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Old 06-12-2015, 12:13 PM   #1
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My first lit story! Feedback Appreciated!

I finally got up the courage to submit a story, and I'd love any feedback on it. Hoping to write more!

https://www.literotica.com/s/another-round
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Old 06-12-2015, 01:15 PM   #2
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I scored it 5 stars but left no comment. What can I add!
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Old 06-12-2015, 01:42 PM   #3
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More incest than BDSM, and more of a sex scene than a story. That said, you write well -- nice description without over doing it, and nice flow.

Well done. Keep writing.
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Old 06-12-2015, 02:44 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by Dream_Operator View Post
More incest than BDSM, and more of a sex scene than a story. That said, you write well -- nice description without over doing it, and nice flow.

Well done. Keep writing.
Thank you! I'll try for longer next time
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Old 06-12-2015, 03:02 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pink_Milkmaid View Post
Thank you! I'll try for longer next time
Write what you want to write. A lot of readers are looking for a quick wank and a story just like yours, while others want a longer story with more of a build up. There is no right answer.

I do think you should've posted in the Incest category though. Perhaps if you PM'd Laurel you could have it moved.
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Old 06-12-2015, 03:21 PM   #6
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I don't know that this is incest -- I read it as a classic Daddy Dom D/s story, the dom sharing his sub with another dom, which would explain the chosen category. Maybe the author can clarify?

Hot story, by the way. Well done. =)
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Old 06-12-2015, 03:35 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by Katiecat View Post
I don't know that this is incest -- I read it as a classic Daddy Dom D/s story, the dom sharing his sub with another dom, which would explain the chosen category. Maybe the author can clarify?

Hot story, by the way. Well done. =)
Good point. I guess I assumed that, given the details (or lack there of). Perhaps a little more backstory would have made it clearer.
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Old 06-12-2015, 03:42 PM   #8
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Written well. It's clear incest, though. What's BDSM about it (the dominance aspect? Maybe, but that doesn't override incest in this. Incest pretty much includes dominance)? It's also not a short story, but that's OK. There's no dilemma established (all involved seem content with the status quo) and no resolution of anything. Just a slice in time of a father-daughter sexual relationship. The section symbols at the end maybe mean there's more, but it isn't set up for there being more. It could be a story by actually continuing it and bringing in a storyline that comes out of this scene.

Anyone wanting to evidence the position that incest here isn't trump could cite this one, because it would have been very hard for the selection editor to miss that it's clear-cut incest.

Bottom line though is that you are both a good writer and descriptor (I'd like to say storyteller, but it isn't a story yet).
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Old 06-12-2015, 04:06 PM   #9
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Differences aside, common theme is that you write well and that should be celebrated and encouraged.

Keep writing!
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Old 06-12-2015, 04:38 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sr71plt View Post
Written well. It's clear incest, though. What's BDSM about it (the dominance aspect? Maybe, but that doesn't override incest in this. Incest pretty much includes dominance)? It's also not a short story, but that's OK. There's no dilemma established (all involved seem content with the status quo) and no resolution of anything. Just a slice in time of a father-daughter sexual relationship. The section symbols at the end maybe mean there's more, but it isn't set up for there being more. It could be a story by actually continuing it and bringing in a storyline that comes out of this scene.

Anyone wanting to evidence the position that incest here isn't trump could cite this one, because it would have been very hard for the selection editor to miss that it's clear-cut incest.

Bottom line though is that you are both a good writer and descriptor (I'd like to say storyteller, but it isn't a story yet).
Again, not sure without clarification from the author, but I don't know that this is a biological father/daughter pair at all. "Daddy Dom/little girl" is a sub-genre of BDSM, as are Master/slave, or even Leather Daddy/twink. Not all BDSM involves getting your butt beaten A lot of it is more focused on the domination and submission aspects.

http://adultlittlegirl.com/what-is-a-daddy-dom/
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Old 06-12-2015, 04:51 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katiecat View Post
Again, not sure without clarification from the author, but I don't know that this is a biological father/daughter pair at all. "Daddy Dom/little girl" is a sub-genre of BDSM, as are Master/slave, or even Leather Daddy/twink. Not all BDSM involves getting your butt beaten A lot of it is more focused on the domination and submission aspects.

http://adultlittlegirl.com/what-is-a-daddy-dom/
Perhaps Laurel agrees with you.
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Old 06-12-2015, 05:41 PM   #12
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I am going to agree this was well written and well done.

Also going to go along with Katie's feeling that this could simply be 'daddy' in the form of daddy equaling master, which as you said is a common aspect of BDSM.

The only thing that threw me from that was the sharing...I have generally not seen a lot of that in daddy type d/s, but everyone does have their individual style and tastes.

I think this was more scene than story, but a very hot and well done scene and I am going to keep checking this thread in hopes the author pops back in and clarifies if this is incest.

If it is incest, I would agree it technically would trump, but the way this is written...its vague and I think the score on the list reflects that because its decent, if it screamed incest I think it would have been beat up a bit and gotten at least one or two "this doesn't belong here" comments.

If it had been put in incest I'm not sure how it would do as it is not clear it is biological and the d/s feel to it and the sharing would upset some of the "daddy should never share" crowd.

All in all a good piece and I'm not sure its misplaced at all because of the room for doubt.
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Old 06-12-2015, 06:10 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katiecat View Post
I don't know that this is incest -- I read it as a classic Daddy Dom D/s story, the dom sharing his sub with another dom, which would explain the chosen category. Maybe the author can clarify?

Hot story, by the way. Well done. =)
It is a daddy dom story. I specified in the header that it's a consensual BDSM relationship & I thought that would make it clear that it's a dominant and his sub, not incest. It's two doms, both experienced and a very-much-of-age, mature sub. I'll see if lit will let me edit the header to make it clear there's no blood relationship.
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Old 06-12-2015, 06:16 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by sr71plt View Post
Written well. It's clear incest, though. What's BDSM about it (the dominance aspect? Maybe, but that doesn't override incest in this. Incest pretty much includes dominance)? It's also not a short story, but that's OK. There's no dilemma established (all involved seem content with the status quo) and no resolution of anything. Just a slice in time of a father-daughter sexual relationship. The section symbols at the end maybe mean there's more, but it isn't set up for there being more. It could be a story by actually continuing it and bringing in a storyline that comes out of this scene.

Anyone wanting to evidence the position that incest here isn't trump could cite this one, because it would have been very hard for the selection editor to miss that it's clear-cut incest.

Bottom line though is that you are both a good writer and descriptor (I'd like to say storyteller, but it isn't a story yet).
In the "notes for the editor" section of the submission I clarified that it was BDSM, not incest and that that was why Daddy was capitalized so that the person posting understood that it wasn't just wonky capitalization on my part. DD/lg is a subcategory of D/s. Not all BDSM involves all four letters Sometimes the control is more about the mind fuck and who is in charge of the scene. It's a power exchange thing.
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Old 06-12-2015, 06:18 PM   #15
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I am going to agree this was well written and well done.

Also going to go along with Katie's feeling that this could simply be 'daddy' in the form of daddy equaling master, which as you said is a common aspect of BDSM.

The only thing that threw me from that was the sharing...I have generally not seen a lot of that in daddy type d/s, but everyone does have their individual style and tastes.

I think this was more scene than story, but a very hot and well done scene and I am going to keep checking this thread in hopes the author pops back in and clarifies if this is incest.

If it is incest, I would agree it technically would trump, but the way this is written...its vague and I think the score on the list reflects that because its decent, if it screamed incest I think it would have been beat up a bit and gotten at least one or two "this doesn't belong here" comments.

If it had been put in incest I'm not sure how it would do as it is not clear it is biological and the d/s feel to it and the sharing would upset some of the "daddy should never share" crowd.

All in all a good piece and I'm not sure its misplaced at all because of the room for doubt.
I wanted to write this precisely because DD/lg doesn't often address "sharing" but I wanted a hot way for a D/s couple with that DD/lg dynamic to show off within strict boundaries like no fucking.
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Old 06-12-2015, 06:34 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by Pink_Milkmaid View Post
I wanted to write this precisely because DD/lg doesn't often address "sharing" but I wanted a hot way for a D/s couple with that DD/lg dynamic to show off within strict boundaries like no fucking.
Good for you going against the grain.

So you're saying this is not incest, but the daddy/little girl d/s dynamic?
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Old 06-12-2015, 06:43 PM   #17
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Good for you going against the grain.

So you're saying this is not incest, but the daddy/little girl d/s dynamic?
Yes and I just submitted a new header for the story making it clear that it's non-related people engaged in DD/lg within the D/s category of BDSM. He's a dom; she's his sub. She calls him "Daddy" the way another sub might say "Master" but it's not an incest thing as much a power exchange dynamic between the two of them. And it's not always an older guy/younger woman thing either--the Dom may be older or younger or the same age as his sub. It's about the power differential between the two of them when they are in the D/s space.
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Old 06-12-2015, 07:00 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by Pink_Milkmaid View Post
Yes and I just submitted a new header for the story making it clear that it's non-related people engaged in DD/lg within the D/s category of BDSM. He's a dom; she's his sub. She calls him "Daddy" the way another sub might say "Master" but it's not an incest thing as much a power exchange dynamic between the two of them. And it's not always an older guy/younger woman thing either--the Dom may be older or younger or the same age as his sub. It's about the power differential between the two of them when they are in the D/s space.
Oh, I understand that game, age has nothing to do with it, its a form of D/S role playing where the sub is daddy's girl as opposed to a just a 'regular' sub. I notice there is generally a lot of affection in that dynamic. Personally I am not a fan of it in real life, most likely because I have daughters so I don't think I would feel comfortable with it, but that's just me different things work for different folks.

On the flip side I don't think the mommy fetish transfers to BDSM as well. I think because in Daddy D/S the sub is looking for daddy to take control as well as nurture and reward and protect her. Mom/son fantasies are more simply about straight forward sex rather than any type of control or authority figure.

So the point is, that it is not incest and the site editor chose correctly in leaving it where you put it. Good call on her part
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Old 06-12-2015, 07:05 PM   #19
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Oh, I understand that game, age has nothing to do with it, its a form of D/S role playing where the sub is daddy's girl as opposed to a just a 'regular' sub. I notice there is generally a lot of affection in that dynamic.

On the flip side I don't think the mommy fetish transfers to BDSM as well. I think because in Daddy D/S the sub is looking for daddy to take control as well as nurture and reward and protect her. Mom/son fantasies are more simply about straight forward sex rather than any type of control or authority figure.

So the point is, that it is not incest and the site editor chose correctly in leaving it where you put it. Good call on her part
Very astute on the "mommy" thing not translating as much to BDSM, although I have seen overtones of it in a few fem-domme stories. From the story descriptions, a lot of mom/son fantasies seem to actually have the son in the dominant role, controlling his mother. I haven't actually read many, but it does seem like that wrinkle in the power dynamic is present in at least some of the stories.
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Old 06-12-2015, 07:27 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by Pink_Milkmaid View Post
Very astute on the "mommy" thing not translating as much to BDSM, although I have seen overtones of it in a few fem-domme stories. From the story descriptions, a lot of mom/son fantasies seem to actually have the son in the dominant role, controlling his mother. I haven't actually read many, but it does seem like that wrinkle in the power dynamic is present in at least some of the stories.
I agree and I think its because mom/son at least here is more of a male driven fantasy. There are far more male readers for that kink than female so the stories are skewed towards the son being a "man" and taking his mother.

Now my personal style is what I feel is more realistic. The son may lust for mom, but this is not just some girl, this is mom! Whether he wants her sexually or not, he is not going to over ride her authority and he is not going to 'take' her.

She is the parent the authority figure and end of the day a woman with far more sexual experience than he has...he will defer, he is "wired" to.

Because if you shift to milf/cougar fantasies, the women are very aggressive with young men...well what's mom? She's a milf...."your" milf.

I'm not sure I have seen femdom take a mother like turn, femdom tends to be as its called dominate and many times humiliating and degrading, fulfilling a mans desire to submit and be punished.

But I have seen the mommy fetish where its beyond sexual, you know right down to the binky and the baby powder
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Old 06-12-2015, 08:04 PM   #21
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Even if he's not her biological father, it's still incest role play, is it not?
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Old 06-12-2015, 08:16 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by Pink_Milkmaid View Post
In the "notes for the editor" section of the submission I clarified that it was BDSM, not incest and that that was why Daddy was capitalized so that the person posting understood that it wasn't just wonky capitalization on my part. DD/lg is a subcategory of D/s. Not all BDSM involves all four letters Sometimes the control is more about the mind fuck and who is in charge of the scene. It's a power exchange thing.
Yep, and the mind fuck is what makes it so delicious. I am a big fan of the DD/lg kink, if it's done right. In the old Zombies song from the 60's, Time of the Season, that one line still gives me good shivers: "What's your name, who's your daddy, is he rich like me?"

I've got some rough draft Daddy stuff I never finished; maybe I'll polish some of it up and post it.

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I wanted to write this precisely because DD/lg doesn't often address "sharing" but I wanted a hot way for a D/s couple with that DD/lg dynamic to show off within strict boundaries like no fucking.
The dynamic was clear -- look but don't touch. The other Dom seemed very respectful of the boundaries, and well aware of the rules of the game.
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Old 06-12-2015, 08:31 PM   #23
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Even if he's not her biological father, it's still incest role play, is it not?
No. The sub is very rarely referred to or thought of as "daughter"; it's always, "little one", "baby girl", etc. The roleplay isn't that they are blood relatives, which is the main focus of the incest kink. If you read father/daughter incest stories and DD/lg BDSM stories, they have a very different feel. Many people in the BDSM community are quite vocal about their opposition to incest.

Incest is a major turn off for me, but this story didn't "feel" like incest when I read it -- it felt like a D/s dynamic.

For anyone who is interested, this link explains the psychology of it pretty well.
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Old 06-12-2015, 08:43 PM   #24
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Even if he's not her biological father, it's still incest role play, is it not?
I suppose in a sense it is....The daddy reference of course gives that feel, but understand that daddy in BDSM has a different meaning and the story was in that section. Daddy d/s isn't about a desire for their real father, but more like a father figure, one that watches over them like a father, but will also punish them at times, but mostly cherish their little girl, but the subs are of course fully aware its not their father, they have no desire for their real dad and the fact that as the OP pointed out age is irrelevant bears that out.
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Old 06-12-2015, 10:01 PM   #25
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Even if he's not her biological father, it's still incest role play, is it not?
Not to me it's not. I really like the dynamic but I find *actual* incest distasteful and I'd sooner cut off a pinky than role play that a dom was my *actual* father. The idea of two blood relatives getting it on doesn't turn my crank at all. To each their own though, as I know that incest stories are super popular on here, and I don't mean to disparage a legitimate kink some have, but this isn't that for me. In a similar way, doms who call their subs "pet" or "kitten" aren't role playing bestiality--it's a game, sure, but it's an entirely unique thing, a dynamic and a way of relating where the titles are NOT literal.

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No. The sub is very rarely referred to or thought of as "daughter"; it's always, "little one", "baby girl", etc. The roleplay isn't that they are blood relatives, which is the main focus of the incest kink. If you read father/daughter incest stories and DD/lg BDSM stories, they have a very different feel. Many people in the BDSM community are quite vocal about their opposition to incest.

Incest is a major turn off for me, but this story didn't "feel" like incest when I read it -- it felt like a D/s dynamic.

For anyone who is interested, this link explains the psychology of it pretty well.
YES. This. It's a D/s dynamic which, I think, one either "gets" or not. It's not everyone's cup of tea, but it's more about how the particular dom relates to his sub and vice versa and how they approach the power exchange between them. And fabulous link. Seconded. There's tons of good material out there on the dynamic.
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