Once more with feeling.

[indigolm]

Originally Posted by Connubium

Thanks indi, you for one have always been very respectful, although I think you are just a peaceful/caring type of person in general .

Yep...that pretty much describes me perfectly!

[Scuttle Buttin']

Originally Posted by Connubium

Maybe I should just post my ignore list, it's hilariously big because I not only block when who are douchebags to me but also ones who I observe being idiots to other women. Also sometimes I will PM them and tell them very tactfully how much they suck,and then put them on ignore. I might find something repulsive to send them, feminist articles and suchlike .

Just link them to Jezebel or something.

Either way, I think it's a positive thing that you're actually saying something in public about this, and letting people know that it's not okay. Maybe, just maybe, it will have an impact. On your thread and the messages you get, at least.

A person can dream, I suppose.

[Vixxennn]

Originally Posted by Connubium

Thanks Vixx! it's awesome to see your thread up and running again , to show my appreciation I'll send you five pictures of my flaccid cock, and just to make it and extra surprise I will just title the PM 'hey'...you know what I'm talking about .

Hahaha! Oh yes, I do know what you're talking about.

I'm trying to figure out this whole thread thing. As you are aware, it can be incredibly overwhelming at times. But I'm happy that you're checking in on me... us Lit girls have to stick together

[Scuttle Buttin']

Originally Posted by Vixxennn

Hahaha! Oh yes, I do know what you're talking about.

I'm trying to figure out this whole thread thing. As you are aware, it can be incredibly overwhelming at times. But I'm happy that you're checking in on me... us Lit girls have to stick together

This makes me think... maybe you really should stick together. If one of you gets a harassing PM, share it with the other women you talk to. Let them know that there's an asshole out there sending you that stuff so they can preemptively ignore them, too.

The problem is that with a board like this, there are always going to be new people coming on that won't know that other guys are on a bunch of ignore lists because they're misogynist assholes, but maybe if some of you ladies band together, sort of get each other's backs, you can collectively reduce the amount of it that you're all getting. Because you know if someone is going to do it with one of you, he's not going to hesitate to do it with others.

[In Anticipation]

Originally Posted by Connubium

It wasn't so much me posting it because I'm sick of Lit and I'm not enjoying myself. It's that it's so easy and acceptable for guys to stop me from enjoying myself and that I and other women have to compromise our fun just because some dude gets off my being saying rude or invasive things. Truth is that I like this place but I cant let it be to time consuming, so when I'm on here I don't want to have to waste my time explaining to some guy that I do not want to look at him naked, the other issue for me is that my boyfriend would really hate it if he knew other men sent me pics of themselves. All the behind the scenes chatting I do is purely friendly and that's all I want because I don't want to damage my relationship in any way.



Thanks , I don't think I've changed much...I just don't care about pleasing everyone anymore and maybe I've gained a little more self worth, I no longer care if less peopin inle find me attractive because I'm not playing into their fantasy, and I'm not going to say things that make me feel uncomfortable just to please other anymore. Hope that makes sense .



Thanks Vixx! it's awesome to see your thread up and running again , to show my appreciation I'll send you five pictures of my flaccid cock, and just to make it and extra surprise I will just title the PM 'hey'...you know what I'm talking about .



Thanks IA, for the record you are someone who I've never seen be disrespectful and I think you're really good at being able to comment in a way that the women (and we're all different) is happy with.


Thanks you MM



Thanks Faime!



Yeah and I know you totally hardly read what I wrote, if you did thank you for not pointing out the numerous grammatical errors , not that you need to read it bestest buddy.

I'd be mortified if a woman ever found me to be anything but respectful. I'm pretty much myself here, I'm not clever enough to carry off an alter ego.

[teachinem]

Originally Posted by Connubium

I don't think it's so much a case of having to be careful about being to pervy. I mean, I'm realistic I know this is a sex based site and people are going to say pervy stuff,men and women! But it's just like real life, there's a clear line between flirtation and harassment isn't there? It's not really a 'measurable' line, compliment me but don't repeatedly send me pm's about what you want to do to me when I ask you to leave me alone (this results in blocking but honestly that doesn't stop it from bothering me or making me not want to log on). Read enough of my posts to know that I never refer to myself as 'slut', 'whore', 'bitch' etc, I know some women like that, I'm not one of them. Don't belittle us, demand things from us or generally talk to us like crap. It's really not hard a lot of the guys on here have it down. And when in doubt be respectful, you won't always be ignored but at least you'll always know that you're being a nice guy and not a sexist douche.

Re the name a get a lot of people asking me why my name means some marriage law or something...I always say it was either this or Sexxiiihobitch69 but that was already taken. Connubium sounds cool and can also be used to mean sexual union in Latin, or so I heard, it was that or the Latin name for clitoris (quick everyone rush to google!).


ETA Some women ask to be spoken to like 'sluts' and that is totally fine, obviously.If both people are happy then what's the issue? I guess that's the point we should have the choice to decide what stuff we want to participate in not have it forced upon us.
I mean can you imagine if the majority of women starting speaking to every man they had any communications with like they were their Domme? Saying stuff like 'I want to tie you up and pound your tight hole'? Sending them pictures of men being fucked by giant strap-ons, maybe pictures of themselves donning strap-ons? Sure there would be some guys who'd be into it, but can you imagine how much it would piss you off if you weren't? Can you imagine how much it would turn you off and irritate you?
You could block them but remember there are a lot of women like it on here and you'll get to the stage where you wonder if there's a limit to your ignore list and whether it's really worth it anyway

Ever seen King of the Hill? The only episode that sticks out to me is the one where Boomhauer tries to teach Bobby how to pick up chicks. Bobby watches while Boomhauer talks to women, gets slapped in the face time after time, and then finally a girl gives him her number. He just kept plugging away until whatever it was he asked for worked. I guess that's what I lot of people do here.

I guess I'm less worried about being too perverted and more worried about not showing proper respect, if I can say those aren't the same.

Either way, thanks for the reply. Lets me know I'm not crazy

[query]

Originally Posted by Connubium

Maybe I should just post my ignore list, it's hilariously big because I not only block when who are douchebags to me but also ones who I observe being idiots to other women. Also sometimes I will PM them and tell them very tactfully how much they suck,and then put them on ignore. I might find something repulsive to send them, feminist articles and suchlike .

^ this might be the most insightful and smart thing I've ever seen you post, and that is saying something.

At the very heart of why "asshole game"* works on women is the idea in a woman's head that yes he's an a****** but he's my a****** and I'm going to make it change him but he's only going to not be an a****** for me.

The fact that you instantly recognize that how a man treats other women is how he eventually at some point is going to treat you is genius.... one of those things that's just so obvious that most people miss it.

[EndlessNameless]

Originally Posted by Connubium

I suppose I was making a sweeping statement, you always seem fine and dickish to me

Oh, I'm very dickish. Dickin teh womenz, that is.

I'm glad you take the time to talk to all of us and share your thoughts. You seem like an incredible woman and I for one enjoy the art of conversation.

[upforfunNJ]

Originally Posted by Connubium

Okay,so tonight instead of posting pictures or just replying I decided to write a little bit about myself and my experiences here on Lit.
I've posting here for what, like six months now? (Can't see when I signed up ).

We're sexy an great because we can express ourselves, like human being should, objects do not express themselves, so please don't treat us like objects. Although the objects may prefer looking at your cock pics.

Connubium,

Sadly it is true that there are some real assholes in this world and as hard as we try, they seem to find there way into our lives.
As a man, I was always told to treat everyone with respect, but especially women. I think that a lot of the problem today is that the younger generations are no longer made to show respect to anyone.
Back in my day, if I was disrespectful, I got my ass beat! Some of the whippings that I recieved would have been considered child abuse, but, I have more respect for my father than anyone else! He is the greatest man I know.
Disapline does not have to go as far as my father went, but, there is only so much that can be done with a time out. I will give my kids a time out for acting up, but if they continue after that, they get a swat, open hand on the butt. I have not had to swat either of them for more that 3 years at this point because they show me the respect that they should and I think that says alot considering they are both pre teens.
Where ever I go, I am told what nice, well behaved kids they are (yes the proud dad showing there).
Because no one is taught respect any more, they get worse as they get older.

I am particularly annoyed about the things that go on here at lit because a few rotten apples have to ruin it for the whole bunch. I do not reply or post often, but when I do, I try to be respectful. I appreaciate that there are so many beautiful women willing to share with me.
I cant tell you how many times some dick as scared/pissed off one of the lovely ladies of lit and ruined it for all.

As for me, it is not the fact that they are actual girls, but rather that they are usually "natural" as in not wareing 10,000 worth of victoria's apperal and so photo shopped that there is more computer graffic than girl.

I was so happy that you started a new thread and decided to once again share with us.

That you from the bottom of my heart~

[morninwould]

Originally Posted by Connubium

For _me_

You. . .this. . .its fucking lovely.

And as for the PM guy. . .did that run him off? Please god, cause I hate his fucking avatar.

[Spencationlit]

Originally Posted by Connubium

The thing is women are expected to think that it's 'normal', it's 'boys being boys' and that it's something they should come to expect if they're on here or some other social site. The worst is when some guys talk to you like they think they're just above you, it's hard to describe it's like they feel we are a slightly lower species .
A guy on here once, who's like a superstar poster I mean 50,000+ posts and a big player over in the playground, lots of women calling him daddy etc send me a message telling me he likes my ass and is going to send me stories he's written (not about me just old stories) that I may like. I say okay, and take a little while to reply to him message because I'm busy. He was not happy with me taking a while to reply in fact he said, 'I was starting to think I had wasted my time with you and you were just a silly whore', I apologize and explain I'm a single parent. He 'understands' and sends me another story that I didn't really ask for,this time I actually had to take a break and had to go to hospital and have a medical procedure and I didn't reply. He was not happy, I blocked him, but the whole time I thought if this guy wanted to he could ruin my fun on here. I've read a couple of 'snide' comments he made about me in threads. It wasn't a big deal, but he initiated it, he was the prick, and he was the one who didn't even think 'hey maybe she has a life and that's why she's not getting back to me'.



It's nice to see you around again . I guess it is easy, so we just need to make it hard for people to be like that, seriously it's not just a man issue, women need to stop being so accepting of it as well.



Thanks PA. You are someone I would consider pervy but not in an intimidating or bad way. You're quite friendly , but your focus is mainly just kinky-sex-talk which is fine because I've never seen you force it down my throat or anyone else's, no pun .



I would be slightly offended my this insinuation that I'm less likely to be interesting because I'm female, but in general most people are pretty uninteresting regardless of gender.



Thanks. Oh how I wish I knew who Tom Petty was .


Maybe I should just post my ignore list, it's hilariously big because I not only block when who are douchebags to me but also ones who I observe being idiots to other women. Also sometimes I will PM them and tell them very tactfully how much they suck,and then put them on ignore. I might find something repulsive to send them, feminist articles and suchlike .

That was intended to be a 100% gender neutral! Scouts honor.

[fiveten4321]

Wow. What an amazing picture. You are beautiful. I love your style. I can't put my finger on it but I love it.

[RawHumor]

Originally Posted by Connubium

It wasn't a big deal, but he initiated it, he was the prick, and he was the one who didn't even think 'hey maybe she has a life and that's why she's not getting back to me'.

That's just it - some of the people here really don't have much outside of Lit.

I'm sorry you've had to endure such douche-baggery. But as you've seen, at least you know you're not alone.

[erigeron]

i rarely post here or anywhere b/c walking the razor's edge between fun and bullshit, humane and melodramatic on this forum bewilders all my instincts. but connubium, yours is one of the threads that catches my attention on a regular basis and for once i am going to hold my breath and chime in (like, telepathically or something i guess). prefatory note: i'm just reflecting on the type of situation you dealt with, i'm not analyzing you personally.

i was talking to a friend today about gender relations - it can be so complicated and stressful.

historically, when i think about my own cases of the unpleasantness you encountered, i get really tied up in the M/F piece. i wish people, myself included, would disgregard gender for a change, or what each gender systemically owes to the other, and just take ownership of themselves: possess their dignity, their sense of honor, their fate and identity. you know? partnered with that self-posession, i think people should take reasonable control of how well they treat others. reflect, kind of like you said - how would i feel if someone sent a bunch of vag pix to me? (i mean not how cool might that be in fantasy, but how would that *really* strike me out of the blue?) and act from empathy instead of a sex role.

one facet of literotica that has fascinated me for ages is the intermixing of quests for validation with quests for self-definition. i guess a lot of us are looking for both, if not here then somewhere. i think that here it weighs more toward women on quests and men as cheerleaders or hooligans. just my limited impression (or limited focus), which bums me out a bit b/c i think guys are sorting themselves out here as much as women are.

in the midst of all this there are way too many scripts for the right way men and women should behave toward one another. there are so many ways to make a bad move or rub someone the wrong way, so that a faux pas comes across as a targeted attack. of course there are always just plain assholes as well, i do not deny their existence or the stress they cause.

what was my point? oh yeah, i know our societies still have lots of structural inequalities and that people shield their malice with gender justifications, but what's the best way to respond? i believe that a crucial piece in everyone feeling power and possession over their own lives is to just take it. that seems an important ingredient in learning how to respect others and ourselves better. perhaps a side-effect is that people won't behave badly as much because it just won't be tolerated.

i don't have pretty breasts and my silver tongue ran out of gas a few years ago, so i shall now fade to black. it's your thread so i feel compelled to end on a you note: it seems to me like you seized the power and did good with it. not that it matters what i or anyone else thinks of what you did with it, because it's your power. but way to go anyway.

[surface]

This is the only thread I read.

[littlesquirt]

I don't have much to add to this conversation, but I appreciate you sharing your beautiful and sexy self with us. That includes your mind.

Here's wishing all the asswhipes bothering all the posters of Lit go away.

[CStreet]

Interesting info about the seedy side of Lit. Hard to believe some act as they do. Your attitude is entertaining and your images are treasures.

[Mercury_Maniac]

I threatened you awhile back with a face pic, and i didn't even send it.

is stuff like that ok?

[meddlesome]

C, you've dropped some solid observations over the last few pages. It's a shame that certain guys need to pee in the pool for everybody and scare off posters who might otherwise have a good experience here. I've heard the same from some of my other friends.

Now I'm gonna send you a PM just to find out if I'm on ignore.

[BlackCashmere]

.....

[emmy_christina]

Sweet sexy one, well said, and YOU ROCK GIRL.
And wishing you a wonderful relaxing and naughty week-end.

[MaleNC]

Pointedly stated as it should be! Thanks for tolerating those that would choose to treat you like that so that others of us who appreciate all of you from your wit, to your humor, and of course your beauty combined with intelligence can still experience your presence with us.

[Connubium]

Morning folks, hope everyone has had/is having a good weekend .

*Starts replying to comments*

[yomimura]

morning connubium. in my head i pronounce your name kenobi bum

[Connubium]

Originally Posted by MRThickCA

As I'm sure is the case with many, I rarely (if ever?) post in this thread. My silence notwithstanding, I always look for new pics when you have them up. You are a true beauty and your pics evoke much more than just a reaction in one's loins.

You also actually post words, be it feelings, random silliness, or whatever. This, I think, is key to getting a more accurate picture of you as a person, which is why I find this site so enticing. I am one of those men you described as preferring this site because the women are "real" here as opposed to someone who gets paid to pose. Adding your bits of personality makes it that much more appealing.

I'm not sure where these guys get this entitlement attitude, but it's complete bullshit. I look at every picture any woman posts on lit as a gift from them to us. For someone to share themselves in the most intimate of ways is something to be cherished, not viewed as an invitation to berate.

It sucks you've had to deal with this, and I hope you are able to find solace in the probability that these guys are ass hats who can't get laid for real with that attitude so they turn to the internet, probably chatting with some 400lb trucker named "sexiihotbitch69."

I'm going to go back to shutting up and looking at pics now, but I hope you voicing your frustrations is cathartic for you as well as admonishment for the offenders.

Thank you for sharing with us, even through all the BS. There are many of us who truly appreciate it.

Firstly thanks for reading what I said and I'm glad you like my thread,pics,etc . However you and a couple of the other guys have said you view the things us girls post as gifts and you are grateful for them, I think that some of the problem stems from this sort of attitude as well (not with you with with others). I think maybe this is where some men get their sense of entitlement from...Imagine a lover who was constantly showered with gifts all the time regardless of their behavior, they would probably start acting out because they got rewards anyway (feel free to replace 'lover' with 'dog') and they would start to feel entitled to nice things. Maybe instead of viewing the things we post as 'gifts' you should see them more as works of art in a gallery, you appreciate them,they can benefit and inspire you, but they weren't made for YOU there could have been many reasons why that piece of art was made, but most of the time that reason was for the artist not the viewer. Hope that makes sense, I'm not criticizing what you said btw, just discussing.

Originally Posted by indigolm

Yep...that pretty much describes me perfectly!

Originally Posted by Vixxennn

Hahaha! Oh yes, I do know what you're talking about.

I'm trying to figure out this whole thread thing. As you are aware, it can be incredibly overwhelming at times. But I'm happy that you're checking in on me... us Lit girls have to stick together

I think you should just do what makes you happy (of course ) and I'm certain that when we stick together we're a pretty formidable team .

Originally Posted by Scuttle Buttin'

This makes me think... maybe you really should stick together. If one of you gets a harassing PM, share it with the other women you talk to. Let them know that there's an asshole out there sending you that stuff so they can preemptively ignore them, too.

The problem is that with a board like this, there are always going to be new people coming on that won't know that other guys are on a bunch of ignore lists because they're misogynist assholes, but maybe if some of you ladies band together, sort of get each other's backs, you can collectively reduce the amount of it that you're all getting. Because you know if someone is going to do it with one of you, he's not going to hesitate to do it with others.

The thing is women not sticking together is like the female version of cock-blocking , sometimes it's easier to shut up and stay popular with the thousands of wannabe 'daddies' on here...that being said I might start a thread in the darkroom where all the ampics girls can openly discuss some of the less savory things that get said to us, also it would be funny to share stories

Originally Posted by In Anticipation

I'd be mortified if a woman ever found me to be anything but respectful. I'm pretty much myself here, I'm not clever enough to carry off an alter ego.

Don't be silly, you could obviously do a very convincing middleaged housewife from the Midwest