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Old 07-27-2012, 10:21 PM   #201
Kissmykitty
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trouble_maker View Post
Well said, but sometimes you just got to take that shit! You can't wait around for him to start things up, now I don't know if that's your particular problem but for those who do have a somewhat "wilted" husband, you just got to show him "the pussy is boss!" (to quote my grams)
Oh I have started pulling this one and just demanding he let me have my way. I even offered a challenge to have sex everyday for a month straight to help us "Connect." Well that went out the window about two weeks in.

What a shame, I know plenty of men who would die to have a wife willing and ready for sex MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY!
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Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer

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Old 07-27-2012, 10:22 PM   #202
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Originally Posted by Kissmykitty View Post
Oh I have started pulling this one and just demanding he let me have my way. I even offered a challenge to have sex everyday for a month straight to help us "Connect." Well that went out the window about two weeks in.

What a shame, I know plenty of men who would die to have a wife willing and ready for sex MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY!
Me....
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Old 07-27-2012, 10:24 PM   #203
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Originally Posted by antiasexual View Post
Yup, I get it.

As someone who started a well attended Literotica thread on sexless marriage, I couldn't resist but chime in here as well (you can see my own story as well of course).

My situation is different in that I have actually been through this bullshit before. So I learned. When I met my wife, I was very clear on my needs.....my sex drive has been through the roof my whole life, and I am a kinky man. I don't apologize for who I am, and her and I were like dynamite for a year or two. However, marriage destroyed her libido.

I have tried everything...I am a strong, dominant man, with a sense of fun, kink, humour, and I have an excellent career to top it off. My wifes friend insessantly flirt with me, and don't hesitate to tell her they are "jealous" (oh he cooks, cleans, makes good money, is a great dad, AND loves sex??? Sign me up!). However, she is basically "done". Stick a fork in her.

We have done everything...counselling, drugs, therapy, I mean....we have done it all. I have posted on probably 30 different boards (this is just one), and its like this is a SUCH a common situation, its more like a plague.

For me, the bitter pill was my honesty. I was COMPLETELY up front with my partner about my needs, and she agreed whole-heartedly. She even shared in my kinky ways (which is a bare minimum), but it all stopped. Its like some people just.....run out of "steam"?

I am not looking to gripe. I am looking for a lover. PM anytime...Western Canada. Fit, attractive, funny, easy to understand.

Thanks all.

You sound like a ROCK STAR! I am so sorry, I feel like being honest is essential and women often feel they can "CHANGE" their man after marriage. Come say Hi and lets chat! XOXO
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Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer

"In the end all you can hope for Is the love you felt to equal the pain you've gone through"

"The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it... I can resist everything but temptation."
Oscar Wilde
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Old 07-27-2012, 10:32 PM   #204
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Originally Posted by Bbb13 View Post
Me....

Muah
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Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer

"In the end all you can hope for Is the love you felt to equal the pain you've gone through"

"The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it... I can resist everything but temptation."
Oscar Wilde
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Old 07-28-2012, 12:43 AM   #205
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thanks kitty

Thanks kisskitty......mrawr! *lick*
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Old 08-29-2012, 07:47 PM   #206
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Lust is cruel, why are there so many unmatched relationships when it comes to finding a sexmate with the same sexdrive intensity and erotic passion.
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Old 08-29-2012, 08:55 PM   #207
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hi would like to help you with that
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Old 08-30-2012, 02:15 AM   #208
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Yours is a very sad situation, the options are limited, I wish I had the answer for you, the right person in your life would help alot, but finding that right person is the trick
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Old 08-30-2012, 10:23 AM   #209
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Glad I'm not the only one.
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Old 08-30-2012, 11:10 AM   #210
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Cool it is a period of ups and downs

you can either lament about it or find the balance that brings you joy.

just remember to be careful and safe. take every precaution, I don't look forward to the consequences....
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Old 08-30-2012, 11:32 AM   #211
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Originally Posted by ohwhynot77 View Post
Please do not judge me. I am 35, healthy, attractive and in a sexless marriage. My husband and I have not been intimate in over 3 years.

He has zero desire - you may speculate all you want but no I do not think he is gay, no he will not go to marriage counseling. I have gone on my own but it is hard to fix a marriage from one side. We otherwise get along, and yes there is a child which makes leaving very hard - especially since we otherwise function very well as a family!

That said, should I be complacent with with a life of celibacy? We are friends, get along but it is platonic? Maybe, maybe there is nothing really wrong with that?

I have has affairs - both long term and short and was left feeling empty, more alone than before.

Truly I want to LOVE(!!!) - hard, unabashedly, passionately, devotedly, endlessly. And I want to be so loved in return.

But maybe that isn't what marriage is about? Maybe what I have is as close to good as it gets?

Sorry for my late night and tipsy ramble ... I have had a few glasses of Pinot Grigio and I am waxing philosophic.

There is no way you can be happy like this. Forget the social mores. Have a hot passionate lust and love-filled affair.

xxxxx
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Old 08-30-2012, 01:35 PM   #212
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I have read a large majority of the responses to the original thread, I am shocked to see how many people have similar issues. If you notice they all spawn from basically the same types of issues. One spouse is not as willing as the other to try new things or fulfill there parteners desires. Or one has let themself go and become physically unattractive to the other person.

I was married for 10 years, reached this point in my marriage. My wife who I met as a young man was 120lbs, 5'6 blonde with large breast. By the 5th year she was 280lbs, had a bout with birth control attempting to have children. So for the last 5 years, I was truely not attracted to her. I started slowly asking her to fix this problem, by encouraging her to go on walks with me, exercise etc without mentioning my feelings. After several failed attempts to keep her motivated, I had enough. I told her either she met me half way and fixed her issues or I was going to find a mistress who could fulfill my desires. s

This crushed her, she went into depression and ended up agreeing with me on the issue after much fighting had occured. She allowed me a mistress, wasnt hard to find as I was in my mid 20s at this time and in great shape, not to mention having an above average dick helped once it got out. Beofre I knew it, i couldnt get them to leave me alone. THe temptation was pretty overwhelming. I even had 3somes with my wife just to keep her invovled. 2years of that and I realized it was crushing her mentally and emotionally.

She eventually took charge and got a bypass surgery and lost 150lbs. She was again 130lbs but the effect of the quick loss of weight of course is sagging. Which required more surgery to correct but after a lot of medical issues and surgeries (which btw she took upon her self to do, i wanted her to lose it the correct way and still offered to help) She was her normal self agin. Looking hot.

Much to my surprise after that, I came home from a hard day at work to find her in bed with a co-worker of mine. Initially i was crushed, angry , etc. However in the grand scheme of things I asked for it. So i let her go, fought to get her back becuase, i did still love her for who she was as a person just not her overweight body. Well to end this story, we ended up getting a messy divorce. Several years afterwords and after we both had moved on to other relationships, we both realized that we should never had given up on each other. WE talk no off and on but we both live in regret of it all.


A marriage is for life, through good, bad, ugly, rich, poor, sickness, health etc. Not when its convienient. In order for a marriage to work correctly there has to be trust, loyalty AND compromise. TO include sex. You are intially attracted to a physical body THEN the person. SO why then do we let ourslelves go once we have gotten with someone and had kids etc. Just an attempt was all i asked of her. If you let yourself go, you are not satisfiing your partener. If you are not trying new things with your partener in teh bedroom, you will ultimately push him/her into someones arms that wil try it. IF you do not show them the attention they deserve, they will cheat. Period. Living in an open relationship seems like a viable idea, however it opens pandoras box to a lot of issues. Have to be willing to accept it.

MORALE of the story: Men especially but women to, tend to get tired of eating the same sandwhich day in and day out. IT is very hard not to take each other for granted but have you tried talking to him about it? Has he been tested for low T ? IF he is not willing to meet you in the middle on it and you arent willing to meet him in the middle on what he now finds unattractive. THen you either have to put up with it and live out fantasies here which will lead to cheating eventually. Or Divorce and find someone who fulfills all aspects. Personally, i suggest trying to get him to understand and yall work on it beofre you choose the other options. Cheating and divorce both are very hard and full of just as many regrets.
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Show the ginger love and keep this thread alive ladies
More pics at your requets. http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=825294
I also endulge in the personals side of lit and love hearing from fellow lit users who enjoy what they see
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=858142

Last edited by ginger82 : 08-30-2012 at 01:37 PM.
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Old 08-30-2012, 09:47 PM   #213
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aluv View Post
Lust is cruel, why are there so many unmatched relationships when it comes to finding a sexmate with the same sexdrive intensity and erotic passion.

This is the sad part about relationships, you often don't realize this mismatch until you are knee deep in quicksand. Then what? Walk away simply because you aren't getting enough sex?

These are the thoughts that keep me awake at night!
You only live once and morally right or wrong is for ME to decide!
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Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer

"In the end all you can hope for Is the love you felt to equal the pain you've gone through"

"The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it... I can resist everything but temptation."
Oscar Wilde
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Old 08-30-2012, 10:52 PM   #214
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Always asleep

Like many others on this thread, I can say that before we got married, the sex was HOT. Every. Single. Night. Sometimes, more than once. And plenty of variety.

Once we got married, things slowed down. Still plenty often, but not as frequent. Then the kids came along. After the second one was born, things really went downhill.

As the kids have gotten older, sex has slowed to a trickle. Once, maybe twice a week, always plain-vanilla, and always in the morning, as that's the only time I can get to her when the kids aren't around. Most nights (like tonight), she falls asleep in our daughter's bed, and practically sleep-walks her way down to the bedroom. There's no waking her up after that, and I usually fall asleep with my cock in my hand.

At this point the only pussy in the house that wants attention from me on a regular basis has four legs and a tail. I have to initiate everything, and even when I do that, I'm usually the only one that really gets off. She pretty much feels as though it's an obligation, and not a pleasure for her.

I've been lurking around on the lit forums for awhile, trying to figure out what to do. Seeing this thread makes me think I'm pretty lucky to at least be getting SOMETHING, even if it's only a few times a month. But I have SO MUCH MORE to give. I've had a couple of good email threads with a few women here, but the last one just stopped very suddenly, in the middle of a great story.

I've got a few fantasies about women at work, but unfortunately one of them works for me, and I KNOW how that would end (badly). So, I'm left enjoying lit stories, and being thankful for my iPad, Lit, and xhamster. My favorite lit postings are the audio ones by women - they're the easiest for me to get off on. I'm pretty bored of watching other people have sex, and prefer a good fantasy to a long, drawn out, predictable (free) porn video.

At least for now - until I find a way to get my wife to have "the talk" and figure this out.
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Old 09-24-2012, 12:34 AM   #215
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Originally Posted by Kissmykitty View Post
This is the sad part about relationships, you often don't realize this mismatch until you are knee deep in quicksand. Then what? Walk away simply because you aren't getting enough sex?

These are the thoughts that keep me awake at night!
You only live once and morally right or wrong is for ME to decide!
I really dig what you're saying and it's a balance. I've had a few quick affairs but feel bad about it afterward and then get all worked up again when things aren't happening. And we have tried EVERYTHING for years, but it doesn't resonate.

But causing hurt at this stage in my life is not something I'm interested in. So, I'm sticking it out.....but if someone comes along....and there have been a few....I give myself a treat but nothing long term. Men compartmentalize better than women, I find (I know that's a generality and don't mean all men or women act a certain way).

To all who are going through this, my sincere empathy.
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Old 10-29-2012, 12:40 AM   #216
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too familiar ugh....
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Old 10-29-2012, 03:12 AM   #217
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I 'm in the boat with you all too.
The difference is, I can live with it even though there is some frustration. My wife has simply gotten to the point where she just doesn't feel sexual any longer. She and I had a great sex life but that is no longer. We have been absolutely best friends for the entirety of our marriage and a few years before.
Like I said, I can live with it but would I like more? Hell yes.
Would I give up my marriage for a few minutes of pleasure once in a while? Hell no.
It's up to the individual whether it's time to leave or not.
In my case, I truly am happy overall but I can certainly understand if others are not.
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Old 10-29-2012, 02:53 PM   #218
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Hmmm...

Well I read the whole page. I'm in the same boat and found it all very interesting. Ohwhynot77... I wish we lived close to each other. SpiritRider poses a very interesting solution. I might try that with a friend. Have us secretly belong to each other and direct each other in ways. Bubba... I am very successful with posting Lit so I will assist you, if you want. .....I can be so creative in Lit ...time to get creative with my life I guess. That's what I've taken from this. Lets keep our chin up everyone.
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Old 10-30-2012, 04:18 PM   #219
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I have been here forever: lurking, occasionally posting. My story is familiar:

We have been together 14 years. Sex was always kind of vanilla from the beginning, but she always had an excuse why. Fast forward to today, sex is still vanilla but that is a misnomer as you have to have sex to make it vanilla. If we have sex, it's about every 5 or 6 weeks. What makes matters worse is that we have zero physical intimacy of any sort now. No holding hands, kissing, etc.

I have brought it up on numerous occasions, but it doesn't change. While I would LOVE a great sex life, at this point honestly I would just like to feel wanted on any level.

I'm not looking for answers or solutions...... Just venting on a day when I'm more depressed than normal about my situation. Thank god my kids are great, right?
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Old 11-24-2012, 09:54 PM   #220
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Common-law divorce???

Now that my marriage has passed the eight-years-without-sexual-contact mark, I had an idea...

Since living together for a certain number of years can confer the status of a common-law marriage, I propose that a certain numbers of years without sex should convey the status of common-law divorce.

[Note: I apologize for undoubtedly misrepresenting the legal issues. I'm just venting!]

- curl
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Old 11-24-2012, 10:47 PM   #221
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Geez

Quote:
Originally Posted by curl4ever View Post
Now that my marriage has passed the eight-years-without-sexual-contact mark, I had an idea...

Since living together for a certain number of years can confer the status of a common-law marriage, I propose that a certain numbers of years without sex should convey the status of common-law divorce.

[Note: I apologize for undoubtedly misrepresenting the legal issues. I'm just venting!]

- curl
I thought sex once every 2-3 weeks was bad, I feel like a freakin' porn star now!
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Old 11-24-2012, 10:50 PM   #222
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I thought sex once every 2-3 weeks was bad, I feel like a freakin' porn star now!
Congrats! Have fun!

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Old 11-24-2012, 11:12 PM   #223
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FL_Aquaman View Post
I have been here forever: lurking, occasionally posting. My story is familiar:

We have been together 14 years. Sex was always kind of vanilla from the beginning, but she always had an excuse why. Fast forward to today, sex is still vanilla but that is a misnomer as you have to have sex to make it vanilla. If we have sex, it's about every 5 or 6 weeks. What makes matters worse is that we have zero physical intimacy of any sort now. No holding hands, kissing, etc.

I have brought it up on numerous occasions, but it doesn't change. While I would LOVE a great sex life, at this point honestly I would just like to feel wanted on any level.

I'm not looking for answers or solutions...... Just venting on a day when I'm more depressed than normal about my situation. Thank god my kids are great, right?
You just described how I feel almost to a t. I'm just letting you guys know that sometimes it's the other way too. No one should have to be in this situation.
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Old 11-24-2012, 11:20 PM   #224
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Quote:
I have had affairs - both long term and short and was left feeling empty, more alone than before.
This makes sense to me.
I have to wonder... having a secret affair... doesn't that just complicate things more, too? I mean, once there, you've now got three (very likely, +/or, soon to be) unfulfilled people twisting around for intimacy.
Quote:
Truly I want to LOVE(!!!) - hard, unabashedly, passionately, devotedly, endlessly. And I want to be so loved in return.
Same. But, I'm single. I expect not to have it. I can't imagine staying in a marriage devoid of it... It is what marriage is about... in many ways. I dunno...
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Old 11-24-2012, 11:38 PM   #225
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Originally Posted by Shadowmist99 View Post
You just described how I feel almost to a t. I'm just letting you guys know that sometimes it's the other way too. No one should have to be in this situation.
Very sorry about this Shadow
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I LOVE thee not for sacred chastity.
Who loves for that? nor for thy sprightly wit:
I love thee not for thy sweet modesty,
Which makes thee in perfection's throne to sit.
I love thee not for thy enchanting eye,
Thy beauty, ravishing perfection:
I love thee not for that my soul doth dance,
And leap with pleasure when those lips of thine,
Give musical and graceful utterance,
To some (by thee made happy) poet's line.
I love thee not for voice or slender small,
But wilt thou know wherefore? Fair sweet, for all...

'Faith, wench! I cannot court thy sprightly eyes,
With the base viol placed between my thighs:
I cannot lisp, nor to some fiddle sing,
Nor run upon a high stretching minikin...
Not I, by cock! but I shall tell thee roundly,
Hark in thine ear, zounds I can **** thee soundly.

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