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Old 03-30-2018, 03:44 PM   #1
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New/old haiku thread

haiku thread started
in Poetry Feedback and
Discussion - your turn
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Old 03-30-2018, 03:52 PM   #2
chris2c4u
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Nearby are old things

(this for instance) http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=494587

they spread their inspiration
but this is new growth.
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Old 03-30-2018, 08:14 PM   #3
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Harlem's Cowboy George
Is seventy three and still
Chasing after skirt! 💝
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Old 03-30-2018, 10:37 PM   #4
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from this sunlit knoll
moss covered Garry Oaks view
river dance below
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Last edited by Piscator : 03-30-2018 at 11:51 PM.
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Old 03-31-2018, 01:21 AM   #5
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Waterbaby wet,
Full term clouds perfume the night
With soon, spring. Not yet.
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Old 03-31-2018, 01:49 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chris2c4u View Post
Nearby are old things

(this for instance) http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=494587
Quote (from the thread linked above): It's just for fun.

Indeed, this is a pre-Basho view. However, Basho has started haiku for real. Then Buson and others followed.
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Old 03-31-2018, 01:57 AM   #7
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A ballroom theme :)

--



a girl in red skirt
helps a dancer to get up
-- such a clumsy boy








wh,
2018-03-31
--
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Old 03-31-2018, 02:47 AM   #8
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Clarinet and croon
Peel clouds off a silver moon;
Under, in, we drift.
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Old 03-31-2018, 07:08 AM   #9
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Petals spreading wide
New Mexican heat sparkles
no those aren't flowers
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Old 03-31-2018, 10:44 AM   #10
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a music haiku

--



my grand piano
white takes more room
black dominates








wh,
2018-03-31
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Old 03-31-2018, 11:15 AM   #11
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Only the weakest
Men objectify women.
Humans see humans.
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Old 03-31-2018, 04:13 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Senna Jawa View Post
--

my grand piano
white takes more room
black dominates
wh,
2018-03-31
An edited recycled American Sentence on a similar theme

They call the damn box
piano actually
it is pretty loud.
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Old 03-31-2018, 07:04 PM   #13
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Full of cul de sacs
on my knee the atlas lies
silently teeming
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Old 04-01-2018, 09:52 AM   #14
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your erect nipple
jutting from your perfect breast
my mouth must revere
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Old 04-01-2018, 02:02 PM   #15
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Snow from the coalhouse
we burned snow in bad weather
snow that flecked the coal
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Old 04-02-2018, 10:24 AM   #16
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Thought some of you might like this if you're not already participants.

http://www.napowrimo.net/about/
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Old 04-03-2018, 12:39 AM   #17
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last december

--



my foot missed sidewalk
hidden under snow
now my arm hurts










wh,
2018-04-03
--
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Old 04-03-2018, 12:53 AM   #18
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at a disco

--




_ across the dance floor
i gently shook my head--"no"
_ _ _ Music Puppet laughed










wh,
2018-04-03

--

Last edited by Senna Jawa : 04-03-2018 at 01:03 AM.
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Old 04-03-2018, 01:18 AM   #19
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at a restaurant

--


_ flirting waitress
ignores my girlfriend--wins but
_ _ _ a green butterfly









wh,
2018-04-03


--
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Old 04-03-2018, 01:37 AM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Piscator View Post
An edited recycled American Sentence on a similar theme

They call the damn box
piano actually
it is pretty loud.
This is a nice and interesting poem. About the "similar"? Well, this is just a very distant association, which is fine, of course--it's good to create collections/anthologies of somewhat related poems.

In fact, this haiku is not even about any grand piano but perhaps (my interpretation) about a jukebox. (Pianola could be another option but it's almost unheard of).

Also, this poem can be called haiku but only due to 5-7-5 (which is of little importance). This piece is more like tanka except for it's damning tone, which here feels charming (to me).

Last edited by Senna Jawa : 04-03-2018 at 01:40 AM. Reason: an extra remark
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Old 04-03-2018, 04:07 AM   #21
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They call it proper
forte-piano, for its big
dynamic spectrum.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Piscator View Post
An edited recycled American Sentence on a similar theme

They call the damn box
piano actually
it is pretty loud.
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Old 04-03-2018, 07:51 AM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pelegrino View Post
They call it proper
forte-piano, for its big
dynamic spectrum.
In Polish--fortepian. It's featured in a couple of my poems.

But first of all, see the famous poem Fortepian Chopina by a great and super-original poet Cyprian Kamil Norwid--a great thinker.
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Old 04-04-2018, 06:36 PM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Senna Jawa View Post
In Polish--fortepian. It's featured in a couple of my poems.

But first of all, see the famous poem Fortepian Chopina by a great and super-original poet Cyprian Kamil Norwid--a great thinker.
Thanks Seena for this,
my Polish being very poor,
I still tried to read.

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Old 04-04-2018, 06:41 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Senna Jawa View Post
This is a nice and interesting poem. About the "similar"? Well, this is just a very distant association, which is fine, of course--it's good to create collections/anthologies of somewhat related poems.

In fact, this haiku is not even about any grand piano but perhaps (my interpretation) about a jukebox. (Pianola could be another option but it's almost unheard of).

Also, this poem can be called haiku but only due to 5-7-5 (which is of little importance). This piece is more like tanka except for it's damning tone, which here feels charming (to me).

Quote:
Originally Posted by Senna Jawa View Post
In Polish--fortepian. It's featured in a couple of my poems.

But first of all, see the famous poem Fortepian Chopina by a great and super-original poet Cyprian Kamil Norwid--a great thinker.
Senna and pelegrino, Thanks for your comments. And yes I am guilty of taking liberties both with using the shortened name of this instrument and in warping both style and content while still cleaving to the 5-7-5. But as Tzara notes in The Thread of Forms the form is a minefield.
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Old 04-04-2018, 08:10 PM   #25
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*****

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