How to Be a Better Lover

[aroromonroe]

Hey there,

I just joined today after reading a few how-to's. I haven't seen any posts of this kind of embarrassing nature so here goes...

I've been married for two years now and I know we love each other. He likes my body and personality just fine but... I worry that I'm boring in bed or that he's frustrated with me because we can't do many positions. I have, according to my GYN, a small opening and a short track for sex. He's the biggest I've ever been with although I couldn't tell you any guesstimate of a measurement since I'm terrible with eyeballing those and haven't ever been like, "Hey, honey, can I measure you?"

When I say positions are limited, I mean I can only orgasm during missionary style and most every other position we do hurts. We sometimes do reverse cowgirl but when he takes over... ouch. Doggie style works sometimes but only if we get into that just right position for it and even then when he goes full throttle I can't take it. I'll get on top too but I guess I can't go fast enough to get him to "go".

Besides those four, we don't do much else (besides oral and hand stuff, and I'm not willing to try anal). It seriously plays on my self esteem to know I can't please my husband the way he deserves to be pleased.

Is there any women out there like me who have dealt with this sort of thing? Any men who had women like this? What kind of positions are available to us? Is there any hope? Does anyone know tips to help women on top go faster?

Thanks in advance for any tips!

[Glen123]

The best thing you can do is be open and honest and willing, the rest will fall in line. Lovers who give more get more and if you are willing to put his or her needs first yours will fall in line too

[bob53]

Originally Posted by aroromonroe

Hey there,

I just joined today after reading a few how-to's. I haven't seen any posts of this kind of embarrassing nature so here goes...

I've been married for two years now and I know we love each other. He likes my body and personality just fine but... I worry that I'm boring in bed or that he's frustrated with me because we can't do many positions. I have, according to my GYN, a small opening and a short track for sex. He's the biggest I've ever been with although I couldn't tell you any guesstimate of a measurement since I'm terrible with eyeballing those and haven't ever been like, "Hey, honey, can I measure you?"

When I say positions are limited, I mean I can only orgasm during missionary style and most every other position we do hurts. We sometimes do reverse cowgirl but when he takes over... ouch. Doggie style works sometimes but only if we get into that just right position for it and even then when he goes full throttle I can't take it. I'll get on top too but I guess I can't go fast enough to get him to "go".

Besides those four, we don't do much else (besides oral and hand stuff, and I'm not willing to try anal). It seriously plays on my self esteem to know I can't please my husband the way he deserves to be pleased.

Is there any women out there like me who have dealt with this sort of thing? Any men who had women like this? What kind of positions are available to us? Is there any hope? Does anyone know tips to help women on top go faster?

Thanks in advance for any tips!

First of all is talk about it OUTSIDE of the bedroom in a neutral space.

Be just as open and honest with him as you were above and get him on the same page that you want to try more things BUT slowly and carefully so that both of you can enjoy.

If he is not aware and fully present to your physical limits then stop the action when it hurts to adjust accordingly. Only you know when it hurts and therefor it is your responsibility to your relationship to make him aware. Think of it in the BDSM realm - have a code word like yellow when it is getting close to your limit and to ease up the action. Also one like RED for ALL action stops right now regardless.

Talk some more to your GYN as there are various things available to help your situation. Toys and creams to help stretch things slowly so that it is not as extreme for you. Be willing to actually measure your husband length and girth so that the DR knows and can make suggestions.
Your and his size are simple facts.

There is nothing wrong with either of you so long BOTH of you are willing to work together as a TEAM to make EVERYTHING work both in and out of the bedroom.

For the sake of your marriage don't be afraid to speak up when it hurts. Much better to lose the moment and build back up to it than eventually being afraid to have any physical contact because you developed a block that it is always going to hurt.

[Red_Kiss]

There is such a thing as pelvic physical therapy that deals with how tightly you hold your pelvic floor muscles. It wouldn't change the fact of your anatomy but it might help with relaxing your pelvic floor so things would be more comfortable, plus it puts you in tune with muscle tension in that area. Your GYN would need to do a referral to a physical therapist.

[satindesire]

If you feel like you might need more variety to keep him interested and excited, try adding some fun sex toys/furniture and sexy lingerie and other things like that. Flavored massage oils are also a nice addition.

You'd be surprised that most men, as long as they're getting to be with their partner regularly, they don't need a whole lot of exciting positions. Most men are happy just getting to be intimate with the person they love regardless.

I honestly wouldn't worry myself about it if you were me. Unless he seems uninterested or bored or actually says something about it, he's probably perfectly content as is.

[sunandshadow]

Have you tried one of those spacer ring things? It goes around the base of the cock, doesn't constrict it, but blocks that part of the shaft from going into your body.

[KlaytonFrost]

Talking (which is immensely important) aside, I would second the spacer ring idea. You can even use a cock ring an inch or so up the shaft as a way to stop him going too deep and hurting you (which seems to be your problem, from what I can tell). Other than that... there's a sex position where you're both on your side facing one another which stops the man from penetrating too deep. Have a Google for that...

[Primalex]

Originally Posted by aroromonroe

I've been married for two years now and I know we love each other. He likes my body and personality just fine but... I worry that I'm boring in bed or that he's frustrated with me because we can't do many positions. I have, according to my GYN, a small opening and a short track for sex.

Any men who had women like this?

Yes, a former fwb suffered from a small opening, she could basically only get a small finger in. She had turned to anal sex only for quite some time and was still a vaginal virgin age 27. She finally had a surgery to have this fixed.

[summiter1]

Lots of lube always assists. Why not ask him his measurements outside the bedroom? Every guy has measured himself and knows what he has.

[GorgeousGeekGirl]

Measuring is a curiousity thing. If you aren't comfortable putting a ruler to his junk, put your flat hand at the bottom of his penis. Have the tip of your middle finger at the base if the shaft, and note where on your hand or wrist the head stops. Measure this distance later.

As far as a position, a wonderful marine introduced me to this one: lube from clit to anus. Lay in your stomach legs slightly spread. He lays on you, and gets his dick to the right spot. You close your legs. He will get only shallow penetration into your vagina, but will be getting more friction as your buttocks will be performing as an extension to your vagina. Another great technique my marine had was the quick withdrawal. Most guys for a big rush will pound into you like a railroad spike. My marine did the opposite; he would drive in nice and slow, get to the hilt, and kind of wiggle his hips. I got to enjoy every exquisite detail of texture. Then for the Big Bang, he would pull back fast! What great friction, gasp!!! Getting warmed thinking about it. He'd do some more of the slows in and out, but randomly without warning would give me the fast backstroke again. It was wonderful.

As far as anal, it is an option, it needs trust, and most of all, you take charge, after all it's your ass. Start with lubed fingers, one at a time. When he's doing oral on you is great. Btw, a lot of men like back door finger being used on them. Be up front about anal, it's new territory, you're really nervous, you're doing it your way and your pace. After several sessions where you have orgasmed from this oral anal combo, start taking a second finger, then gradually a third. This will work you up to taking his cock. Once your body has learned pleasure comes with anal, the idea of anal sex gets pleasant. Once you're ready to take his cock, again, slow gentle, your pace. I recommend hands and knees doggy style, with you in square middle of the bed. This way if he gets excited too fast, you have room to retreat. Trust me, you'll get cornered up against the headboard only once. The hardest part is getting the head in. Once it's in, just relax for a few and get used to it. Have him hold still, and you do the moving. Keep him occupied by giving him the lube, and having him add whenever you want more. You do the moving. It's your ass so go at your pace. Him cumming back there isn't so bad; but the withdrawal may be uncomfortable. Go use the restroom after, soak in a warm bath, then apply soothing lotion for a few days.

You've got options sweetie, and being willing to try makes you tops!