I'm the dad of my sisters child and need advice

My drug addict sister passed on the 20th, before she died she told me to look after her three year old daughter Hailie. I love Hailie to death but I hate my sister for how she left. My question is how do I explain to Hailie that her mom is gone. Also any deeply christian people, guidence is welcomed.

I got to stop reading a thread by its title.

sorry to hear about your loss

It's not the loss i'm worried about it's Hailie

Raise the child as your own.


Tell the child the truth when the time is right.

SaintPeter said:

Raise the child as your own.


Tell the child the truth when the time is right.

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What do I say when she asks "Daddy were's mommy?"

CarterM58 said:

What do I say when she asks "Daddy were's mommy?"

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Take her fishing.

Pete's, + : "Your mommy is going to be gone for while, so she wants me to keep you safe and take care of you. We're going to have some fun today. What do you want to do?"

X every day.

Yeah, good ideas

CarterM58 said:

What do I say when she asks "Daddy were's mommy?"

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You tell her she's dead. She asks what dead means, you tell her. Don't try and hide the truth or sugar coat it, just be compassionate, loving, and trust the kid is smart enough to understand, because she is, believe it or not.

At anyrate, she'll learn that when she asks you a question, you're not going to bullshit her.

CarterM58 said:

Yeah, good ideas

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You want a really good idea?

Take the real names out of your sig line.

Or maybe you want them there for a not so nice reason??

1sickbastard said:

You tell her she's dead. She asks what dead means, you tell her. Don't try and hide the truth or sugar coat it, just be compassionate, loving, and trust the kid is smart enough to understand, because she is, believe it or not.

At anyrate, she'll learn that when she asks you a question, you're not going to bullshit her.

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I don't want to bullshit her but I worry she will take it to hard :/

CarterM58 said:

What do I say when she asks "Daddy were's mommy?"

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Three years old? I would probably do research about that question. Deep sleep, gone to be with Jesus, or something along those lines. A young kid does not need to be burdened with confusing abuse issues.

That storyline changes as she gets older. Give her the truth when she can process it and before she starts addictive behaviors of her own.

QueenLevitra said:

You want a really good idea?

Take the real names out of your sig line.

Or maybe you want them there for a not so nice reason??

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seriously.

CarterM58 said:

My drug addict sister passed on the 20th, before she died she told me to look after her three year old daughter Hailie. I love Hailie to death but I hate my sister for how she left. My question is how do I explain to Hailie that her mom is gone. Also any deeply christian people, guidence is welcomed.

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Your sister passed away and you're posting on the Sexual Roleplaying board eight days later?

QueenLevitra said:

You want a really good idea?

Take the real names out of your sig line.

Or maybe you want them there for a not so nice reason??

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I hope my sis burns in hell for what she has done. She couldn't have given less of a shit about Hailie, she was trying to redeem herself in my eyes because she knew she was going to die.

QueenLevitra said:

You want a really good idea?

Take the real names out of your sig line.

Or maybe you want them there for a not so nice reason??

Click to expand...

pointless said:

seriously.

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You're two people who are right far more often than the average bear, and infinitely more often than I am.

But I'll just say: it doesn't smell of troll, since there is nothing at all provocative about the OP. He's 21. I see the sig as a car-window decal for a brother who died in Iraq. You're right, their real names don't belong here. But I don't see the return in the traditional GB welcome in this case.

miles said:

Your sister passed away and you're posting on the Sexual Roleplaying board eight days later?

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Jackass, I had to vent somewhere

1sickbastard said:

You tell her she's dead. She asks what dead means, you tell her. Don't try and hide the truth or sugar coat it, just be compassionate, loving, and trust the kid is smart enough to understand, because she is, believe it or not.

At anyrate, she'll learn that when she asks you a question, you're not going to bullshit her.

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That's what I would do. She's 3 so luckily, this is all gonna be blocked out by infantile amnesia. She won't remember her mother. Just explain to her now that she's dead.

You said that you were a Christian- there's a lot about death in the Christian mythos. Tell her that her mama's in Heaven- even if you don't think that's true, and tell her that Heaven is a special dimension, with no pain, no addiction, only happiness. You could even tell her that her mother is watching her, as an angel, and that, in that sense, she's still there with her. There's no reason to depress her.

Having said that, she's a little kid. I wouldn't tell her anything unless she asked.

My family fed me mythos as a child to, even if was a different mythos. When someone died, we were told that they were reincarnated as their favorite thing, a kitten, for example. When my patriarchial grandpa died I was about three, and my parents told me that he was ready for his next life, that this one was over, but he was still here somewhere. The soul is made of energy, and energy can't be destroyed. I didn't really care that much, because I was three. I don't remember that grandpa at all, which, according to how my mom talks about him, is probably a good thing- apparently my dad had a rough childhood.

This is a guy who was so oppressive that he would abuse my grandma terribly if she did anything in the outside world, because he was afraid she would leave him. It got to the point that she only left the house to go to church, because he wouldn't even let her get a job without beating the shit out of her. Then, he drove to the preacher's house with a shotgun, because he thought the reason she was at the church was to leave him for the preacher.

But I didn't know that until I was an adult, because no one wanted to depress me as a child. "Coming back to life as an adorable kitten" or "floating on clouds playing Dante's Inferno with Jesus" are both better images for a kid to have then "abusive fuckward" and "drug addled neglector". And they're kids. They don't need reality yet. Life has plenty of time to shit all over her.

thank you all for your opinions, I appreciate it greatly.

CHNOPS said:

You're two people who are right far more often than the average bear, and infinitely more often than I am.

But I'll just say: it doesn't smell of troll, since there is nothing at all provocative about the OP. He's 21. I see the sig as a car-window decal for a brother who died in Iraq. You're right, their real names don't belong here. But I don't see the return in the traditional GB welcome in this case.

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The troll stench is huge.

eta: 3 yr olds are not troll material and I will now remove myself from this thread and never return.

CHNOPS said:

You're two people who are right far more often than the average bear, and infinitely more often than I am.

But I'll just say: it doesn't smell of troll, since there is nothing at all provocative about the OP. He's 21. I see the sig as a car-window decal for a brother who died in Iraq. You're right, their real names don't belong here. But I don't see the return in the traditional GB welcome in this case.

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all i can is sympathy is a powerful thing and it can open a lot of doors with the soft hearted.

CarterM58 said:

I don't want to bullshit her but I worry she will take it to hard :/

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Kids are extremely resiliant. She'll take it hard, sure, but she'll get over it, especially if she knows her mom did love her, and that you do love her, and she's done nothing, I repeat, absolutely nothing wrong.

Death is a part of life like the sunrise, the change in seasons, whatever.

Look, you want to protect her and her feelings, I get it. But your duty is to start preparing her to live her live as a capable individual. Trama sucks. Pain sucks. Losing people you love sucks.

But it happens.

It's a much greater kindness to help her face it head on, that to try and bubble wrap her in some misguided attempt to spare her feelings. Like I said, do it with love, do it with compassion, but be up front about it. Because even 3 year olds have a pretty well developed bullshit sensor and if she learns now that you'll tell her stuff just so she'll feel better, she won't trust you to be honest with her when it really matters, like when she becomes a teenager.

And remember; You're not raising a child, your helping a child to become an adult.

Best time to start is right now.

1sickbastard said:

Kids are extremely resiliant. She'll take it hard, sure, but she'll get over it, especially if she knows her mom did love her, and that you do love her, and she's done nothing, I repeat, absolutely nothing wrong.

Death is a part of life like the sunrise, the change in seasons, whatever.

Look, you want to protect her and her feelings, I get it. But your duty is to start preparing her to live her live as a capable individual. Trama sucks. Pain sucks. Losing people you love sucks.

But it happens.

It's a much greater kindness to help her face it head on, that to try and bubble wrap her in some misguided attempt to spare her feelings. Like I said, do it with love, do it with compassion, but be up front about it. Because even 3 year olds have a pretty well developed bullshit sensor and if she learns now that you'll tell her stuff just so she'll feel better, she won't trust you to be honest with her when it really matters, like when she becomes a teenager.

And remember; You're not raising a child, your helping a child to become an adult.

Best time to start is right now.

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Agree with all of that.

And add that the OP should remove names from his sig line. Just a bad idea to put those on a porn board. What if someone tries to track down Hailie? It just isn't safe.