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Old Yesterday, 08:13 AM   #1
betamale30
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Ex gf confides in me about other men

Iíve remained close friends with 1 of my long term ex girlfriends, she claims Iím her best friend and she feels like she can tell me anything. I just go along with it trying to be a nice guy. She recently signed up for a few dating sites and has been telling me
about It and asking me for advice about other men. She claims she knows Iíll be straight up with her and not just tell her what she wants to hear. Iíve been having a lot
Of mixed feelings about this, @ times It turns me on but other times makes me jealous because part of me wishes we could be back together.

Have any guys had any experience dealing with something like this? And for the women do you thing that she acts this way and talks to me about other guys she is completely done with chances of relationship with me and Iím 100% friendzone?
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Old Yesterday, 09:38 AM   #2
jakelc
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I had an ex girlfriend who would call me to discuss her latest date, sexual or otherwise and especially when she was drunk or feeling down. We didnít split very friendly or talk too much immediately after the relationship but when things settled down she started this behaviour, my friends would tell me it was her way of making me jealous or gauging my reaction to see if I still liked her. Eventually I had to ask her to stop as it got irritating, almost like she was pushing me to see how far I could go before begging her to take me back or at least thatís how I felt. After an argument I told her I donít mind being friends but the constant dating advice or details of her dates had to stop. I did still love the girl and some of the sexual details turned me on but it ended up too much listening to her moving on and pretty much throwing it in my face. Admittedly a drunken one night stand between us didnít help matters. This girl was the only other woman besides my wife I wanted to marry and now I look back Iím sure Iíd avoided a disastrous marriage there.
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Old Yesterday, 11:35 AM   #3
Justfantasies
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jakelc View Post
I had an ex girlfriend who would call me to discuss her latest date, sexual or otherwise and especially when she was drunk or feeling down. We didnít split very friendly or talk too much immediately after the relationship but when things settled down she started this behaviour, my friends would tell me it was her way of making me jealous or gauging my reaction to see if I still liked her. Eventually I had to ask her to stop as it got irritating, almost like she was pushing me to see how far I could go before begging her to take me back or at least thatís how I felt. After an argument I told her I donít mind being friends but the constant dating advice or details of her dates had to stop. I did still love the girl and some of the sexual details turned me on but it ended up too much listening to her moving on and pretty much throwing it in my face. Admittedly a drunken one night stand between us didnít help matters. This girl was the only other woman besides my wife I wanted to marry and now I look back Iím sure Iíd avoided a disastrous marriage there.
I had an almost identical experience. But she seemed very surprised by how much her stories turned me on.
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Old Yesterday, 12:55 PM   #4
FL30
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Quote:
Originally Posted by betamale30 View Post
Iíve remained close friends with 1 of my long term ex girlfriends, she claims Iím her best friend and she feels like she can tell me anything. I just go along with it trying to be a nice guy. She recently signed up for a few dating sites and has been telling me
about It and asking me for advice about other men. She claims she knows Iíll be straight up with her and not just tell her what she wants to hear. Iíve been having a lot
Of mixed feelings about this, @ times It turns me on but other times makes me jealous because part of me wishes we could be back together.

Have any guys had any experience dealing with something like this? And for the women do you thing that she acts this way and talks to me about other guys she is completely done with chances of relationship with me and Iím 100% friendzone?
toxic relationship....
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Old Yesterday, 03:28 PM   #5
policywank
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I would say it is doubtful that you have any chance with this girl.

Best case, take her at face value. You are in the friend zone and she likes having a "safe" guy to confide in. And by safe I mean a guy who has no shot at all because you have accepted that premise or she views you as easy to subdue.

Medium case, she sees this as a friend zone thing but deep down she likes having you pine after her....because it reinforces her ego, not because she has any intention of being with you.

Worst case She is aware of how you feel and likes rubbing your face in it a little bit. Probably to feed her own ego more so than direct malice (but who knows). Or maybe because she wants you around as a back-up - more as a source of comfort than because you will ever get that shot.

None of those scenarios lead you out of the friend zone. It might be different if you seek a cuckold role but only if she has any interest in that.

Who is initiating these discussions. I have had guys try a bit to hard to be friends when I know they want more. One of the best ways to manage their expectations is to talk about other men. Meanwhile it takes a certain degree of naivety to be really oblivious to how you feel or how this affects you. Is she that young or dumb or self involved that she wouldn't get it?.
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Old Yesterday, 03:36 PM   #6
Justfantasies
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Originally Posted by policywank View Post
I would say it is doubtful that you have any chance with this girl.

Best case, take her at face value. You are in the friend zone and she likes having a "safe" guy to confide in. And by safe I mean a guy who has no shot at all because you have accepted that premise or she views you as easy to subdue.

Medium case, she sees this as a friend zone thing but deep down she likes having you pine after her....because it reinforces her ego, not because she has any intention of being with you.

Worst case She is aware of how you feel and likes rubbing your face in it a little bit. Probably to feed her own ego more so than direct malice (but who knows). Or maybe because she wants you around as a back-up - more as a source of comfort than because you will ever get that shot.

None of those scenarios lead you out of the friend zone. It might be different if you seek a cuckold role but only if she has any interest in that.

Who is initiating these discussions. I have had guys try a bit to hard to be friends when I know they want more. One of the best ways to manage their expectations is to talk about other men. Meanwhile it takes a certain degree of naivety to be really oblivious to how you feel or how this affects you. Is she that young or dumb or self involved that she wouldn't get it?.
I knew someone just like this woman when I was in my twenties. I was infatuated with her, but it felt like she was just teasing me with other men. It was always me who dropped her and she who would come roaring back to tease me again. Finally she disappeared for 30 years and then got in touch again long after we were both married -- it was just like old times, and not in a good way.

Is this a well-known behavioral pattern with certain immature women?
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Old Yesterday, 07:27 PM   #7
policywank
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Originally Posted by Justfantasies View Post
I knew someone just like this woman when I was in my twenties. I was infatuated with her, but it felt like she was just teasing me with other men. It was always me who dropped her and she who would come roaring back to tease me again. Finally she disappeared for 30 years and then got in touch again long after we were both married -- it was just like old times, and not in a good way.

Is this a well-known behavioral pattern with certain immature women?

That sounds like narcissism to me, manifested through behaviour that is inherently self-serving. There is an element of immaturity in being unable to move beyond that but I see it as a broader issue.

To me immaturity implies not knowing or truly understanding due to lack of experience. I can look back at my younger years and see where I led guys on inadvertently or did so knowingly with a selfish rationalization. That behaviour was a by-product of insecurity, vanity and naivety I suppose - all under the umbrella of immaturity. It wasn't right but I chalk it up as no more or less offensive than the many dumb and insensitive things many people do at that time in our lives.

But at some point we all cross a threshold where we know better. We have matured enough to understand the consequences of our actions. Maybe this is just semantics, but I am not sure if we can chalk up those actions to immaturity anymore unless we are literally too stupid or stunted in our growth to know better. If you know better and keep doing it then you are just an narcissistic asshole.

Unfortunately, while we all tend to grow out of immaturity there is no end to narcissistic assholes.....and they come in all genders, cultures and colours.

I don't mean to make this sound like an apology because there is no excuse. But there is an odd dynamic for an attractive and desirable woman whereby many are conditioned to see themselves through only that lense. There validation lies in being desirable. It isn't actually anymore shallow than the athlete or celebrity or powerful politician/executive who draws there sense of self from that place. By virtue of being feted for a certain characteristic they become dependent upon it.
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