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Old 09-07-2012, 09:08 AM   #51
SissyKatie
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It's nice to hear you have things balanced and worked out (or at least well on the way to it) at what I am guessing is a fairly early age Stacy.

When I was growing up (late 30s now) transgenderism wasn't recognised very much, and there was certainly no support for it.

Over the last couple of years I have had some 12 counselling sessions both privately and through UK NHS, and although I have been met with great sympathy and some useful advice, there is very little support, and there is no tying together this counselling with medical support from your GP.

So all the GP has to offer is CBT (a type of therapy which I am sure can be helpful applied properly, but has been no help at all to me) or SSRI medication (anti depressants which are supposed to be milder than the old kind, but knock me senseless and leave me without my - and seemingly with no - personality).

Although I recognised my gender identity 'differences' in my teens, I didn't realise how fundamental to me as a person they were until my early 30's. Like many people in times past, I would often try to 'sweep them under the carpet' and this seemed to work to differing degrees for certain intervals. But without fail things always came crashing down one way or another, and it became an unavoidable truth that they are and forever will be an important part of, and perhaps even at the centre of my life.

I am not sure where the future lies for me now. I sometimes find myself searching inside to see how I could rebuild my life in a more suitable way so I can be comfortable. About as far as I have got so far is the idea that working from home would be so much more suitable so I am free to be myself. That is something I am taking steps towards, so there is hope for the future (and hence this should not be a completely miserable post ).

The effects of my difficulties have been quite severe. Being MUCH more comfortable at home, alone, but free to dress as I wish, my social life began to diminish some years ago. Combined with depression that is about 70 / 30 the result of my gender situation, it has left me in quite an isolated state. For the first year of chronic depression I have found that friends want to support and will try to be there. On year two things seem to really be wearing thin with them, and in year three (as I am now) they begin to drop like flies and there is really no one except my mother I can rely on having any communication with at all now.

I do have a few things to cling to though (a love of music being the foremost) and I know things will come around. Sometimes when things have gone bad, you have to be able to really strip it all away before you can begin to rebuild. I am fairly certain I am close to being able to rebuild now.

And to end on a more pleasant note.... I do adore and embrace my desire and need for girly things, feminine things and expressing my inner self in various ways. I cannot possibly imagine being a different person, and there is much pleasure to be had from it all. I guess if I could change things, it would just be to recognise my situation more fully earlier in life, and to take steps to have shaped my life more to accomodate it.

It is a great thing that there is more support available these days for people having similar experiences. So the future is only looking brighter overall for all of us.

*sissy hugs*
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Old 09-07-2012, 11:03 AM   #52
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Hi Katie

thank you for your post: it's important for readers to realise dysphoria comes in all shapes and sizes so your contribution is valued here. *hugs* I'm so glad you spoke up too because I bet there are other pope in a similar situation to you who have been too frightened to speak up here. Lets hear from you lurking girls and boys!

I'm puzzled why they offered you CBT - isn't that essentially facing problems in bite sized chunks so that you learn how to cope? Obviously that hasn't worked for you… Do you go to any LGBT clubs at all, cos there's nothing like face to face talk, problems shared and all that?
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Old 09-07-2012, 12:37 PM   #53
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Heya Stickygirl

I have never heard CBT explained in quite that way before, but think it sums it up brilliantly. I have learned more about it from online sites than anything. When I saw an 'expert' through the NHS, she listened to me for a while (only really very general details), and then just gave me leaflets. I went for three visits in all, and found most advice I received was things you would do out of common sense anyway (methods to avoid focusing on specific problems and such).

What I have seen online makes me believe she was not all that experienced or good with CBT, so I accept it might be much better in different circimstances.

I think the reason I was offered CBT (which I agree doesn't seem very suitable), is just because that is the easiest and cheapest thing the NHS have to offer. They encouraged me to do that extensively before finally adding me to the long list for their counsellor.

It may be partly my fault as I have not told any of my local practice GPs exactly what the problem is. I know that seems cowardly, but I simply have not been able to yet. I did go into some details with the counsellors (more the private one than the NHS), but that seemed to result in no communication back with the GP.

I might ultimately decide I have to bring it up directly with a GP. I probably would have already, but I am really not sure if they can do anything other than what they have already, and offer more medication.

I haven't been to any LGBT groups to discuss things yet. I did look into a couple online a year or two ago, but couldn't find anything local. It may be time that I look into that a bit further.

There is no doubt at all that sharing helps. I wasn't having a very good day today, and posting above and receiving an understanding reply has already cheered me up somewhat.

I am sure before long I will recognise the best thing to do next, and things will begin to get a lot better.

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Old 09-07-2012, 01:50 PM   #54
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You're welcome We're all here trying to figure out life huh? but... if you've not told your GP - you should. Don't be frightened: you are not weird - you are a lovely person struggling for answers and you ARE NOT ALONE!!! The NHS has all sorts of protocols regards communication - ask them: they are there to help you, but... you've always got to ask.
Stacy? Get your butt in here and tell this girl we're with her on this! ( she'll along in a bit I'm sure, if she can tear herself away from her new wardrobe! )
more *hugs* - you can't have too many hugs
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Old 09-07-2012, 02:34 PM   #55
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Yay!!

Good for you, hun. You put a big smile on my face when I read that.....and kudos to the Vic's Secret associate that made you feel at ease.
Thanks for sharing.....Now, if I could only see a pic of you in your new outfits......
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Old 09-08-2012, 08:54 AM   #56
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I so wish I had a magic wand that I could wave and take away all the hurt, insecurities, and make the world a better place for all you ladies that are in turmoil. Big hugs to all of you. You are more than just gorgeous gurls!
what a lovely thing to say you are a sweetie thank you ,x
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Old 09-08-2012, 05:01 PM   #57
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Today, I shaved my legs for the first time in my life, wore my thong out in public under my jeans, and spoke to a GLBT counselor about setting up an appointment schedule.

Then after school, I walked into Victoria's Secret at the mall. I walked right up to the saleswoman and said "I'm transgendered and I'm looking for something for myself and I don't even know where to begin." She smiled, took me by the hand and told me everything was going to be alright, and helped me pick out three really cute pairs of panties.

I'm sitting here right now, in my black thongs, a really cute pair of short shorts I found on sale at a thrift store (short and spunky, but not overly kinky), and my NASA t-shirt (yes, I'm a nerd at heart.

I feel just like one of the girls. Finally. My legs feel smooth and sexy, and I feel absolutely beautiful and natural and empowered.



I just wanted to share.



OMG, I totally forgot, but I also stopped into the shoe store and picked up these cute little platform sandals I've had my eyes on all summer!

Stacy's new shoes!

I walked in and the saleswoman asked if she could help me find anything. I showed her exactly the shoes I wanted in the window, and she asked me what size my wife/girlfriend wore. I told her that I was transgendered and they were a present to myself!

I feel so sexy and beautiful and strong and independent.

I have finally embraced the fact that I am transgendered. I'm not hiding it from society, or myself for that matter, anymore.

I am a woman.

And I feel fantastic.

I am happy. So happy for you. I know something as superficial as shving legs really doesn't change anything, but damn; it can have a profound effect on one's perception of self.

After all...loving one's self is the most important step to happiness; regardless of gender (or variant of).
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Old 09-09-2012, 03:48 AM   #58
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Hey look - here's the next president....
Mitt Romney talks to Veteran

Voting rights



Phewee... can we talk about shoes now?
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Old 09-10-2012, 09:56 PM   #59
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Hey look - here's the next president....
Mitt Romney talks to Veteran

Voting rights



Phewee... can we talk about shoes now?
I'll do you one better. How about dildos?

I went to my local adult store. I was dressed simply, in my black shorts, gray sweater, VS cheeky purple underwear (my new ones), and my flip flops. Of course I was totally flaunting my sexy legs.

Walked right in and there was an older lady at the counter who was such a sweetheart! She asked me what I was looking for, and with a confidence that I think took her back, I told her that I was transgendered, and looking for a realistic dong. Nothing crazy and monstrous, just something nice. She took her time and helped me pick out something really special. Nothing fancy. Lifelike with bulbous head and veins, but no balls.

Let's just say I couldn't wait to get home! I ripped that sexy thing right out of the box, stripped naked, put on my new shoes, and sucked that fucker clean!

God, I love being a girl!



Also, I'm getting more confidant in public! I love showing off my sexy legs! I don't mean to brag, but I really have a sexy pair! I wish I would have come out years ago!

Well, no time like the present!

Also, wow it takes a while to shave my legs! Never truly appreciated what a woman goes through to make her legs pretty and sexy, but I do now! At least the end result is worth it!

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Old 09-11-2012, 01:21 PM   #60
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I love it when you classy ladies talk about.... the giant steps you make in your personal lives, gurly stuff, (and post pictures) .....not so much the political stuff.
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Old 09-11-2012, 02:22 PM   #61
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I love it when you classy ladies talk about.... the giant steps you make in your personal lives, gurly stuff, (and post pictures) .....not so much the political stuff.
Oh TJ - you can't separate the two! Sometimes you have to fight your corner and that means all the boring stuff. All we want to do is be us... Life/society doesn't want that...
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Old 09-11-2012, 03:16 PM   #62
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I'll do you one better. How about dildos?

I went to my local adult store. I was dressed simply, in my black shorts, gray sweater, VS cheeky purple underwear (my new ones), and my flip flops. Of course I was totally flaunting my sexy legs.

Walked right in and there was an older lady at the counter who was such a sweetheart! She asked me what I was looking for, and with a confidence that I think took her back, I told her that I was transgendered, and looking for a realistic dong. Nothing crazy and monstrous, just something nice. She took her time and helped me pick out something really special. Nothing fancy. Lifelike with bulbous head and veins, but no balls.

Let's just say I couldn't wait to get home! I ripped that sexy thing right out of the box, stripped naked, put on my new shoes, and sucked that fucker clean!

God, I love being a girl!



Also, I'm getting more confidant in public! I love showing off my sexy legs! I don't mean to brag, but I really have a sexy pair! I wish I would have come out years ago!

Well, no time like the present!

Also, wow it takes a while to shave my legs! Never truly appreciated what a woman goes through to make her legs pretty and sexy, but I do now! At least the end result is worth it!

To our credit, I know it takes three times the work to shave my legs compared to hers...and they need it three times as often!
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Old 09-11-2012, 03:43 PM   #63
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To our credit, I know it takes three times the work to shave my legs compared to hers...and they need it three times as often!
wax....
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Old 09-11-2012, 03:51 PM   #64
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wax....
I look like I've been shot about the body with #12 shot. I bleed like mad!
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Old 09-11-2012, 06:36 PM   #65
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yeah right... you just can't take the PAIN LOL ( only kidding ). Anyway waxing can lead to other problems...
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Old 09-11-2012, 11:35 PM   #66
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yeah right... you just can't take the PAIN LOL ( only kidding ). Anyway waxing can lead to other problems...
yes. it can. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tw3jjRRQoA8
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Old 09-11-2012, 11:44 PM   #67
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I'm very tempted to try waxing, but truth be told, I kind of like soaking in the hot bathtub before shaving my legs. It's very relaxing!

Okay, another major step for me today. Stopped by the drugstore and picked up some Astroglide, and went home to play with my new dildo. It looks like this:



Like I said, it's nothing flashy or fancy, but it's nice. Realistic, which is what I wanted. Most of the dildos at the adult store were way too obnoxiously huge, which is not what I want. I'm a natural woman, and I want a natural cock.

Okay, so here goes. I've never done it. I've never taken anything in my body that way before. That way. I drew a nice hot bath and soaked for a bout an hour, getting nice and relaxed, then I took a dollop of Astroglide and rubbed it all over my new dildo, and then took another one and smeared it all over me...down there.

And then I took it inside me.

It was easily the sexiest, most wonderful experience of my life! The pleasure was absolutely indescribable! And the orgasms I had...WOW!!!

The sexiest part was when I was done, I washed up, got dressed in my sexy new panties and shorts, and sat around playing on the internet.

That's when I noticed it.

I was leaking. I was leaking cum from my pussy.

I closed my eyes and went to the bathroom to clean myself off.



I am a woman. Hear me roar.
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Old 09-13-2012, 05:55 AM   #68
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Thankyou...

StaceyTG for this:

http://waterfordwhispersnews.com/201...-in-two-years/


^^^^ Amazing..
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Old 09-13-2012, 06:00 AM   #69
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I'll do you one better. How about dildos?

I went to my local adult store. I was dressed simply, in my black shorts, gray sweater, VS cheeky purple underwear (my new ones), and my flip flops. Of course I was totally flaunting my sexy legs.

Walked right in and there was an older lady at the counter who was such a sweetheart! She asked me what I was looking for, and with a confidence that I think took her back, I told her that I was transgendered, and looking for a realistic dong. Nothing crazy and monstrous, just something nice. She took her time and helped me pick out something really special. Nothing fancy. Lifelike with bulbous head and veins, but no balls.

Let's just say I couldn't wait to get home! I ripped that sexy thing right out of the box, stripped naked, put on my new shoes, and sucked that fucker clean!

God, I love being a girl!



Also, I'm getting more confidant in public! I love showing off my sexy legs! I don't mean to brag, but I really have a sexy pair! I wish I would have come out years ago!

Well, no time like the present!

Also, wow it takes a while to shave my legs! Never truly appreciated what a woman goes through to make her legs pretty and sexy, but I do now! At least the end result is worth it!


Haha, so awesome to hear hun . I ordered my very first dong a month a go, it's see-through red jelly with a nice head and veiny too...I was SO excited when I got it as well!, and used it almost right away. And yes, the whole going out in public thing takes a bit to do!. I have gone out now to buy cd's and met a woman at the local lake resturant...I was scared but ended up having so much fun....
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Old 09-14-2012, 09:00 AM   #70
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Haha, so awesome to hear hun . I ordered my very first dong a month a go, it's see-through red jelly with a nice head and veiny too...I was SO excited when I got it as well!, and used it almost right away. And yes, the whole going out in public thing takes a bit to do!. I have gone out now to buy cd's and met a woman at the local lake resturant...I was scared but ended up having so much fun....
Andrea - you've got me completely confused. Some people struggle with typos on LitE but your last sentence has innuendos that cracked me up .
Was it
"I have gone out now to buy cds and met a woman…" or was that
"I have gone out now bi CDs and met a woman" ?
*hugs* only having fun with words xx
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Old 09-14-2012, 06:29 PM   #71
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This is a lovely little documentary about a dutch girl and her struggle with GI

http://youtu.be/TXpViPHnT3U
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Old 09-15-2012, 07:07 AM   #72
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3yvoB...feature=relmfu

If I may be so bold, but i think that we really need to start recognizing the T in GLBT here on this board. I've been here for over a year (including prior to my "transformation", and most of the transgender threads on this particular board are not geared toward actually discussing transgenders and the struggles we face.

So I want this thread to be a form where we can begin a dialogue about the difficulties we face being transgendered. This journey is something that can only be appreciated by others who are journeying down the same path, and I think that it's important that we seek each other out. Lately, I've been feeling lost, alone, and truthfully, very, very sad. I've been desperately trying to fill empty spaces in my soul with little to no avail.

I want to start filling in those voids. With life, with meaningfulness. I want to use this thread to express myself, and I urge my transgender brothers and sisters to do the same. It's time we stopped living in the shadows. It's time we stopped being half alive, half of who we truly are, and embrace our bodies, even if they don't synchronize with our gender, and begin the long, difficult journey to finally, at last, making peace with it.

So lately, it's been really bothering me, the fact that I'm not a woman (biologically). I've been following this wonderful thread, Pregnancy Hormones Running Amok - ICDT, and the dichotomy that I feel is tearing me apart, it fills me with a joy and happiness to read about icandothis' pregnancy. Her words and the way she describes being pregnant, what she's going through, what her and her husband are feeling and experiencing are among the most beautiful I've ever read on Lit. However, it also fills me with a great sadness. A sadness knowing that I will never be able to experience the joy of taking my lover's seed and growing a life inside my body. The hallmark of a woman. It may sound silly to some, but to transgenders, this is something that I think they can appreciate. No matter how much make up I put on, no matter how much money I may save and how many drugs I take and how many surgeries I undertake, I will never never be able to grow a life inside me, and I think that's one of the biggest things that I've been struggling with lately.

So, to all my transgender brothers and sisters, please, let's share our experiences. I believe that by talking about what we're going through is the only way we can move toward making peace with ourselves, and possibly, hopefully, moving toward a world more tolerant and understanding of the struggles that we're experiencing.
Agreed! Thanks for sharing! The LGBT community would be nowhere without the T! Trans people started the LGBT equality movement, so here's to trans people's rights!
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Old 09-15-2012, 10:57 AM   #73
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This is a lovely little documentary about a dutch girl and her struggle with GI

http://youtu.be/TXpViPHnT3U
I watched this vid, and am trying to educate myself about the transformation process. I saw that she was getting injections for slowing the puberty effects, but was unable to start HRT injections until she was 16.....I was wondering why it was necessary to wait.
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Old 09-15-2012, 01:50 PM   #74
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I watched this vid, and am trying to educate myself about the transformation process. I saw that she was getting injections for slowing the puberty effects, but was unable to start HRT injections until she was 16.....I was wondering why it was necessary to wait.
Things have progressed a lot for transgender people and one of the things that has slowly evolved is that with young children displaying gender dysphoria there is now an attempt to help them, rather then in the past make them bury it, or try to 'cure' them.

The struggle is how far do you go? Kids sometimes do go through phases, so how are you sure if in fact they are transgender when a child may or may not know (hell, hard for an adult going through this).

What makes it difficult is for either m to f or f to m, is that it would be idea to start treatment before puberty, before the 'native' hormones do their work (think about it, young boys and girls aren't physically all that different before puberty). For a M to F, for example, it would stop the thickening of the bones, the development of brow bossa (ridge about the eyes), adam's apples, body hair and especially facial hair, would make the skin stay soft, hair finer, etc and of course the development of the breasts and butt. For a F to M, would stop the development of breasts and so forth and with T the male characteristics.

The problem of course is hormones to s certain extent are permanent, and if you go this path what if it turns out not to be the right one? What they will do as a stopgap is put them on hormone blockers (for a male, spiroaldactone, for example) that stops the testosterone from having as much of an effect if any, for a f to m it would be something to negate estrogen, until they get bit older. It makes a big difference, believe me, any adult trans person will tell you how fucking hard it is to overcome the effects of hormones from adolescence. A beard can take 800 hours to remove, body hair is a pain, the thickened bone structure, adams apple and such can be hard to change, and certain things can make it difficult for a M to F to 'pass'; do it pre puberty and it is a totally different story. An acquaintance is a M to F, who is in adult films, and she has been on HRT since she was 13..but because they started too late, her voice isn't that great thought she is lucky, she otherwise is quite hot (hate her *smile*).

The problem is there is not magic bullet to determine if a boy, for example, is simply happy dressing in girls clothes but is okay as a boy, a gay boy who likes the femme, or a trans girl.....so it is a hobson's choice, with the risk of doing the wrong thing.

My take is if the kid has been worked with by a competent psych type, if they strongly demonstrate this from an early age and it doesnt' seem to waver, it may be a good thing to think of doing the HRT and such or at least block puberty until a decision can be made later. Even thoiugh it isn't easy doing this as a child, dealing with family and the stupidity of other people, in many ways it is a lot easier because of done young a)the person will physically be more presentable/unknown and b)they will have basically had their life as a boy/girl, rather then dealing with the implications of transitioning as an adult, they will have gone to school, gotten a job, etc as their true gender. On the other hand, I am an example of what the difficulties of adult transition can end up leading too..
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Old 09-15-2012, 02:30 PM   #75
stickygirl
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pre-puberty

Thanks Lauren
You're right - this girl lives in a very progressive country and she is not an isolated case in receiving the 'delay' treatment.
You said "think about it, young boys and girls aren't physically all that different before puberty" which made me reflect on a little research I did regarding native American Indians and that a number of tribes didn't distinguish between the sex of a child until they reached 9 or 10 yrs old: they only had a word for "child".
There have always been two-spirit or transgendered people, though research suggests DDT might have corrupted genes back in 1950-70s leading to a rise in gender identity issues.
Sceptics question if it has become 'fashionable' as a diagnosis but how can such fashions be invented by a 4 yr old kid who cries their eyes out when they are forced to wear clothes of the wrong sex? ( blue-faced tantrums in my case ). What has changed is that TGs are no longer forced to wear a straight-jacket of conformity. By comparison these naturally occurring variations in biology are no more unusual than say, a gifted musician or someone with webbed fingers. All we need to do know is make the general public accept this... give it another 300 years and we might get there...
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