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Old 01-09-2018, 06:05 PM   #1
asktoday32 is offline
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A Virgin discovers her desires


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Old 01-09-2018, 10:53 PM   #2
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electricblue66 is online now
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Originally Posted by asktoday32 View Post
It's always a good idea to let people know what the story content is, both as a courtesy and to target those interested...

My stories: https://www.literotica.com/stories/m...ge=submissions
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Old 01-12-2018, 02:47 AM   #3
crisdixon is offline
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Posts: 26
FWIW, I had a couple of reactions. One was that its too expository. Pooja did this. Pooja did that. Pooja felt this way. Pooja felt that. Its just strung together with no reason to care even remotely about any of it. It tells - it doesnt show. And it felt like you were fetishizing her. A gyno visit, a period, an Indian woman - you treat it like its all so unusual and interesting in and of itself. A billion Indian people and 3.5 billion women on the planet would argue that none of it is unusual at all.

If I were writing a scene like this, Id try to get in Poonas head.

Take off your clothes and put on the gown, then get in the chair and put your feet up here and wait for the doctor. The nurse explained it all in a businesslike tone, even as she gestured at what looked to Pooja like a medieval sex frame.

All my clothes? Or leave on my underwear?

All of it. The doctor needs to examine whats under there.

She left then, and the room was strangely quiet. She removed her shirt. Leave the bra on? The nurse had said everything. She reluctantly ditched the bra.

Anyway, Id go on from there. Id probably have her imagine a male doctor. Id have the fact that shes a lesbian be a secret. Itd be a surprise when a female doctor comes in as shes laying back, legs in the air, exposed and yet titillated by being so exposed. The doctor would be cute. Shes feel a rush of embarrassment and excitement. Her touch would be oddly gentle, and shes feel a stab of arousal.

Thats how to take a ridiculous and even insulting premise and make it credible. Create some tension. Make her emotions real. Dramatize the discomfort and the way it excites her. The. Youd be into something maybe.
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Old 01-28-2018, 04:48 PM   #4
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hadruprider is offline
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I like it. It's quite imaginitive, and in some ways different from the usual.
I like the shower scene and the dream. The ending is a bit abrupt, but I guess there will be more chapters.
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