Old 08-22-2012, 10:42 PM   #1251
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It has been interesting. I'm glad to be able to fill in.

Since neruda shares stuff about himself, I'll tell you one. It's not really a big secret or anything it's just something deeply personal.

I had an illness that rendered me incapable of fathering children. At the time it really wasn't that huge of a deal, but in retrospect it sure was. Sometimes people with children look down their noses at those of us who don't have them and that's painful. They have no clue about any of the circumstances surrounding us being childless. They judge me.

Most people tell me that I'd have been a tremendous father. I can only smile and know that I'll never know.

(((Hugs))) BBB. For me, it was a choice that I made because bringing children into my world, at the time that they would have had two parents, would have been detrimental to the children. In a way, I can empathize with what you feel.
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Old 08-22-2012, 10:44 PM   #1252
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It has been interesting. I'm glad to be able to fill in.

Since neruda shares stuff about himself, I'll tell you one. It's not really a big secret or anything it's just something deeply personal.

I had an illness that rendered me incapable of fathering children. At the time it really wasn't that huge of a deal, but in retrospect it sure was. Sometimes people with children look down their noses at those of us who don't have them and that's painful. They have no clue about any of the circumstances surrounding us being childless. They judge me.

Most people tell me that I'd have been a tremendous father. I can only smile and know that I'll never know.
Hugs..Life has many challenges set for us I think, and we have to make the best out of what we are given. You would have been a wonderful father, I am sure of that, as I am sure that you have other things that others may desire..like love.
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Old 08-22-2012, 10:52 PM   #1253
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(((Hugs))) BBB. For me, it was a choice that I made because bringing children into my world, at the time that they would have had two parents, would have been detrimental to the children. In a way, I can empathize with what you feel.
I've got friends who are childless by choice, too. He's says it's because he'd be a psycho as a dad. It's a tough choice either way.

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Hugs..Life has many challenges set for us I think, and we have to make the best out of what we are given. You would have been a wonderful father, I am sure of that, as I am sure that you have other things that others may desire..like love.
That's true. I am lucky to be loved. I've got a ton of nieces and nephews. I'm the f-bomb-dropping uncle who razzes their parents.
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Old 08-22-2012, 10:54 PM   #1254
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It has been interesting. I'm glad to be able to fill in.

Since neruda shares stuff about himself, I'll tell you one. It's not really a big secret or anything it's just something deeply personal.

I had an illness that rendered me incapable of fathering children. At the time it really wasn't that huge of a deal, but in retrospect it sure was. Sometimes people with children look down their noses at those of us who don't have them and that's painful. They have no clue about any of the circumstances surrounding us being childless. They judge me.

Most people tell me that I'd have been a tremendous father. I can only smile and know that I'll never know.
awww sweetie... we've talked about this and i know how it hurts your heart... i love you... *hugs you tight*
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Old 08-22-2012, 10:57 PM   #1255
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I've got friends who are childless by choice, too. He's says it's because he'd be a psycho as a dad. It's a tough choice either way.



That's true. I am lucky to be loved. I've got a ton of nieces and nephews. I'm the f-bomb-dropping uncle who razzes their parents.
and an amazing partner to share the joy of your life and sadly that pain of not having children... to look into another person's eyes and no beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are their everything... (even when you want to bash them upside the head later that night) well... it's hard to measure...

*hugs you again just cause*
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Old 08-22-2012, 10:57 PM   #1256
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awww sweetie... we've talked about this and i know how it hurts your heart... i love you... *hugs you tight*
Thanks, love!
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Old 08-22-2012, 11:44 PM   #1257
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It has been interesting. I'm glad to be able to fill in.

Since neruda shares stuff about himself, I'll tell you one. It's not really a big secret or anything it's just something deeply personal.

I had an illness that rendered me incapable of fathering children. At the time it really wasn't that huge of a deal, but in retrospect it sure was. Sometimes people with children look down their noses at those of us who don't have them and that's painful. They have no clue about any of the circumstances surrounding us being childless. They judge me.

Most people tell me that I'd have been a tremendous father. I can only smile and know that I'll never know.

I am so sorry.
I hate how people judge. It's not a choice for everyone and to make comments without thinking that perhaps there's some other reason that they don't have children annoys me.
I don't know if you're married or not but what about adoption?
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Old 08-22-2012, 11:47 PM   #1258
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I am so sorry.
I hate how people judge. It's not a choice for everyone and to make comments without thinking that perhaps there's some other reason that they don't have children annoys me.
I don't know if you're married or not but what about adoption?
I've a million stories about all the stuff we tried. Suffice to say it just never happened.
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Old 08-22-2012, 11:58 PM   #1259
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I've a million stories about all the stuff we tried. Suffice to say it just never happened.
Oh BBB, I'm so sorry to hear about this loss for you two. I have NO doubt that you're the "f" bomb dropping uncle! My heart goes out to your both on this. I'm sure that folks have made many well meaning, stupid comments to you guys about this over the years. Ugh. Sending hugs to both of you. ((((hugs))))
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Old 08-23-2012, 12:14 AM   #1260
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40s Male
-I order Pizza online and in the special instructions box, I put things like "draw a unicorn", "dance the samba" or "tell me your favorite line from Ghostbusters". I won't order pizza from places that don't play along........

Not salacious, just stupid.......lol
I so want to try this... but we never order pizza! DAMN!
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Old 08-23-2012, 12:16 AM   #1261
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Oh BBB, I'm so sorry to hear about this loss for you two. I have NO doubt that you're the "f" bomb dropping uncle! My heart goes out to your both on this. I'm sure that folks have made many well meaning, stupid comments to you guys about this over the years. Ugh. Sending hugs to both of you. ((((hugs))))
The comments have stopped mostly. We used to get the all-knowing "there's still time" comments a lot. Really? Do you think I want to be teaching a 16 YO how to drive when I'm 60? Or be finishing up putting her through college when I'm 64? Walk her down the aisle when I'm 70? Miss the birth of my first grandchild because statistically there's a possibility I'd be dead?
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Old 08-23-2012, 12:16 AM   #1262
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I so want to try this... but we never order pizza! DAMN!
If you order, I'll come over and eat it for you! (Hi, Kat! )
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Old 08-23-2012, 12:21 AM   #1263
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It has been interesting. I'm glad to be able to fill in.

Since neruda shares stuff about himself, I'll tell you one. It's not really a big secret or anything it's just something deeply personal.

I had an illness that rendered me incapable of fathering children. At the time it really wasn't that huge of a deal, but in retrospect it sure was. Sometimes people with children look down their noses at those of us who don't have them and that's painful. They have no clue about any of the circumstances surrounding us being childless. They judge me.

Most people tell me that I'd have been a tremendous father. I can only smile and know that I'll never know.
Hugs my friend. I have talked about this with your lovely wife... Tight hugs for you both.
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Old 08-23-2012, 12:25 AM   #1264
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Hugs my friend. I have talked about this with your lovely wife... Tight hugs for you both.
Thanks, sweetie!
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Old 08-23-2012, 12:26 AM   #1265
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The comments have stopped mostly. We used to get the all-knowing "there's still time" comments a lot. Really? Do you think I want to be teaching a 16 YO how to drive when I'm 60? Or be finishing up putting her through college when I'm 64? Walk her down the aisle when I'm 70? Miss the birth of my first grandchild because statistically there's a possibility I'd be dead?
There really is still time haha my dad was 55 when I was born and passed away about 7yrs ago at the age of 85 so he got to see me get married and have kids and all that
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Old 08-23-2012, 12:30 AM   #1266
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There really is still time haha my dad was 55 when I was born and passed away about 7yrs ago at the age of 85 so he got to see me get married and have kids and all that
If I start now and that process takes 3 years and I do that twice because I'd not want to have just one child....

Really? Do you think I want to be teaching a 16 YO how to drive when I'm 76? Or be finishing up putting her through college when I'm 80? Walk her down the aisle when I'm 86? Miss the birth of my first grandchild because statistically there's a possibility I'd be dead?
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Old 08-23-2012, 12:32 AM   #1267
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If I start now and that process takes 3 years and I do that twice because I'd not want to have just one child....

Really? Do you think I want to be teaching a 16 YO how to drive when I'm 76? Or be finishing up putting her through college when I'm 80? Walk her down the aisle when I'm 86? Miss the birth of my first grandchild because statistically there's a possibility I'd be dead?
My younger brother came along when he was 58
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Old 08-23-2012, 12:37 AM   #1268
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My younger brother came along when he was 58
And your mom was the same age?
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Old 08-23-2012, 12:40 AM   #1269
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and an amazing partner to share the joy of your life and sadly that pain of not having children... to look into another person's eyes and no beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are their everything... (even when you want to bash them upside the head later that night) well... it's hard to measure...

*hugs you again just cause*
How many people wish they had a love like that, me included. You guys are beyond lucky to have each other.
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Old 08-23-2012, 12:47 AM   #1270
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It has been interesting. I'm glad to be able to fill in.

Since neruda shares stuff about himself, I'll tell you one. It's not really a big secret or anything it's just something deeply personal.

I had an illness that rendered me incapable of fathering children. At the time it really wasn't that huge of a deal, but in retrospect it sure was. Sometimes people with children look down their noses at those of us who don't have them and that's painful. They have no clue about any of the circumstances surrounding us being childless. They judge me.

Most people tell me that I'd have been a tremendous father. I can only smile and know that I'll never know.
I'm late offering up my empathy to you on this one handsome! And I say "empathy" not sympathy, because I know exactly what you went through. This isn't a "secret" per se but husband and I spent YEARS doing all of the medical testing, the medical treatments, adoption preparation...etc - it is hard enough to deal with this stuff between you and your spouse, let alone getting everyone else's opinions on it too.

It took us 9 years to finally have our first (second showed up 10 months later!) but those 9 years tested our marriage, and many friendships...so I do understand.

Big hugs for you BBB and just be the best "cool" uncle in the world (because you are very cool!)
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Old 08-23-2012, 12:50 AM   #1271
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I'm late offering up my empathy to you on this one handsome! And I say "empathy" not sympathy, because I know exactly what you went through. This isn't a "secret" per se but husband and I spent YEARS doing all of the medical testing, the medical treatments, adoption preparation...etc - it is hard enough to deal with this stuff between you and your spouse, let alone getting everyone else's opinions on it too.

It took us 9 years to finally have our first (second showed up 10 months later!) but those 9 years tested our marriage, and many friendships...so I do understand.

Big hugs for you BBB and just be the best "cool" uncle in the world (because you are very cool!)
Thanks, I really appreciate it.
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Old 08-23-2012, 12:52 AM   #1272
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And your mom was the same age?
My mom and dad had a 22yr age gap between them. She was 33 when I was born and 36 when my little bro came along. We were her 5 & 6th kids (although her first four were by her first husband, he was the same age as my dad but passed away in 72)
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Old 08-23-2012, 12:54 AM   #1273
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My mom and dad had a 22yr age gap between them. She was 33 when I was born and 36 when my little bro came along. We were her 5 & 6th kids (although her first four were by her first husband, he was the same age as my dad but passed away in 72)
There's a 2 year gap with us. I think that's a lot different than my situation.
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Old 08-23-2012, 12:55 AM   #1274
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There's a 2 year gap with us. I think that's a lot different than my situation.
Just trying to offer encouragement, sometimes ya just gotta tell me to shut the heck up
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Old 08-23-2012, 12:58 AM   #1275
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Just trying to offer encouragement, sometimes ya just gotta tell me to shut the heck up
Thanks, but I wouldn't do that.
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