Old 10-08-2014, 09:59 PM   #1
Sluggmz
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#Sharing

I love everything including words.

Okay this first poem is called -

Sequel :

The sequel to the faceless man that haunts my yester-hour.
Who serenades my fear so clear with a voice that lusts of power.

The system has changed indefinitely.

Without error he is the wrath that I am sentenced to endure for the sharp flaws of mine that cut through the blanket so gently placed upon my dreaming corpse.
He's the one who convinced me that these run-on sentences are an artistic statement and not an annoying fucking headache.
And now he's convincing me to stop writing and go jerk off.
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Old 10-08-2014, 10:05 PM   #2
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Here are a couple untitled love poems.

" I know you're a queen, 'cuz I'm kind when I'm with you.
My heart is a crown and I'm hoping it fits you.

My love you release, but there's no need for tissues -
Your chin is my target and I swear not to miss you, "





" Hello stranger, have I told you I love you?
Can these sequence of words I swear plant me above you?
Your eyes are the prettiest, that I've tonight.
But I've put back a few and it's impairing my sight.
Your name is Alyssa.. wait, that isn't right..
Amber, was it? My angel, my light. "
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Old 10-09-2014, 11:17 AM   #3
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#1 makes no sense to me after a few reads and I gave up.

#2 three out of the four lines end with you, there's a typo and it's hard to feel the love in such a brief piece

#3 Your eyes are the prettiest, that I've tonight. You have her eyes?
But I've put back a few and it's impairing my sight. But ...... but what? No buts, no whats, no coconuts are necessary here. Scratch the but.

Welcome, Sluggmz.
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If I could be a Mod again in the AH for just 30 seconds, I would move those Scurries threads back to the GB.

I moved one topic to the GB. Fifty bodies immediately collapsed backwards to the floor and there was much thrashing of arms and legs. Breath was held. Faces turned blue. Waterworks.

When the tantrum ended, it was bumped back to page 4 within a manner of hours.
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Old 10-09-2014, 02:19 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magnetron View Post
#1 makes no sense to me after a few reads and I gave up.

#2 three out of the four lines end with you, there's a typo and it's hard to feel the love in such a brief piece

#3 Your eyes are the prettiest, that I've tonight. You have her eyes?
But I've put back a few and it's impairing my sight. But ...... but what? No buts, no whats, no coconuts are necessary here. Scratch the but.

Welcome, Sluggmz.
Thanks for the input dawg. The typo in the third is supposed to be "I've seen tonight".

Here is one about the devil





STN :

I hope you like the melody because you're never going to leave.
The tune rings just right, and these notes can't decieve.
The rug is bright red, the walls pearly white.
Reciting our last words all day and all night.
Relax my son, now slowly exhale.
Sip from your cup and share with us a tale.
Oh, a good one! But I've a better one yet,
I removed out her throat and wrote "no regrets" on the wall with her whore blood.
You don't believe we've met? But we have, my dearest darling.
I've been a tenant of your heart for quite some time now.
What we have in common binds our spirit and flesh.
Your fruit so succulent, and it's time to ingest.




Okay I have a separate question, what do I do with writing that isn't really poetry but doesn't really fit into a category?
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Old 10-09-2014, 02:52 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sluggmz View Post
Okay I have a separate question, what do I do with writing that isn't really poetry but doesn't really fit into a category?
Post a sample, an excerpt .... someone here should be able to help find a suitable place for it.
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If I could be a Mod again in the AH for just 30 seconds, I would move those Scurries threads back to the GB.

I moved one topic to the GB. Fifty bodies immediately collapsed backwards to the floor and there was much thrashing of arms and legs. Breath was held. Faces turned blue. Waterworks.

When the tantrum ended, it was bumped back to page 4 within a manner of hours.
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Old 10-09-2014, 02:58 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magnetron View Post
Post a sample, an excerpt .... someone here should be able to help find a suitable place for it.
This playtime shit is fucking over. I maintain anger because it drives me to actually try. So fuck you.
I want a million dollars, so I can buy a million mcdoubles and throw them the fuck away, RIGHT IN FRONT OF A HOMELESS FAMILY OF FOUR BECAUSE FUCK THEM TOO.
Fuck mew two too, that jive little bitch. Fuck U2, they fucking suck ALL THE DICKS LIKE A BUNCH OF SELFISH HOMOS.
FUCK THE FIRST AMENDMENT, because fuck text. Fuck pepsi. Fuck donald the duck. Fuck the pilot episode of the Munsters, that shit scares me.
No lie, it freaks me out a little.

FUCK ME.

*just then, a voice*

"Teehee, okay. You're cute!"

"..really? no one has ever told me that before"

"Yeah, I'll fuck you, you're spunky, I like it. When I'm done fucking you we can talk about our feelings, then fuck some more"

*windows get steamy*

No longer am I fucking angry, but fucking amy. Butt fucking amy, angrily.

That's the end, for now anyway.
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Old 10-09-2014, 03:44 PM   #7
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Impressive. I admit to being very entertained. And I think it could pass for poetry if you formatted it into single and broken lines.

This playtime shit is fucking over.
I maintain anger because it drives me to actually try.
So fuck you.

I want a million dollars,
so I can buy a million mcdoubles
and throw them the fuck away,
RIGHT IN FRONT OF A HOMELESS FAMILY OF FOUR BECAUSE
FUCK THEM TOO.

Fuck mew two too,
that jive little bitch.

Fuck U2,
they fucking suck
ALL THE DICKS LIKE A BUNCH OF SELFISH HOMOS.

FUCK THE FIRST AMENDMENT,
because fuck text.

Fuck pepsi.
Fuck donald the duck.
Fuck the pilot episode of the Munsters,
that shit scares me.
No lie, it freaks me out a little.

FUCK ME.

*just then, a voice*

"Teehee, okay. You're cute!"

"..really? no one has ever told me that before"

"Yeah, I'll fuck you,
you're spunky,
I like it.
When I'm done fucking you
we can talk about our feelings,
then fuck some more"

*windows get steamy*

No longer am I fucking angry,
but fucking amy.
Butt fucking amy,
angrily.

That's the end, for now anyway.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magnetron View Post
If I could be a Mod again in the AH for just 30 seconds, I would move those Scurries threads back to the GB.

I moved one topic to the GB. Fifty bodies immediately collapsed backwards to the floor and there was much thrashing of arms and legs. Breath was held. Faces turned blue. Waterworks.

When the tantrum ended, it was bumped back to page 4 within a manner of hours.
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Old 10-09-2014, 04:49 PM   #8
Sluggmz
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magnetron View Post
Impressive. I admit to being very entertained. And I think it could pass for poetry if you formatted it into single and broken lines.
Thanks man. I like the line-by-line format.

Here I am going to attempt to write something off the top -


I search and I search for a tune that will lift -
our spirits so fittingly while you warm my dick.
I love good variety, so we take a risk -
each mood so unique, the song may not fit.

Scatman comes on and I feel I must skip.
Another one bites the dust..

now the hooker looks sick.
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Old 10-09-2014, 05:41 PM   #9
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I agree. Entertaining and clever in the right places.
And the telling is lean, but doesn't starve.
Kinda like stepping from rock to rock in a pond rather than sploshing from rock to rock making a mess of the palette.
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Old 10-10-2014, 01:29 AM   #10
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Kenneth Koch
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tell me Mr. Sluggmz, what got you interested in writing?
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Old 10-11-2014, 01:38 PM   #11
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with all the pages torn and rent
i find myself sorely spent
and tempted to write haiku

all I need is a howtodo

had an idea for an IKEA poem
assembled it
had an extra screw

now WTF doido?
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Old 10-11-2014, 04:05 PM   #12
Sluggmz
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Quote:
Originally Posted by twelveoone View Post
Kenneth Koch
would be prod
tell me Mr. Sluggmz, what got you interested in writing?
Sorry for the late response..

hmm, I think the thing that interests me about writing is the complete freedom to convey unique thoughts or feelings. It's my favorite way to express myself and communicate, and it makes me feel a little more productive than if I were to play xbox all night.
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Old 10-11-2014, 05:53 PM   #13
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Quote:
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Sorry for the late response..

hmm, I think the thing that interests me about writing is the complete freedom to convey unique thoughts or feelings. It's my favorite way to express myself and communicate, and it makes me feel a little more productive than if I were to play xbox all night.
we'll ignore that the leap from pond to palette
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Originally Posted by pensivepoet View Post
I agree. Entertaining and clever in the right places.
And the telling is lean, but doesn't starve.
Kinda like stepping from rock to rock in a pond rather than sploshing from rock to rock making a mess of the palette.
so, in a way I'm seconding
the problem is not in the structure, you do well. the execution of the ends is a little weak, but the main problem is what are you evoking?
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Old 10-11-2014, 06:39 PM   #14
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In "amy butt fucked" i felt myself sliding down a seussanism at the end. But i thought "now the hoooker looks sick" fairly brilliant.
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Old 10-13-2014, 03:08 AM   #15
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smoked and attempted to improvise and this is what I have..


This is a poem for a gnome who keeps calling my phone. I answer he moans in a disturbing tone.
I told him to stop and that I'll call the cops, but nobody was home and he got me alone.

"How'd you get in? What do you want from me?"
"You look cute and thin boy' I hope you like sodomy"

His voice was so deep, that the place where I keep, my children were frightened and they started to weep.
The piss was of plenty, all over the floor. The gnome was disgusted, he left out the door.
But before slamming it shut, he stopped his gnome strut and said "you must do this one thing if you value your butt."
"Jot me some words. And make sure they rhyme. I'm only gonna tell you this one fucking time."
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