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Old 03-31-2012, 01:56 AM   #51
Kissmykitty
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Originally Posted by hillseeker View Post
Keeping you interested...sounds interesting
It's always a good idea when a woman is fully taken care of
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Old 03-31-2012, 01:58 AM   #52
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It's always a good idea when a woman is fully taken care of
Yes i enjoy taking advantage of that....
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Old 03-31-2012, 02:03 AM   #53
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Originally Posted by Kissmykitty View Post
Oh I don't believe in marriage anymore! I think being an open couple or swinging would be the only way to keep me interested.... Your thoughts?
Ive never been married and I'm currently single, so my thoughts may be moot due to lack of experience.

But if both parties want an open relationship and if jealousy doesn't rear it ugly head. Why not?
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Old 03-31-2012, 02:04 AM   #54
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Originally Posted by Kissmykitty View Post
Do you want one? Lol
I could be on the market
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Old 03-31-2012, 02:07 AM   #55
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Originally Posted by Jaws82 View Post
Ive never been married and I'm currently single, so my thoughts may be moot due to lack of experience.

But if both parties want an open relationship and if jealousy doesn't rear it ugly head. Why not?
I would want to swing, with my partner. Same room kind of thing. You have to set up rules and I'm sure you have to be very careful, but if your bond is strong and it's just sex I think it can make the marriage successful over time. We all cheat in some way why not "have your cake and eat it too, together"
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Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer

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Old 03-31-2012, 02:10 AM   #56
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Originally Posted by Kissmykitty View Post
I would want to swing, with my partner. Same room kind of thing. You have to set up rules and I'm sure you have to be very careful, but if your bond is strong and it's just sex I think it can make the marriage successful over time. We all cheat in some way why not "have your cake and eat it too, together"
I remember when I had a threesome we actually discussed very frankly what was and wasn't cool. Wasnt sexy at all, just matter of fact. But since we all knew where the boundaries were we had a lot of fun
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Old 03-31-2012, 02:11 AM   #57
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I remember when I had a threesome we actually discussed very frankly what was and wasn't cool. Wasnt sexy at all, just matter of fact. But since we all knew where the boundaries were we had a lot of fun
Rules are the only thing that separates us from animals!
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Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer

"In the end all you can hope for Is the love you felt to equal the pain you've gone through"

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Oscar Wilde
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Old 03-31-2012, 02:12 AM   #58
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Rules are the only thing that separates us from animals!
And opposable thumbs
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Old 03-31-2012, 02:14 AM   #59
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Old 03-31-2012, 08:20 AM   #60
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Been there, done it .......understand where your coming from....it happens to both sexes....I found it hard for people understand my anguish...it was almost like...two out of three aint bad....but what I was missing was important to me....if ever you feel the need to talk drop me a PM...
Yeah... well said!
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Old 03-31-2012, 09:01 AM   #61
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Wow,...Im not alone,..

Yes,...I'm reading others words,..but they seem to flow like mine. I have 2 beautiful amazing young sons,...that I'll go thru hell before I leave them. But,...I really miss the touching,....warmth,...affection. Yeah, I know i sound all sappy,..but it's not just about the sex,...lol,..well,..mabe a part of it.
Thanks for listening, dc
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Old 03-31-2012, 10:26 AM   #62
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Originally Posted by ohwhynot77 View Post
Please do not judge me. I am 35, healthy, attractive and in a sexless marriage. My husband and I have not been intimate in over 3 years.

He has zero desire - you may speculate all you want but no I do not think he is gay, no he will not go to marriage counseling. I have gone on my own but it is hard to fix a marriage from one side. We otherwise get along, and yes there is a child which makes leaving very hard - especially since we otherwise function very well as a family!

That said, should I be complacent with with a life of celibacy? We are friends, get along but it is platonic? Maybe, maybe there is nothing really wrong with that?

I have has affairs - both long term and short and was left feeling empty, more alone than before.

Truly I want to LOVE(!!!) - hard, unabashedly, passionately, devotedly, endlessly. And I want to be so loved in return.

But maybe that isn't what marriage is about? Maybe what I have is as close to good as it gets?

Sorry for my late night and tipsy ramble ... I have had a few glasses of Pinot Grigio and I am waxing philosophic.

Sorry to hear of your situation.

I feel your pain.

I was there once. We had multiple kids...
but finally I said enough is enough.
I got tired of sneaking around.

I divorced her. best decision ever!
Kids adjusted to it well.
I'm soooooo much happier now than before.
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Old 03-31-2012, 11:11 AM   #63
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Originally Posted by ohwhynot77 View Post
Please do not judge me. I am 35, healthy, attractive and in a sexless marriage. My husband and I have not been intimate in over 3 years.

He has zero desire - you may speculate all you want but no I do not think he is gay, no he will not go to marriage counseling. I have gone on my own but it is hard to fix a marriage from one side. We otherwise get along, and yes there is a child which makes leaving very hard - especially since we otherwise function very well as a family!

That said, should I be complacent with with a life of celibacy? We are friends, get along but it is platonic? Maybe, maybe there is nothing really wrong with that?

I have has affairs - both long term and short and was left feeling empty, more alone than before.

Truly I want to LOVE(!!!) - hard, unabashedly, passionately, devotedly, endlessly. And I want to be so loved in return.

But maybe that isn't what marriage is about? Maybe what I have is as close to good as it gets?

Sorry for my late night and tipsy ramble ... I have had a few glasses of Pinot Grigio and I am waxing philosophic.

..No such thing. Period.

Didn't read the whole thread so sorry if I'm wavering off the line of discussion. But I had to reply to this. So stop pining for it. Either compromise and accept life, a little mundane as it may seem, or well..go the taboo way. One thing attractive women can't not have in today's world is a guy in any which capacity they please.
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Old 03-31-2012, 11:22 AM   #64
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Be happy

Quote:
Originally Posted by ohwhynot77 View Post
Please do not judge me. I am 35, healthy, attractive and in a sexless marriage. My husband and I have not been intimate in over 3 years.

He has zero desire - you may speculate all you want but no I do not think he is gay, no he will not go to marriage counseling. I have gone on my own but it is hard to fix a marriage from one side. We otherwise get along, and yes there is a child which makes leaving very hard - especially since we otherwise function very well as a family!

That said, should I be complacent with with a life of celibacy? We are friends, get along but it is platonic? Maybe, maybe there is nothing really wrong with that?

I have has affairs - both long term and short and was left feeling empty, more alone than before.

Truly I want to LOVE(!!!) - hard, unabashedly, passionately, devotedly, endlessly. And I want to be so loved in return.

But maybe that isn't what marriage is about? Maybe what I have is as close to good as it gets?

Sorry for my late night and tipsy ramble ... I have had a few glasses of Pinot Grigio and I am waxing philosophic.

Literotica is a haven for people in your situation, but I will echo what others have said. Staying married "for the children" is a terrible idea. Kids pick up on parental emotions; most likely, they already know you're sad/upset. Getting divorced is a painful, shitty process, but you end up being happier in the end.

Not saying an affair is out of the question, just saying that everyone gets caught, eventually, and the pain that happens then is a LOT worse than asking for a divorce. Just saying...
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Old 03-31-2012, 04:00 PM   #65
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right there with you.

As I read through this thread I see that I am definitely not the only one to have this problem. I have been married for almost ten years now. My wife and I love each other very much. That is not to say we don't have our problems. Lack of communication and sex would be the top two. We try very hard to work on the communication issues, but both have very busy lives and rarely have time to stop and talk to each other. This probably contributes to the lack of sex also.

As I look back on our relationship, I have always had a higher sex drive than she has. In fact about the only time I was satisfied with the frequency of sex was when we were trying to get her pregnant. Outside of that it has been more on a monthly to quarterly schedule.

Finding someone else has never been an option. I don't think I could forgive her if I were to ever find out that she had cheated on me. Feeling that way myself, I don't see how I could expect her to deal any differently. I can't see swinging working out, as the thought of my wife having sex with another man makes me sick with jealousy.

I guess that leaves me with a bottle of line and reading literotica.

As for what I have read in the thread there seems to be a question" If the marriage is with out sex does it mean that it an unhappy marriage and it should be ended?" I think that a marriage can be happy with a vast difference in sex drives, but it can make the relationship difficult. If two people truly love each other and keep up good lines of communication then the relationship can survive the difference in sex drives.

Ohwhynot- I would suggest that you keep pushing to communicate with your husband and try to work with him to find the cause of the problem. Low testosterone may be part of the issue, or maybe there is something in his past that is causing the problem. If he is not willing to go counseling then I would guess that he does not feel their is a problem or there is a past or current issue he does not feel comfortable faceing. If you love him, then help him to understand how big of an issue the lack of sex is to you, and that you are there for him no matter what the cause of the issue is.

I apologize for the long winded response. I guess it was a little bit of self therapy.
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Old 03-31-2012, 04:44 PM   #66
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Absolutely right

Quote:
Originally Posted by Officegurl View Post
But when children find out that their parents stayed together just because of the kids and were miserable for years and years that causes them to feel enormous guilt and messes them up just as much as divorce messes some people up.

It seems you are mostly happy with your marriage which is a great thing. In my case, we are not even happy or friends with one another. If its just the sex that is lacking for you then that can be helped. That is much easier to fix than deep unhappiness.
Don't stay in an unhappy marriage "for the sake of the children". They won't thank you for it later in life. And I'm speaking from personal experience.
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Old 03-31-2012, 04:46 PM   #67
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Originally Posted by ohwhynot77 View Post
Please do not judge me. I am 35, healthy, attractive and in a sexless marriage. My husband and I have not been intimate in over 3 years.

He has zero desire - you may speculate all you want but no I do not think he is gay, no he will not go to marriage counseling. I have gone on my own but it is hard to fix a marriage from one side. We otherwise get along, and yes there is a child which makes leaving very hard - especially since we otherwise function very well as a family!

That said, should I be complacent with with a life of celibacy? We are friends, get along but it is platonic? Maybe, maybe there is nothing really wrong with that?

I have has affairs - both long term and short and was left feeling empty, more alone than before.

Truly I want to LOVE(!!!) - hard, unabashedly, passionately, devotedly, endlessly. And I want to be so loved in return.

But maybe that isn't what marriage is about? Maybe what I have is as close to good as it gets?

Sorry for my late night and tipsy ramble ... I have had a few glasses of Pinot Grigio and I am waxing philosophic.

been there, done that, got the tshirt.
My advice? Leave him. It's what I did. Never looked back.
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Old 03-31-2012, 06:52 PM   #68
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Originally Posted by ohwhynot77 View Post
Please do not judge me. I am 35, healthy, attractive and in a sexless marriage. My husband and I have not been intimate in over 3 years.

He has zero desire - you may speculate all you want but no I do not think he is gay, no he will not go to marriage counseling. I have gone on my own but it is hard to fix a marriage from one side. We otherwise get along, and yes there is a child which makes leaving very hard - especially since we otherwise function very well as a family!

That said, should I be complacent with with a life of celibacy? We are friends, get along but it is platonic? Maybe, maybe there is nothing really wrong with that?

I have has affairs - both long term and short and was left feeling empty, more alone than before.

Truly I want to LOVE(!!!) - hard, unabashedly, passionately, devotedly, endlessly. And I want to be so loved in return.

But maybe that isn't what marriage is about? Maybe what I have is as close to good as it gets?

Sorry for my late night and tipsy ramble ... I have had a few glasses of Pinot Grigio and I am waxing philosophic.

Believe me OWN, I would never judge you...I understand where you are coming from, since I'm there myself..the main difference is I'm older, and we've been married 30+ years..at this point in time, I'm pretty sure we're in it for life..I can't imagine what kind of major shitstorm would befall me, if I selfishly ended my marriage because I've been basically untouched for 5 years...I too, so want to love hard, and be loved endlessly in return...it's a fine fantasy...but I know the reality is where I am right now. I don't think this is what a good marriage is about for everyone..a major piece of the puzzle is missing...but for me at least...as the saying goes, I live my life in quiet desperation...dreaming about the passion I'm never going to have..probably ever again...sorry for the depressing tirade, but I do understand..all too well just how you feel
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Old 03-31-2012, 07:09 PM   #69
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aww im sorry your marriage like that
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Old 03-31-2012, 07:58 PM   #70
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Unhappy I feel for you so much

I apologize somewhat to you women for what happens to some of us guys. I also do not hold it against you. So sad to have women left wanton like that when all they need is some good romance and physical attention.
Sometimes the testosterone levels dwindle, and can cause this. have a physical and blood work done. YOU speak with the Doc. Have we spoken to our men? (no I did not read all). Is it possible that they need a little something exciting brought in to the bedroom? Toys, video's, etc.? Each one could be different and I do not want to assume, or sing the same old song and dance. I just want you to be sure and try all options before you drop the one you love for a reason that has yet to be addressed. I too,...have been there. Now in a rocky spot. You must do what you must do, but please don't skip a detail, a conversation, a topic. Anything goes sexually in this era, is there something you skipped, missed?
Some meds cause this, or again their bloodwork. Maybe they need a sexual spice not yet thought of. Talk, talk, and talk somemore about every topic. Lose the inhibitions(both of you). As they say leave no stone,....
I hope I helped some how.
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Old 04-01-2012, 10:03 PM   #71
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Believe me OWN, I would never judge you...I understand where you are coming from, since I'm there myself..the main difference is I'm older, and we've been married 30+ years..at this point in time, I'm pretty sure we're in it for life..I can't imagine what kind of major shitstorm would befall me, if I selfishly ended my marriage because I've been basically untouched for 5 years...I too, so want to love hard, and be loved endlessly in return...it's a fine fantasy...but I know the reality is where I am right now. I don't think this is what a good marriage is about for everyone..a major piece of the puzzle is missing...but for me at least...as the saying goes, I live my life in quiet desperation...dreaming about the passion I'm never going to have..probably ever again...sorry for the depressing tirade, but I do understand..all too well just how you feel
If I may ask... have you ever had the serious sit-down where you specifically asked why he has not touched you? I have friends who are in a similar situation and he has never asked her that specific question; they kind of pussyfoot around the elephant in the room apparently...

Humans are sexual beings... and it is truly sad when needs are not met...
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Old 04-01-2012, 10:56 PM   #72
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If I may ask... have you ever had the serious sit-down where you specifically asked why he has not touched you? I have friends who are in a similar situation and he has never asked her that specific question; they kind of pussyfoot around the elephant in the room apparently...

Humans are sexual beings... and it is truly sad when needs are not met...
You may ask..you're right about the elephant in the room...I've used that terminology before...he get's defensive, tells me he's going back to the doctor, etc...in the past it hasn't helped..and now he just doesn't seem to care at all..

so you're right..it's truly a sad state of affairs, but I thank you for your support
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Old 04-02-2012, 08:52 AM   #73
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I could have written that post myself unfortunately.

I HAVE had the quiet sit down conversations to ask my husband why he has no interest in sex.

His testosterone was low (he finally got it checked) but a year into testosterone therapy and it hasn't done a thing for his sex drive.

After 20 years I really don't want to leave him, but I don't want to live this way either. I keep hoping things will change, but thus far, nothing has. Eventually I'll have to make a painful decision...

You're definitely not alone.
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Old 04-02-2012, 12:04 PM   #74
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Old 04-03-2012, 03:14 AM   #75
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This is so weird. Why do you think he isn't interested? Have you talked about it? I dream of a wife who wants more excitement.
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