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Old 11-16-2012, 11:34 AM   #26
Desejo
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Attention Remec!

Reviving this thread - because I just have to ask REMEC about this:

Caught

My mother's kitchen clock
was how I knew I was out
of time. A series of hoots from
some unknown owl echoed
through the quiet house. I
sprayed the carpet once more,
crisp orange scented mail-order
cleanser still sickly sweet but
passable instead of bludgeoning
my brain via my nostrils, and did
my best to finish wiping up the
blotched furry rug we'd inherited
when I was still a child. The tell-tale
glow of headlights reflected
off the dining room's mirrored wall
from the kitchen window, and made
me stand up to face the music. I
swallowed nervously as the front door
opened, eyes rolling back for a moment
at how much puke taste, even after
thirty minutes, was still in my saliva.

OK - What's the story here? Dipping into the parent's liquor cabinet
Really liked it, in any case. It reads almost like a prose poem, but not quite.
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Old 11-16-2012, 07:47 PM   #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Desejo View Post
Reviving this thread - because I just have to ask REMEC about this:

OK - What's the story here? Dipping into the parent's liquor cabinet
Really liked it, in any case. It reads almost like a prose poem, but not quite.
*smiling*
Heh...something like that. A slight twist on something that had happened when I was much younger, only instead of there being vomit involved it was grape soda on an almost pristine off-beige carpet. *rolling eyes*

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Old 11-17-2012, 12:18 AM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Desejo
Reviving this thread - because I just have to ask REMEC about this:
Thanks, Desejo, for bringing this Remec poem to the fore. I love the narrative structure of it, plus the poem reminds me of an early incident of my own. I am sure many readers would connect to it.
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Old 11-18-2012, 03:35 PM   #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Minervous View Post
Election Night

Electric bright confetti falls
from the infinite ceiling
of the ballroom. DJ Britewing
scratches LPs
and monologs
on our long walk
over the slackwire strung
between Here and I want to be.

Fear still doesn’t taste any better
than an energy gel—

and, God, burnt popcorn is no flavor
anyone seeks

even while trying to avoid the thrust
Dr. Smithson makes
under my skirt.
There are a couple of lines in this one that are really interesting.
"fear still doesn't taste any better than an energy gel" is one. I have not tasted an energy gel, but even without that input - a strong line. This poem is vivid, but mysterious. I'm still not quite sure I get it - but it got my attention!
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Old 11-18-2012, 03:46 PM   #30
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This is another great one on the 5 senses....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Neonurotic View Post
Impermeable

The sky is wide open as is my mouth
while her unrequited love falls
and splits the ground.
Thunderstruck in the snow in the
only place in the world where it can.
This salty land, blowing wind
and ice that stings my eyes. Laughing,
or crying, I don't really know,
don't care, she confessed .
Sunrise sweet coffee and cake sits bitter,
like words that should've been said
long ago. It's too bad I already moved on,
coat tails waving at the shins, snapping
in step, one step at time until gone.
Neo, as is usually the case for your work - this is powerful. But a couple of things I don't understand/confuse me.
these lines: Thunderstruck in the snow /n the only place in the world that it can. Are you playing on Thunder struck the verb vs/ thunderstruck the adjective? and why the only place in the world? Confused. Same with coat tails vs/ coattails. Intentional, or not? Another interesting thing about this is that it's not completely clear who the rejected partner is - the narrator or "she". Which I really like. Anyway - just wanted to share those impressions. I will shut up now.
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Old 11-20-2012, 09:21 PM   #31
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Desejo, your Meanwhile in Gaza is riveting. Publish that somewhere.
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Old 11-20-2012, 09:27 PM   #32
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PandoraGlitters View Post
Desejo, your Meanwhile in Gaza is riveting. Publish that somewhere.
Thank you. But I wouldn't know where to start.
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Old 11-20-2012, 09:56 PM   #33
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PandoraGlitters View Post
Desejo, your Meanwhile in Gaza is riveting. Publish that somewhere.
Agreed.
As far as where to Desejo, isn't there a thread here that gives suggestions on where to submit poetry for publication? Somewhere... I will look-see.




Quote:
Originally Posted by Desejo View Post
This is another great one on the 5 senses....

Neo, as is usually the case for your work - this is powerful. But a couple of things I don't understand/confuse me.
these lines: Thunderstruck in the snow /n the only place in the world that it can. Are you playing on Thunder struck the verb vs/ thunderstruck the adjective? and why the only place in the world? Confused. Same with coat tails vs/ coattails. Intentional, or not? Another interesting thing about this is that it's not completely clear who the rejected partner is - the narrator or "she". Which I really like. Anyway - just wanted to share those impressions. I will shut up now.
Oh, well, glad you like the poem. 5 Senses has always been great to invoke some interesting poems from me and everyone else too.

As far as you questions, I'm not sure what I meant to be honest. However, Utah does lay claim to be the only location with some wickedly unique beautiful thunder and lightening during snow storms, calling it "thundersnow". So that is where thunderstruck derived, wrong word choice I guess? Although, I had meant for it to be both verb and adjective, to literally mean thunder struck and amazed.

Coat tails was just a misspell ;p
and the rejected partner, well that's just a mystery, even to me.



Also, thanks all for keeping 5 Senses alive.
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Old 01-10-2013, 08:25 PM   #34
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Darkmaas

I loved that last one. I would link it here but I am hopeless at internal links.
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Old 01-10-2013, 08:30 PM   #35
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Seriously, someone PM me the inside scoop on internal links (between posts in the forum). It's not math, so I should be able to do this!
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Old 01-10-2013, 09:05 PM   #36
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Desejo View Post
Seriously, someone PM me the inside scoop on internal links (between posts in the forum). It's not math, so I should be able to do this!
The easiest way I find to do this sort of post quote is to copy the quote string into my paste buffer and then paste it into the reply box of whatever thread I'm answering, as shown below.

Code:
[quote=darkmaas;43007057]
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Old 01-10-2013, 09:28 PM   #37
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Desejo said:
Quote:
Darkmaas

I loved that last one. I would link it here but I am hopeless at internal links.
Thank you. Take a bit of the credit. Your "senses" lurk behind the poem.

I love this thread. It has a charm because the poems flow from someone else's "vision" without being a collaborative effort. Strange things happen.

::
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Old 02-02-2013, 03:36 PM   #38
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note for Darkmaas

My words may have been hard but yours were easy!

one glove - I was thinking more of a lost glove. Like the mysterious lost shoe that one sees on the road seemingly everywhere in the world. Didn't think of a prom glove, nor of Michael Jackson!

That's why I love this thread. It's so interesting to see what people come up with
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Old 04-29-2013, 08:09 PM   #39
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Darkmaas, your poems are rocking the thread. You have some wonderful writing there of late. And they fit well as a group. I'm really enjoying reading them.
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Old 04-29-2013, 09:54 PM   #40
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Angeline View Post
Darkmaas, your poems are rocking the thread. You have some wonderful writing there of late. And they fit well as a group. I'm really enjoying reading them.
You shouldn't encourage him with flattery. It goes to his head. Next thing you know ... lavalamps.
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Old 04-30-2013, 11:28 AM   #41
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You shouldn't encourage him with flattery. It goes to his head. Next thing you know ... lavalamps.
Hmmm, yes dear Beet. I do see your point.
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Old 04-30-2013, 12:25 PM   #42
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Quote:
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Hmmm, yes dear Beet. I do see your point.
People in glass houses ... Check out post #17

This place has come a long way, Babe. Or maybe not...
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Old 04-30-2013, 12:46 PM   #43
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Quote:
Originally Posted by darkmaas View Post
People in glass houses ... Check out post #17

This place has come a long way, Babe. Or maybe not...
I totally forgot about this. It took me a moment to remember who "Lar" is: long way indeed.

Anyway it's an oval here, right? So we sort of go in circles. Maybe.

(I could make that poem work....a little nip here, tuck there.)

Amazing: there was a lava-lamp poem trend before that thread. I don't recall the particulars, but I know it was the fish's fault. I do remember that part!
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Old 07-03-2013, 10:58 PM   #44
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This

Quote:
Originally Posted by Desejo View Post
Supernova

The stream of photographs on Facebook
make me suspect a birthday
always that smile, California so
pure it smells of oranges and lemons
beaming down on the two wide-eyed children
Love so strong you hear it buzzing
like a power wire

And then three letters
Appended, as if an afterthought

RIP

Seal in shock and unleash questions
How. When. we know the where
Of course the real question is Why

The details do not help.

Our last lunch in DC.
she wore a sea green linen shirt, crumpled.
We had spaghetti topped with sundried tomatoes

I swallow now; my mouth tastes of cheap tomatoes
stewed in cast iron.

Please do not say
She died doing what she loved
As if anyone wants to die at work
On a crappy road in Haiti.
is so good I don't even want to try and post to that thread again.

I will, of course, because I'm stupid. But that poem is just fantastic. I mean. Really. Good.

OK. Now I'm going back to writing silliness as if that was real poetry.
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Old 07-06-2013, 01:24 AM   #45
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Oh, look!
Quote:
Originally Posted by KatieJones View Post
Snapshot
Dawn is by nature defined
by an absence that I not only see...
It's a Katie Jones sighting!

I think you must go off and compose these things for a year or so. Revise the poem until it's like a fine bourdeaux that has finally matured, and then drop it in one of our threads like you composed it off the cuff.

At least I hope that's what you're doing, because if you are composing these off the cuff, I'm going back to remedial English:
Fluffy is a cat. [declarative sentence]
Fluffy is a friendly cat. [adjective]
Fluffy is sometimes a friendly cat. [adverb]
Fluffy is sometimes a friendly cat and sometimes a cat who pees on my shoes. [realistic, qualifying phrase]
No, those examples weren't about anything related to you. Damn cat.
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Old 07-06-2013, 01:36 AM   #46
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Originally Posted by Tzara View Post
Oh, look!
It's a Katie Jones sighting!

I think you must go off and compose these things for a year or so. Revise the poem until it's like a fine bourdeaux that has finally matured, and then drop it in one of our threads like you composed it off the cuff.

At least I hope that's what you're doing, because if you are composing these off the cuff, I'm going back to remedial English:
Fluffy is a cat. [declarative sentence]
Fluffy is a friendly cat. [adjective]
Fluffy is sometimes a friendly cat. [adverb]
Fluffy is sometimes a friendly cat and sometimes a cat who pees on my shoes. [realistic, qualifying phrase]
No, those examples weren't about anything related to you. Damn cat.
Thanks, Mister T. I like fluffy cats. I have missed you and the poems. C'mon over and I will pretend you need tutoring in anything.
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Old 07-07-2013, 10:47 AM   #47
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There are some interesting things going on in the world of 5 Senses Challenge right now. Anyone up for picking one of last weeks poems and discussing it more?

I'm very curious about Tzara's last line on ringtone, which gave me the creeps and I don't know if it was supposed to or not, I always love Remec's grounded in real life poetry...Katie, Harry and Todski all had things I'd like to comment on...not sure where to even start. So someone else decide.
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Old 07-07-2013, 03:20 PM   #48
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Well done desejo

I can't believe you made that work, I knew you were good but you smashed it, those were the oddest words I could think of. I waited for the easiest ones I could see before I cut my teeth in a challenge.
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Old 07-07-2013, 04:04 PM   #49
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Desejo View Post
There are some interesting things going on in the world of 5 Senses Challenge right now. Anyone up for picking one of last weeks poems and discussing it more?

I'm very curious about Tzara's last line on ringtone, which gave me the creeps and I don't know if it was supposed to or not, I always love Remec's grounded in real life poetry...Katie, Harry and Todski all had things I'd like to comment on...not sure where to even start. So someone else decide.
I'm allergic to making decisions for other people and obviously, not a regular on the forum so I am hesitant to step in too much in fear of stepping on toes but I must say I enjoy your writing, Desejo. I'm a fan of being pulled whether I want to or not, into the 'moment' of the poem and your work does that.

I'm always happy to answer questions or have anyone comment on anything I write.
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Old 07-07-2013, 08:35 PM   #50
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Quote:
Originally Posted by todski28 View Post
I can't believe you made that work, I knew you were good but you smashed it, those were the oddest words I could think of. I waited for the easiest ones I could see before I cut my teeth in a challenge.
Mostly luck. I saw that wedding in Bali, which is also one of the few places in Indonesia you might actually smell real bacon (not chickenbacon or some other horror) frying. Thanks,though.
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