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Old 09-02-2012, 11:05 PM   #1
Legman173
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Legman173 is offline
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 8
New Author needing an Editor badly

I am a new author who after doing some quick editing myself posted two stories. After reviewing the feedback one thing is clear, I am in desperate need of an editor. Although my first two stories have already been posted I would like to work with an editor who can help me get them up to a better standard regarding grammatical errors and word usage. I think that the condition they are in is greatly detracting from the story and would like to repost them once I get them patched up.

The stories are

He Was Mine First

and

Studying with Kelly

Please take a look and let me know if you are interested I am looking forward to growing as a writer, thank you in advance.

If you do not want to PM me please email me at [personal info prohibited per our forum guidelines]

Legman173

Last edited by MistressLynn : 09-03-2012 at 03:27 AM.
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Old 09-05-2012, 04:59 AM   #2
i_would
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Posts: 262
I don't do editing, but just quickly read the start of "studying with kelly" and have some comments on the language. I barely read the content, so no comment on that.
1) the story sounds a bit like a child talking, as you use very short sentences, and it's very chaotic. The order of bits and pieces of the story doesn't make much sense, and some major reordering of sentences would be in place. I basically don't see any commas, every statement is a new sentence. Sometimes breaking up stuff in separate sentences is better, but sometimes combining is better.
2) often you use very long paragraphs, not good for screen-reading. Dialogue is also not always correctly paragraphed.
3) many punctuation errors in the dialogue - I recommend you to read the how-tos on Literotica on that subject. And there are many more very useful how-tos, like about punctuation and so. Very helpful, even if you think you know the rules already.

What can also help is reading your story aloud to yourself. This will make you hear the grammar errors, it makes you feel whether a story runs smoothly or not. As it is, it needs really heavy editing and rewriting, so much I think it'll be off-putting to many editors.

The beginning of "Kelly" could be something like this (excepts of the first two paragraphs). After which you can continue to describe how Stan lusts over her.


Just as the bell rang, Stan entered the history classroom. Stan was just a typical 18yo student, doing all-right at sports and his academic work, but not standing out of the crowd much there. He was glad he made it to class in time, not only because history was his favourite subject and the only one he excelled in, he knew he would sit right across Kelly.

Kelly he thought was easily the hottest girl in school. Long brown hair, deep green eyes and beautiful tanned legs, which she liked to show off by wearing the shortest skirts she could possibly get away with. She also seemed to tease the boys across her by regularly uncrossing and crossing her legs.
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Old 09-05-2012, 08:47 AM   #3
palisa
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No comment...
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Old 09-29-2012, 06:57 PM   #4
AsylumSeeker
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Legman173 View Post
I am a new author who after doing some quick editing myself posted two stories. After reviewing the feedback one thing is clear, I am in desperate need of an editor. Although my first two stories have already been posted I would like to work with an editor who can help me get them up to a better standard regarding grammatical errors and word usage. I think that the condition they are in is greatly detracting from the story and would like to repost them once I get them patched up.

The stories are

He Was Mine First

and

Studying with Kelly

Please take a look and let me know if you are interested I am looking forward to growing as a writer, thank you in advance.

If you do not want to PM me please email me at [personal info prohibited per our forum guidelines]

Legman173
Shame on you both!

Here is a person who is attempting to share his thoughts, his ideas, and you shut him out. No. HELL NO! So this writer can use some help. That's why the VE is here.

We're here for you, writer. Please share.
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