first real attempt and I'm no quitter!
Good for you.

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Old 04-22-2015, 10:51 PM   #11
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Don't give up! Especially if you are just starting out in the bdsm. I too am new to it, and find that sometimes I want to go to fast, too soon. Thankfully 'R' is there to put me back in place. Take it slow and enjoy the new experiences and powerful connection you are creating with your Dom!
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Old 04-22-2015, 11:01 PM   #12
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My experience was, after we had sex and she had orgasmed, we laid side by side and she started guiding me inside her ass. I lay steadfast while she slowly worked me into her. It was slow going but then she got a rhythm till she came. She had never let anyone else but said she trusted me not to take over and start plowing away. Hopefully that will help. You take control. Good luck!
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Old 05-16-2015, 11:28 AM   #13
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I think anal can't really be a planned thing most of the time. If circumstances make it so that you have already evacuated(saying it that way makes me picture rescue helicopters loaded with tp), and the mood is right, then maybe it's the right time.

I don't have any helpful advice on the guilty feelings thing, but I think both people trying to enjoy each other is the kind of relationship most people dream of, so good on you.

On a side note, and some might disagree, I don't know, but, if you don't have to poop(nice rescue helicopter free word), when inserting something down there, pushing as if you were going to poop while something is sliding in can be helpful, as pushing(which is pushing down on the pc muscle) is how you open up to let things out, it can also be used to let things in.

If you two decide to do more of this, just be aware that it takes a team of two to do it well, for most, it should not be approached like vaginal intercourse, and depth of penetration should be carefully controlled until your lover knows you down there well.

Hope you find something helpful in all this, and hope you have a wonderful day.
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Old 05-16-2015, 03:39 PM   #14
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One thing I have learned in 30 years of making love to the same woman, and from nearly 75 other women: goals and targets and expectations don't work. Free and open and let it happen is what works. One night when you are so wet from cumming and in the middle of cumming again, say to him softly, "take my ass, honey, be gentle please". That should do it. Goal oriented sex doesn't work well.
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