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Is it common/normal for a Dom to want to try being a Sub?

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EpicureanCynic

Virgin
Joined
Apr 3, 2012
Posts
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As the title suggests, my question is whether it is common/normal (accepted? even) for a Dom to also desire being a Sub to someone else? I ask because I have always either gravitated to being dominant or subs have gravitated toward me. I've never had any great interest in dominating another doms unless requested (only happened once). I enjoy the time I spend with my pyl's but I would be lying if I said I was not interested in exploring my ability to submit to the right woman.

I have written to one Dom on this board applying to be her sub because I think she seemed enticing and had the characteristics I would desire if I were to submit. However, I would completely understand her hesitation if she a) was wary of taking on a novice sub, and b) working with someone who has been a Dom for the better part of 10 years.

Is switching between the two difficult? Are there Doms out there who fantasize about dominating other dominants?
 
yes. It is common, it is normal, to want to be the one done unto for a change, get your needs filled and be paid attention to.

As I so often point out, the terms "Dom" and "sub" are misleading when applied to the practices that we lump together in BDSM. You might not be a "Dom" as much as a "Top" -- and generally, we are "Service Tops," who do unto our partner much more for our partner's sake, with the intent to show them a really good time.

who wouldn't want to turn the tables once in a while?
 
Nope, totally normal to want to see things from the other side of the fence.

Stella has point when she uses the term Bottoming though.

Are you really wishing to submit, or do you simply want to explore the wonderful world of sensation and erotic spoiling that alot of subs are forced to endure so terribly ;) ?

If it's the latter, you can always direct one of your pyls to do unto you for a change. This is how I got started with my PYL. It did lead to me discovering an actual dominant streak, but you might not necessarily discover a submissive side.

The only way you're going to find out is by trying it.

Good luck!
 
I have subbed, but only ever to a woman I loved deeply. I think it was good for me as a dom, to learn at first hand what it is like to be used as another's toy. So I'm forever grateful to her.
 
In talking to few old-school Leathermen, the ideal was for a Top to learn from the bottom, literally and figuratively. I certainly see how that would be educational and regret that it was not how I learned (and learn still). I was a horrid bottom and have no desire to submit or feel the slightest discomfort. I applaud those that can and do.
 
I think you should definitely go for it
1) It's healthy
2) Why not try it? You might like it best.
3) Switching is AWESOME because:
3.1 you get the best of both worlds
3.2 You treat your sub better because you know what's it's like to be in their spot
3.3 You get grounded.

I couldn't encourage it more!!! :D
 
Stella_Omega said:
yes. It is common, it is normal, to want to be the one done unto for a change, get your needs filled and be paid attention to.

As I so often point out, the terms "Dom" and "sub" are misleading when applied to the practices that we lump together in BDSM. You might not be a "Dom" as much as a "Top" -- and generally, we are "Service Tops," who do unto our partner much more for our partner's sake, with the intent to show them a really good time.

who wouldn't want to turn the tables once in a while?
Click to expand...

Wait a minute, that sounds all wrong.

Service top, wouldn't that be the sub anyway?

As a dom I don't do stuff for the partners sake, I get a partner that will take shit for my sake.
 
I'm not a Dom but I get the idea that many people who Top or are part of the Switch Spectrum or whatever, might like to be done unto now and then.

For people like me, who is a sub and has only one interest in topping to please someone else, (okay maybe a little sadism too), that makes sense. Topping seems like a lot of work! *whine, whine, whine*

But for more of a PYL would it? Or would it seem easy and just right?

I think there might well be a certain percentage of people that would absolutely not want to be done unto except as directed by them.

Just as there are some pyls that don't feel they could ever top no matter how much it was ordered or wished for.

*shrugs*

FF

:rose:
 
FurryFury said:
I'm not a Dom but I get the idea that many people who Top or are part of the Switch Spectrum or whatever, might like to be done unto now and then.

For people like me, who is a sub and has only one interest in topping to please someone else, (okay maybe a little sadism too), that makes sense. Topping seems like a lot of work! *whine, whine, whine*

But for more of a PYL would it? Or would it seem easy and just right?

I think there might well be a certain percentage of people that would absolutely not want to be done unto except as directed by them.

Just as there are some pyls that don't feel they could ever top no matter how much it was ordered or wished for.

*shrugs*

FF

:rose:
Click to expand...

I'm one of those for whom it would be a nightmare to sub. I think I'd flip out and fight. I never could understand subs, or why someone would sub. I'm just glad the bitches exist. Makes me happy!
 
YourCaptor said:
I'm one of those for whom it would be a nightmare to sub. I think I'd flip out and fight. I never could understand subs, or why someone would sub. I'm just glad the bitches exist. Makes me happy!
Click to expand...

Take a course in the art of living , you will improve your own life
 
FurryFury said:
Just as there are some pyls that don't feel they could ever top no matter how much it was ordered or wished for.
Click to expand...


For what it is worth, I think it can be valuable to experience the other side because it can give such a deeper understanding and appreciation for each other... and I think this is especially valid when the instinct to avoid it is so very strong. Maybe it would be a strain for people who identify with such polar proclivities, but I am hard pressed to believe that nothing would be gained from it... even if it only ever turns into a story you look back at and laugh hysterically about someday.

I know for me if there is something I am vehemently opposed to regardless of experience, it is usually a flag to pause and reconsider the no that wants to leap out. These moments and new experiences can be so rich in knowledge so I do my very best to say yes to these situations whenever I can afford to. I have found them to have sometimes surprising or often reaffirming that my limits and interests are right where they should be.
 
I agree with you but that's just because it's my nature. I don't think that works for everyone to force themselves to do what they avoid.

:rose:

Curious_in_Cali said:
For what it is worth, I think it can be valuable to experience the other side because it can give such a deeper understanding and appreciation for each other... and I think this is especially valid when the instinct to avoid it is so very strong. Maybe it would be a strain for people who identify with such polar proclivities, but I am hard pressed to believe that nothing would be gained from it... even if it only ever turns into a story you look back at and laugh hysterically about someday.

I know for me if there is something I am vehemently opposed to regardless of experience, it is usually a flag to pause and reconsider the no that wants to leap out. These moments and new experiences can be so rich in knowledge so I do my very best to say yes to these situations whenever I can afford to. I have found them to have sometimes surprising or often reaffirming that my limits and interests are right where they should be.
Click to expand...
 
The bitches?

:eek:

YourCaptor said:
I'm one of those for whom it would be a nightmare to sub. I think I'd flip out and fight. I never could understand subs, or why someone would sub. I'm just glad the bitches exist. Makes me happy!
Click to expand...
 
FurryFury said:
I agree with you but that's just because it's my nature. I don't think that works for everyone to force themselves to do what they avoid.

:rose:
Click to expand...

I'm with this. I think if I was somehow made to sub without a fight, it would ruin me, probably kill me.

I've been down, super weak. The kind of weak that when you stand up your vision goes black and you somehow find yourself on the floor. When moving your legs makes them feel like they are falling asleep. Or when the er staff come running, slip and fall in the pool of your blood. Even then I can still find something to get me up and running.

But when I got put in a wheelchair, nobody knowing if it would be permanent, no more autonomy, I shut down on that one pretty much just waiting to die, that was hell.

Living is fighting, controlling, taking out your power on the world. If I can't do that I'm not living.
 
even so, YC, it is still common for PYLs to want to try the pyl side.

Not universal, no. But plenty common.
 
YourCaptor said:
I'm with this. I think if I was somehow made to sub without a fight, it would ruin me, probably kill me.

I've been down, super weak. The kind of weak that when you stand up your vision goes black and you somehow find yourself on the floor. When moving your legs makes them feel like they are falling asleep. Or when the er staff come running, slip and fall in the pool of your blood. Even then I can still find something to get me up and running.

But when I got put in a wheelchair, nobody knowing if it would be permanent, no more autonomy, I shut down on that one pretty much just waiting to die, that was hell.

Living is fighting, controlling, taking out your power on the world. If I can't do that I'm not living.
Click to expand...

YC, I am so sorry that you have had to face such a trail of resilience in your life and I am happy you seem to have pulled though it and clearly value your vibrancy so much more deeply. I have been there too and it can test your strength like nothing else. *HUG*

That said, I do not think it is a fair comparison when considering submission because the pace and limitations of healing is not a voluntary experience. Submission like that is control being taken from you, where submission in kink is a more a choice. Maybe for many the need to submit is inherent and therefor the ache and drive can be undeniable and feel involuntary, but ultimately you have a choice to act on it or not. Happiness itself is a choice. There is a lot of power and strength in making choices regardless of why you chose to do it. The why matters when it comes to the enjoyment and sustainability of it for sure, but there is power in understanding the what it is a bit better I think.

I do not agree that submission is a weakness at all, and in fact you are sort of admitting here that you feel you are not strong enough to do it. I find that to be a curious contradiction, indeed. ;)

Clearly being in a submissive role does not sound attractive to or inherent within you, and there is nothing wrong with that. I think though, that if you were to experience the strain of attempting it, that someday you would look at the beautiful, powerful, and valuable creature at your feet a little differently. It could possibly enrich your experience and deepen your understanding and connection to her, or maybe not. Can you at least see the potential gain?

There is so much power in knowledge and understanding, that I have a hard time understanding when people are unwilling to be open and surrender to the process of learning. If you can remove fear, it disarms the threats and you can simply be present as an open minded student, which I know you have PLENTY of experience and success in doing. :rose:
 
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Stella_Omega said:
even so, YC, it is still common for PYLs to want to try the pyl side.

Not universal, no. But plenty common.
Click to expand...

Yeah, was gonna say... so subbing is as good as being dead? Sounds like being a PYL is one step above necrophilia if you put it that way, then... :p
 
Stella_Omega said:
even so, YC, it is still common for PYLs to want to try the pyl side.

Not universal, no. But plenty common.
Click to expand...

Is it? I doubt many daddies want to be little girls, don't thing bears want to be twinks, or owners property.

Curious_in_Cali said:
YC, I am so sorry that you have had to face such a trail of resilience in your life and I am happy you seem to have pulled though it and clearly value your vibrancy so much more deeply. I have been there too and it can test your strength like nothing else. *HUG*

That said, I do not think it is a fair comparison when considering submission because the pace and limitations of healing is not a voluntary experience. Submission like that is control being taken from you, where submission in kink is a more a choice. Maybe for many the need to submit is inherent and therefor the ache and drive can be undeniable and feel involuntary, but ultimately you have a choice to act on it or not. Happiness itself is a choice. There is a lot of power and strength in making choices regardless of why you chose to do it. The why matters when it comes to the enjoyment and sustainability of it for sure, but there is power in understanding the what it is a bit better I think.

I do not agree that submission is a weakness at all, and in fact you are sort of admitting here that you feel you are not strong enough to do it. I find that to be a curious contradiction, indeed. ;)

Clearly being in a submissive role does not sound attractive to or inherent within you, and there is nothing wrong with that. I think though, that if you were to experience the strain of attempting it, that someday you would look at the beautiful, powerful, and valuable creature at your feet a little differently. It could possibly enrich your experience and deepen your understanding and connection to her, or maybe not. Can you at least see the potential gain?

There is so much power in knowledge and understanding, that I have a hard time understanding when people are unwilling to be open and surrender to the process of learning. If you can remove fear, it disarms the threats and you can simply be present as an open minded student, which I know you have PLENTY of experience and success in doing. :rose:
Click to expand...

I don’t think submission is weakness, I can deal with weakness, all you have to do is get stronger.

I think if I subbed, it could potentially ruin me. So I don’t think it would be much value for me in a D/s dynamic. I’d probably end up nilla and depressed. I’m all for being a good student, but I don’t think it is necessary to actually be the crash test dummy in the experiment in order to learn.

I think it's a good thing for people to be difference. Let people be, coexist don't assimilate.
 
I think you've bought into some huge and mythic notion of what Domming and Subbing are.

Is it? I doubt many daddies want to be little girls, don't thing bears want to be twinks, or owners property.
Click to expand...
I bet many of them do.

Not all. Not most.
But many.

Don't worry about it, okay? No one is saying that you have to conform to anything you don't want to. Your dom style is just fine for you, and for the women you play with. :rose:
 
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