I wouldn't say alone at all, but each person has their own kinks & comforts. I find BDSM play as just another 'toy' in the sexual toy box. Like a vibrator or massage lotion. It is all up to people at play.
I like it when done as a slow sensual experience. The idea of a spanking is erotic, but I don't like extreme pain, so I picture a spanking as a slow, deliberate, experience. I can see the intensity building with each swat. Certainly growing more painful with time, but the slow build up makes the pain more exhilarating. More stimulating.
I also like the idea of bondage & restraints. But again nothing painful. There are a few 'racks' I have seen that look so erotic to be bound into. The restraint just seems to add to the excitement.
I don't like the idea of humiliation, myself. I know some do, & if they enjoy that, more power to them. But for me, crossdressing is a joy 'another toy in the sexual toy box', & I don't see humiliation fitting in with the joy. I don't mind name calling, when done as a term of endearment. You are such a good little sissy. What good cocksucker you are, sweetheart! That kind of thing. Otherwise, keep the humiliation out.
My wife has tried some mock tieing me up on an occasion or too and spanking now & then, but usually it is a surprise & I am too startled by it to really enjoy it.
The idea of submitting to an experienced dom or domme is an exciting fantasy. But I probably wouldn't never give into it as I hardly have time for crossdressing more than panties these days. How am I going to find time for a dom. But the fantasy is still thrilling to contemplate.