How to Give Good Cyber

[markuslovesit69]

(rethinking having 69 on the end of my name)

[Noor]

Originally Posted by markuslovesit69

(rethinking having 69 on the end of my name)

Yep, it kind of marks you in a way.

[Dreamtalking]

Hello
I'm new to cyber sex. I found your thread really helpfull. I've been mooching round the site for a while not knowing what to do.

[Susurration]

Thanks to MadWriter for putting this together, it's really well constructed, and informative.

I'll just add one thing. Always take the time to read someone's profile before sending PMs about cybering. I've received some 'interesting' messages in the past from guys thinking I'm a woman, when it's written all over my profile that I'm a man. All part of the getting to know you phase .

[Rother]

Am I the only one that prefers the word come to cum? Cum just makes the think of British place names...hello, Chorlton-cum-Hardy. Seriously. I've read arguments for cum as the noun and come as the verb, which is marginally more acceptable. But still.

Maybe I'm just odd for being thrown out of a thrilling moment by unappealing use of the English language. Is that a kink?

[Rother]

Originally Posted by Katrina2099

I agree with the ones who have said that they enjoy the conversations that start off as regular conversations and end up as cyber. Sometimes, if their is time, these conversations can happen in one sitting and sometimes it may takes days. It's the ones you least expect to go that way that are the best.

I believe it was Damana that described how ridiculous some chat rooms have become. I agree. The set ups are ridiculous. It all seems so rushed. None of it turns me on in the least.

Me: Kissing your neck gently, running my tongue over your skin
Them: Grabbing my cock and pushing it into your ass.
Me: Caressing your face as I gently bite your earlobe.
Them: Fucking your ass hard as I listen to you scream and beg for me to fuck you harder.

It's like, are you even listening to me? To yourself? It's all about the quick cum for a lot of people. I just can't get into that.

This sums up how I feel. I love that thrill that you get when the first suggestive sentence gets typed in what was otherwise a friendly conversation.

[GalwayGirl]

Thanks for this, as pretty much a cyber virgin this has really thread has really helped me out

[MadWriter]

Originally Posted by GalwayGirl

Thanks for this, as pretty much a cyber virgin this has really thread has really helped me out

So glad to be of service .. ~smile~

[Scrubber]

Originally Posted by Rother

Am I the only one that prefers the word come to cum? Cum just makes the think of British place names...hello, Chorlton-cum-Hardy. Seriously. I've read arguments for cum as the noun and come as the verb, which is marginally more acceptable. But still.

Maybe I'm just odd for being thrown out of a thrilling moment by unappealing use of the English language. Is that a kink?

I agree, but the use of "cum" is so ubiquitous I've given up letting it irk me.

[MadWriter]

Originally Posted by Rother

Am I the only one that prefers the word come to cum? Cum just makes the think of British place names...hello, Chorlton-cum-Hardy. Seriously. I've read arguments for cum as the noun and come as the verb, which is marginally more acceptable. But still.

Maybe I'm just odd for being thrown out of a thrilling moment by unappealing use of the English language. Is that a kink?

The AP Style Manual is silent on the topic ... ~grin~

I guess I like words that serve a very specific purpose, and "cum" is one of those. I don't mind if others use "come" though ... I just don't like "cum" to mean something other than orgasm, as in "Cum here." That's just kinda creepy.

[Rother]

Originally Posted by Scrubber

I agree, but the use of "cum" is so ubiquitous I've given up letting it irk me.

I shall have to just get over it then

[Rother]

Originally Posted by MadWriter

The AP Style Manual is silent on the topic ... ~grin~

I guess I like words that serve a very specific purpose, and "cum" is one of those. I don't mind if others use "come" though ... I just don't like "cum" to mean something other than orgasm, as in "Cum here." That's just kinda creepy.

I don't like the way the word looks. It looks incorrect, like there is something wrong with it.

[EroticLily]

Originally Posted by MadWriter

We are all here for different things, obviously. But many (maybe even most) of us hope to find someone (or many someones) with whom to engage in those delicious encounters commonly called "cyber sex." That's what they used to be called, anyway ... not sure anybody really uses that term any more. Off and on over the course of the last 15 years or so, I have found these encounters sometimes mind-bending and explosive, often satisfying, sometimes adequate, and sometimes just awkward and embarrassing. (Mostly mind-bending and explosive lately, I have to say. Thank you for that, to the one who knows who she is.)

I would like to offer some of the things I've learned over those years. I don't mean to criticize anyone, nor to tell anyone what to do or how to behave. Only to offer a few ideas to make your online fun time all the more fun.

And if anyone else has any experience, or advice, or things your lovers have done well or things that annoyed you .. feel free to chime in!

Let's be clear what we're talking about here. I'm not talking about how to get a woman (or man) to agree to play. That's up to you. I'm talking about once you've got them on the Yahoo or the MSN or whatever, and it seems clear things are heading in the right direction.

I'm also not talking about just sexy chat, telling each other about experiences or fantasies. I'm talking about that kind of chat that is basically a role-played sexual encounter, complete with stage directions and dialog and so on. It's basically a shared fantasy, even if it's perfectly vanilla in nature, that both parties use as a catalyst for orgasm. It's a shared experience that can be really beautiful.

So .... now that we're on the same page ... my humble advice.

Get to know each other. Once in a while you'll get extraordinarily lucky and, while in an urgent state of need, find someone else in the same state. In that case, jump right in and have at it. But otherwise, it's usually worth the effort to chat for a while, maybe flirt, pick up a thing or two about your new playmate. It'll be worth the effort.

Differentiate between dialog, stage directions and real-life talk. Most people put some little character around their stage directions and something else around their real-life talk. For example:

*This is what I am doing in the scene*
This is what I am saying in the scene.
(This is what real me is saying to real you.)

Or, in practice:

*Slipping my hand to the inside of your thigh, touching oh so lightly, creeping up slowly*
You don't mind if I touch you here, do you?
(I'm getting really aroused .... are you?)

Also, keep the real-life talk to a minimum. It's always been important to me that the girl I'm playing with be aroused and pleased in a real way. Therefore it's often been tempting for me to interject things like (Are you wet?) and (I'm touching ... are you?). But it's best to do so very judiciously, and very rarely ... it does interrupt the flow of things.

Don't say what the other person does. This is a big no-no. Do not assume any certain reaction from your partner. Only describe what you do, and let your lover say what she or he does.

BAD:
DumbAssGuy69: *I lean back as you slowly sink to your knees*
MediocreGrrl: *I kneel, I guess*
DumbAssGuy69: *I grip my cock and touch it to your lips which obediently part and take me in*
MediocreGrrl: Do you even need me here?

GOOD:
AwesomeDude: *I lean back, my hand on your elbow, guiding you gently downward*
SweetHottie: *taking your lead, I step back slightly and look up at you as I slowly sink to my knees*
AwesomeDude: *I grip my cock by the base and touch the tip to your lips*
SweetHottie: *I eagerly part my lips and take you in just an inch or two at first*

Don't skip ahead. Slow down. Don't assume everybody's naked to start with, and don't get in a hurry to get undressed. You miss some delicious interactions if you get in a hurry.

BAD:
DumbAssGuy69: *I grab the hem of your shirt and rip it off over your head and stare at your awesome boobs*
MediocreGrrl: Yup, those are my boobs.

GOOD:
AwesomeDude: *With trembling fingers I unbutton first one, then another button, watching as the top of your breasts come into view*
SweetHottie: *My teeth catch my bottom lip as I blush, standing and letting you undress me*
AwesomeDude: *the last button undone, I slip my hands inside the fabric to touch your sides lightly, pushing the two panels of your blouse open, stealing a glance as your nipples are exposed to the cool air*
SweetHottie: *My eyes falling demurely as you gaze at me, exposed, hoping the sight of my breasts arouses you*

Don't say "cum" when you mean "come." Cum means orgasm (or the product of said orgasm). Come means approach. Using "cum" to mean "come" is just .... it's just dumb.

BAD:
DumbAssGuy69: Cum sit on my lap.
MediocreGrrl: No thank you.

GOOD:
AwesomeDude: Come sit on my lap.
SweetHottie: Why, are you going to make me cum?

Discover things the way you would in person.

BAD:
DumbAssGuy69: Are you wearing panties?
MediocreGrrl: No
DumbAssGuy69: neat. do you shave?
MediocreGrrl: Yes
DumbassGuy69: snazzy

GOOD:
AwesomeDude: *Sensing no resistance, my fingers slip past the hem of your skirt in a slow, tantalizing search of the thin lace of panties or .... whatever else I might find*
SweetHottie: *Gasping as your fingers find not lace but the smooth, swollen lips of my freshly-shaven, bare pussy*

Type out whole words. "I want 2 fuck u" is never going to work on any girl, ever, in any universe.

Use a thesaurus. Or thesaurus.com.

Be descriptive and precise.

Use all of your senses. Imagine the aroma of her wetness, the tacky feel of his precum between your fingers, the feel of a bead of sweat dripping from your temple onto her breast.

Don't push for phone or voice. It's perfectly acceptable to ask, of course, but don't push. I tend to ask before anything gets started whether or not phone/voice would be an option later, if things are going well. If she says no, I don't bring it up again. If she says yes maybe, I'll let the scene play out for a while and then ask once in a real-time interjection, like, (I'd love to move to the phone any time you're ready...) and that's it. If she doesn't respond to that, leave it alone. Nothing will kill the mood like making a girl think what she's giving you right now is not good enough.

So ... that's about all I can think of at the moment. Again, anyone else feel free to weigh in with your own preferences, your own practices, your own annoyances. I may edit this post if I think of anything else, or if anyone puts anything particularly brilliant in the comments.

Have a delicious day, Litsters. And remember, cyber sex is like everything else - practice makes perfect. So get cybering!

~grin~

yes, exactly

[SwitchMami]

LOL I'm new to the site, but an old hand at cybering, and I must say, I love.
Both cyber, and the thread ... Everyone could do well to heed this advice. The gent I recently had some fun with apparently read it ... Well done!
(By the way, our encounter actually started off just as chatting and went fabulously well, with us both dozing like babes afterward LOL)

[MichaelinChina]

Found this thread by accident and almost all the advice has been helpful.
Some comments:
Someone mentioned the standard of cyber has gone downhill. I say the quality has always been mixed - from poor to excellent. And I am only speaking from my experience with women.
If public chatlines are anything to go by, you will see the variation.

Needless to say, I learned something from the advice.
The subtleties of point of view, and the techniques of role play.
We learn by our mistakes - hopefully- and I have always analysed what worked and what didn't.
I'm looking forward to putting some of those ideas into practice - to see what the effect is.

Thanks.

[Cupcake5]

This is such a good threat. Everything mentioned is very true (and amusing!) With that in mind does anyone want to try out their new skills? Guys looking to 'cyber' please private message me, and remember these tips!

[SCMOM44]

too funny and Ive met dumbassguy in here, he is on my ignore list now

[strongdesire]

I'm always the girl who loves it. but never knows what to say. Oh the burden of being the only virgin at the party.

[rebounded]

This PSA has inspired me to use "snazzy" during sex, tho.

It's also reminded me of all the dumbasses I used to cyber with when I was like 12 and ~finding my sexuality~

oh, good times.

[deanball]

This is great and cyber is something I need to get into

I'm not sure how to start, I don't want to rush in, like some inconsiderate excuse for a man and want to get it right from the beginning...

A few questions though

1. What is the etiquette? Do you start things through a PM? (this kind of seems rude too)

2. What platform do you use. I like the idea of something 'realtime' so a PM back and forwards may not be ideal, do you use a thread? Or is this a no, no? Ideally a private chat room would be ideal-but where?

I would like to learn from the best, its something that I know I will eventually be able to be good at but just need avice from lit's very best...

[sillygirl89]

First, thanks for all the advice MadWriter, and for the place to send people who are bad lovers. And let me add my voice to all those saying this thread REALLY needs to be stickied somewhere.

As someone who has been cybering since WAY before she should have been allowed in websites like this one (giggles AOL "Teen Chat" was such a meat market back in the day) I would like to say a much belated thank you to everyone who ever chatted with me, especially the ones who were even a little bit good at it. You've made me a more gracious, more giving, and way wilder lover then I would have been without you. I've had more fun IRL and online than I would have had without you all, so thank you.

I'll also say that nothing I've done has made me a better writer than learning how to pace out foreplay with a bunch of very horny, not at all interested in slowing down boys and girls. And little has made me more creative than responding to a previously unimagined kink request. So thank you again, for that.

[deanball]

SIllygirl as someone who sounds like she has had plenty of positive experiences from cyber would you (or anyone for that matter) be able to advise me on my questions on the post above.

I really need to get involved but I like to treat people online as I would in person and so I want to get this right from the beginning so as not to offend any of the community

Thanks!!!

[Scrubber]

Originally Posted by deanball

This is great and cyber is something I need to get into

I'm not sure how to start, I don't want to rush in, like some inconsiderate excuse for a man and want to get it right from the beginning...

A few questions though

1. What is the etiquette? Do you start things through a PM? (this kind of seems rude too)

2. What platform do you use. I like the idea of something 'realtime' so a PM back and forwards may not be ideal, do you use a thread? Or is this a no, no? Ideally a private chat room would be ideal-but where?

I would like to learn from the best, its something that I know I will eventually be able to be good at but just need avice from lit's very best...

I'm no expert but for what it's worth my replies to your questions are:

1. All my cyber started via PM.

2. PM or email is actually quite good if you like doing role play and building up a story that you might want to keep for later. It is also good if you are short of time - real time chat takes up the most astonishing amount of time. Yahoo instant messenger or Skype messaging is good for real time private chat. Make sure you have a reliable internet connection though - cyber interruptus is annoying.

[redsoxlv]

Originally Posted by schaum_m

I mostly cyber with other men often playing a female. It's important to be romantic and give gratification. It turns me off for someone to jump into sex with no foreplay. I like to be undressed. It's also important to be realistic. You dont fuck in real life before you take off your clothes or walk in the room and suddenly be in bed.

Wait....what? I'm sure that's never happened to me. The women I cyber with are always 100% woman and always exactly how they describe themselves.

I like finding someone I can cyber with during the day while I'm at work. I use it as a distraction when things are slow. I think that's part of the fun too, letting them know how much they're turning you on, how hard they're making you. It adds a little risk factor to it. I don't always do that though, there's always the times when we are both horny and want to both just get off. I think it's all part of keeping it fun and relatively new.

This is a great thread though, I really think I came here and learned a few new things.

I currently don't have anyone to cyber with though, so feel free to PM me.

[GiggLeGasm]

Originally Posted by rob35can

Some good advice from MadWriter.

I also enjoy finding someone that you connect on an intellectual and sexual level. Even better so you can build an ongoing thing. Figure out each others preferences and perversions, keywords that you know will put them over the edge or at lease squirm in their seat.

I assumed this was just part of the gig..
why would you enter a textual sexual encounter with a person you wouldn't consider attractive in some way?

I don't know if I consider this an educational forum as much as a place for us to gather and chuckle about sex just like we do outside of here. Do we really think that nobody is sexually clumsy in real life? lol.. heck.. I'd like to post this thread at the corner establishment!

that being said.. enjoyable.. playful.. and much appreciated.
Thank you, Mad