Go Back   Literotica Discussion Board > Main Literotica Forums > BDSM Talk

Reply
 
Thread Tools

Old 02-17-2013, 11:21 AM   #1
sleepfairchild
Virgin
 
sleepfairchild is offline
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 6
Needing dominance?

My boyfriend and i are in a great relationship and we trust each other a lot. He's kind of submissive in bed though and its the first time I've been with someone like that. I have a tendency to be attracted to arrogant assholes and those relationships didn't work out. But at the same time I crave that dominance from him. I've mentioned bdsm to him and he says its interesting, and I wouldn't want him to do something he isn't comfortable doing unless he wanted to.

We've been together just over a month, and he can be shy at times. He says he prefers me dominating him, which I will gladly do. But I would like him to be dominant with me as well. But I've been a little nervous about bringing it up.

Should I just tell him outright that I want him to dominate me? I've given some hints and I tease him a bit in bed. Should I wait for him to become dominant on his own? I'm conflicted. I don't want to ruin the relationship over it.

Last edited by sleepfairchild : 02-17-2013 at 11:24 AM.
  Reply With Quote

Old 02-17-2013, 11:33 AM   #2
Primalex
能ある鷹は爪を隠す。
 
Primalex's Avatar
 
Primalex is offline
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 3,629
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=722032
__________________
There is no good and evil, there is only power...and those too weak to seek it.
  Reply With Quote

Old 02-17-2013, 11:42 AM   #3
sleepfairchild
Virgin
 
sleepfairchild is offline
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 6
Quote:
Originally Posted by Primalex View Post
Thanks
  Reply With Quote

Old 02-17-2013, 04:37 PM   #4
Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
 
Stella_Omega's Avatar
 
Stella_Omega is offline
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Shaken, not stirred
Posts: 39,353
read the link in my sig, also.
__________________
"Oh woe, these be perilous times! Children no longer obey their elders, and everybody is writing a book!"
--Pliny the Elder, AD76

All about Stella; My AH profile
Stella's stories on lit

An essay for BDSM Newbies; Top, bottom, dominant, submissive-- and the differences thereof Now rewritten with extra sparkle!
  Reply With Quote

Old 02-17-2013, 07:14 PM   #5
sleepfairchild
Virgin
 
sleepfairchild is offline
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 6
Was the link to your essay? If so I liked it. I'll admit I'm kind of new and inexperienced in the bdsm world but I really want to try it with him. If I get terms mixed up I apologize. Thank you though
  Reply With Quote

Old 02-17-2013, 07:28 PM   #6
Sweet_T
Virgin
 
Sweet_T is offline
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 20
If you are a true sub (never mind the BDSM lifestyle but if you find that you have always been sexually submissive in the past) you may always yearn for a dom. I had a LTR with someone who wasn't dominant and although he is a great person in every way I can think of, it did not not not work for me in the long run.
  Reply With Quote

Old 02-26-2013, 12:18 PM   #7
draig_OMalley2
Virgin
 
draig_OMalley2 is offline
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: North Coast Ohio
Posts: 9
One thing to keep in mind is that if he enjoys being submissive to you, then he understands your feeling of submissiveness from his own experience. This means, if he's as sensitive as it sounds like he might be (as opposed to the ass-holes you mention), he would readily embrace your expression of needs and wants.

Being submissive or dominant is not set in stone. Each relationship, if truthfully pursued, is its own adventure. It's too easy (and a bad mistake) to have preconcieved regulations for yourself and him as you embark on exploration. Exploration is just that...an adventure.

Talk it over frequently so you can each adjust to each other's responses to the adventure.
  Reply With Quote

Old 02-26-2013, 01:05 PM   #8
subwannabe
Literotica Guru
 
subwannabe is offline
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 2,412
Defintely bring it up with him. I don't believe he is going to be shocked since you have already given several hints. I have to say that a couple should be willing to please each other for a relationship to be truly satisfying. He should give it his best shot. If the can't then in the long run you will be left unsatisfied.
  Reply With Quote

Old 02-26-2013, 02:45 PM   #9
Stag of Oberon
confabulous
 
Stag of Oberon's Avatar
 
Stag of Oberon is offline
Join Date: Sep 2000
Posts: 2,524
Quote:
Originally Posted by draig_OMalley2 View Post
One thing to keep in mind is that if he enjoys being submissive to you, then he understands your feeling of submissiveness from his own experience. This means, if he's as sensitive as it sounds like he might be (as opposed to the ass-holes you mention), he would readily embrace your expression of needs and wants.
One would think so, logically, but the world is often not a logical place. People are emotional creatures, all to often resistant to conforming to logic in the face of their own perceptions.

In short; your snap judgement of this scenario is not based on reality.

MAYBE he is 'sensitive' enough to be sympathetic to the OP's need to submit, and MAYBE willing to switch. It's definitely worth discussing openly.

But expecting every sub to switch just because they met someone who needs it too, is about the same as expecting every woman to swing bi-sexual just to conform to some pan-sexual world view.
__________________
"It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so." ~ Mark Twain
  Reply With Quote

Old 02-26-2013, 07:56 PM   #10
myjagr3
Experienced
 
myjagr3 is offline
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Memphis-EMAIL ME: tamarasheas@gmail.com
Posts: 87
IMO: I think you should have him read a few DOM stories here, both read together on the 1st one ask him "well, what do you think about the story?" Then hoping he will say he likes it.. If do give him another to read, get on your knees & start giving him a blowjob when he has risen and feeling naughty STOP! Say only my Dominate Master can have his way with me...
He might not know how to be dominate, I can't get mine to even chat about sex any kind of way because he is passive & shy we been together over decade we have been in a relationship. Pm me & let me know your outcome good luck!!!!
__________________

"I'm only a slut because my sexuality scares you"
  Reply With Quote

Old 02-26-2013, 08:21 PM   #11
HisPet21
Virgin
 
HisPet21 is offline
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Nowhere City
Posts: 26
Deleted
__________________
Perpetually in kinky limbo, yearning to get into kinky hell...

Last edited by HisPet21 : 06-29-2014 at 04:49 PM.
  Reply With Quote

Old 04-14-2013, 01:41 AM   #12
sleepfairchild
Virgin
 
sleepfairchild is offline
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 6
It seems like he is willing, so far. He's never objected to me asking if he could be a little rougher with me, instead it seems like he makes note of it. He seems to genuinely want to try. For instance, he threw me off one day by dirty talking, which he hardly ever did before, but now he seems to like it. He's the type of person that takes time to come out of their shell, but I knew that instinctively when I met him. So I think it might come in little bits at a time, like how he was when we met. I know sometimes he gets nervous or draws a blank when I ask him about fantasies, and it seems he's becoming more open. He's also admitted to googling stuff about sex, such as "how to turn a girl on" and such, which I find cute and thoughtful. So, I hope for the best.

I by no means want to force him to do something he doesn't want to, and we're honest with each other, so if something really bothers him, I know he would tell me. Or I would ask if I was suspicious that there was something wrong.

Thanks for the input though, it was helpful.
(Sorry for such a late reply by the way.)

Last edited by sleepfairchild : 04-14-2013 at 01:45 AM.
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:59 PM.

Copyright 1998-2013 Literotica Online. Literotica is a registered trademark.