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Old 03-30-2012, 02:12 PM   #26
bubbatxman
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Deleted AdultFriendFinder

Well, I've deleted my AFF, and I'm going to take my frustrations out on you guys, in writing. If someone will just let me publish stories!!!!! I can't take the risk of a real affair.

Once I get the first story approved, it will go easier. Better to have an affair in the mind, than completely destroy your family.

BubbaTxMan, er. CagedLion signing off.
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Old 03-30-2012, 04:01 PM   #27
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Old 03-30-2012, 04:17 PM   #28
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Cabron you need to differentiate between sex and love. You can have one without the other. It's nice when you have both, of course. But they can exist separately from one another.
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Old 03-30-2012, 05:03 PM   #29
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Old 03-30-2012, 05:26 PM   #30
johntheordinary
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I'm there too...

My wife isn't interested in sex anymore either, at least not with me. I'm pretty sure she's not going elsewhere (I have spies out if needed lol) and on the occasion we do have sex (about once a month) she seems to enjoy it. It's just that she's almost never in the mood. Plus she's very reserved sexually where I have an extremely high sex drive and active imagination.

So I've played around some on the side (very little mind you) and while I don't like the fact that I've done that, it's probably kept me from being completely bitter about the whole situation and leaving. This is my second marriage, with no kids, and I love her and have a great life except for the lack of sex.

I guess my solution has been a lot of masturbation and a little online play to go with a once in a while straying when it can happen. Not the best situation, but for me it's better than leaving.
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Old 03-30-2012, 05:46 PM   #31
western_fireman
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Not quite sexless

After 23 years of mariage, almost 7 of those in counseling, I have given up. Divorce is coming up. We were not sexless, but infrequent and completely vanilla, no interest in changing or real intamacy. There are kids, but older. I think it will be an amiable split, and maybe even stay friends. I just can't stay married this way anymore. Everyone's situation is different. Both people have a resonsibility to work at the relationship, but sometimes it just does not work out.
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Old 03-30-2012, 08:58 PM   #32
Kissmykitty
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Originally Posted by ohwhynot77 View Post
Please do not judge me. I am 35, healthy, attractive and in a sexless marriage. My husband and I have not been intimate in over 3 years.

He has zero desire - you may speculate all you want but no I do not think he is gay, no he will not go to marriage counseling. I have gone on my own but it is hard to fix a marriage from one side. We otherwise get along, and yes there is a child which makes leaving very hard - especially since we otherwise function very well as a family!

That said, should I be complacent with with a life of celibacy? We are friends, get along but it is platonic? Maybe, maybe there is nothing really wrong with that?

I have has affairs - both long term and short and was left feeling empty, more alone than before.

Truly I want to LOVE(!!!) - hard, unabashedly, passionately, devotedly, endlessly. And I want to be so loved in return.

But maybe that isn't what marriage is about? Maybe what I have is as close to good as it gets?

Sorry for my late night and tipsy ramble ... I have had a few glasses of Pinot Grigio and I am waxing philosophic.

I can totally agree with your post! I am a 28 year old female married to a 35 year old man for almost 6 years. We have gone up to 9 months without having sex, this has caused me to look outside of my relationship to meet my physical and emotional needs. We have been together for 8 years and sex was exciting and frequent in the beginning. To re- light the spark I have bought sexy lingerie, texted him naughty pics, added porn & toys, role-play and given into any sexual desire he might have. He has always been obsessed with anal sex, itís not my cup of tea but will do it for my partner. I jokingly stated ďI will let you have anal sex with me if you let me have anal sex with you.Ē Thinking he would just laugh it off he said ďDEALĒ since then the only time he has a desire to be intimate it has to involve heavy anal play on himself or he has no interest. The last time we did have sex he whispered in my ear he wanted to have a three way with another man and have him play with him. Now donít get me wrong I would love to have a three way with another man but, when my hubby is deep inside my vagina I should be the only thing he is thinking about. Am I wrong here? Maybe he is bi or full on gay Ö

Outside of the bedroom we are best friends, kind of like a platonic love. I could never imagine living without him so I have not left. We donít have kids and I certainly donít want to at this point. Anyone have any ideas to help me navigate this water?
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Old 03-30-2012, 09:19 PM   #33
achingyearning
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ohwhynot77 View Post
Please do not judge me. I am 35, healthy, attractive and in a sexless marriage. My husband and I have not been intimate in over 3 years.

He has zero desire - you may speculate all you want but no I do not think he is gay, no he will not go to marriage counseling. I have gone on my own but it is hard to fix a marriage from one side. We otherwise get along, and yes there is a child which makes leaving very hard - especially since we otherwise function very well as a family!

That said, should I be complacent with with a life of celibacy? We are friends, get along but it is platonic? Maybe, maybe there is nothing really wrong with that?

I have has affairs - both long term and short and was left feeling empty, more alone than before.

Truly I want to LOVE(!!!) - hard, unabashedly, passionately, devotedly, endlessly. And I want to be so loved in return.

But maybe that isn't what marriage is about? Maybe what I have is as close to good as it gets?

Sorry for my late night and tipsy ramble ... I have had a few glasses of Pinot Grigio and I am waxing philosophic.

You do not deserve to be judged; that is not the role for any of us. What you deserve is happiness and fulfillment, and in my view, that is the most important role your partner should take on for you.

We are all sexual beings as humans, and I can feel your loneliness and aching as you comtemplate and deal with your situation... which, as you've read, is all too common. I send hugs.
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Old 03-31-2012, 12:39 AM   #34
ncguy4dirtyfun
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kissmykitty;

Outside of the bedroom we are best friends, kind of like a platonic love. I could never imagine living without him so I have not left. We donít have kids and I certainly donít want to at this point. Anyone have any ideas to help me navigate this water?
I can understand this completely. I'm in the same boat, I cant imagine my life without my wife. She's my best friend in the world, and my partner in everything. That said our sex life is nonexistent.
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Old 03-31-2012, 01:01 AM   #35
Kissmykitty
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Originally Posted by ncguy4dirtyfun View Post
I can understand this completely. I'm in the same boat, I cant imagine my life without my wife. She's my best friend in the world, and my partner in everything. That said our sex life is nonexistent.
Sounds like we need to chat!
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Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer

"In the end all you can hope for Is the love you felt to equal the pain you've gone through"

"The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it... I can resist everything but temptation."
Oscar Wilde
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Old 03-31-2012, 01:08 AM   #36
Jaws82
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Sounds like we need to chat!
Hahaha I love your quote between the hearts!
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Old 03-31-2012, 01:14 AM   #37
Kissmykitty
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Hahaha I love your quote between the hearts!
Thank you! Xoxo
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Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer

"In the end all you can hope for Is the love you felt to equal the pain you've gone through"

"The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it... I can resist everything but temptation."
Oscar Wilde
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Old 03-31-2012, 01:17 AM   #38
Jaws82
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Thank you! Xoxo
You're quite welcome

(and intrigued by the last quote )
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Old 03-31-2012, 01:26 AM   #39
Kissmykitty
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You're quite welcome

(and intrigued by the last quote )
It is true, everyone has a dirty secret to keep!
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Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer

"In the end all you can hope for Is the love you felt to equal the pain you've gone through"

"The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it... I can resist everything but temptation."
Oscar Wilde
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Old 03-31-2012, 01:27 AM   #40
Jaws82
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It is true, everyone has a dirty secret to keep!
They're the ones that make life interesting
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Old 03-31-2012, 01:37 AM   #41
Kissmykitty
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They're the ones that make life interesting
Exactly!
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Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer

"In the end all you can hope for Is the love you felt to equal the pain you've gone through"

"The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it... I can resist everything but temptation."
Oscar Wilde
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Old 03-31-2012, 01:40 AM   #42
hillseeker
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Burning question....which came first, masturbation or sexless marriage?
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Old 03-31-2012, 01:44 AM   #43
Jaws82
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Exactly!
Hm maybe I should go find myself one again
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Old 03-31-2012, 01:49 AM   #44
Kissmykitty
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Originally Posted by hillseeker View Post
Burning question....which came first, masturbation or sexless marriage?
Sexless marriage! Lol
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Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer

"In the end all you can hope for Is the love you felt to equal the pain you've gone through"

"The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it... I can resist everything but temptation."
Oscar Wilde
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Old 03-31-2012, 01:49 AM   #45
Kissmykitty
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Originally Posted by Jaws82 View Post
Hm maybe I should go find myself one again
If your on lit, I'm sure you have one
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Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer

"In the end all you can hope for Is the love you felt to equal the pain you've gone through"

"The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it... I can resist everything but temptation."
Oscar Wilde
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Old 03-31-2012, 01:50 AM   #46
Jaws82
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Sexless marriage! Lol
Tell that to our adolescence!
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Old 03-31-2012, 01:51 AM   #47
Jaws82
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If your on lit, I'm sure you have one
Nothing recent
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Old 03-31-2012, 01:51 AM   #48
Kissmykitty
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Originally Posted by Jaws82 View Post
Tell that to our adolescence!
Oh I don't believe in marriage anymore! I think being an open couple or swinging would be the only way to keep me interested.... Your thoughts?
__________________
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer

"In the end all you can hope for Is the love you felt to equal the pain you've gone through"

"The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it... I can resist everything but temptation."
Oscar Wilde
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Old 03-31-2012, 01:53 AM   #49
Kissmykitty
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaws82 View Post
Nothing recent
Do you want one? Lol
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Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer

"In the end all you can hope for Is the love you felt to equal the pain you've gone through"

"The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it... I can resist everything but temptation."
Oscar Wilde
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Old 03-31-2012, 01:53 AM   #50
hillseeker
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Oh I don't believe in marriage anymore! I think being an open couple or swinging would be the only way to keep me interested.... Your thoughts?
Keeping you interested...sounds interesting
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