Can you help me make him cum?

[Sweetandsinful]

Originally Posted by Bbb13

One is right under the head

Did know that one, thank you

[SweetErika]

You said he just lies there and doesn't make any sounds. Has he ever truly communicated what he enjoys, step-by-step, in a way that makes you feel good and builds your confidence?

That's what a loving partner would do. Not complain, criticize your technique or push you away (regardless of frustration level; my two-year-old does that - there's no excuse for an adult to be doing that during sex or a relationship!). He should be saying, "Honey, I love it when you use your mouth on my cock. There are some specific things that make it even better for me. Can I share them with you?" or something similar that's kind and makes you feel empowered.

And, shit, I always use my hands during blowjobs. My hands can do a bunch of things my mouth simply can't, so my partner greatly benefits from their involvement. If I were a guy, I can't imagine not enjoying one hand stimulating my shaft, the other playing with my balls and other hot spots, and a mouth going to town on the head of my cock!

Your bf's attitude and behavior in this situation is reprehensible. People are saying he's a jerk because they either are men who can't imagine behaving so poorly or women who have been with plenty of men who have not behaved so badly. Any guy worth giving a blowjob to knows it's idiotic to complain and make their partner feel bad about their skills! Doing so is going to a) not going to make the person better at giving oral sex at all and b) make the person not want to give oral because they're so self-conscious about their skills.

You may very well need to improve your oral skills, but it sounds like at least 95% of the problem lies with your boyfriend and his immature, shitty attitude and actions. Sure, work on your oral skills if he wants to help you in a loving manner, but more than that, you need to work on your self-esteem so you can recognize when you're being treated badly and have the confidence to get away from assholes. Assholes and abusers prey on people with low self-esteem because they're easier to manipulate and are far, far more likely to just take it, rather than leave.

Please don't get defensive, take what we're saying on board and get brutally honest with yourself about how your bf acts and treats you. You're not going to convince us he's a great guy because his actions say he's being a jerk. And actions always speak louder than words!

[blulilacgrl]

Originally Posted by Sweetandsinful

If you can recommend any particular place to do this research, it would be appreciated . I haven't had any complaints, but I'm always looking to improve.

There are a lot of books out there that deal giving a blowjob. Lol. I have a whole collection. What can I say I am a researcher at heart. But the one I found really interesting was "How to Blow Him Away". Mostly because it gives not only tips and techniques but exercises for you to do to strengthen your tongue and lips. It also gives a clear diagram where you can learn about where to touch and why it is such a hot spot.

[DuckLover]

I rarely climax from blowjobs either, but they still feel good and I try to ensure that she knows I enjoy and appreciate it.

A couple things that may help:
* If he's large and your mouth is small, considering going sideways. Instead of his head going down your throat, try pushing it out the side of your cheek. That'll allow you to take more length easily while still breathing and without gagging. It may also give you more freedom for your tongue to be really active.
* Make your own happy noises! It may turn you on more, and it enhances his experience. Lusty moans, slurpy sucking, and the like can be powerful.
* Another common, strong technique is simply to establish eye contact. Don't stare at him constantly, but catch and hold his gaze for a few moments at a time. Let him see the lust in your eyes. This combination makes the BJ not just physical sensation, but also audio and visual - more methods = more arousal.
* And back to communication, tell HIM what you want from him during a BJ. Not that you want him to cum, as the pressure can be counter-productive, but what you want him to say/do. Eye contact, happy noises, caressing your head/shoulder, using his hand... encourage him to be an active participant.

I wish you luck. And I hope that he does truly appreciate how lucky he is to have a girlfriend who so avidly wants to give him excellent blowjobs.

[pmann]

Originally Posted by xxLadyJxx

I'd appreciate it if you'd actually try and help me instead of telling me to get a nice cock to suck.

He's apologised for that in case you didn't read my post.



No he isn't inexperienced.

Beginning to wonder why I bothered starting this thread.

I can be very blunt and I have the bedside manner of the grim reaper.

Erika actually said what I mean. So read her post and pretend it was me. I wasn't trying to not be helpful. I was saying that you are being hard on yourself when you aren't the one at fault.

And you never said he apologized. It still doesn't change the fact that he makes you feel bad for all of this. You seem nice and willing to please him. That's a great trait. And not all that common. But don't be manipulated into it. Your posts have glaring self esteem issues in them. I'm not saying that as a knock, but hopefully a reality check for you. You need to see its not okay for a guy to push you away.

But I can't imagine him not wanting your hand there. That's a blowjibber and handjibber in one.

Good luck!

[xxLadyJxx]

Originally Posted by blulilacgrl

Ummm... I just reread your posts and didn't see anywhere where you mentioned him apologizing.

And yes he is inexperienced if he thinks that frustration and guilt is the way to build up a lover's confidence.

Apologies. I did actually have it typed out (my internet connection is dodgy at the best of times) that he has apologised more than once to me about pushing me away, he knows it hurt me. I think I may have actually portrayed him incorrectly in my OP tbh. He's trying to get me to stop feeling guilty etc. but I have a very hard time letting go of things.

Originally Posted by DuckLover

I rarely climax from blowjobs either, but they still feel good and I try to ensure that she knows I enjoy and appreciate it.

A couple things that may help:
* If he's large and your mouth is small, considering going sideways. Instead of his head going down your throat, try pushing it out the side of your cheek. That'll allow you to take more length easily while still breathing and without gagging. It may also give you more freedom for your tongue to be really active.
* Make your own happy noises! It may turn you on more, and it enhances his experience. Lusty moans, slurpy sucking, and the like can be powerful.
* Another common, strong technique is simply to establish eye contact. Don't stare at him constantly, but catch and hold his gaze for a few moments at a time. Let him see the lust in your eyes. This combination makes the BJ not just physical sensation, but also audio and visual - more methods = more arousal.
* And back to communication, tell HIM what you want from him during a BJ. Not that you want him to cum, as the pressure can be counter-productive, but what you want him to say/do. Eye contact, happy noises, caressing your head/shoulder, using his hand... encourage him to be an active participant.

I wish you luck. And I hope that he does truly appreciate how lucky he is to have a girlfriend who so avidly wants to give him excellent blowjobs.

I think communication is the main issue here really. Well aside from the fact that I'm inexperienced. I'm quite shy and can hesitate in bringing up issues that affect me so that hasn't helped at all. Thanks so much for your reply.


SweetErika - I've already started typing my response and I forgot to click the quote button on your message. He's really really not a douche though, it's just this issue has been going on for a long time and we both just want it resolved.

Originally Posted by pmann

I can be very blunt and I have the bedside manner of the grim reaper.

Erika actually said what I mean. So read her post and pretend it was me. I wasn't trying to not be helpful. I was saying that you are being hard on yourself when you aren't the one at fault.

And you never said he apologized. It still doesn't change the fact that he makes you feel bad for all of this. You seem nice and willing to please him. That's a great trait. And not all that common. But don't be manipulated into it. Your posts have glaring self esteem issues in them. I'm not saying that as a knock, but hopefully a reality check for you. You need to see its not okay for a guy to push you away.

But I can't imagine him not wanting your hand there. That's a blowjibber and handjibber in one.

Good luck!

I do have self esteem issues but I wasn't aware it was glaringly obvious from my post. I do know it's not okay for him to push me away. He did apologise profusely for it so that's why I was getting defensive, I really thought I'd included that in the OP. Thanks for the reply.

[Rainshine]

I tend to agree, that your boyfriend sounds like his reactions have been that of a petulant child.

However, you're still keen to give it a go and go back for more. You can ask every single person in the world for tips on how to make him enjoy what you're doing to him, or how to make him cum, but the bottom line is you need to ask him. There is noone more qualified to tell you and help you than the person you're trying to please. So...

Why don't you turn it into a little role-play. Dress up like a schoolgirl, and have your teacher "teach" you. Make it a fun, sexy little adventure you two can go on together to achieve an end goal - you knowing how to do what he wants/needs.

This isn't all on you, and like anything with sex you need to communicate and not react with aggression and petulance when it doesn't quite happen how you imagine it might/would/should/could.

[xxLadyJxx]

Originally Posted by Rainshine

I tend to agree, that your boyfriend sounds like his reactions have been that of a petulant child.

However, you're still keen to give it a go and go back for more. You can ask every single person in the world for tips on how to make him enjoy what you're doing to him, or how to make him cum, but the bottom line is you need to ask him. There is noone more qualified to tell you and help you than the person you're trying to please. So...

Why don't you turn it into a little role-play. Dress up like a schoolgirl, and have your teacher "teach" you. Make it a fun, sexy little adventure you two can go on together to achieve an end goal - you knowing how to do what he wants/needs.

This isn't all on you, and like anything with sex you need to communicate and not react with aggression and petulance when it doesn't quite happen how you imagine it might/would/should/could.

I'll keep your advice in mind, thanks. I've realised that it's not all on me.

From now on if I get any more replies I'm not going to bother replying to any sentiments about my boyfriend's behaviour unless absolutely necessary.

[blulilacgrl]

Originally Posted by xxLadyJxx

I think communication is the main issue here really. Well aside from the fact that I'm inexperienced. I'm quite shy and can hesitate in bringing up issues that affect me so that hasn't helped at all. Thanks so much for your reply.

One thing you will find over and over and over again is the need for communication. It is essential is all aspects of a relationship. And you and your boyfriend definitely need to work on your communication skills. You two need to be able to discuss anything and everything. And that advice extends beyond the issue of sex.

But the one point that really made me want to just scream is the issue you have with being inexperienced. Why do you view that as a bad thing? That's a great thing! Don't you see what that means? It means that you and your boyfriend get to explore together. You get to try things out together. At the very least he gets to show you a whole new experience.

I am in my upper 30s and guess what...I am still inexperienced in things. There are still things I am learning. Heck there are a lot of things that I have just experienced in the last year or two.

But here I will give you this one last piece of advice. Sex is about the moment, not THE moment. It is about pleasure and time and intimacy and fun. So if you need to, tie your boyfriend up and then take all the time you need to have fun with him. Spend however long you need to figure out where he likes to be touched, what makes him jump and twitch, where you like to touch him, how you like to touch him. And if he complains, well there is such a thing as a ball gag.

[xxLadyJxx]

Originally Posted by blulilacgrl

One thing you will find over and over and over again is the need for communication. It is essential is all aspects of a relationship. And you and your boyfriend definitely need to work on your communication skills. You two need to be able to discuss anything and everything. And that advice extends beyond the issue of sex.

But the one point that really made me want to just scream is the issue you have with being inexperienced. Why do you view that as a bad thing? That's a great thing! Don't you see what that means? It means that you and your boyfriend get to explore together. You get to try things out together. At the very least he gets to show you a whole new experience.

I am in my upper 30s and guess what...I am still inexperienced in things. There are still things I am learning. Heck there are a lot of things that I have just experienced in the last year or two.

But here I will give you this one last piece of advice. Sex is about the moment, not THE moment. It is about pleasure and time and intimacy and fun. So if you need to, tie your boyfriend up and then take all the time you need to have fun with him. Spend however long you need to figure out where he likes to be touched, what makes him jump and twitch, where you like to touch him, how you like to touch him. And if he complains, well there is such a thing as a ball gag.

I'm not sure why I view it as a bad thing, I never really thought about it. Maybe because I've always been led to believe so. I'm quite shy so that's the reason for my lack of experience. My bf is my first bf, I'd never even kissed anyone before him and I was 22 when I met him. I guess I just have to give it time and talk to him.

[mike2010fc]

Just wanted to chime in and say if nobody has yet, that hj's/bj's are often more mental than physical (at least for me). Too many women I've been with just go faster or try to force the climax when really they need to slow things down. Try to get him into the game by stopping periodically and letting go of him, then tease him with just your fingertip or tongue. He needs to get to the point where the titillation is too much and he would orgasm on his own even if you stopped touching him completely.

The game should be, how to get him to finish with as little stimulation as possible. If you aren't incorporating that, then it's unlikely you'll get more than a run of the mill orgasm from him anyway, which he may as well just do himself.

One last thing is, that I feel bad when women are doing it, I'm turned on but hate that they have to go through it, because I wouldn't want to have to go down on a guy (but I love going down on women!) So get those thoughts out of his mind by telling him how much you like <insert bodily function of choice here>. An analogy is, women worry about squirting/peeing during G spot play but they shouldn't because it wouldn't bother me at all, I would just be happy to give her so much pleasure.

Mike

[query]

I will try with great difficulty not to add to the your boyfriends a douche bag refrain...

That said it's very very hard for me to get off and under ideal circumstances a simple bj is probably not going to get it done unless I'm already pretty much on edge already.

The fact that he has gotten off from a bj from other girls has nothing to do with whether not your quote unquote doing it right.

This is not b J specific but it's relevant:

I have a friend with benefits who has a young, inept boyfriend. Early on whenwe started playing I just wasn't really clear with how casual sex works with friends with benefits. She seemed open minded and was clear on the idea that I would be seeking other partners when she wasn't available. Problem is I was fishing in too small of a pond so to speak. She heard from 1 knows you mutual friend that I had gone out with another 1 of our mutual friends. Since she brought it up I thought it would be okay to talk about forgetting of course in about first she's a woman and we all need to have our pride and dignity intact.

At this time I had not gotten off while playing with her all of had a really good time with her and expressed her how good that I enjoyed the time even though I didn't get off she was a bit dubious of that possibility. She blurts out well did you get off of her?

I maybe an insensitive clod but I knew better than to answer that question. But somehow I must have given away nonverbally cos she just looked at me and greens said you did you did with her what does she do better?

The honest truth there's nothing that girl number 2 did better for some reason I just got off I could somehow visualize being rough with her easier... both of them are fairly open to some rough play but at that point I wasnt quite prepared to go there. So the fact that I had an easier time thinking about it with number 2 wasn't anything that girls number 1 could do anything about. There were lots of things that are similar about the 2 girls in a jar parents body type enthusiasm.

Getting back to BJ's in particular the thing that I like about them it's not so much the actual physical sensation that the sheer not enough of it putting my filthy bits in your pretty face. That's a subjective thing and it's really hard for you to have any control over it all.

I don't have a problem with the boyfriend specifically because everything we've heard is context important. My guess is that you probably bugging my bed about well how is this what about that what about this and after a while it becomes kind of a chore. I get that you're fixated on him as your 1 N only. I myself was monogamous with my first and only for 2 decades. Keep in mind when people are giving you advice (not that I'm calling them all sluts or anything) but they had a little more experience than you have. You don't know what you're missing possibly... And there's nothing wrong with that at this stage in your life. Evil grin

[xxLadyJxx]

Originally Posted by mike2010fc

Just wanted to chime in and say if nobody has yet, that hj's/bj's are often more mental than physical (at least for me). Too many women I've been with just go faster or try to force the climax when really they need to slow things down. Try to get him into the game by stopping periodically and letting go of him, then tease him with just your fingertip or tongue. He needs to get to the point where the titillation is too much and he would orgasm on his own even if you stopped touching him completely.

The game should be, how to get him to finish with as little stimulation as possible. If you aren't incorporating that, then it's unlikely you'll get more than a run of the mill orgasm from him anyway, which he may as well just do himself.

One last thing is, that I feel bad when women are doing it, I'm turned on but hate that they have to go through it, because I wouldn't want to have to go down on a guy (but I love going down on women!) So get those thoughts out of his mind by telling him how much you like <insert bodily function of choice here>. An analogy is, women worry about squirting/peeing during G spot play but they shouldn't because it wouldn't bother me at all, I would just be happy to give her so much pleasure.

Mike

The issue with me is that I'm actually slowing down too much and I'm causing him to go soft but I don't really know how to stop this or why I'm even doing it.

I feel the same as you when he's going down on me even though he's said countless times that he loves it. And he does make me cum every time he licks me out.

query - Thanks for your reply. I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say, I appreciate your reply nonetheless.

Seriously guys, stop with the boyfriend comments. He's apologised and I'm moving on from that. I want to fix this problem, not debate about him. I know we love each other and that's all that matters to me.

[Rainshine]

Originally Posted by xxLadyJxx

Seriously guys, stop with the boyfriend comments. He's apologised and I'm moving on from that. I want to fix this problem, not debate about him. I know we love each other and that's all that matters to me.

Almost every response has briefly commented on the boyfriends behaviour and then moved on to actual advice.

[EroticApology]

I will ask again since you skipped my question....does he make you climax from oral?

[xxLadyJxx]

Originally Posted by EroticApology

I will ask again since you skipped my question....does he make you climax from oral?

I did answer you. Or at least I thought I did..

Yes he does. Every time.


Edit: I apologise. I read through the thread and I didn't reply. I genuinely thought I did.

[LikeASnowflake]

Have you tried playing with his balls? Maybe he enjoys that very much. While jacking him off you can lick, suck, squeeze them. Be gentle though.

Also maybe use some put some ice cubes in your mouth. And the suck him off. I'm sure he'll love the experience.

You could also make out with his dick. Kiss it, tease him etc.

Just be a bit more experimental.

Also tell him to tell you when you do something that he likes very much so you can keep doing that. Or if there are things other girls have done that he enjoys.

[xxLadyJxx]

Originally Posted by LikeASnowflake

Have you tried playing with his balls? Maybe he enjoys that very much. While jacking him off you can lick, suck, squeeze them. Be gentle though.

Also maybe use some put some ice cubes in your mouth. And the suck him off. I'm sure he'll love the experience.

You could also make out with his dick. Kiss it, tease him etc.

Just be a bit more experimental.

Also tell him to tell you when you do something that he likes very much so you can keep doing that. Or if there are things other girls have done that he enjoys.

I do lick his balls sometimes, I can do that more.

I like the icecubes idea too, I'll mention that to him.

[pisces_girl]

Originally Posted by Sweetandsinful

If you can recommend any particular place to do this research, it would be appreciated . I haven't had any complaints, but I'm always looking to improve.

I'm curious about this as well...

[Sweetandsinful]

Originally Posted by pisces_girl

I'm curious about this as well...

I'll pay it forward

[amofiga]

Originally Posted by pmann

I don't care how shitty a blowjob it is. If you are blowing him and he pushes you away for anything other than biting his dick with vampire fangs, he's being rude.

Want to fix the bad blowjob problem? Get a nicer cock to suck.

Seriously, he's made you feel inferior. It's about trust and learning to work with someone to make the other person feel good.

You say my assessment is wrong. Why? What's wrong about it? What is not douchie about getting mad and pushing you away?

Bingo. This guy sounds like a jerk. Here you are trying to please and he makes you feel like dirt instead of praising you for trying. If he's not happy with what you're doing, he needs to take the time to explain/show you what he likes. It's like a woman who just bitches at a guy because he's not eating or fucking her right instead of working together with him to find the right way for both partners to be happy. I don't know how old either of you are, but it all sounds rather immature to me. Sorry if my opinion upsets you, but sex is a team effort to be shared and not something you "have to do" some perfect way to make him happy.

[ConfusedAgain]

Originally Posted by amofiga

Bingo. This guy sounds like a jerk. Here you are trying to please and he makes you feel like dirt instead of praising you for trying. If he's not happy with what you're doing, he needs to take the time to explain/show you what he likes. It's like a woman who just bitches at a guy because he's not eating or fucking her right instead of working together with him to find the right way for both partners to be happy. I don't know how old either of you are, but it all sounds rather immature to me. Sorry if my opinion upsets you, but sex is a team effort to be shared and not something you "have to do" some perfect way to make him happy.

Maybe just really immature and not at the age or maturity level where you guys can actually talk about what you like/don't like? How old is this guy again? A lot of people just don't communicate. I saw a guy post somewhere that he was turned off when during sex the gf sucked his nipple. He didn't say anything and pushed her away and changed positions then he posted about it online. So yeah like others said already, he needs to tell you what he likes and doesn't like.


I know, OP is sick of the jerk comments but the only other scary thing about his jerkiness is that abusive men do the same thing. They keep apologizing over and over, gifts/flowers and all and they say they love you. Not assuming anything because there really isn't enough information to judge.. I'm just throwing that out there. Many men are just like children and storm off when they're mad or upset and he could just be one of those.

[xxLadyJxx]

The fact that you even brought up abusiveness has really upset me. I've gotten a lot of help from this thread but that was too far. So yeah, I doubt I'll be replying again after this and I'll think twice about asking for help here again if people are going to jump to conclusions about my boyfriend.

[pmann]

Originally Posted by xxLadyJxx

The fact that you even brought up abusiveness has really upset me. I've gotten a lot of help from this thread but that was too far. So yeah, I doubt I'll be replying again after this and I'll think twice about asking for help here again if people are going to jump to conclusions about my boyfriend.

I think that may have been a bit far about the abusive thing. But the issue does go back to the original post. I think everyone got a bad taste in their mouth (heehee) and that's probably why this thread has gone sour.

So I think if people are going to reply from here on out, they should just sort of assume that the guy made a mistake and trust Lady when she says he's not a jerk.

The forum can be helpful and I don't think this one bad experience should spoil it all. But there is a lack of tolerance for misogynistic behaviour and that's what it appeared from the first post. Hopefully the good will outweigh the bad.

[loveroflove]

vibrating tongue toy?