Sexless marriage ... just can't take it anymore!

[smilingrelaxed]

Originally Posted by Shadowmist99

You just described how I feel almost to a t. I'm just letting you guys know that sometimes it's the other way too. No one should have to be in this situation.

Sorry to hear about your situation. Its a complex issue with no simple solutions. At least Lit is a place where we can vent and find support.

[Spenser41]

there are many on Lit in the same boat as we are. But then again many who are getting lots of sex... this place is a mix up of everything... but for those going with out, you are not alone.

[truckeredca]

Originally Posted by boredhusband

Yes,...I'm reading others words,..but they seem to flow like mine. I have 2 beautiful amazing young sons,...that I'll go thru hell before I leave them. But,...I really miss the touching,....warmth,...affection. Yeah, I know i sound all sappy,..but it's not just about the sex,...lol,..well,..mabe a part of it.
Thanks for listening, dc

Amen brother

[Shadowmist99]

Originally Posted by cliteatingman

Very sorry about this Shadow

Thanks Mr. Man. If only I could slip away to Columbus this week...

[MrBiggs69]

Ahhhh marriage. Over my young life I had been through so much with my mother and ber marriages. Im now at a point where I will probably will not ever get married.

Sexless marriage...hmmm I think I would be fine with a platonic marriage. Hell, any marriage at all would be better than I could hope for. I am quite hard to get along with and also do not want kids.

I think some of you should be thankful for what you do have before you question what you don't. You have alternatives which explains why you are on lit. From the sounds of it you were given successful careers, healthy children, and a home...maybe without sex but a home nonetheless.

All in my humble opinion so please do not hesitate to comment. If I offended in anyway I apologize.

[speedr869]

Originally Posted by Shadowmist99

Thanks Mr. Man. If only I could slip away to Columbus this week...

What part of Ohio are you in Shadow?

[mightygrey1956]

Originally Posted by ohwhynot77

Please do not judge me. I am 35, healthy, attractive and in a sexless marriage. My husband and I have not been intimate in over 3 years.

He has zero desire - you may speculate all you want but no I do not think he is gay, no he will not go to marriage counseling. I have gone on my own but it is hard to fix a marriage from one side. We otherwise get along, and yes there is a child which makes leaving very hard - especially since we otherwise function very well as a family!

That said, should I be complacent with with a life of celibacy? We are friends, get along but it is platonic? Maybe, maybe there is nothing really wrong with that?

I have has affairs - both long term and short and was left feeling empty, more alone than before.

Truly I want to LOVE(!!!) - hard, unabashedly, passionately, devotedly, endlessly. And I want to be so loved in return.

But maybe that isn't what marriage is about? Maybe what I have is as close to good as it gets?

Sorry for my late night and tipsy ramble ... I have had a few glasses of Pinot Grigio and I am waxing philosophic.

I feel your pain. My wife and I have not been intimate since 2004 and I am in need of some release badly

[drtyyoleman]

Originally Posted by Kissmykitty

Oh I have started pulling this one and just demanding he let me have my way. I even offered a challenge to have sex everyday for a month straight to help us "Connect." Well that went out the window about two weeks in.

What a shame, I know plenty of men who would die to have a wife willing and ready for sex MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY!

I'd be happy with once or twice a month. Last time was September, no end to the drout in sight...

[romeored]

I have been in a sexless marriage for over 5 years. So I understand how everyone feels. If you are a lady in the Pittsburgh area and would like to chat please get in touch with me.

[Thebee123]

This whole thread speaks to the disconnect between sex and love. Live and love is best when they cooccur. So much hurt occurs when they do not.

Is communication the answer?

The bee

[curl4ever]

Originally Posted by Thebee123

This whole thread speaks to the disconnect between sex and love. Live and love is best when they cooccur. So much hurt occurs when they do not.

Is communication the answer?

The bee

Communication helps to get to the core of each other's personality, but if the other person has a hard heart filled with rejection, they won't be persuaded by the quality of the communication.

- curl

[Faithful_Shadow]

This is an interesting thread.

I'm also married. Have been for almost 2 years now. My wife and I've been through a lot and I've stood by her side through a nervous break down, a wrongful institutionalizing due to the breakdown ( had to fight the state to release her ), several surgeries and health problems ( most recently a 10cm endometrioma that twisted and nearly killed her ). After the last, she no longer has a desire for sex due to the medication she has to take to prevent the cyst from coming back. We used to go at it about 2-3 times a day like clockwork. We're in our 20's. It's been about 6 months since we've had sex. I do my best to not even bring up the issue, and hell she's damn near a super model in looks so I don't even have a wandering eye problem, even after 6 months, but it's taken a toll on both of us. She's suffering self-esteem issues since she knows my sex drive and lives to please me, and I'm suffering self- esteem issues because I feel like my wife doesn't want me anymore...despite the reasoning being obvious, the medication.

It hasn't all been bad. We've talked like we've never talked before. I think we're on a better foundation than before, but sex was a huge deal for us. She's been able to lose herself in school during her free time, and well....I used to work 70+ hours a week, but now I'm back in school, and the undergrad classes don't take up nearly as much of my time.

So recently she brought up the idea of bringing in another girl into the mix, for my sake. I know she really doesn't feel good about it. I don't know what to do, but I feel like I let her down in this. I'm not the cheating type, the flirting and bringing things to the edge type, but not the cheating. My sex drive has also only increased with my age, and I'm going off about 3-4 times a day, so of course there are a lot of moments where I feel I should take her up on the offer.

Life is complicated, every obstacle her and I've tackled has only presented something worse it seems like.

[curl4ever]

Originally Posted by Faithful_Shadow

This is an interesting thread.

I'm also married. Have been for almost 2 years now. My wife and I've been through a lot and I've stood by her side through a nervous break down, a wrongful institutionalizing due to the breakdown ( had to fight the state to release her ), several surgeries and health problems ( most recently a 10cm endometrioma that twisted and nearly killed her ). After the last, she no longer has a desire for sex due to the medication she has to take to prevent the cyst from coming back. ...

Life is complicated, every obstacle her and I've tackled has only presented something worse it seems like.

I feel extremely sorry for you. Although my marriage has been non-sexual for the past eight years, it also had sexual problems from the start (we didn't have intercourse for the first seven years either), but it wasn't a problem dropped on us by circumstances beyond our control. My wife was at least in control of our non-sex, so I presume she was satisfied on some level, as opposed to your situation where you are both frustrated.

Wishing you improvements in the future,
- curl

[JohnGalt2009]

Atlanta area guy here:

I posted in this thread a while back, and though to check in and see how it was progressing, since sadly, my intimacy free life has not change.

I'm in a boat that looks and floats like a lot of you. I LOVE being married to the woman that I am. We have a great many things going for us. Professional success, great communication, a great daughter, great health; but sadly, a total lack of intimacy drags the rest of that down.

We are what we are as humans, and that is ultimately, animal. There has been no lack of trying on both of our parts to light a fire. My wife acknowledges how patient I am; but lacks the initiative to figure out what she needs to do to rekindle desire in her own self. I have made it very clear if it is something I could do, or need to do; just tell me, anything. But nothing. She's content with the status quo.

I'm a physical guy. I take great pains to keep myself in great shape. I have over 30 years of some really rough martial arts training that has taught me to do interesting things with my hands and my body. Things she thoroughly enjoyed early on; but now, I can't light that fire.

And at this point, I am taking it personally. And I've kept it welled up, and it has hit the point that I need to do what I need to do to find a release. Being forced to jerk off to assuage the fire built up only causes resentment, and it is not satisfying; and it only takes the edge off.

Atlanta has beautiful ladies. I've chosen to find one that has similar issues and similar desires. Gotta do something...

[so_cal_guy]

Originally Posted by ohwhynot77

Please do not judge me. I am 35, healthy, attractive and in a sexless marriage. My husband and I have not been intimate in over 3 years.

He has zero desire - you may speculate all you want but no I do not think he is gay, no he will not go to marriage counseling. I have gone on my own but it is hard to fix a marriage from one side. We otherwise get along, and yes there is a child which makes leaving very hard - especially since we otherwise function very well as a family!

That said, should I be complacent with with a life of celibacy? We are friends, get along but it is platonic? Maybe, maybe there is nothing really wrong with that?

I have has affairs - both long term and short and was left feeling empty, more alone than before.

Truly I want to LOVE(!!!) - hard, unabashedly, passionately, devotedly, endlessly. And I want to be so loved in return.

But maybe that isn't what marriage is about? Maybe what I have is as close to good as it gets?

Sorry for my late night and tipsy ramble ... I have had a few glasses of Pinot Grigio and I am waxing philosophic.

I would be happy to attempt to satisfy your sexual desires - a bit older than you, so if you choose to stay in marriage, your hubby wouldn't consider me a threat

[Secretsandfun]

It is amazing how common this problem is. I can't imagine being in the situation some of you are and going months even years without sex! I can barely stand going a week without it, especially when we used to spend entire weekends having sex, breaking only long enough to eat or drink...12+ years later it is almost like she wants it over with as soon as possible so she can get to sleep...now we never do it any other time than right before bed.

I guess I can't claim it being in a "sexless" marriage but I do feel undersexed (if that is a word).

My deepest sympathies to those of you that truly are stuck in a sexless relationship.

[SoCali69]

hey horny couple here we can have some fun with you and show your husband what hes missing out on hehee

[monique1971]

Happy New Year, everyone. May we each find some peace and fulfillment in our marriages.

[LadyNina123]

Originally Posted by ohwhynot77

Please do not judge me. I am 35, healthy, attractive and in a sexless marriage. My husband and I have not been intimate in over 3 years.

He has zero desire - you may speculate all you want but no I do not think he is gay, no he will not go to marriage counseling. I have gone on my own but it is hard to fix a marriage from one side. We otherwise get along, and yes there is a child which makes leaving very hard - especially since we otherwise function very well as a family!

That said, should I be complacent with with a life of celibacy? We are friends, get along but it is platonic? Maybe, maybe there is nothing really wrong with that?

I have has affairs - both long term and short and was left feeling empty, more alone than before.

Truly I want to LOVE(!!!) - hard, unabashedly, passionately, devotedly, endlessly. And I want to be so loved in return.

But maybe that isn't what marriage is about? Maybe what I have is as close to good as it gets?

Sorry for my late night and tipsy ramble ... I have had a few glasses of Pinot Grigio and I am waxing philosophic.

im in a similar situation. I get w bam thank you mam every 6 weeks or so. I think the wam bam is worse than celibacy. It becomes like a chore. It's like oh yeah we'll have to find time to do it. Kind of like mopping the kitchen floor

[Veronica100]

i can certainly feel your pain....i went through similar in my marriage.....i used to refer to sex as "my wifely duties" because it felt like a duty.....i was always the one that had to initiate things because, i quote "i dont want to be rejected".

i always thought i was unattractive because he'd never seduce me and felt the lack of sex life was my fault.

when i headed towards my late 30s and my libido kicked in, it was very difficult as i had so many fantasies i wanted to explore with him but felt like such a pervert so kept the thoughts to myself.

it's now several years on and i'm divorced (his choice) and while i'm more comfortable in my sexuality, i do miss having someone special in my life...he was a good husband in other respects so miss the personality in my life.....hopefully i'll meet someone in the future, but until then the toys are great fun!

[Porkwarrior]

Originally Posted by LadyNina123

im in a similar situation. I get w bam thank you mam every 6 weeks or so. I think the wam bam is worse than celibacy. It becomes like a chore. It's like oh yeah we'll have to find time to do it. Kind of like mopping the kitchen floor

THIS, exactly.
The mechanical "obligation sex" absolutely SUCKS. Then the bad thoughts start, blaming myself for not being able to turn her on like I used to, blaming her for changing faster than I did, back to blaming myself for creating an undercurrent of tension that was caused by "my" problems......sob.

After years of that cycle, always hoping that "something" would kickstart our sex lives back into the groove we had I finally found a headspace where I was absolutely content that it isn't because of "me", and I can not blame her, and just enjoy what we have built together. Now instead of sex, we have a "drop everything" hour of just snuggling & cuddling together, doing nothing but enjoying the feel of each other and doing nothing more than talking & making each other laugh.

1 hour every day, no rain checks no excuses, at a minimum. It did help me remember what I love about her.



The odd long sloppy blowjob would be REALLY nice though, and I miss the sound of her exploding on my face badly.

[comictrooper]

Hi
I know exactly where you are coming from. My wife has fibromyalgia bad. So bad that I can't even lay against her in bed. Sex would be to painfu for her and I will no tput her through that. so for the last 12 years I have been sexless myself. our marriage is great in every other way. What does one do? If you want to chat my yahoo ID is robertsf29.

[Ferreus]

Originally Posted by Veronica100

i can certainly feel your pain....i went through similar in my marriage.....i used to refer to sex as "my wifely duties" because it felt like a duty.....i was always the one that had to initiate things because, i quote "i dont want to be rejected".

i always thought i was unattractive because he'd never seduce me and felt the lack of sex life was my fault.

when i headed towards my late 30s and my libido kicked in, it was very difficult as i had so many fantasies i wanted to explore with him but felt like such a pervert so kept the thoughts to myself.

it's now several years on and i'm divorced (his choice) and while i'm more comfortable in my sexuality, i do miss having someone special in my life...he was a good husband in other respects so miss the personality in my life.....hopefully i'll meet someone in the future, but until then the toys are great fun!

Good luck in your search and long live batteries!

[mouse_146]

got tired of reading all the posts but wanted to reply

Just nice to know that I am not the only one in a sexless marriage. Nearly 2 years here.
You always here about all you have to do is hint at a possibility of sex and a man is ready and willing. That is not happening here. I have bought new lingerie only to end up sleeping in it --cold and alone

[Veronica100]

Originally Posted by Ferreus

Good luck in your search and long live batteries!

aww thanks ferreus!