headdoctor is online now
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: North and East
Jumping Off (into the wild grey yonder)
Howdy, friends. In the mid-nineteenth century, "jumping off" was a term that pioneers and adventurers used when they left the so-called civilized world behind and jumped off into the rugged American West, following the Oregon Trail or mighty Mo. I'm interested in something similar: jumping off into some wild new territory with a mostly-sane, highly-creative, verbal (and perhaps submissive?) woman. I've been very fortunate to have met some wonderful partners in fantasy, role-play, and story-telling fun--and while I know that it can seem like waiting for lightning to strike, here I am again, hopeful.
I am very middle-aged, very open-minded, and very married; and comfortable with all that. I'm also stunningly handsome, staggeringly wealthy, and impressively erudite. (One of those is true. Take your pick.) I'm drawn to the grey areas of desire, that liminal space in which lust meets conscience, id meets super-ego. I like situations in which the sexual energy is so strong that we can't resist, even though perhaps we should. And I'm drawn to role-plays and fantasies in which we take our time, developing and even inhabiting characters that make us *feel* the erotic and perhaps taboo adventure unfolding.
For these reasons I'm pulled primarily to incest fantasies and borderline non-consent. With the former, it's the intimacy that I like, the notion that two family members could be slowly drawn into a secret circle of desire and longing, not able to admit it to each other or to themselves, sensitive, even loving, confused, and highly aroused. (I don't especially care if it's father/daughter, brother/sister, mother/son--it's the heat of hidden, reluctant, and finally shared passion that I find extraordinary.) As for non-consent, I am dominant and like situations in which the submissive woman is both controlled and also, in the margins, obedient; that is, in which the woman is being taken, perhaps resisting, and yet unable to conceal her arousal. Grey areas: places where we're not sure what's going to happen, and where conventional boundaries seem to be collapsing.
The situation will develop as we message and talk, but here's one thought from this morning: Paul is visiting the city where his 25-year old daughter Katie is living. His stay is part business (he's attending a conference, staying at an nice hotel) and part pleasure (he gets to spend time with his little girl). She's trying to make it all work, struggling but doing okay: amateur theater at night, classes toward her MA in the mornings, and a typical post-college job to make ends meet. The first night they have dinner and stay out late, catching up with everything, opening up, enjoying their closeness. The second night they only have dinner, as she's going out with some girlfriends later. He goes back to his hotel, can't relax, and decides to head to a nearby bar for a drink ... where he runs into Katie and her friends. He's never seen her like this: dressed to kill, made up, a gorgeous adult woman in every sense. But here's what's unusual: their eyes meet but, as if by some unspoken understanding, they don't acknowledge each other. He sits at a table, occasionally watching her; she laughs with her friends, and swats away the eager young men hitting on her. When she walks by her dad to go to the women's room, there is no greeting; when he goes to the bar to get a refill, he stands next to her, even brushes against her, but says nothing. It's a game, a bit of playfulness, goofy maybe, and yet it produces a subtext for both of them; something is happening that her friends can't see, and he's at the very least entertained by their secret bit of theater. He feels liberated, out in the big city without his wife; she feels strangely grown up, to have her father seeing her in this context. And when her friends decide to leave, she lingers at the bar, hoping he'll come over ... and introduce himself.
Okay--obviously this is far too long for a personal. And I know I'm in a cerebral mood this morning, relaxing into some language, typing rather than writing. But if nothing else this long post has kept me away from my work, and perhaps there is a new friend or two who won't think TLDR but might think: huh, paragraphs, eh? I could go for that. (Ah--and if you're interested, whoever you are, I have written one story out here: A New Leaf.)
And if you are interested, send a pm. I can talk politics (lefty lefty), music (Prokofiev to Lou Reed to Phish), scotch (Islay). In fact, I like the intimacy of forum friendships. Saddle up!
I can resist anything except temptation.