Dominant masochist?

So, um, hi. I've been lurking here for a while. I have no real reason to be, either, since apart from some bondage fantasies I'm as vanilla as ... ice cream? Just find this forum interesting. Delurking is scary.

Ok, to the point. I'm planning a story, and the other day one of the characters declared to me that he liked telling his partner how to hurt him. At which point my brain tried to explode, because I'd never heard of or read anything about this sort of dynamic.

So I had a trawl through the Library but came up with very, very little. There was one poll where pyl (sp?) sadist was offered and people had voted it, so it clearly does exist . Googling the title of the thread brought up several blog posts of varying usefulness and two fanfics. It also brought up an odd couple of places where people were clearly of the opinion that being a masochist meant you were a switch.

So ... agh I don't really know what I'm asking for. Too late at night! Just that if there is anyone on this forum who identifies as something like this, it would be very cool if they could say how that works for them, whether the person hurting them has to be a sadist, etc. I like making sure my facts are plausible if not 100% correct when I write.

Thank you very much,

IzAn

It's probably not very common, but they do exist. I enjoy playing with them because I like being sadistic at times, but I don't always know what to do. (I suppose I should say, I used to enjoy playing with them. I don't play anymore.)

A dominant masochist might say something like this;

"You're going to rope me into this position and you're going to whale on me until I break down and cry, and then I want you to keep going for X amount of the time it took for me to start crying before you let up."

I'm not as masochistic as that, not so much a pain slut. But I do love to bottom, and I am pretty dominant. If my top isn't entirely sure, I will offer a scenario -- or three.

Stella_Omega said:

... If my top isn't entirely sure, I will offer a scenario -- or three.

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I'm feeling on that one!

I have a masochistic dominant and I am regularly told exactly how to hurt him. It's usually of an emotional nature though. We barter my physical pain for his emotional pain. And strangely, it seems to work.

Thank you for your help, everyone!

Hi IzzyAndy,

Welcome and congrats on your 'delurking'

The dynamic you describe might be not very common in general, but coincidentally it's something that's become a bit more common in my own life, so let me chime in, here.

This is different for everyone, but for me, there's quite a difference between bottomming and subbing and between topping and Domming. I'm a switch, so is my partner, so I have experienced this from both sides.

For example, when I'm the boss, I often tell my partner to put nipple clamps on me. Hey, I just like that kind of pain, and I'm the boss now, so we're doing the things I like, right? Right. It also works the other way around. He can Dom me and tell me to pinch his nipples until he sees stars. The masochists in us don't care about sticking to only one role, apparently.

I like being submissive and having things done to me, but I also like being Dominant and having things done to me. Hell, I like being submissive and being told to do things to someone, and I like being Dominant and deciding to do things to someone.

Anyways, good luck with your story.

Hey, I know some Vanilla guys who like a little pain. The nails-across-the-back thing especially. Its fine by me, as a sub. In some ways, it makes it easier cause I can tell him nonverbally when he's doing good.

My Dom is definitely masochistic and it's a huge part of our dynamic. He'll have my legs over his shoulders, pin my wrists beside my head with his hands, so his forearms are right on either side of my face. That way, when he says "Bite!" I have easy access. He'll also command me to scratch sometimes. If I don't do it well, with conviction, there are consequences.

MellowTone said:

My Dom is definitely masochistic and it's a huge part of our dynamic. He'll have my legs over his shoulders, pin my wrists beside my head with his hands, so his forearms are right on either side of my face. That way, when he says "Bite!" I have easy access. He'll also command me to scratch sometimes. If I don't do it well, with conviction, there are consequences.

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Hot... Gotta try that out.

BiBunny said:

It's probably not very common, but they do exist.

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If I had to classify myself, it would be generally in the direction of this category of "dominant masochist". I think of myself as not really on the dominant/submissive scale though, so much as knowing what I like, and not being afraid to ask for it, but being happy enough to play along with partners if they have ideas too. It's all about the fun for me, no matter how we get there.

I love it when I encounter someone who can surprise me though