Old 09-12-2012, 06:52 AM   #1
SOMEthinBLOOMin
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Hot Springs

Hey everyone. My signature links to my first published story and it's only partially done. Feedback would be appreciated, thanks!
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'1st story: Hot Springs
'2nd story: Coconut Oil
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Old 09-12-2012, 04:06 PM   #2
LillyRoses
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Sabrina's Education

Hey everyone!

I am in the middle of writing this serial (possibly a book or novella). It is about Sabrina, an 18 year old group home kid who leaves the institution under the guardianship of a strange, young, rich man who is very eager to help her. She at first takes it as charity and upper class guilt, but eventually realizes it goes a lot deeper. She has a lot of sexual escapades along the way, despite the fact that she has lead a very sad, sheltered existence up until then. There is some lesbian erotic coupling, some threesomes, and eventually BDSM love with her young guardian (no blood relation) who reveals all his secrets to her.

Hope you like it.

Waiting for it to get approved.

*Sigh*....had to do some dialogue formatting changes. I always struggle with dialogue formatting.

Lilly R.
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Old 09-12-2012, 04:22 PM   #3
sr71plt
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SOMEthinBLOOMin View Post
Hey everyone. My signature links to my first published story and it's only partially done. Feedback would be appreciated, thanks!
First, I'm only responding because your thread was stepped on.

I only read down about six paragraphs, because I won't invest time/effort into a series that isn't completed. The writing's quite good, though, and the flow of the storytelling is also good. The phrase "a $20" is incorrect. The best rendering in text is "a twenty-dollar bill." (in most cases--but not all--numbers under 100 should be written out. Similarly, later on, it should be "twenty-four hours," not "24 hours." The number rules can get tricky, though).

So, on the basis of what little I was willing to invest in an uncompleted story, I'd say, yes, keep writing and posting.
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Old 09-12-2012, 04:41 PM   #4
PennLady
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SOMEthinBLOOMin View Post
Hey everyone. My signature links to my first published story and it's only partially done. Feedback would be appreciated, thanks!
Suggestion -- it would help to put a link in the post. Not everyone displays sigs; I'm one of the ones who doesn't.
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Old 09-12-2012, 05:06 PM   #5
sr71plt
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The link was in the signature line.
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Old 09-12-2012, 05:45 PM   #6
PennLady
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The link was in the signature line.
Yes, but I don't have sigs set to display. I don't like the room they take up on my screen, and many people have stuff in there I'd prefer my kids not see either. I also don't display avatars.
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Old 09-12-2012, 05:54 PM   #7
SOMEthinBLOOMin
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Hey everyone, thanks for the feedback. For those of you who do not have signatures enabled please refer to the link here First story (Hot Springs)
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'1st story: Hot Springs
'2nd story: Coconut Oil
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Old 09-12-2012, 06:22 PM   #8
PennLady
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Originally Posted by SOMEthinBLOOMin View Post
Hey everyone, thanks for the feedback. For those of you who do not have signatures enabled please refer to the link here First story (Hot Springs)
Thank you.
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Old 10-01-2012, 06:39 AM   #9
SOMEthinBLOOMin
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2nd story is up!

http://www.literotica.com/s/coconut-oil-pt-01
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