How to Give Good Cyber

[MadWriter]

We are all here for different things, obviously. But many (maybe even most) of us hope to find someone (or many someones) with whom to engage in those delicious encounters commonly called "cyber sex." That's what they used to be called, anyway ... not sure anybody really uses that term any more. Off and on over the course of the last 15 years or so, I have found these encounters sometimes mind-bending and explosive, often satisfying, sometimes adequate, and sometimes just awkward and embarrassing. (Mostly mind-bending and explosive lately, I have to say. Thank you for that, to the one who knows who she is.)

I would like to offer some of the things I've learned over those years. I don't mean to criticize anyone, nor to tell anyone what to do or how to behave. Only to offer a few ideas to make your online fun time all the more fun.

And if anyone else has any experience, or advice, or things your lovers have done well or things that annoyed you .. feel free to chime in!

Let's be clear what we're talking about here. I'm not talking about how to get a woman (or man) to agree to play. That's up to you. I'm talking about once you've got them on the Yahoo or the MSN or whatever, and it seems clear things are heading in the right direction.

I'm also not talking about just sexy chat, telling each other about experiences or fantasies. I'm talking about that kind of chat that is basically a role-played sexual encounter, complete with stage directions and dialog and so on. It's basically a shared fantasy, even if it's perfectly vanilla in nature, that both parties use as a catalyst for orgasm. It's a shared experience that can be really beautiful.

So .... now that we're on the same page ... my humble advice.

Get to know each other. Once in a while you'll get extraordinarily lucky and, while in an urgent state of need, find someone else in the same state. In that case, jump right in and have at it. But otherwise, it's usually worth the effort to chat for a while, maybe flirt, pick up a thing or two about your new playmate. It'll be worth the effort.

Differentiate between dialog, stage directions and real-life talk. Most people put some little character around their stage directions and something else around their real-life talk. For example:

*This is what I am doing in the scene*
This is what I am saying in the scene.
(This is what real me is saying to real you.)

Or, in practice:

*Slipping my hand to the inside of your thigh, touching oh so lightly, creeping up slowly*
You don't mind if I touch you here, do you?
(I'm getting really aroused .... are you?)

Also, keep the real-life talk to a minimum. It's always been important to me that the girl I'm playing with be aroused and pleased in a real way. Therefore it's often been tempting for me to interject things like (Are you wet?) and (I'm touching ... are you?). But it's best to do so very judiciously, and very rarely ... it does interrupt the flow of things.

Don't say what the other person does. This is a big no-no. Do not assume any certain reaction from your partner. Only describe what you do, and let your lover say what she or he does.

BAD:
DumbAssGuy69: *I lean back as you slowly sink to your knees*
MediocreGrrl: *I kneel, I guess*
DumbAssGuy69: *I grip my cock and touch it to your lips which obediently part and take me in*
MediocreGrrl: Do you even need me here?

GOOD:
AwesomeDude: *I lean back, my hand on your elbow, guiding you gently downward*
SweetHottie: *taking your lead, I step back slightly and look up at you as I slowly sink to my knees*
AwesomeDude: *I grip my cock by the base and touch the tip to your lips*
SweetHottie: *I eagerly part my lips and take you in just an inch or two at first*

Don't skip ahead. Slow down. Don't assume everybody's naked to start with, and don't get in a hurry to get undressed. You miss some delicious interactions if you get in a hurry.

BAD:
DumbAssGuy69: *I grab the hem of your shirt and rip it off over your head and stare at your awesome boobs*
MediocreGrrl: Yup, those are my boobs.

GOOD:
AwesomeDude: *With trembling fingers I unbutton first one, then another button, watching as the top of your breasts come into view*
SweetHottie: *My teeth catch my bottom lip as I blush, standing and letting you undress me*
AwesomeDude: *the last button undone, I slip my hands inside the fabric to touch your sides lightly, pushing the two panels of your blouse open, stealing a glance as your nipples are exposed to the cool air*
SweetHottie: *My eyes falling demurely as you gaze at me, exposed, hoping the sight of my breasts arouses you*

Don't say "cum" when you mean "come." Cum means orgasm (or the product of said orgasm). Come means approach. Using "cum" to mean "come" is just .... it's just dumb.

BAD:
DumbAssGuy69: Cum sit on my lap.
MediocreGrrl: No thank you.

GOOD:
AwesomeDude: Come sit on my lap.
SweetHottie: Why, are you going to make me cum?

Discover things the way you would in person.

BAD:
DumbAssGuy69: Are you wearing panties?
MediocreGrrl: No
DumbAssGuy69: neat. do you shave?
MediocreGrrl: Yes
DumbassGuy69: snazzy

GOOD:
AwesomeDude: *Sensing no resistance, my fingers slip past the hem of your skirt in a slow, tantalizing search of the thin lace of panties or .... whatever else I might find*
SweetHottie: *Gasping as your fingers find not lace but the smooth, swollen lips of my freshly-shaven, bare pussy*

Type out whole words. "I want 2 fuck u" is never going to work on any girl, ever, in any universe.

Use a thesaurus. Or thesaurus.com.

Be descriptive and precise.

Use all of your senses. Imagine the aroma of her wetness, the tacky feel of his precum between your fingers, the feel of a bead of sweat dripping from your temple onto her breast.

Don't push for phone or voice. It's perfectly acceptable to ask, of course, but don't push. I tend to ask before anything gets started whether or not phone/voice would be an option later, if things are going well. If she says no, I don't bring it up again. If she says yes maybe, I'll let the scene play out for a while and then ask once in a real-time interjection, like, (I'd love to move to the phone any time you're ready...) and that's it. If she doesn't respond to that, leave it alone. Nothing will kill the mood like making a girl think what she's giving you right now is not good enough.

So ... that's about all I can think of at the moment. Again, anyone else feel free to weigh in with your own preferences, your own practices, your own annoyances. I may edit this post if I think of anything else, or if anyone puts anything particularly brilliant in the comments.

Have a delicious day, Litsters. And remember, cyber sex is like everything else - practice makes perfect. So get cybering!

~grin~

[luvnmyboys]

Excellent advice and thank you for the giggle at the what not to do.

ETA: If AwesomeGuy is out there, please feel free to pm me. I have more experience with DumbAssGuy.

[MidwestFarmersDaughter]

Great post. I've been lucky, most of my online partners have been a lot of fun. Might have to keep this handy, though, in case I run across a "DumbAssGuy69"

[GrrlFriday]

Bravo, a very entertaining post!

If I may borrow your characters for a minute:

Respect hard limits:

DumbAssGuy69: I can't get hard unless I see a picture of you.
Grrl: Goodbye.

DumbAssGuy69: I want to split your fucking ass wide open with my elephant cock and fuck you till you bleed, and you fuckin love it you little whore.
Grrl: *vomits*

Don't do physically impossible things
It's just confusing.

Don't nag your partner about cumming.
This should be self-explanatory.


As an aside, sometimes it's ok to let one player 'take over' the narrative... as it gives the other a chance to lay back and play... but only when it's a mutually agreeable activity.

Why doesn't MediocreGrrl get a chance to show her mediocrity?

[LadyVer]

Great advice. I would like to add one thing though that I've noticed is common on Lit that really annoys me. When referring to adult females, instead of using the term "girl" or "girls", "woman" or "women" makes more sense to me. If I'm looking for interesting threads about men, if the title has "boys" in it, I usually bypass it. Just saying.

[midlandsfun9999]

Originally Posted by LadyVer

Great advice. I would like to add one thing though that I've noticed is common on Lit that really annoys me. When referring to adult females, instead of using the term "girl" or "girls", "woman" or "women" makes more sense to me. If I'm looking for interesting threads about men, if the title has "boys" in it, I usually bypass it. Just saying.

Surely you can use that to sort the wheat from the chaff though??? If they write things like that they are self selecting themselves for a period of no responses!??

Lol

[LadyVer]

Originally Posted by midlandsfun9999

Surely you can use that to sort the wheat from the chaff though??? If they write things like that they are self selecting themselves for a period of no responses!??

Lol

I don't know. Just strikes me as strange that on an adult sex forum women are frequently referred to as girls..Yes, "boys" would be a discriminating factor, for me anyway.

[BiTodd]

Great advice! Thank you kindly.

[Rainshine]

This is a community service announcement that should be pinned.

[MadWriter]

Originally Posted by GrrlFriday

Bravo, a very entertaining post!

If I may borrow your characters for a minute:

Respect hard limits:

DumbAssGuy69: I can't get hard unless I see a picture of you.
Grrl: Goodbye.

DumbAssGuy69: I want to split your fucking ass wide open with my elephant cock and fuck you till you bleed, and you fuckin love it you little whore.
Grrl: *vomits*

Don't do physically impossible things
It's just confusing.

Don't nag your partner about cumming.
This should be self-explanatory.


As an aside, sometimes it's ok to let one player 'take over' the narrative... as it gives the other a chance to lay back and play... but only when it's a mutually agreeable activity.

Why doesn't MediocreGrrl get a chance to show her mediocrity?

Very good additions!

[Rainshine]

I'd also like to add that this thread has sparked a little love affair for me and the word snazzy. I apologise in advance. *laughing*

[xBuxombabex]

Excellent - next time I end up in a conversation with Dumbassguy I shall send them a link to this thread for their information! (I appreciate that might end the conversation - bonus!)

[MadWriter]

Originally Posted by xBuxombabex

Excellent - next time I end up in a conversation with Dumbassguy I shall send them a link to this thread for their information! (I appreciate that might end the conversation - bonus!)

Ha! I suppose even if I accomplish nothing more than helping ladies weed out the DumbAssGuy69s of the world, I've done a little good. ~smile~

[PlayfulMaineGir]

Thanks for the advice. As a newbie to this outlet, it will come in handy. And the examples made me grin.

[MadWriter]

Originally Posted by PlayfulMaineGir

Thanks for the advice. As a newbie to this outlet, it will come in handy. And the examples made me grin.

So happy to make you smile ... And welcome to the sordid world of chat ... Im sure you'll have no trouble finding someone to help you practice ... ~smile~

[msubobcats87]

Thank you for the post! This should be a required first read for all members. I make every effort not to be Dumbassguy, my wife has had to put up with enough of those!

[plightofsabine]

Very entertaining! Can't tell you how many people I've heard try to engage someone by saying "u r hot, wanna ....?" laughing~ Even in the digital divide, you still have to interact with some intelligence.

[DarkRefuge]

Originally Posted by plightofsabine

Very entertaining! Can't tell you how many people I've heard try to engage someone by saying "u r hot, wanna ....?" laughing~ Even in the digital divide, you still have to interact with some intelligence.

Cyber is all about imagination and in my mind 'you' will always be hot. And a lot of other things which the real you might not even imagine. And the same happens to me too.

For me a roleplay cyber has the following concept: We decide on a setting. We decide on methods. Then I play my game with your help and you play yours with my help.

[MadWriter]

Originally Posted by plightofsabine

Very entertaining! Can't tell you how many people I've heard try to engage someone by saying "u r hot, wanna ....?" laughing~ Even in the digital divide, you still have to interact with some intelligence.

Quite right. It is a real-live person on the other end of the line ... And yes, that real-live person is here, which means she or he is interested in sex in some way ... But that doesn't mean she or he is interested in sex with *you*. You still gotta earn it. ~smile~

[hunnyblonde]

Originally Posted by MadWriter

Quite right. It is a real-live person on the other end of the line ... And yes, that real-live person is here, which means she or he is interested in sex in some way ... But that doesn't mean she or he is interested in sex with *you*. You still gotta earn it. ~smile~

I like the way you think, my dear. You're safe to assume that I do want sex with *you*, any time of the day or night... just as a point of reference. *grin* And that of course is because you've earned it so damn well... YUMM!

[Paul_Chance]

[quote=GrrlFriday;42033886]Bravo, a very entertaining post!

...

Don't do physically impossible things
It's just confusing.

QUOTE]

I agree with this one whole-heartedly. All cyber requires a suspension of disbelief, but too many physically impossible acts in a row makes it very tough to stay in the stream of things.

The thing I would add is this - good cyber has good transitions, don't jump from the living room drinking a rum and coke to.....I throw you across the room onto the bed. Move from A to B to C.

Great little thread and I agree that it should be required reading.

[GrrlFriday]

I mean, there's the fun kind of physically impossible, where my knees don't hurt and I have to change when I'm in certain positions... and then there's your partner bending you in such a way that you're absolutely certain your back would break, and them spontaneously growing more arms than is humanly possible. Good times.

Good transitions is part of 'build up is key/don't skip ahead' for me...

[MadWriter]

Originally Posted by hunnyblonde

I like the way you think, my dear. You're safe to assume that I do want sex with *you*, any time of the day or night... just as a point of reference. *grin* And that of course is because you've earned it so damn well... YUMM!

Mmmhmm ... And you're quite worth the effort to earn, I must say ... Yumm is right ... ~smile~ But I would never have assumed anything until I did earn it. And I certainly don't make any assumptions regarding any other lovely ladies of Lit and what they may want with me. I still understand the value of earning your affection and attention, or that of any other potential playmate. And I know your standards for suitors remain rather high... Maybe I should have titles the thread "How to Keep Hunny's Attention." hehe

[Paul_Chance]

One of the good things about cyber is you can stretch the bounds of the physically possible...but the third hand always confuses me and I want to type...

"WAIT! You've got one hand on my ass, one hand curled in my hair, WHO THE HELL HAS A HOLD OF MY COCK!" In real life, if the third hand appears - I'd be levitating off the bed.

[BonBon1976]

Wonderful thread, entertaining and educational!